I look forward to freezing-ass cold tomorrow!

[cleolinda]

MOAR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. I know it sounds like we do nothing but shop these days, but the thing is, we're going out a lot and to a lot of different places, but we're really not returning with all that much. Also, it's really hard to find the right gift for some of the people on our list. So there's that.

Meanwhile, on the way home from our last excursion of the day, we dropped by my grandmother's to bring her some more ornaments. On the way out, I stopped to play with a--I don't know, I guess you'd call it a banner? It kind of looks like a long flat bell pull? I don't know. She has it hanging on her front door, and it's this tan-colored strip of fabric with little decorated felt Christmas trees, edged with shiny gold rickrack. "I loved this when I was a kid," I told her, shaking it a little so the bells would jingle. "Ruth made that," my grandmother said warmly. "She really liked arts and crafts. She made all of this herself, every bit of it. Even the tassels. She sewed everything on it there--the sequins, the little ornaments, she even put the pearls on the trees. She's dead now."

I managed not to crack up until I got to the car. My mother couldn't understand why I was doubled up in the passenger seat crying with laughter. I'm not sure I understand it myself.

Let's have a little linkspam.

The Twi-spam:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE CUT HIS FUCKING HAIR EVERYBODY FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I have two distinct thoughts on this subject, and they are:

1. I support any attempts by Robert Pattinson to fuck with the crazypants fans, stick it to the studio ("WE START FILMING IN THREE MONTHS ZOMG"), try to walk down the street without immediately getting mauled, or do whatever the fuck he wants with his own goddamn hair.

2. MERRY CHRISTMAS, TWIHARDS!

Also: Possible New Jacob is kind of a jerk, running the gamut from "arrogant" to "wha...?" in a single interview:

Exhibit A: "If anything, I feel like I need to bulk down. Right now I'm close to 200 pounds of muscle. Taylor's probably what, 140, if he's lucky? I'm already 200 pounds, so there's no need for me to get any bigger. Plus he's 5'6" and I'm 6'2". In the book, he grows eight inches and I'm exactly eight inches taller than Taylor. Huge difference."

Exhibit B: "There's no auditioning going on, it's a lot of talking. My representation has been talking to Summit and they're hearing that I'm one of the first picks. I got offered CSI: Miami recently without auditioning, so a lot of great things are coming without auditions."

Exhibit C: "I said, 'I'd be excited to play a part in Twilight 2' and he said, 'Oh yeah, I'm in the first one.' I was like, 'Who do you play?' He's like, 'Edward.' "

Exhibit D: "Growing up on the East Coast, I have some American Indian on my mom's side. Virginia is where Last of the Mohicans took place. All the people out there have Indian blood mixed in from years and years ago. If you look at my mom, she's super tan with blonde hair."

AND THERE IS SO MUCH MORE AT THE LINK.

Also-also: 'Twilight' Star Ashley Greene Is Excited About 'New Moon' Director Chris Weitz; ‘Twilight’ Siblings Ashley Greene And Kellan Lutz Reunite As Love Interests In ‘Warrior’; 'Twilight' Exclusive: Taylor Lautner Talks About His Campaign To Stay On 'New Moon.' Yes, but are you from Virginia?

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT THAT IT IS ABOVE THE CUT:

From sabra_n: My Fair Lady: Thompson Wants Laurie as Higgins ("The only way that could be improved upon, as one genius on the Innerwebs pointed out, is if they cast Stephen Fry as Pickering").

More movie linkspam: Four More Critic Award Groups: Detroit, Florida, Las Vegas and Utah; Hayek, Lopez, Poehler and Rogen to Present Globes.

Images: State of Play; Taylor Kitsch aka Gambit on the cover of Tribeza magazine; Lucian Dominates Third 'Underworld' Poster; Exclusive: Final Poster for 'Doubt'; 'Lost' Travel Posters Promise a Vacation Full of Sex, Death and Smoke; First Look: Complete Cast of Peter Billingsley's Couples Retreat; First Photo of a Vampire Rocker from 'Suck'; First Look: Carla Gugino as Pornstar Elektra Luxx.

Trailers and clips: Exclusive 'Nothing But the Truth' Clip; 'Night at the Museum 2' Teaser Uses Museum Definition Loosely; Exclusive Clip from 'Pulse 3' (three?); Steven Seagal v. Vampires Trailer.

