Cleolinda everywhere

@cleolinda: #leavingthehouseomg #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: These gifs express my feelings on the bittersweet ending of the Twilight movies.

@cleolinda: An hour early was not early enough. Line all the way through the building to the back door. Forgot one does not simply walk into Twilight.

@cleolinda: The line has now doubled all the way back around to the front. #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: FRONT ROW RAILING SEAT ACHIEVED. ONLY MINOR CASUALTIES. IN TRENCHES WITH PRETEENS. #sparkledammerung

@osheamobile: RETURN WITH YOUR SCRAPBOOK OR ON IT

So I was actually planning to go see Skyfall with my mother Friday night (my grandmother had an unexpected surgery last week and we ended up not going last Friday), but then, on the spur of the moment, she decided that Skyfall was maybe too long for a 7:30 pm showing, so why don't we just go ahead and see Breaking Dawn, since it's only two hours, comes on half an hour earlier, and I have to write that thing anyway? Yeahhhhh the line was so long it went all the way to the back of the building, then snaked around and doubled back to the front. We happened to get there at six, when it was only at the back of the building still. My mother had never witnessed this kind of thing before (and this wasn't even a midnight showing, mind you), and immediately got Line Claustrophobic. Also, really pissed off at people breaking in and not respecting the lineness of the line. (I started telling her veteran war stories of the New Moon preview.)

( Mild spoilers )


SHORT VERSION:

@christylemire: My review of the shockingly entertaining TWILIGHT finale. We are all Renesmee Cullen:

This is by far the best film in the series. This does not necessarily mean it's good. But as it reaches its prolonged and wildly violent crescendo, it's at least entertaining in a totally nutso way.

That's about the way of it, yeah. I also chimed in for Christy's article on the lead actors' future (@AP: For Twilight actors, transition from beloved film series with fervent fan base can be tricky). The horse I chose to back should come as no surprise.

I want to leave my own share of discussion at that, but we usually have spoilers in the comments, so why the hell not: go for it. I don't want to talk very much about the movie myself, since I need to save it for That Of Which We Do Not Speak, which we will speak of because we all know I'm writing it. I actually knocked out a fairly solid outline at 3 am Saturday morning. (Also, we'll be recording a Made of Fail episode on Tuesday.) Don't know how long it'll take to write, but these things always take at least a few days, and both my grandmother and my sister are really, really sick; I know my immune system well enough to know that, particularly after going out and being around people omg, I am probably going to get sick (again) myself. I'm proactively warding it off the best I can, but I'm just saying: build some wait time into your expectations here. I don't think it'll take six weeks like The Avengers did, but bear with me here a while. Go ye and catch up on the first four Twilight in Fifteen Minuteses while you wait.


Meanwhile, this is going to be the Help I Cannot Remember Specifics thread, for all my HELP I CANNOT REMEMBER SPECIFICS needs.

Really, really tired. I would like to discuss The Amazing Spider-Man, but I feel kind of drained. So drained that I saw it on Tuesday and still don't have the energy to say anything substantial about it. So drained that, while this entry sounds pretty bubbly, it took me an hour to write. Suffice it to say that there are a lot of good things about it, and ( spoilers )

I could probably sit down and do a Fifteen Minutes of this, but I don't know that I need to do another one quite so soon after The Avengers (which is here, and Prometheus is here). I suspect it would inevitably be anticlimactic. I probably could have also done Snow White and the Huntsman (I saw that. Did I mention I saw that?), but I probably couldn't come up with anything funnier than the tiny bit I dropped into the Avengers one, so. Also, seriously, I don't do these very often anymore, so that is my usual year's entire output in about three weeks. I'm still working with the anemia thing and the bipolar/depression thing and other health issues and such. Seriously, I do not understand how it is already July.

ALSO, I almost forgot to mention: that LJ Repost thing was a horrible, horrible idea. The Facebook/Twitter/G+ buttons are fine, but, I am serious, do not repost people's LJ entries to your f-lists. It will only end in tears and fire. Possibly cars flipping over and exploding, I think we had a couple of those as well. That said, I would like to thank the Whedon multi-fandom for being surprisingly positive about the whole Avengers thing--I have not had a single negative comment on that front. I mean, now that I've said that, I probably will, but, you know, let's celebrate what we have.

ALSO-ALSO, the best thing I saw on the internet in the last two weeks:

@silkskinned: TWITTER. I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR SIX HOURS AND SUDDENLY HARRY POTTER HANDS KATIE HOLMES A SOCK

GO KATIE GO!

The Avengers in Fifteen Minutes.

1) I think this one took me the longest time to write ever (SIX WEEKS) barring maybe the year-long meltdown that was the writing of the ten parodies for the book.

2) Two Fifteen Minuteses is already twice as many as I put out last year; I am regular in my irregularity. (Maybe it was the anemia. I don't know.) I can't promise anything but soldiering through the next/last Twilight movie just to say that I finished something.

