Uncomfortable, but I kind of need to say it

[cleolinda]

So. First of all, I did manage to get some sleep last night, although I woke up a few times, and I was BOLT AWAKE at 7 am again. You take what you can get. I did spend most of yesterday feeling like I'd downed a quart of espresso, and loud/sudden/vehement noise (such as someone venting about the guys hired to fix the brickwork, Mom) was irrationally upsetting, but--I want you to know that this isn't really "mania" as severe as a lot of people have it, or what the popular conception of bipolar mania might be. It is very, very mild, and while it could get worse over the long run--I didn't used to have it at all, after all--talking about it here is part of how I keep an eye on that. It's unpleasant the way insomnia might be unpleasant, or--again, the "too much coffee" metaphor (I don't even drink coffee). It's unpleasant, but it's not life- or sanity-threatening. In fact, I did record a new HBP-themed Made of Fail podcast last night, and (probably by this weekend) you'll be able to hear that I sound completely calm and together and no wackier than usual. I think I laughed a bit loud a few times, but then, I've always had something of a parrot laugh.

Meanwhile--I've been wanting to say something about this, but I want to tread carefully because I understand that most of y'all really, really do not mean to upset me; it is really, truly meant in fun. But: since I started writing about Twilight for various reasons, I've started getting responses and emails and comments from people of a nature that I really didn't get when it was just Harry Potter or Lost or Phantom of the Opera or whatever. People have told me that I'm their soulmate and they want to stalk me and watch me sleep, so on and so forth, [*insert rocking chair joke here*]; I mean, people are being funny, they don't mean it--I understand that, I really do.

The problem is that I've gotten communications from some people who did. And I didn't want to mention it because, for your own safety, you don't want to draw attention to that kind of thing and validate anything dangerous in someone's mind--but really, I haven't gotten anything malicious or threatening, it isn't that. It's mostly people I feel a lot of sympathy for, some of them telling me in all sincerity that they're obsessed with Twilight, I am the only person in their life who understands them, I am the only person they can trust, I must be their soulmate, can they call me on the phone, they just want to hear my voice. I mean, verifiably more than one person asking me this, some of them a bit... insistently. In fact, I feel fairly certain that I got tricked into doing a "podcast"--with someone who had no show plan, no questions, no topics--vanished afterwards and never posted a finished product, never even contacted me again. Just so he could spend three hours talking to me? I don't know.

Here's the reason why I'm telling you this: six months ago, I might have thought "I want to sit in the corner of your room and watch you write" (this is a made-up example statement, no one said this) was funny. Now, it's just upsetting, because even if I can tell that you are clearly joking, it makes me think of the people who aren't. I get that when you say you want to sniff my hair you're totally joking via a satirical parallel to Edward and Bella or the way fans mistreat the actors, but--guys, I kind of have reason to believe there are people who might actually want to sniff my hair, and it freaks me out. (And y'all, my hair doesn't even smell that great.) So--I'm just telling you, I can totally see why Twilight stalking jokes would be funny, and there's no way for you to know that they upset me if I don't tell you. And it is genuinely no one person doing this, either end of it, because no one person would leave me permanently spooked like this. It's a small number of people wanting something from me that I can't give them and a larger number of very sweet, well-meaning people joking around. But taken as a whole, particularly since I journaled here for five years almost entirely without incident and then it all started up after the Twilight recaps--I don't even know. I mean, don't apologize for anything you've said, there's no need for that, because I knew y'all were kidding and you couldn't have known. I'm just telling you now so that you do.

Comments

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I actually have had a number of people say, "I'm so glad that you like these books and you see why they're so great." Like... people who genuinely did not pick up that there was any sarcasm or criticism at all. Because I can't deny it, I wouldn't be spending this much time and effort talking about it if I didn't enjoy it, or at least the cultural phenomenon itself, on some level. But... yeah. I'm not a sincere, uncritical fangirl. By any means. But some readers seem to think I am.

[flameraven.livejournal.com]

These must be the same people who don't understand that the Colbert Report is also completely satirical, and think that Colbert is being honest about everything he says. o__O

Damn. I totally understand your position-- I hate Twilight but watching the fan wank is entertaining-- but I hate to think you're attracting so much creepy because of it.

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

Oh my. I thought you were being bothered by people who idolized you for the talented way you mocked Twilight. It's the real fans who are doing that? It seems like they wouldn't appreciate your blog. I though the silly people who didn't like Twilight were the serious readers of your blog.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I have all kinds of people reply--"I love that you love Twilight," "I love that you hate Twilight," "I can tell that you don't like it but I respect that you're fair about it and I like the way you write," "I can't tell if you love or hate Twilight, which one is it?" I've only had two commenters who actually got angry about any of it. That's the same rate of Angry Commenting I had for Prisoner of Azkaban/15M, POTO, and Van Helsing.

