On the fifth day of Sparklemas...

[cleolinda]

... my blogger gave to me: IIIIIIIII'M NOT A FAAAAAAAN.

MSNBC: Why doesn’t ‘Twilight’ have a Team Bella?

And there I am, front and center--described as "Cleolinda Jones, a 31-year-old 'Twilight' fan from Birmingham, Ala," in a turn of phrase that elicited great chagrin on Twitter.

@cleolinda: I love how this is what stops everyone short. RT @gorgeousnerd: @cleolinda: Calling you a "Twilight fan" doesn't seem descriptive enough.

@mellymell: @cleolinda Heh, so I wasn't the only one who went "huh" when I read that. 

@aranel13: @cleolinda You're more like a Twilight den mother.

@QueenofSix: @cleolinda I feel that Twilight victim might be more accurate!

Honestly, this is something I have been struggling with since 2008, as can be heard in this audio clip ("SHUT UP!"). I would say that truly "being a fan" of something involves a genuine sense of admiration, which... I don't have. (Except, maybe, for the brave souls grappling with the task of adapting these books into functional movies; I have been known to express a lot of admiration for them.) And yet, I spend too much time talking about this godforsaken thing to argue the "fan" label in good conscience. Because you know what? Star Wars fans spend a lot of time complaining and snarking and bagging on George Lucas, and yet... no one denies that they are, in fact, still fans. The best excuse I can make for myself is that Twilight may be a unique media phenomenon in which people love to hate it (and hate to love it) as vocerifously as the people who straight-up love it. And, of course, there's the fanthropology aspect, which fascinates me across the board. It's complicated, is what I'm saying. But if I weren't having fun, I wouldn't be here right now. So.

(I will say that the "I am so sick of posting Twi-spam, I can't stand it anymore" issue from Sparklemas 2008, as mentioned in that clip, isn't a problem now, because I've just started picking a few things and commenting on them, rather than doing exhaustive clearinghouse posts.)

Meanwhile, Roger Ebert posted on Twitter that both Variety and the Hollywood Reporter have given Eclipse good--good!--reviews. (And you know they're sincerely good reviews because both sites actually take the time to snark on the rest of the series.) And then, you have to take into account this interview with director David Slade, wherein his approach to the movie seems to boil down to "BE VAMPIRES, GODDAMMIT!" You guys? I think... I think he's made it... awesome.

Unfortunately, this is going to make my job very, very hard. That's okay. I try not to post these things until at least the Monday after a movie comes out, because of the joyous "Now I don't have to see the movie!" comments I get. (Not that I could ever take away a significant amount of business from any film, but I'd like to cover my ass, and the first weekend seems to be the most important.) And if I go see it on Wednesday (the Lovely Emily and I are developing plans to this effect) (tickets acquired! Sparkle help us all), I'll have a good four days before I could even post it if I wanted to. Granted, writing the Twilight 15Ms seems to involve a ten-day tailspin, on average, but what I'm saying is, I'll have a good four days' head start on the meltdown.

We have a little movement on the Edward Cullen Cat situation--snowcoma has begun the process of trying to adopt him for her mother ("I am ready to form a PRAYER CIRCLE to make sure this little guy gets to live with my mom"), but apparently one cannot just walk into Mordor a pet store and rescue a cat; one has to consult various agencies and foster families and such. I will indulge myself now of visions of Edward's foster-owner-mother being perfectly pleasant on the phone with someone, and then calling up the Humane Society like, "Ixnay on that one, she says she has a 'lion and lamb' tattoo. I told you, no fangirls!" Whereas I imagine the pet store itself is desperate to place him.

cleolinda: You know the people at the pet store are just like, "You seem nice, he'll go to a good home, that's great, JUST PLEASE TAKE HIM, IT'S KILLING US." Can you imagine poor homeless Edward Cat chagrining at you all day long?

windowintheface: "Of course no one wants to adopt me. I'm a monster."

cleolinda: Tiny, masochistic lion!

windowintheface: You're like my own personal brand of catnip.

He's dangerous for you, what if he's the bad cat, this is the fur of a killer, etc. (Although this does bring a new meaning to that scene in the first movie where Actual Edward's reading people's minds: "Sex... money... sex... money... cat?") PLEASE APPROVE THIS ADOPTION, HUMANE SOCIETY. I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THAT SAD LITTLE FACE.

Comments

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the little guy!

[beth-shulman.livejournal.com]

1) I'm having the same struggling-with-fandom situation (If you're not a fan, why do you know so much about it?) Gosh. I'm in it for the lulz, okay?