3) This one went long, even after I valiantly chopped off 350 words. I don't think anyone will actually care, given that The Avengers is like the 3rd highest-grossing ass-long movie of all time or whatever.

4) The new LJ "like"/"reblog" function seems automatically throw a "liked" entry by someone else into your journal feed in a way that is much more like Tumblr's auto-credit-giving reblog function and a lot less like stealing my stuff, so I tentatively endorse this.

However, I think, once it's in your friends list, it only shows up that one time—so people won't get spammed with 300 reblogs of the same entry. In order to test that, I have reblogged my own Prometheus thing to see what happens. Sorry for any confusion.

5) BARTITSU IS A REAL THING, OKAY?

ONE MORE TIME: Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes.

@made_of_fail: Episode Forty-Eight: And Then the Werewolf Fell In Love With the WAIT WHAT

@NoelCT: Want to hear me kinda sorta somewhat defend the Breaking Dawn and the Twilight series?

@NoelCT: Want to hear my impression of Edward Cullen as played by Christopher Walken? 

@NoelCT: Want to hear about all the tasty treats one can make from a strawberry flavored uterus? 

@NoelCT: Want to hear me explain the mechanics of male wet dreams to three women? Check out Made of Fail!

@cleolinda: I am also on it. RT @queenanthai: HEY GUESS WHAT episode is up http://made-of-fail-pc.livejournal.com/25442.html

Oh, this is also the one where I have a very controversial answer to the "Edward vs. Dracula" question. "IT'S NOT FAIR, BUT SHE WROTE IT THAT WAY!" Also, in the last ten minutes: how the Eggward story one of y'all told me explains why I still like the first movie more than any of the others.

Also, I remembered the "dirty question" someone asked poor Chris Weitz. Bonus: My turn on the Meet the Failcrew Q&A. Also-also: what happens when y'all don't write in for Mailbag Mondays.


@alliancesjr: THE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER. OOOOOVAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

@cleolinda: OVER 9000?


Cleolinda Industries provides solutions.



 (the Cleolinda Industries tip jar)

Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes.

I am a little tired right now.

@cleolinda: I did not sleep at all last night. Just lay there hoping Bad Cat was making That Rustling Sound.

@SuperCricket: @cleolinda and that's how Cleolinda found out she had a heffalump infestation.

Speaking of Twitter: please do not contact me there if you currently are or are pretending to be on hard drugs. Thank you.

@NASA_Hubble: Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't take kindly to Noble Gasses here." Helium doesn't react.

You know, as Mark gets ever further into Harry Potter, I began to wonder why I never did Order of the Phoenix in Fifteen Minutes. What the hell was going on at the time? So I went back and checked some dates. ( MARK DON'T READ THIS THERE ARE SPOILERS. DON'T READ THE COMMENTS EITHER )

Speaking of which: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Behind the Scenes Photos. ( More linkspam )

So, a few things--mostly Twilight-related, now that I think about it. Sorry in advance for that.

I'm still working on the Eclipse thing (eh, we can speak of it. We've all known for months, if not since November 2008, that I would be doing it). For some reason, I pretty much had a mild nervous breakdown trying to do the New Moon one, and for some reason... I really don't give a shit this time around, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Maybe because I feel like New Moon turned out really well and I'm just not even bothering to worry that I could top that; maybe because it's summer and it's hot and life is too short. I "wrote" a few scenes in my head--I do that--but didn't even type anything out until I saw the movie a second time. And today I was just sitting there, trying to figure out what to do--I get to this point where it's like, I can do parody dialogue, but when you get to the text descriptions you need to move from point A to point B, that's when I start rocking in the corner. Those are the bits that take me the longest to make work. So, you know what, I thought? Fuck it. I'ma write in more Viking saga any time I get stuck. I'm going to have people walking in off the street, as it were--people who only hear about the Fifteen Minutes stuff and don't read my regular journal--who are probably going to be confused or dismissive, but there you are. At least it's something new to play with. So what I'm telling you here is that Not Giving a Shit is turning out to be a very positive experience, and I'm back to having fun with it.

Anyway. There's a great thread on the Edward Cat entry where people are sharing pictures of their own cats (and a few dogs). Also, speaking of Edward Cat: it has been pointed out to me that if snowcoma woke up to find him in her lap, that means... he was watching her sleep. Just like an Edward should. Bless.( Read more... )

Speaking of cats! Eclipse with lolcats is up! (The Twilight one is where my icon comes from.) I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

Also, someone sent me a comic about Twilight a long while back, and I didn't bookmark it and can't find it now. I hate to give away the punchline, but I'll have to, in order for anyone to know what I'm talking about. It was: "I thought she meant anal." So... yeah. ETA: Ah! Here we are.

