Cleolinda everywhere

@cleolinda: #leavingthehouseomg #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: These gifs express my feelings on the bittersweet ending of the Twilight movies.

@cleolinda: An hour early was not early enough. Line all the way through the building to the back door. Forgot one does not simply walk into Twilight.

@cleolinda: The line has now doubled all the way back around to the front. #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: FRONT ROW RAILING SEAT ACHIEVED. ONLY MINOR CASUALTIES. IN TRENCHES WITH PRETEENS. #sparkledammerung

@osheamobile: RETURN WITH YOUR SCRAPBOOK OR ON IT

So I was actually planning to go see Skyfall with my mother Friday night (my grandmother had an unexpected surgery last week and we ended up not going last Friday), but then, on the spur of the moment, she decided that Skyfall was maybe too long for a 7:30 pm showing, so why don't we just go ahead and see Breaking Dawn, since it's only two hours, comes on half an hour earlier, and I have to write that thing anyway? Yeahhhhh the line was so long it went all the way to the back of the building, then snaked around and doubled back to the front. We happened to get there at six, when it was only at the back of the building still. My mother had never witnessed this kind of thing before (and this wasn't even a midnight showing, mind you), and immediately got Line Claustrophobic. Also, really pissed off at people breaking in and not respecting the lineness of the line. (I started telling her veteran war stories of the New Moon preview.)

( Mild spoilers )


SHORT VERSION:

@christylemire: My review of the shockingly entertaining TWILIGHT finale. We are all Renesmee Cullen:

This is by far the best film in the series. This does not necessarily mean it's good. But as it reaches its prolonged and wildly violent crescendo, it's at least entertaining in a totally nutso way.

That's about the way of it, yeah. I also chimed in for Christy's article on the lead actors' future (@AP: For Twilight actors, transition from beloved film series with fervent fan base can be tricky). The horse I chose to back should come as no surprise.

I want to leave my own share of discussion at that, but we usually have spoilers in the comments, so why the hell not: go for it. I don't want to talk very much about the movie myself, since I need to save it for That Of Which We Do Not Speak, which we will speak of because we all know I'm writing it. I actually knocked out a fairly solid outline at 3 am Saturday morning. (Also, we'll be recording a Made of Fail episode on Tuesday.) Don't know how long it'll take to write, but these things always take at least a few days, and both my grandmother and my sister are really, really sick; I know my immune system well enough to know that, particularly after going out and being around people omg, I am probably going to get sick (again) myself. I'm proactively warding it off the best I can, but I'm just saying: build some wait time into your expectations here. I don't think it'll take six weeks like The Avengers did, but bear with me here a while. Go ye and catch up on the first four Twilight in Fifteen Minuteses while you wait.


Meanwhile, this is going to be the Help I Cannot Remember Specifics thread, for all my HELP I CANNOT REMEMBER SPECIFICS needs.

...and it was pretty much what I expected, everything a Breaking Dawn movie had to be and could not help but be, etc. ( Read more... )

So I'm going to be writing as fast as I can for the next couple of days, because I think I can do this, possibly, in a semi-timely fashion--I basically sat there thinking a Fifteen Minutes the whole time, although, fuck my life, I forgot to bring any paper for notes. Well, I may be seeing it again tomorrow, so. I have thought of--I won't say a "gimmick," exactly, but a unifying, running joke, like the Viking saga in Eclipse, that will probably help me through a lot of it. You don't have to have one, but it helps you approach a scene you get stuck on from a different perspective. AND GOD KNOWS I WILL NEED IT.

Jesus, my head hurts.

SPARKLE OUT.

... my blogger gave to me: IIIIIIIII'M NOT A FAAAAAAAN.

MSNBC: Why doesn’t ‘Twilight’ have a Team Bella?

And there I am, front and center--described as "Cleolinda Jones, a 31-year-old 'Twilight' fan from Birmingham, Ala," in a turn of phrase that elicited great chagrin on Twitter.

( What does it mean to be a fan? )

Meanwhile, Roger Ebert posted on Twitter that both Variety and the Hollywood Reporter have given Eclipse good--good!--reviews. (And you know they're sincerely good reviews because both sites actually take the time to snark on the rest of the series.) And then, you have to take into account this interview with director David Slade, wherein his approach to the movie seems to boil down to "BE VAMPIRES, GODDAMMIT!" You guys? I think... I think he's made it... awesome.