2)Good reviews? This may be an alternate universe. Heh. The trailer still cracks me up, though.

3) MSNBC may have just lost the little credibily they still had. DO YOUR RESEARCH, people. It's in your job description.

Also: Twilight den mother is so awesome and so, so apt.

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

I said it before, but I've never seen a cat give a "Last Puppy In A Pet Store" face before.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I mean, I talked on the phone with the reporter and made it pretty clear (I thought). I think any confusion there is a matter of space considerations--they couldn't spare an extra ten words to describe conflicted feelings I myself have a hard time articulating. Or they decided not to mince words and call it what it is.

Although, really, we could have solved this problem by simply saying "writer" instead of "Twilight fan."

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

"Twilight mocker" would be so much more fitting, I think. Too bad they didn't think of that.

As for poor Edward Cat, I just hope whoever takes him is willing to supply him with plenty of scrapbooking material.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

AH GOD THAT'S A HORRIBLE WAY TO THINK OF IT

He's accompanied by his own Sarah McLachlan song, isn't he?

This is why I'm not allowed to go to pet stores. Or walk past them. Or think about them.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

They can keep a scrapbook of him! Which is pretty much what I do with my dogs anyway, with all the pictures I post of them.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

MSNBC still had credibility?

[beth-shulman.livejournal.com]

True. And at least she went straight to the expert :) A+ for effort.

[r-a-black.livejournal.com]

I think, really, there's a new category for Twilight when it comes to fandom. I loathe the series, but I can lol at it, and I talk a whole damn lot about it. I would never, ever call myself a fan though. Anti-fan is commonly used as a term for people like me, but I'm not sure that's satisfying enough.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

Heh. Only in his case it's probably a Muse song.

(And here I am making fun of a sad little homeless cat. Twilight, see what you've done to me? SEE??)

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

Me neither! *sniffles*

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

Ohgod, that commercial, it haunts my dreams. I'm...I'm going to grow up to be the father with no willpower when it comes to "DADDY CAN I HAVE A PUPPY LOOK HE WANTS A HOME", aren't I?

[beth-shulman.livejournal.com]

Heh. Not anymore.

[mdmbrightside.livejournal.com]

Although, really, we could have solved this problem by simply saying "writer" instead of "Twilight fan."

Or "commentator." Possibly "informant."

[orca-girl.livejournal.com]

But "conflicted Twilight fan" would work, and not take up too much extra space; and it would at least hint that there's more to the story.

[beth-shulman.livejournal.com]

*credibility, that is.

[beth-shulman.livejournal.com]

Yup, same here. And it's so entertaining that something so vapid engenders such analysis. That's half the lulz for me. ("What are you arguing so intensely about? Huh? Twilight?")

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I was thinking of those awful commercials--what are they for, the Humane Society? Something--about homeless, abused animals ("Why did they hurt me?" "Am I going to die tomorrow?") that always have Sarah McLachlan songs in the background. Oh my God, they put me in the fetal position, they're terrible.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, in the end, what I actually said will probably indicate that. Those are not the words of an unquestioning fan.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I know. Boy, do I know. I always have to turn the sound down or change the channel. I was just thinking of Meyer's devotion to Muse. You just know she'd want Edward Cullen Cat to have a Muse song of his very own.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you. There's got to be something to describe that strange status where one detests the original work so much that one actively seeks out information and details for no other purpose than to justify one's dislike. It's like going into fandom and coming out on the other side.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

If you're not a fan, why do you know so much about it?

I almost have this kind of relationship with Twilight, as a matter of fact. I’ve never read any of the books or seen any of the movies, but I’ve read every possible summary and review for both. I know more about the series than my coworkers who are actual fans. It’s hard to explain why you would become interested in something you don’t actually enjoy, but merely fascinates you.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, and I think part of the constant urge to analyze comes from the discrepancy between the... lackingness... of the material and the massive fan response. You can understand pretty easily why people love Harry Potter, and you can be glad that they do. You get to Twilight, and it's got thin characters, a weak prose style, minimal plot, intensely problematic themes, and hardly any world-building; all the interesting things seem to exist offstage or between the lines. What the hell do people like about it? And not just like, but devote significant, passionate chunks of their lives to? I mean, this is something I have written about at length, so I think I know. But that's the thing--we end up sitting around talking about it (and railing at it) endlessly because it's just such a troubling, counter-intuitive conundrum.

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

Aw, what a precious wee beastie! Good luck with bringing him home, snowcoma!