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

I've been amazed by how terribly angry some the Twilight Haters are on my flist. I read the books. I don't care one way or the other. I read them because my students were reading them, and I wanted to be able to talk with them about the books. When I saw the movie I realized it hadn't stayed in my brain. Still, when I see people say the Twilight series is ruining the minds of the people who read them, and Smyer is evil, and it's better that people never ever read again instead of reading these books, I'm disturbed. I've seen pretty prominent BNFs on LJ proclaim that Smyer has some evil Mormon agenda, some evil anti-feminist agenda, and on and on. I'm concerned for these people because if it upsets them so much, shouldn't they stop writing about it and seeking out more information about it? It seems unhealthy. Of course, I know better than to go near the angry, obsessed defenders of the books.

I like reading your stuff because you have some humor about it, and as far as I can tell, you don't think Smyer has destroyed literacy or set it back 10,000 years.

I don't know how someone could be confused about how you feel about the quality of these books. That's odd.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

There are actually a number of people who have professed themselves to be confused or uncertain about how I feel. I don't know. I don't really take any pains to clarify; seems better for me that way. And there is a certain amount of enthusiasm at times--"Alice is awesome," etc.

Actually, as ridiculous as the phenomenon is and as much as I hate some of the messages in the books--she has clearly done something right. I mean, everyone's reading them, everyone's crazy about them, they're making shitloads of money. I'm rather interested in studying and figuring out what it is, exactly, that she did do right and--use those powers for "good," I guess. I have some ideas, but...

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

Mob Mentality? I think word of mouth helped increase the popularity and the disgust for these books, in the beginning. Now the media is involved by tracking poor RPatz all over the earth. I truly believe Smyer did nothing but luck onto a formula. It's a vampiry fairytale, I guess. I hate the idea of being cared for/smothered by anyone, so this series didn't strike that particular nerve for me, but apparently there are a lot of people out there who are intrigued/thrilled by the idea of giving over total control of themselves to someone else. The Twilighters just don't have safe word, or Smyer hasn't written it for them yet.

I don't think there's a model for a writer to follow or duplicate. As I posted earlier, the middle school set is loving those Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan, and I've seen a lot of glomming on those City of Bones books, but not in a hysterical way. But if the media can wind them up, who knows?

[glimmerata.livejournal.com]

I think she hit on something primal in the (possibly predominantly female) human psyche and presented it in a way that resonates at a very base level. (I.e., you're ordinary, you're just like everyone else, but there is the chance that this very special and deep love will come to you, and it will be sexy and it will be exciting and you will be made sexy and exciting too.) Cleo, you hit on this in your initial takes on Twilight.

Some people love the way SMeyer phrased this primal need, some people hate it, many are profoundly struck by it, some are indifferent. For myself, I find it badly written, leadenly plotted, and also think it's deeply unfortunate that she chose to use such a creepy way to express aspects of that love. But still, I'm with you on the TWIIIIIINNNNKKKKKIEEEEEE aspect and also, SUGARRRRRRR.

I think Jane Austen did it better in Pride and Prejudice (I mean, come on, nobody worries about being seen reading P&P on the bus, but who wants to be seen reading Twilight?), but it also could be argued that Twilight is going to have the major hit on today's youth (and middle-aged ladies) because it doesn't require translation into modern language, customs and situations. And also, again SUGARRRRRR.

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

This isn't a new idea. Who wrote that song, "You're nobody till somebody loves you. You're nobody till somebody cares." If you really look at a lot of old standard love songs and current rock songs, they have unhealthy messages.

[elbales]

I'm with you on the TWIIIIIINNNNKKKKKIEEEEEE aspect and also, SUGARRRRRRR.

I LOL'd.

[glimmerata.livejournal.com]

:) I stole that directly from Cleo.

[elbales]

Hahahaha, oh god really? Epic! Where was it?

[glimmerata.livejournal.com]

Cleo wrote this really interesting piece on why she thinks the Twilight books are popular. I have been known to send the "bad boy" section to my sister and friends, and it even helped me personally. Plus it's so funny I nearly broke a rib the first time I read it.
http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/602881.html

[elbales]

Heeee. Awesome. Thanks!

[beag-beran.livejournal.com]

Weirdly, both I and a close friend, who've both wanted to write fiction for years, have been inspired to start again by Twilight, even though we can both see the, er, flaws in the series. She likes the books more than me (and is getting on better with writing, I'm busy writing my PhD thesis!) but we both thought something like 'Hmmm, I could write this - but better...'

Sorry to hear you've been getting weird messages Cleo, I hope it stops soon. I can't imagine how horribly creepy it must feel to get stuff like that.