Freaky... uh. Thursday.

[cleolinda]

I've been holding on to some wtfery in the linkspam department for a while, and I feel like it's time to dump it all on you. I'll start you off easy.

Shrek 4 banner: "Where my witches at?" 

Jennifer Love Hewitt wrote a book, and that book contains the actual sentence, "Guys hate to spoon -- they prefer to fork, lol!"

Nicholas (The Notebook) Sparks writes Greek tragedies in the footsteps of Sophocles, or something. Also, when asked, Miley Cyrus says that The Catcher in the Rye is her favorite coming-of-age story (whether you believe she's actually read it), and Sparks says that his is... A Walk to Remember. Which he wrote.

Freakishly Lifelike Jack Sparrow figure is FREAKISHLY LIFELIKE.

An update from yesterday: the Robert Pattinson wax museum figure has been up for like ten minutes and already it's being mobbed. This is a thing, y'all. This is a thing that is happening. 

Seattle man who said he was a vampire and had bomb arrested. "He said he was a vampire and wanted to eat people. Staff asked him to leave, and the man then said he was a space cowboy and showed what looked to be a pipe bomb attached to his wrist." Police were able to subdue the man before he was able to declare himself the Pompatus of Love.

(And it wasn't even a REAL pipe bomb! You are not very good at vampiring, sir.)

Also from the Pacific Northwest: Police detain sword-waving, knife-throwing hunter.

A scraped-up, shirtless man armed with a sword and several throwing knives was detained by police today.

The man had been seen waving the sword near the ProBuild hardware store off High School Road just before 1:45 p.m. Witnesses said he had also been visiting the nearby Ace hardware store.

The man told police he was hunting werewolves and “chuds.”

I wouldn't tell him about Maurice over there with the pipe bomb if I were you.

Comments

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

What a joker.

[bittercupojoe.livejournal.com]

Re: the vampire and hunter, in the immortal words of Dr. Venkman, "Oh, we HAVE to get these two together."

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

Bite your head off, man.

[eyemage.livejournal.com]

ive been waiting for someone to make the connection between those two local crazies out here in crazy mc-crazington.

wonder how long it will take for someone to pitch that to hollywood.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I saw the werewolf guy and immediately thought, WHAT IS IN THE WATER OVER THERE?

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we grow Teh Crazy particularly strong here in the PNW.

The sculptor for the Jack Sparrow figure said that Disney and Johnny Depp approved the figure during the first round with NO CHANGES. I was very, very impressed. (And happy for the sculptor!)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is impressive. I can't get over how the figure's expression changes from each angle.

[r-a-black.livejournal.com]

You know I loved Shrek 3, but the advertisement for Shrek 4 always makes me feel depressed and embarrassed.

And Jennifer Love Hewitt... I don't even- I don't know what to say to that.

[isca.livejournal.com]

Memo to Shrek 4: You're trying too hard.

[snacky]

I read that Nicholas Sparks and Miley Cyrus thing the other day, and ever since then, my hate for the two of them has been burning like a thousand fiery suns.

[emerald-skies.livejournal.com]

"Guys hate to spoon -- they prefer to fork, lol!"

I know it's pretty silly to expect quality literature from Jennifer Love Hewitt, but I'm pretty sure that line still killed a small part of my soul just now.

re: pipe bomb guy

Is he also a gangster of love? O_o

[off_coloratura]

Oh, Jennifer. This is a BOOK, not a text message. You're only supposed to use lol IRONICALLY.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

Wow. Prior to this I only hated Nicholas Sparks for his fiction. Now I can hate him for his ego, too! Any day when I find something new to hate is a good day.

[marlinkhylacat]

Prior to this I only hated Nicholas Sparks for his fiction. Now I can hate him for his ego, too!

Second this! :D (Also diggin' the icon.)

Can I insert "BAD" between "his" and "fiction"?

[jennnk.livejournal.com]

RE: PNW arrests

All I have to say is meth is one hell of a drug.

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

It's a hell of a Thursday, innit?

Also, Scott Pilgrim (http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/universal/scottpilgrimvstheworld/) trailer out, if you're into that sorta thing. It'll either be Cera's Iron Man or cement him forever as That Guy.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Such a Thursday THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS FRIDAY. Jesus.

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

1. Jane Austen wrote Greek tragedies?

2. Nicholas Sparks is calling Cormac McCarthy melodramatic?

3. Nicholas Sparks is a giant tool.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

3. <-- This.

