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Chatty and yet feeling kind of meh
Sep. 30th, 2008 02:07 pmHey, I feel talky, so let's get this out of the way before it gets crushed under the weight of the linkspam:
I don't know if I'm still manic or hypomanic, but I have somehow found a way to feel tired and wired at the same time--too edgy to sleep but toodisgusted with life meh to do anything useful. It's funny--I'm having a lot of tiny moodswings. As in, my mood changes a lot, but the moods themselves aren't very "big," as it were. I mean, I'm not flailing around like Midnight Sun Edward Cullen or anything. It's just that in the course of an hour, it'll be like, "I'm tired and I don't want to do anything. Hey, I think I'll play around on my wiki! Let's check email. I kind of feel like crying, but eh, I think I'm just being hormonal. Let's desk dance a little. I want to work, I feel like working. Nooooo, I'm so sick of footnotes. My stomach hurts. GOD I HATE EVERYONE, PEOPLE MAKE ME SO TIRED." Of course, if y'all have heard my voice on the podcasts, you have to imagine all of that being said in a fairly even, deadpan tone. If this is mania, it's not impressing me. Which is probably for the best.
I mean, maybe this is totally normal. But once you know that you have a mood disorder, you start assuming that everything you feel is abnormal.
Oh, by the way, this journal's going to be five years old on Halloween! Whee! What I'm thinking about is something like what John Scalzi's doing for the tenth anniversary of his blog--link to an older entry each day, particularly since a lot of new people have started reading over the summer (*waves*). Yes, entries about my mother (Gerald, Sonic, all of that) will be represented. If there's anything else you really liked, let me know, because there are 2,436 entries prior to this one, according to my user info, and most of them aren't tagged (*sob*). And now you know why I have the Cleoland wiki--as a way of making some kind of organizational sense out of this thing. I'm going to try and improve it a good bit over the month--when I need fun breaks--so that the major topic pages are filled in.
(Another reason I have the wiki is because I need it as a reference to link to--and I need those links because I can't assume everyone's read everything or remembers what they did read. It saves people the trouble of asking, "Wait, what was that about again? Did I miss that?" Like the link to the podcasts up there, actually--that's exactly what that is. It's also why I tend to repeat myself and re-explain things, like The Inevitable Recap of My Depressive Episodes whenever I mention a minor medication change: because I can't assume you remember what I'm talking about. Anyway, in case that ever annoyed you, that's why I do it.)
Meanwhile, a post about fanfic from a fanfic writer who attended Clarion: "This is not a 'published fiction is better than fanfiction' post. It's a 'published fiction is harder than fanfiction' post." A really interesting read, in no small part because it better articulates something I was trying to get at, very generally, here: ( Maybe writing in someone else's world has been like training wheels )
I don't know if I'm still manic or hypomanic, but I have somehow found a way to feel tired and wired at the same time--too edgy to sleep but too
I mean, maybe this is totally normal. But once you know that you have a mood disorder, you start assuming that everything you feel is abnormal.
Oh, by the way, this journal's going to be five years old on Halloween! Whee! What I'm thinking about is something like what John Scalzi's doing for the tenth anniversary of his blog--link to an older entry each day, particularly since a lot of new people have started reading over the summer (*waves*). Yes, entries about my mother (Gerald, Sonic, all of that) will be represented. If there's anything else you really liked, let me know, because there are 2,436 entries prior to this one, according to my user info, and most of them aren't tagged (*sob*). And now you know why I have the Cleoland wiki--as a way of making some kind of organizational sense out of this thing. I'm going to try and improve it a good bit over the month--when I need fun breaks--so that the major topic pages are filled in.
(Another reason I have the wiki is because I need it as a reference to link to--and I need those links because I can't assume everyone's read everything or remembers what they did read. It saves people the trouble of asking, "Wait, what was that about again? Did I miss that?" Like the link to the podcasts up there, actually--that's exactly what that is. It's also why I tend to repeat myself and re-explain things, like The Inevitable Recap of My Depressive Episodes whenever I mention a minor medication change: because I can't assume you remember what I'm talking about. Anyway, in case that ever annoyed you, that's why I do it.)
Meanwhile, a post about fanfic from a fanfic writer who attended Clarion: "This is not a 'published fiction is better than fanfiction' post. It's a 'published fiction is harder than fanfiction' post." A really interesting read, in no small part because it better articulates something I was trying to get at, very generally, here: ( Maybe writing in someone else's world has been like training wheels )