Unfortunately, this is going to make my job very, very hard. That's okay. I try not to post these things until at least the Monday after a movie comes out, because of the joyous "Now I don't have to see the movie!" comments I get. (Not that I could ever take away a significant amount of business from any film, but I'd like to cover my ass, and the first weekend seems to be the most important.) And if I go see it on Wednesday (the Lovely Emily and I are developing plans to this effect) (tickets acquired! Sparkle help us all), I'll have a good four days before I could even post it if I wanted to. Granted, writing the Twilight 15Ms seems to involve a ten-day tailspin, on average, but what I'm saying is, I'll have a good four days' head start on the meltdown.

We have a little movement on the Edward Cullen Cat situation--( This is the fur of a killer )

So I have a full-blown sinus blarg now, all in my ears and throat and chest, which explains a lot about the dizzy spells. Fnarr.

So! First of all! The experience of the early preview itself, aside from the movie: ( I HAVE SEEN THE SPARKLE AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE )


( THE MOVIE ITSELF )


( Philosophical ramblings )


In conclusion

@cleolinda: ICE-COLD MARBLE-SKIN BURN from @ebertchicago: http://tinyurl.com/yfd28cp

@cleolinda: RT @queenanthai: Okay, fine. FINE! Very truncated review of the Twilight Parody Porno here: http://tinyurl.com/yeb5lm2 GOD JUST KILL IT.


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

I know people for whom Friday the 13ths are actually lucky; I am not one of them. But--knock on wood--so far, things are going pretty well.

( SPARKLEMAS COMES EARLY THIS YEAR )


BREAKING NEWS: SHIRT-ALLERGIC JACOB KEN DOLL. ARE YOU FOR REAL. WHAT IS THIS. I DON'T EVEN. FUHHHHHH.


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Depression, I have often said, is like an influenza of the soul. A spiritual hamthrax, if you will. I has it. Do not want.

It's actually starting to worry me a little, the intensity of this go-round--it's not the usual stone-cold ennui. Normally I'm not this bad off until after New Year's (well, except for the pity party I throw myself every year in the weeks leading up to my birthday), and, again: that's more of a seasonal apathy-funk. This involves a lot of dread and distress and, at times, actual panic involved. I have to think this is because things are just generally bad around here at the moment, and have been for a good while now. Two different family members are having job-related crises, for example. I'm having performance anxiety in terms of trying to write, I don't have a dependable place to work, I'm just generally very unhappy. But it's taking on a hysterical edge that makes me uncomfortable--I keep having urges to act out in some way. I don't mean harm myself or anyone else; I mean, like, throw a gigantic melodramatic fit du shit. I know I had that minor meltdown where I started throwing shit earlier this summer, but that is the ONLY TIME IN MY LIFE I have ever done anything like that. So I'm not used to having the urge to, like, flounce from the internet for the hell of it or something. And that's why I'm sitting here talking about it so calmly, because I feel like the only way to combat irrationality is with detachment. Take an overview of the thing, recognize what you're doing, shove it into the light of day. So... yeah.

(By the way, laptop has been ordered; money has cleared checking account. It will take about two weeks from November 3rd for Dell to build and ship it, what with the custom art and the crazy-ass 17" facial recognition screen. I don't even know. I spent a ridiculous, extravagant amount of money because I could, and it felt GOOD.)

A little Twi-spam for the hell of it, since Sparklemas is fast approaching:

( T-REX, VAMPIRES CAN HAVE KIDS AND LITTLE DINOSAUR VAMPIRES SOUNDS PRETTY CUTE TO ME )


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

O hai there is still an e-book. And will be, until the end of time or Lulu, whichever comes first. Sample screencaps and how to PayPal instead if necessary are here.



Completely sluggish and irritable, which sounds like a classic case of PMS to me. A number of things I need to get done, like a new doll entry and, oh, THE NEXT E-BOOK, but would rather curl up in the recliner and sulk. Fnarr.

New Jane Eyre adaptation (DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME).

Essential plot twists for writers.

So it looks like it's exactly one month until Sparklemas. Sarcastic yay. I am adamantly refusing to watch any clips, because I actually get bored at movies if I've seen too much of it beforehand. Still not sure who all I'm going with; I get informed a lot by various people that I WILL be going to see the movie with them, but who knows how that'll actually shake out.

Meanwhile, I hear that the Official Drinkable Merchandise I promised to try For Science has arrived, and will reach the house whenever my mother brings it home from the post office. God help me.

("Hello, my name is Twilight and I am a Dracula.")