Uncomfortable, but I kind of need to say it

[cleolinda]

So. First of all, I did manage to get some sleep last night, although I woke up a few times, and I was BOLT AWAKE at 7 am again. You take what you can get. I did spend most of yesterday feeling like I'd downed a quart of espresso, and loud/sudden/vehement noise (such as someone venting about the guys hired to fix the brickwork, Mom) was irrationally upsetting, but--I want you to know that this isn't really "mania" as severe as a lot of people have it, or what the popular conception of bipolar mania might be. It is very, very mild, and while it could get worse over the long run--I didn't used to have it at all, after all--talking about it here is part of how I keep an eye on that. It's unpleasant the way insomnia might be unpleasant, or--again, the "too much coffee" metaphor (I don't even drink coffee). It's unpleasant, but it's not life- or sanity-threatening. In fact, I did record a new HBP-themed Made of Fail podcast last night, and (probably by this weekend) you'll be able to hear that I sound completely calm and together and no wackier than usual. I think I laughed a bit loud a few times, but then, I've always had something of a parrot laugh.

Meanwhile--I've been wanting to say something about this, but I want to tread carefully because I understand that most of y'all really, really do not mean to upset me; it is really, truly meant in fun. But: since I started writing about Twilight for various reasons, I've started getting responses and emails and comments from people of a nature that I really didn't get when it was just Harry Potter or Lost or Phantom of the Opera or whatever. People have told me that I'm their soulmate and they want to stalk me and watch me sleep, so on and so forth, [*insert rocking chair joke here*]; I mean, people are being funny, they don't mean it--I understand that, I really do.

The problem is that I've gotten communications from some people who did. And I didn't want to mention it because, for your own safety, you don't want to draw attention to that kind of thing and validate anything dangerous in someone's mind--but really, I haven't gotten anything malicious or threatening, it isn't that. It's mostly people I feel a lot of sympathy for, some of them telling me in all sincerity that they're obsessed with Twilight, I am the only person in their life who understands them, I am the only person they can trust, I must be their soulmate, can they call me on the phone, they just want to hear my voice. I mean, verifiably more than one person asking me this, some of them a bit... insistently. In fact, I feel fairly certain that I got tricked into doing a "podcast"--with someone who had no show plan, no questions, no topics--vanished afterwards and never posted a finished product, never even contacted me again. Just so he could spend three hours talking to me? I don't know.

Here's the reason why I'm telling you this: six months ago, I might have thought "I want to sit in the corner of your room and watch you write" (this is a made-up example statement, no one said this) was funny. Now, it's just upsetting, because even if I can tell that you are clearly joking, it makes me think of the people who aren't. I get that when you say you want to sniff my hair you're totally joking via a satirical parallel to Edward and Bella or the way fans mistreat the actors, but--guys, I kind of have reason to believe there are people who might actually want to sniff my hair, and it freaks me out. (And y'all, my hair doesn't even smell that great.) So--I'm just telling you, I can totally see why Twilight stalking jokes would be funny, and there's no way for you to know that they upset me if I don't tell you. And it is genuinely no one person doing this, either end of it, because no one person would leave me permanently spooked like this. It's a small number of people wanting something from me that I can't give them and a larger number of very sweet, well-meaning people joking around. But taken as a whole, particularly since I journaled here for five years almost entirely without incident and then it all started up after the Twilight recaps--I don't even know. I mean, don't apologize for anything you've said, there's no need for that, because I knew y'all were kidding and you couldn't have known. I'm just telling you now so that you do.

Comments

[mustang-bex1126.livejournal.com]

Holy rusted metal batman! Alright- definitely removing any and all stalkeriffic inklings from my jokes here from now on... consider me formally squicked. It would be a horrendous thing for you to look back on all the Twilight hilarity with anything other than fond memories and a side ache from too much laughter.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I think it's probably too late for that, although that's less on my behalf and more in a "Oh God, those poor actors, WHYYYYY did someone get a Littlest Edward and turn it into a sex toy" way.

[unicornluvr.livejournal.com]

I. . .what? Really? That. . .that happened? Wow. That is a whole new level of creepy.

I keep underestimating The Crazy, I suppose. But you really weren't kidding when you said Twilight means never having to say that you're kidding. Jesus.

[lisa-zj.livejournal.com]

NO.FREAKING.WAY. :0

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a woman on some board was very proud of herself, posted pictures of a TLE action figure hooked up to some kind of battery pack, and then took it to a lunch she'd won with--who was it, Kellan Lutz and Edi Gathegi (Emmett and Laurent)? Made them sign it? And then she accosted Peter Facinelli with it? While it was buzzing loudly? Yeah.

(MY LITTLE SPARKLE COWBOY, NOOOOO)

[littlecodfish.livejournal.com]

I just don't understand how anyone can think that sort of thing is okay and NOT feel anything but intense embarrassment afterwords. Seriously, keep that sort of thing to yourself or only share it with your closest friends. Nobody else wants to know what you do in your private time and with what.

The fact that she was just so proud of herself really galls me, too. I'm kind of glad that people started calling her out int he comments.

[skybreak-seeker.livejournal.com]

. . .

There is no gorram way that is rated for personal use.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Okay, see, here's the thing... I have this same action figure, right? This is The Littlest Edward, who you all know and love. Obviously I have handled this figure, because I pose him. And I gotta tell you... the hair is pointy. Like, spiky-pointy. You see it pointing in the photos sometimes. And the little vinyl coat actually pulls away from the figure's body a little--it doesn't come off, but opens a bit and and also has molded-on pockets and epaulets and collars that could... catch on things. If you were going to use an action figure to... do that... with? This is like THE LAST ONE YOU WOULD EVER WANT TO USE.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

OWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOW

[mystril.livejournal.com]

I've never posted here before, but I've had the pleasure of reading your work for a while -- and I'm pretty mellow, so just enjoy, recommend and move on.

I'm sorry you have to deal with awful, awkwardly friendly creepy stalkers.

But right now, I am sitting here holding in my horrified laughter because of the idea of someone turning poor Littlest Edward into a tool for self-abuse. And I can't laugh out loud because no one in the office right now would has any idea about Twilight.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

And you know, of all the characters in the world to do that with. Either Original Edward or The Littlest Edward. I'm not even sure which one is more ironic.

[skybreak-seeker.livejournal.com]

I wasn't even thinking of that, I was more concerned with the "Batteries and electricity" part. There is a very good reason why those things have good waterproofing.

[oldfeatheryhat.livejournal.com]

...AUUUUUUUUUGH. I'd thought that whole sextoy deal was just idle speculation! And mockery! And oh my god someone actually did that and then SHOWED IT TO THE ACTORS?! And made them TOUCH IT!?

I really want to send Robert Pattinson a cookie now. A nice, mundane, chocolate chip cookie.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Dude, I've seen the pictures of it.

[elbales]

I
WHAT
NO

NEED BLEACH

[chibimitch.livejournal.com]

Ew. Just... Ew.