Also-also: This trailer chagrins me. But then, I want the Epic Movie people shot into the sun anyway, so.

1) The United Airlines debacle: As of this writing, they have gotten in touch with evilpuppy, given her the number of a representative to call, and seem to be taking this seriously. I'll update you more fully once the dust settles on that; I'm in a wait-and-see mode at this point. Y'all's comments from yesterday are an eye-opener, though.

2) I posted Clash of the Titans in Fifteen Minutes on Sunday. I can't make icons at the moment, as I still haven't put anything spiffier than MS Paint on this computer.

3) I am still nominated for a thing! Voting seems to close on Thursday?

4) Speaking of Thursday, word on the street is that the U.S. Post Office intends to close at 5 pm, instead of staying open until midnight to let people get their taxes mailed out at the last minute. Be advised.

5) Made of Fail has a Formspring account! As do Kevin and Dayna individually! I have not answered questions on mine for a few days, but I've already answered 400, so I think I can take a little break!

5b) Please, guys, I love y'all, but don't ask me for psychiatric advice on Formspring. I'm not qualified. I can talk about my own experiences, but I really can't give out medical advice. All I'm going to be able to say is, "If you are concerned about this, you should talk to a doctor and/or therapist."

6) Speaking of Dayna, she sat through the New Moon porn "parody" and texted me through the whole thing, as you might have seen yesterday (NSFW). (With a special appearance by Kevin, who was on the phone with me on unrelated matters during the second half! "So I'm thinking it'll take a week to write that, these things... just... do... ... ... uh..." "Dayna texting you again?" "She says they miked... Rosalie." "Uh.") Also, I owe her five actual dollars now. (I was playing the odds, people!) The screencaps are safe for work, but the general conversation is graphic, crude, mind-scarring, and frequently devolves to "Ah," "Argh," and "Oh dear" on my part. The movie squicked Dayna, if that tells you anything.

More Formspring questions. Posted 3/9/10.


( Did people always think clowns were scary/creepy or is this a post 1970 development? )

Reminder: You can still donate to win prizes at Helping Haiti Heal (benefiting Partners in Health) until 11:59 tonight. Let's look at the new things they've added:

Guitar owned and signed by Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy)!
Donated by: Tom Felton

A hardback Deathly Hallows signed by the entire cast of the film!
"A truly special item: Evanna Lynch (who plays Luna Lovegood) is going to take a Deathly Hallows onto the set of the film and have everyone she can find sign it. We will update this listing when we have definite names, but you should expect all the main actors! A wonderful and personal gift from the original believer in Nargles!"

Genuine Radish Earrings and Phoenix Pin!
Donated by: Evanna Lynch
Another very special gift from Evanna Lynch, who plays Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films! Evanna will make you or someone you love a very special, unique set of radish earrings or a phoenix pin. Evanna's designs, made well before she was cast as the sage Ravenclaw, have become part of the films and are now currently mass-produced and sold, but this special gift will come from the original designer's hands. Earrings from the REAL Luna. AWESOME!

Ring from UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION!
Donated by: Noble Collection
An authentic ring used in the movie UNDERWORLD - don't miss the chance to win a verified prop that would otherwise sell for thousands!
[My note: Noble Collection is the company that makes the really expensive replica stuff. This is not a replica.]

SIRIUS BLACK sketch by JOHN K SNYDER III
Donated by: John K Snyder, III


35 SIGNED YA NOVELS!
Donated by: The 2009 Debutantes
[My note: This is, in fact, a single prize package.]

And my signed copy of Movies in Fifteen Minutes (again: paperback, because I don't have any more hardcovers) is here. Other authors on that lot include Lev Grossman, Maureen Johnson, Rosemary Clement-Moore, and Lilith Saintcrow. And there are actual metric shitloads more of things to win on the list. You do have to donate separately on each section to be entered for the prizes therein, if that makes any sense. (They ended up with that setup so that people wouldn't end up with really rare/valuable/personalized prizes they didn't actually want. There's still an element of chance on other lots, but that way, if you're not a Terry Pratchett fan, for example, you're not going to end up with a copy of Unseen Academicals signed to you. This means that you may have to make some tough choices as to where you do want to donate, but that was the reasoning.)

Speaking of which, let's review some other prizes:

ONE FULL SET OF U.K. HARRY POTTER BOOKS SIGNED BY J.K. ROWLING plus HANDWRITTEN CARD
donated by J.K. Rowling

Signed copy of HARLEQUIN VALENTINE by Neil Gaiman
donated by Neil Gaiman

Five lots of one signed and DEDICATED copy of UNSEEN ACADEMICALS by Sir Terry Pratchett (VERY RARE!)
donated by Sir Terry Pratchett

( Read more... ) 


Meanwhile, Helping Haiti Heal Continues on Livestream Today at 2pm EST.