[lost-garnet.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize it was wax, somehow...and I wondered how in the hell Pattinson was just so calm and smirk-y and dead-stare-out-front when there are girls manhandling him. D:

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

The drugs finally kicked in. Which explains the sort of smile.

[majormeg7.livejournal.com]

That Jack Sparrow figure even has pores. That is a scary level of attention to detail. Well done, sculptor guy.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

I'm too disturbed by 90% of this to form words (wax.figures. JLoveHewitt giving...advice...), but why on earth does Rumpelstiltskin have red troll hair (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/185/417899046_c392c63ca9.jpg?v=0)?!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Is that who that's supposed to be? My general reaction was just "OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE."

[mollywobbles867.livejournal.com]

I've read one book of Nicolas Sparks, The Notebook, and I hated it (love the movie, though, ngl). I had no idea he was also an egomaniac, but it really explains so much. His books are mediocre and appeal to the mainstream which is why they're always made into movies. Miley Cyrus is in a movie based on your book, dude, sit down. It's not like it's Meryl Streep.

That wax figure of Pattison looks nothing like him. It's the eyes, I think. They are lacking that "dead inside" look he has as a result of Twihards. The wax figure looks almost amused.

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

It's as if he's saying, "OH TWIHARDS"

[akamarykate.livejournal.com]

Seriously, Nicholas Sparks? SERIOUSLY?

I just read that thing with my jaw dropping more and more.

I just...I don't even. He's going to end up on fandom_wank with Anne Rice or something, isn't he?

[lemonade8.livejournal.com]

Wow. He is kind of obnoxious, isn't he.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

A co-worker and I were just checking out the pics of the Jack Sparrow figure.

Me: (scrolls down) Oh, "prototype pending approval." (scrolls back up) I guess it needs some tweaking...?

Co-worker: Yeah, they have to insert a soul. Seriously, what else is left?

[das-mervin.livejournal.com]

Okay. I now have a trio of crazy. A guy who says he was a vampire space cowboy, a guy who says he is hunting werewolves and CHUDs, and a guy who shows up naked in Vegas claiming he is a Terminator. I can die happily.

Or at least, I would have, had I not suffered trainwreck syndrome and clicked the wax statue link, saw the fangirls laying hands upon it and looking like they were attempting to undress it, and immediately my mind went: "Is that thing anatomically correct? Please say it is not. If it is, I give it two days before it is castrated in a violent orgy of wax by a lusty fangirl who then proceeds to perform unspeakable acts to her brand new RPattz, Jr."

Now I'm gonna die really, really unhappy.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

I've never ever thought of that before, and probably could've gone my life without it - but I would assume that wax figures are like Ken dolls. (Right? RIGHT?) Therefore, if somehow violated and disrobed there would be nothing there but a vague outline of undergarments.

(I wonder how many sad Edward dolls have suffered this indignity. *shudders*)

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

That sound you heard? Was my entire class of Classical Archaeology students crying out in pain. Followed by the bellow of rage that comes with picking up pot sherds and wanting to descend upon Sparks with them clutched in hand.

Some of those suckers are damn pointy.

[tenalto2.livejournal.com]

I love your avatar! That painting is currently the background on my computer. :-)

[dorei.livejournal.com]

I apparently need more sleep, because when I read about the self-professed vampire, my thought was, "why would a bomb be arrested in the first place? This makes no sense." I had visions of a guy walking in to a police station and saying, "my name is Edward Cullen. Arrest this bomb, lest I dazzle you!"

[glyphs.livejournal.com]

LOL, I was confused by it, too. I read it about three times thinking, "how can a bomb get arrested?"

[michawhiplash.livejournal.com]

I think RWax's (snicker) fingers are in his pockets because the sculptor snapped them off for Ebay before they were displayed. Those thumbs are not long for this world either.

[willyfoureyes.livejournal.com]

JLH's book actually has the word "lol" in it? Oh, dear...

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

I've been a fan since the Po5 days, and I'm just really embarrassed now. Not sure if it's for me, for her, or both.

[maudelynn.livejournal.com]

You, sir, are NO JANE AUSTEN... or HARPER LEE. Asshat.


Ok... on to the PACNW thing: We are all Team Edward here :P

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Including that werewolf hunter, apparently.

[be-themoon.livejournal.com]

Fittingly enough, JUST YESTERDAY I was talking about how when a fanfiction writer says in her author's note that this was "so sad, you guys are all going to cry!" I don't ever get an emotional reaction, because the arrogance of it turns me off the story.