New Pics of Harry, Ron, Ginny from "Half-Blood Prince"; David Heyman on Deathly Hallows Split: "An Emotional and Very Truthful" Break; Producer David Hayman On HBP - Running Time is 2 Hrs and 30 Min; Emma Watson Talks Acting, the Future, and Harry/Hermione in New Interview; New Movie Stills from Rupert Grint's film.

Three Different Visual Styles in Tim Burton's 'Alice in Wonderland.'

Sew Buttons Over Your Eyes And Paper Your Walls, Coraline Style.

New Watchmen film books!

'Iron Man 2' 'casting' 'rumor': John Cho as the Mandarin?

New Terminator Salvation Busts Revealed; What T4 Plot Secret Is Hidden In Terminator Salvation Busts?

Oh Yeah! A New 'Wallace & Gromit' Film!

'Seven Pounds' Is "A Present Best Left Unopened"; PWNED! ("Transcendently, eye-poppingly... crazily awful"); full spoiler for the movie, which may actually out-stupid The Happening, and that is saying A LOT.

Interview: 'The Wrestler' Director Darren Aronofsky; Kurt Loder Reviews ‘The Wrestler’: ‘A Fearless And Heartbreaking Performance.’

EXCLUSIVE: David Fincher Reveals Ingredients For Keanu Reeves Film ‘Chef.’

Via Defamer: A new Page in the Laurel Hester story?

‘Die Hard’ & ‘48 Hours’ Writer Goes Online For ‘Unknown Sender’ Web Series.

Stephen Chow No Longer Directing Seth Rogen's Green Hornet.

New Forbidden Planet Is A Prequel After All?; Will James Cameron Team Up With Robby the Robot For Forbidden Planet?

Hossein Amini Penning New Jack Ryan Movie.

New Judge Dredd Movie Getting Danny Boyle Treatment?

Tracy Pollan will star as Beth Twitty in Natalee Holloway movie. I think really I'm more surprised that it took them this long to make one.

'Spirit' director Frank Miller wants to sully 'Buck Rogers,' too.

(More links over at FriendFeed.)

ETA: Oh, I forgot to mention--someone (I've lost the comment! Who was it?) suggested I claim my author profile on GoodReads, so I'm over there now as well. If you have any idea what I should put under "about this author," let me know.

Comments

[rufus.livejournal.com]

New Jacob is apparently also a dumbass. Last of the Mohicans took place in upstate new york. you know, where the Mohawk Indians actually live. The super tan + blonde hair = tanning bed, probably.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Maybe he meant the filming of the movie?

The super tan + blonde hair = tanning bed, probably.

I just couldn't figure out why he offered this up in support of being ethnically Native American.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

"Exhibit D: "Growing up on the East Coast, I have some American Indian on my mom's side. Virginia is where Last of the Mohicans took place. All the people out there have Indian blood mixed in from years and years ago. If you look at my mom, she's super tan with blonde hair."

I lack enough WTF to respond to this properly.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I still enjoy the bit about not having to audition for CSI: Miami. He is going places, you guys.

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

Gah, by the time HBP rolls around, there won't be much left that's surprising.

[jenny-islander.livejournal.com]

@icon:

My husband's employee Christmas party had a Wii at one end of the barroom and a TV on the other. Halfway through the night, somebody at the bar changed the channel from How Holiday Turkeys are Raised to Guys in Boxer Shorts Beating Each Other Up Without Gloves. I glanced occasionally at the screen--

"Good grief, this is Xtreme Fighting? Your older brothers used to do that when they were teenagers and then one of them would go into his room and slam the door and cry."

"It isn't that he's biting the other guy. It's that he's not able to connect. My toddler can do better than that, you moron."

I realized that somebody in the room had to be enjoying it, so I tried to keep my voice down, but then they showed two jockey-sized 20-somethings with identical heads of white hair (towheads? dyed? novelty act?) and I couldn't help myself. "GUYS, GET A ROOM!"

I mean I mean his legs were locked around the other guy's hips. And the other guy was braced on his elbows. And had his head cuddled into the other guy's shoulder. Granted, the guy on the bottom was pounding on the other guy's back, but maybe they were new at it and had watched the wrong porn--?

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

What's their audition process? Everyone who doesn't recognize RPattz makes it to the second stage?

