Uncomfortable, but I kind of need to say it

[cleolinda]

So. First of all, I did manage to get some sleep last night, although I woke up a few times, and I was BOLT AWAKE at 7 am again. You take what you can get. I did spend most of yesterday feeling like I'd downed a quart of espresso, and loud/sudden/vehement noise (such as someone venting about the guys hired to fix the brickwork, Mom) was irrationally upsetting, but--I want you to know that this isn't really "mania" as severe as a lot of people have it, or what the popular conception of bipolar mania might be. It is very, very mild, and while it could get worse over the long run--I didn't used to have it at all, after all--talking about it here is part of how I keep an eye on that. It's unpleasant the way insomnia might be unpleasant, or--again, the "too much coffee" metaphor (I don't even drink coffee). It's unpleasant, but it's not life- or sanity-threatening. In fact, I did record a new HBP-themed Made of Fail podcast last night, and (probably by this weekend) you'll be able to hear that I sound completely calm and together and no wackier than usual. I think I laughed a bit loud a few times, but then, I've always had something of a parrot laugh.

Meanwhile--I've been wanting to say something about this, but I want to tread carefully because I understand that most of y'all really, really do not mean to upset me; it is really, truly meant in fun. But: since I started writing about Twilight for various reasons, I've started getting responses and emails and comments from people of a nature that I really didn't get when it was just Harry Potter or Lost or Phantom of the Opera or whatever. People have told me that I'm their soulmate and they want to stalk me and watch me sleep, so on and so forth, [*insert rocking chair joke here*]; I mean, people are being funny, they don't mean it--I understand that, I really do.

The problem is that I've gotten communications from some people who did. And I didn't want to mention it because, for your own safety, you don't want to draw attention to that kind of thing and validate anything dangerous in someone's mind--but really, I haven't gotten anything malicious or threatening, it isn't that. It's mostly people I feel a lot of sympathy for, some of them telling me in all sincerity that they're obsessed with Twilight, I am the only person in their life who understands them, I am the only person they can trust, I must be their soulmate, can they call me on the phone, they just want to hear my voice. I mean, verifiably more than one person asking me this, some of them a bit... insistently. In fact, I feel fairly certain that I got tricked into doing a "podcast"--with someone who had no show plan, no questions, no topics--vanished afterwards and never posted a finished product, never even contacted me again. Just so he could spend three hours talking to me? I don't know.

Here's the reason why I'm telling you this: six months ago, I might have thought "I want to sit in the corner of your room and watch you write" (this is a made-up example statement, no one said this) was funny. Now, it's just upsetting, because even if I can tell that you are clearly joking, it makes me think of the people who aren't. I get that when you say you want to sniff my hair you're totally joking via a satirical parallel to Edward and Bella or the way fans mistreat the actors, but--guys, I kind of have reason to believe there are people who might actually want to sniff my hair, and it freaks me out. (And y'all, my hair doesn't even smell that great.) So--I'm just telling you, I can totally see why Twilight stalking jokes would be funny, and there's no way for you to know that they upset me if I don't tell you. And it is genuinely no one person doing this, either end of it, because no one person would leave me permanently spooked like this. It's a small number of people wanting something from me that I can't give them and a larger number of very sweet, well-meaning people joking around. But taken as a whole, particularly since I journaled here for five years almost entirely without incident and then it all started up after the Twilight recaps--I don't even know. I mean, don't apologize for anything you've said, there's no need for that, because I knew y'all were kidding and you couldn't have known. I'm just telling you now so that you do.

Comments

[snippy]

Oh, that's awful. I'm sorry that's happening to you. I've been stalked (by two different ex-boyfriends) and it's very scary, nothing to joke about. The thing is that it is breaking the social barriers, and once you start doing that, how are other people supposed to know when you'll stop?

I once had a long distance phone call from a guy I was having an argument with online. Yes, he looked up my phone number and called me at home to continue the argument! I don't think people understand that it often makes the recipient want to shut down, withdraw from all interactions with that person, because you no longer know what to expect from them. Unpredictable behavior is very threatening.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Yes. Yes, it is.

And yeah... I actually probably shouldn't say this, but if someone really wanted to be friends or something, they would be best served by 1) not announcing that fact, like let's start being friends as of !rightnow!; 2) just hanging out here in the comments and being mellow. (I was going to say "being cool," but I don't mean it in a "show me how cool you are, fall all over yourself" way. I just mean, hang out, comment once in a while, have conversations with people, be easygoing. That kind of "cool.") And yeah, if you want to be friends with someone like that, it's not going to happen overnight; it's going to take time and you might never actually get close at all. Because that's how it works in the real world.

[snippy]

Exactly. Be friendly, and don't act like other people are a goal you have to achieve.

All the positive feelings people are inappropriately expressing are ONE WAY. This is happening inside your heads, people! Our hostess is not actually participating in your fantasy! You are interacting with your imagination, not with the creator of this piece of art! It's really a form of masturbation, and completely narcissistic.

Your desperation? DO NOT WANT.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

I once had a long distance phone call from a guy I was having an argument with online. Yes, he looked up my phone number and called me at home to continue the argument! I don't think people understand that it often makes the recipient want to shut down, withdraw from all interactions with that person, because you no longer know what to expect from them. Unpredictable behavior is very threatening.

This is exactly why I have a pseudonym for knitting patterns. There are a lot of people who have boundary issues on the internet, and I've got some really irate e-mails and messages from people who are unhappy because they're having trouble. I'm always, always happy to help people who are struggling, but the amount of entitlement that some people have really makes me uncomfortable. So, yeah, not putting my real name out there for people to track me down with.

[elbales]

Egad.

Or, well, as Cleo said, AHHHHHHHHHHH.

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

I've had something like that happen - in the early days of the internet (like '95) it was still pretty simple to look up someone's info. My account was with the university I was at, so it had my real name, which was pretty unique. A creepy guy from IRC ended up calling me. It was a very sobering moment.

Now, it's just gotten easier, if you put yourself out there. I can't even imagine the kind of creepy Cleo is getting. I wish I were surprised by the Littlest Edward vibrator above. :P :P