Uncomfortable, but I kind of need to say it

[cleolinda]

So. First of all, I did manage to get some sleep last night, although I woke up a few times, and I was BOLT AWAKE at 7 am again. You take what you can get. I did spend most of yesterday feeling like I'd downed a quart of espresso, and loud/sudden/vehement noise (such as someone venting about the guys hired to fix the brickwork, Mom) was irrationally upsetting, but--I want you to know that this isn't really "mania" as severe as a lot of people have it, or what the popular conception of bipolar mania might be. It is very, very mild, and while it could get worse over the long run--I didn't used to have it at all, after all--talking about it here is part of how I keep an eye on that. It's unpleasant the way insomnia might be unpleasant, or--again, the "too much coffee" metaphor (I don't even drink coffee). It's unpleasant, but it's not life- or sanity-threatening. In fact, I did record a new HBP-themed Made of Fail podcast last night, and (probably by this weekend) you'll be able to hear that I sound completely calm and together and no wackier than usual. I think I laughed a bit loud a few times, but then, I've always had something of a parrot laugh.

Meanwhile--I've been wanting to say something about this, but I want to tread carefully because I understand that most of y'all really, really do not mean to upset me; it is really, truly meant in fun. But: since I started writing about Twilight for various reasons, I've started getting responses and emails and comments from people of a nature that I really didn't get when it was just Harry Potter or Lost or Phantom of the Opera or whatever. People have told me that I'm their soulmate and they want to stalk me and watch me sleep, so on and so forth, [*insert rocking chair joke here*]; I mean, people are being funny, they don't mean it--I understand that, I really do.

The problem is that I've gotten communications from some people who did. And I didn't want to mention it because, for your own safety, you don't want to draw attention to that kind of thing and validate anything dangerous in someone's mind--but really, I haven't gotten anything malicious or threatening, it isn't that. It's mostly people I feel a lot of sympathy for, some of them telling me in all sincerity that they're obsessed with Twilight, I am the only person in their life who understands them, I am the only person they can trust, I must be their soulmate, can they call me on the phone, they just want to hear my voice. I mean, verifiably more than one person asking me this, some of them a bit... insistently. In fact, I feel fairly certain that I got tricked into doing a "podcast"--with someone who had no show plan, no questions, no topics--vanished afterwards and never posted a finished product, never even contacted me again. Just so he could spend three hours talking to me? I don't know.

Here's the reason why I'm telling you this: six months ago, I might have thought "I want to sit in the corner of your room and watch you write" (this is a made-up example statement, no one said this) was funny. Now, it's just upsetting, because even if I can tell that you are clearly joking, it makes me think of the people who aren't. I get that when you say you want to sniff my hair you're totally joking via a satirical parallel to Edward and Bella or the way fans mistreat the actors, but--guys, I kind of have reason to believe there are people who might actually want to sniff my hair, and it freaks me out. (And y'all, my hair doesn't even smell that great.) So--I'm just telling you, I can totally see why Twilight stalking jokes would be funny, and there's no way for you to know that they upset me if I don't tell you. And it is genuinely no one person doing this, either end of it, because no one person would leave me permanently spooked like this. It's a small number of people wanting something from me that I can't give them and a larger number of very sweet, well-meaning people joking around. But taken as a whole, particularly since I journaled here for five years almost entirely without incident and then it all started up after the Twilight recaps--I don't even know. I mean, don't apologize for anything you've said, there's no need for that, because I knew y'all were kidding and you couldn't have known. I'm just telling you now so that you do.

Comments

[oldfeatheryhat.livejournal.com]

I think it's because of the very nature of Twilight -- as someone above me said, Bella's a cardboard figure specifically so that the reader (or Stephanie Meyer, as it were) can put themselves in Bella's place. Harry Potter, while a character that you can relate with, isn't one that you necessarily replace with yourself. If that makes sense.

Moreover, the plot of Twilight centers around the Most Idealized Romance Ever, which I think that a lot of girls -- especially naive, impressionable teen ones -- will take and run with. I've heard a lot of comments from teens looking for "my Edward" or "my Jacob", and in that sense, the books become much more personal. HP has a much more defined plot; it's a lot weirder to be going around saying that you're looking for "my Ginny," because Ginny is a person, not an ideal of a person. Most people can recognize that the HP books are fiction, but Twilight appeals at a different level. It encourages fans to look for their version of the idealized, uber-Disney happily-ever-after, and to insult the books might be to insult their dream of happiness. Twilight isn't just a book with a plot and normal characters; it's their dream or vision or something. So I think that the books themselves tend to lead to rather more rabidity in its fanbase.

< /tl;dr>

[octotoes.livejournal.com]

I agree that the communication technology breakthroughs have lead to a world where people can feed their obsessions 24/7. Fanfic! Forums! Awesome Cleo Recaps! It doesn't matter that the series ended and the reader supposedly has closure, because the chatter can live forever online.

I was a pretty voracious HP fan. I was on TLC and Mugglenet all the time, mostly lurking but hungry for any book/movie/cast update. But yeah, no fantasies about a romantic tryst with Harry. Or Draco. ;-) But Twilight gives you all the loving devotion from the MOST PERFECT GUY EVER. His only flaw is loving you too much! I suppose its much easier to want to be Bella, whose job is to swoon and be rescued all the time, as opposed to stepping into Harry's (or any other lit. figure's) shoes.

A good friend of mine is a therapist for troubled teens, and she has to help many girls separate the real world from the Twi-verse. I can't even imagine.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I have actually had to talk to my therapist about it on a couple of different visits--not ME separating the real world from Twilight, OTHER PEOPLE who can't and then dump that on me.

[octotoes.livejournal.com]

It's pretty obvious in your posts that you're not an obsessed fan like they are, so why would they think you can empathize? Maybe they hope your snark can break the spell that Twilight has over them? ;-)

With everything you put out on the web and publish it's probably a good topic to keep up with your therapist. You may end up with a lot of fans testing your boundaries. Hopefully the message will get across this time!