Cleolinda everywhere

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: I just went ahead and told Tonner Bella that Tonner Edward is a vampire, because life is too short. And then she and her sheep-herding yipyip dogs went to work at the Sparklerosa, and Clarice's frustrated little brain nearly exploded in a puff of woolly rage.

( And then, we all heard a low rumbling that was not fireworks )

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: Tonner Edward ended up with a daily ghost tea party on his housekeeping schedule.

He wasn't happy about it, either. Ellowyne Two had finally achieved in death what she had been unable to manage in life: his undivided, voluntary attention.

Well, somewhat voluntary.

( A job worth doing is worth doing well )

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: Doll mortality. This week: Shelf justice.

So once again, we had a Shelf Justice Council, this time on my desk. ( Read more... )

Before we start: the foresthouseeyesauctions are going wonderfully (thank you so much!), and, all efforts combined, we're looking at about $2000 so far--already halfway there for the first surgery's "o hai, we totally lied about paying by the month, plz cough it all up by October 31st" expenses, which is amazing. Last I saw, dduanehad just put up five signed/personalized copies of A Wizard of Mars, so make sure you go check that out.

MEANWHILE.

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: Tonner Edward's ailments and Anna's crimes revealed.

Let's fast-forward a little. At the end of last year, Anna was released from the Cabinet of Shame. And then I gave her a trident for Christmas, because I'm dumb. She was fond of trying to sneak up on Tonner Edward and poke him with it, but he is not only supersparklespeedy but could mind-hear her coming, so it was kind of a futile prank at best. Mostly he would just turn around and give her a weary look: Really? We're still doing this?

Fortunately, she was soon occupied with the intrigues of the Squirrelmageddon. ( Read more... )

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: The Littlest Bella discovered the Sparklerosa and nearly succumbed to mob justice, but eventually took the whole thing in stride, and now The Littlest Edward can ranch his ponies in the open. However, this did nothing for Tonner Edward's heartache, although he did reclaim the living room downstairs for himself, wallowing so listlessly in his own malaise that he could barely bestir himself to tell me, 

 “By the way, I think that dog is eating one of the Faramirs.”

"WHAT?"

 "Out back," he said, shrugging.

( NOOO! YOU GOTTA LET ME SEE THE WAR!! )

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: The Shelf prepared for the Crimbo season and the coming of Santa Eorl.

I keep making mysterious allusions to things that have already happened--which have gotten even more tangled up now that Christmas is a thing of the past as well--so bear with me. When we last left the actual goings-on, it was last fall; Betsy 2.0 died, I went through a couple of Camilles, and now I have Lizzie, my beloved laptop. And then MORE CRAP HAPPENED. There were no updates for many moons. It happens. So yes, I was hinting at a great number of things that had happened in the interim, involving Faramir and Serafina, and Anna being shifty, and the intrigues of squirrels, and Tonner Edward's migraines, but no, you hadn't actually found out what they were. You didn't miss anything. But back in the fall, they were preparing for The Coming Squirrelmageddon. (Don't worry, it hasn't happened yet. Winter led to a cessation of hostilities; as Helm's Deep Aragorn informed me, campaign season was over until the spring.)

However, I don't want us to miss Christmas--it just won't be as fun however many months from now it takes me to catch up--so I'll try to go ahead and tell you what I can.

*facepalm*

So.

( Lyra and The Littlest Bella had finally discovered a common cause )

Previously on The Secret Life of Dolls: A lot of stuff happened.

So: Christmas in Shelfia, with a bit of catch-up from the Compocalypse. ( We Two Kings of Númenor Are )


(To be continued. Part two: Serafina. Part three: Anna.)

So it turns out that we're not out of the Compocalyptic woods yet, kids. (Don't panic! It's not that bad.) I've finally set Lizzie up at my desk--which I haven't worked at for nearly four months now, by the way--and it turns out that... she doesn't fit. See, it's a huge desk with an attached shelf overtop, and it's divided down the middle by a... well, a divider. And each half is only just big enough to fit the laptop--not really anything that attaches. You know, like the wireless unit for a keyboard and mouse, or headphones, or the iPhone jack, or ANYTHING AT ALL, really. The divider doesn't run all the way from the back to the front of the desk--if I pull the laptop out, I can fit attachments in... but that's all the way to the edge of the desk, so there's no room for a separate keyboard. I'm so disgusted, I can't even tell you.

(Also, I looked at the wireless mouse, and it is completely alien to me. Great.)

So what I'm facing here is the prospect of buying a second desk. I love this desk. I don't want it to go anywhere. Also, there isn't any real possibility of it going anywhere, because I'm not even sure how we heaved it upstairs in the first place. So I'm thinking it might be possible to find a light, cheap desk--a glorified table, really, if I can get one at the right sit-down height--and put it against the foot of my bed. I am really running out of room in my room, but this is the simplest solution I can think of.

So until then, I'm stuck with the flaky touchpad mouse and the keyboard I'm not quite used to, but, like I said: it's kind of on the level of complaining that my diamond shoes are too tight.

Been resting mostly--slept in this morning, since the dogs are off getting their baths to be all shiny-fresh for Happy Eating Day. Still trying to work on New Moon in Fifteen Minutes--I am this close to busting out the 5x8 notecards all hardcore "I are srs writer"-style, just because I get completely overwhelmed by my sea of notes. FYI: I have never had to use notecards for a Fifteen Minutes before. Don't ever say I don't love you.

Meanwhile, this breaks my heart: Chris Weitz finally admits that New Line screwed The Golden Compass over. 

Weitz claims that New Line didn't trust him to handle the content of the book, that the film was taken from him in editing. Heavy-handed hacking resulted in losing nearly 30 minutes of footage from the film, and neatly exercised the edgy thrust of Phillip Pullman's book. "It was an utter violation of my status as a director and the worst thing that has happened to me professionally ... I was treated badly, it was almost like they never read the books. They seemed frightened of offending the right." Out of loyalty to the cast and crew, Weitz said he "bit through my tongue" when Compass was released.

Also: 7 Threatened Fanboy Responses to New Moon. Which really piss me off, by the way. There's a line between "The Twilight movies are ridiculous and I disagree with their view of the world" and "OMG SOMETHING LIKED BY GIRRRRRRRRRRRRLS." I was glad it didn't outgross The Dark Knight because the latter is one of my favorite movies, not because such an event would shrivel my e-penis, BOYS.

(Also-also: apparently you can now talk to your kids about Edward Cullen and drugs at the same time.)


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

So it's been--hey, pretty much exactly two months. Look at that. So anyway, a lot of stuff has happened, including a major Serafina/Faramir event (and something one might best refer to as "shenannagans," if you catch my meaning), but all tales must be told in their turn, so I'll have to update you on The Littlest Shelfians first. You'll understand why later.

( He's way better than a cactus! )

So: back to The Shelf.

Some days you do the best you can just to keep it all afloat. Gladdy and I settled down into a hard-working routine--me trying to finish my e-book project, and her trying to unravel the alethiometer prophecy, such as it was (next up: tea leaves).

( A truly harrowing experience, let me tell you )