[bellebonnesage.livejournal.com]

I am pretty sure that Jim Broadbent is meant to be the Col. Pickering of our time.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

... I would endorse this as well.

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

Hossein Amini Penning New Jack Ryan Movie.

If you look at the Hollywood Reporter article about that, it mentions that Amini apparently has The Subtle Knife in development. Which...what? They're not doing that, right?

*cackles* I see my plan to let the whole Internet know about the possibility for Hugh Laurie for Higgins is succeeding. Now everyone can share in my suffering when they cast Ben Affleck or something.

[barrelgoddess.livejournal.com]

But how will the fangirl warning system work if it is neutered!?

(I kid. Poor bastard should be able to do whatever the hell he wants to his hair.)

Wow, New Jacob's comments are kind of... wow. They just stun me with the toxic levels of asshole.

... *snerk* If that doesn't outstupid The Happening, it's at least equal. I'm with you there.

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

The only way that could be improved upon, as one genius on the Innerwebs pointed out, is if they cast Stephen Fry as Pickering

WANT.

Also, way to be a douchebag, possible new Jacob. OK, this is like the Avatar thing: will someone please explain to me why they won't cast an actual Native American in this role?

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

Gee, isn't anyone vaguely brown-skinned good enough for you?

And while Fry would have to be the world's first lip-synching Pickering, it just might be worth it.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I got offered CSI: Miami recently without auditioning, so a lot of great things are coming without auditions.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHoh, wait, he's serious?! Aw. I wish I were lucky enough to never have seen CSI: Miami. That must be a nice existence.

There is only one response:

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

OMG THE HAAAAIR. How will he detect DANGER now? This seems like a very bad move.

Also, that Possible New Jacob kid srsly comes off as an enormous wanker. I almost feel as though I've dated him before. JERK.

[profbutters.livejournal.com]

Happy crazy-free holidays, Rob. May you go completely unrecognized until at least after New Year's.

Thanks for the Jacob Black casting link. My favorite part of that interview is the bit where he talks about how he is SO much bigger than Taylor Lautner ("he's 5'9", I'm 6'2") and then says he looks just like Taylor Lautner, to the point where someone can't tell who is who. If he's five inches taller and forty pounds heavier. . .oh, well, a lot of what he says doesn't make sense.

I usually don't like remakes much, but a *My Fair Lady* with Fry and Laurie in it. . . that's different.

Did you see Emma Watson's interview on *Ballet Shoes*? She mentioned that it's the third book adaptation she's done: *Harry Potter,* *Desperaux,* and *Ballet Shoes.* I don't know if you saw that, but it has Richard Griffiths and Gemma Jones in it, too.

[swsa.livejournal.com]

I completely support New Jacob. The recast alone would bring me endless amusement, but he is also about 5 shades of entertaining dumbass. I believe he fits in the Twilight world perfectly.

Oh yeah, I'm in the first one.' I was like, 'Who do you play?' He's like, "Edward."

That's AWESOME.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard at that. I keep trying to imagine them having that conversation, and it never stops being funny.

[saramiskismet.livejournal.com]

Rob looks so much hotter without The Hair, though. This will make it less obvious that he hasn't showered, and I won't be nearly as repulsed while trying to enjoy the view from below the forehead.

[bibsy.livejournal.com]

I'm just picturing Laurie with the House cane, limping about the original movie's set and stuffing marbles in Knightley's mouth at random intervals.

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

lol! That sounds like some crazy method of diagnosis/treatment House would use.

"She can't have an MRI, we'll have to stuff her mouth with marbles and see if she can say 'the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plains".

[scornedsaint.livejournal.com]

She sewed everything on it there--the sequins, the little ornaments, she even put the pearls on the trees. She's dead now."

Oh my God, my nephew did the same thing today. I petted their dog and then he turned to me and said "Did you know that Zoe died?" (Zoe was their other dog). I waited until I was outside unloading the car to laugh.

I can relate...

[jazzminarino.livejournal.com]

I think that's a Southern thing. I look a lot like my momma, and when I went to visit my great aunt, I asked about one of her dogs, whom I'm supposing closely resembled a mop.

"Don't you remember her? She was around here when you were younger. We used to joke that we'd stick a pole up her butt and you could use her to dust with. Just all over the windowsills and the furniture."
"Aunt Jo, I'm Jessie."
"Oh, no, she's dead. Been dead."

