Uncomfortable, but I kind of need to say it

[cleolinda]

So. First of all, I did manage to get some sleep last night, although I woke up a few times, and I was BOLT AWAKE at 7 am again. You take what you can get. I did spend most of yesterday feeling like I'd downed a quart of espresso, and loud/sudden/vehement noise (such as someone venting about the guys hired to fix the brickwork, Mom) was irrationally upsetting, but--I want you to know that this isn't really "mania" as severe as a lot of people have it, or what the popular conception of bipolar mania might be. It is very, very mild, and while it could get worse over the long run--I didn't used to have it at all, after all--talking about it here is part of how I keep an eye on that. It's unpleasant the way insomnia might be unpleasant, or--again, the "too much coffee" metaphor (I don't even drink coffee). It's unpleasant, but it's not life- or sanity-threatening. In fact, I did record a new HBP-themed Made of Fail podcast last night, and (probably by this weekend) you'll be able to hear that I sound completely calm and together and no wackier than usual. I think I laughed a bit loud a few times, but then, I've always had something of a parrot laugh.

Meanwhile--I've been wanting to say something about this, but I want to tread carefully because I understand that most of y'all really, really do not mean to upset me; it is really, truly meant in fun. But: since I started writing about Twilight for various reasons, I've started getting responses and emails and comments from people of a nature that I really didn't get when it was just Harry Potter or Lost or Phantom of the Opera or whatever. People have told me that I'm their soulmate and they want to stalk me and watch me sleep, so on and so forth, [*insert rocking chair joke here*]; I mean, people are being funny, they don't mean it--I understand that, I really do.

The problem is that I've gotten communications from some people who did. And I didn't want to mention it because, for your own safety, you don't want to draw attention to that kind of thing and validate anything dangerous in someone's mind--but really, I haven't gotten anything malicious or threatening, it isn't that. It's mostly people I feel a lot of sympathy for, some of them telling me in all sincerity that they're obsessed with Twilight, I am the only person in their life who understands them, I am the only person they can trust, I must be their soulmate, can they call me on the phone, they just want to hear my voice. I mean, verifiably more than one person asking me this, some of them a bit... insistently. In fact, I feel fairly certain that I got tricked into doing a "podcast"--with someone who had no show plan, no questions, no topics--vanished afterwards and never posted a finished product, never even contacted me again. Just so he could spend three hours talking to me? I don't know.

Here's the reason why I'm telling you this: six months ago, I might have thought "I want to sit in the corner of your room and watch you write" (this is a made-up example statement, no one said this) was funny. Now, it's just upsetting, because even if I can tell that you are clearly joking, it makes me think of the people who aren't. I get that when you say you want to sniff my hair you're totally joking via a satirical parallel to Edward and Bella or the way fans mistreat the actors, but--guys, I kind of have reason to believe there are people who might actually want to sniff my hair, and it freaks me out. (And y'all, my hair doesn't even smell that great.) So--I'm just telling you, I can totally see why Twilight stalking jokes would be funny, and there's no way for you to know that they upset me if I don't tell you. And it is genuinely no one person doing this, either end of it, because no one person would leave me permanently spooked like this. It's a small number of people wanting something from me that I can't give them and a larger number of very sweet, well-meaning people joking around. But taken as a whole, particularly since I journaled here for five years almost entirely without incident and then it all started up after the Twilight recaps--I don't even know. I mean, don't apologize for anything you've said, there's no need for that, because I knew y'all were kidding and you couldn't have known. I'm just telling you now so that you do.

Comments

[katharhino.livejournal.com]

Um, ew. I wonder if these people are just as inappropriate in offline life, or do they just think it's okay to be creepy online. You know. Everyone's doing it.

Sorry you have to deal with so much general weirdness.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I really think it's the latter; they do it because it's so easy to do, they don't have the social cues of seeing someone's face or body language, they can just blurt out whatever and maybe it'll actually work, you know? Because I admit, I have tumbled into some pretty close friendships much more quickly than I would--the way you can, say, in college, when you have the time and opportunity to sit up all night talking and kind of setting aside the normal barriers. So I think it's really a perceived lack of barriers--and, I mean, how many coworkers or casual friends do they having sitting out there saying, "Let me tell you in depth about my mental health problems"? There may be a sense that since I "confided" in them and the rest of the internet that there is closeness between "us" when there's really not.

[katharhino.livejournal.com]

This is true, but even in college when I made some not-good friendship choices, I never told anyone I wanted to smell their hair.

I think people get into the habit of being sort of gushy online, you know, because it's hard to express general squeefulness in words. So you get some of those things people put between the asterisks, like *pets you* or *squeezes* etc. Which get more and more weird as people try to get creative with their mildly squicky expressions of love.

And then along comes someone who already has a problem with boundaries, and they just take that last step over the line into the Totally Not Appropriate in Any Context.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a bit of a problem, the asterisk thing. What I'm also seeing is people trying to make this comparison, like, this is how Edward treats Bella because he loves her, or this is how really big Twilight fans treat the actors, so we want to treat you that way to show you how much we like you. Like we think you're the equal of that, which in theory is really flattering. And, I mean, with a good bit of humor thrown in. I think that's where some of the "I want to watch you sleep"/"I want to sniff your hair" stuff is coming from. And even if it's ironic humor--well, no one can know that it's something I don't really find funny anymore if I don't say so.

[aka-paloma.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. That whole *pets you* and *squeezes* thing reminds of the popularity of *licks you* a few years back. No, please don't lick me. Not even virtually. *shudders*

[kosher-jenny.livejournal.com]

I really think it's the latter; they do it because it's so easy to do, they don't have the social cues of seeing someone's face or body language, they can just blurt out whatever and maybe it'll actually work, you know?

Man, it's like a sadder corollary to the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, isn't it?