Momma almost fell over laughing when I told her later...

... it's a dead issue, anyway.

Re: I can relate...

[maggie-qow.livejournal.com]

Agreed! I too am I life-long Southerner, and maybe its just us, but it seems like we find death really damned funny. Also, it seems like we can never let our relatives who have "passed on" rest; at every single holiday, my grandmother and cousin talk for hours about people who died at least 40 years before I was born, and then when they forget the names, they ask me what these people's names were. And I know the names. I can recite every detail about the time Ada and Lizzie got lost after getting their small pox vaccinations. God help me, I sort of love that.

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

ZOMG. A Bit of Fry and Laurie in My Fair Lady? I don't care if he has to patter-song Pickering's parts, I WANT. It would be legen....

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

... wait for it ...

[rhodynne.livejournal.com]

My mother and I end half our conversations with "of course they're dead now"
...usually regardless of whether or not they actually are.
:-)

[ipomoea.livejournal.com]

Anytime I hear "now _____'s dead" my brain always wants to add "from coke".

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I do that too! In fact, I want to add "And now s/he's dead from coke" any time I even start off a long explanation of who someone is.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

New Jacob makes me physically want to reach through the computer screen and slap him. Jeez kid, can you BE more of an arse?

If you look at my mom, she's super tan with blonde hair

Or make less sense?

Really Summit, just keep the cute kid whose already dealt with the insane fangirls and DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO HIT HIM.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how, exactly, but that one interview made me go from "omg replace that Jacob kid" to Team Taylor in about thirty seconds flat.

[worldforawhile.livejournal.com]

I know it sounds like we do nothing but shop these days, but the thing is, we're going out a lot and to a lot of different places, but we're really not returning with all that much.

Ha, I just said pretty much this thing on my lj.

[worldforawhile.livejournal.com]

whoops, forgot to close the italics tag.

Maybe it's just me, but...

[mangonocturna.livejournal.com]

I am a little confused about why Hollywood is wringing their hands about how to give the impression that an actor is taller than he actually is.

It is not like Tom Cruise never made a movie before, if Summit is really stumped, maybe they could consult with the Tom Cruise people, even get a couple of techs on loan to move the milk crates around...

Or they could even call E! and get some simple tips from RyGuy handlers.

Equally confounding - I keep reading about how difficult it is to find actors whose ethnic heritage is primarily indigenous people of the Americas.

Even if they are unaware that most Latin Americans are ethnically American indigenous, surely they could call the American Indian Film Institute, I am certain they could hook them up with all the talented Native American actors they can cast.

Re: Maybe it's just me, but...

[profbutters.livejournal.com]

I keep hoping and hoping that Sherman Alexie, who *is* Native American, *and* from Washington, *and* has made a movie, *and* is a highly honored writer and a freakin' genius, will show up someday and bitchslap everybody from Meyer on down ("would it have killed you to call somebody and ask a few questions? EAT SALMON, bitch" slappity slappity slap). But he won't, probably because he is way too cool to get mixed up in this.

But I'm sure there are plenty of good Native American actors out there, and I am guessing that like Asian American actors and Latino actors, they don't often get good, meaty roles.

[vlexor.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I laughed at your grandmother's story too. Excellent.

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

"Ruth made that," my grandmother said warmly. "She really liked arts and crafts. She made all of this herself, every bit of it. Even the tassels. She sewed everything on it there--the sequins, the little ornaments, she even put the pearls on the trees. She's dead now."

My grandfather used to do this ALL THE TIME. We would be going through photo albums, and he would say, "he's dead now - she's dead - that guy's dead." The last time I visited him, I was on my way to see my other grandparents, and he said, "Sarah, can you bring me back a couple of tomatos from your grandma's? The guy I used to get my tomatos from went and died on me." To me, it fit perfectly with my grandpa's crotchety demeanor and legendarily dark humor.

The irony is - he's dead now.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

The irony is - he's dead now.

Naturally.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

What worries me most about that interview- not that he's a douchebag, even though he is (AND HOW), but that THERE ARE CLIFF NOTES FOR THE TWILIGHT BOOKS.

CLIFF NOTES

FOR TWILIGHT

WTF

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

well... for the cliff jumping???