Uh-oh

[cleolinda]

Oh, you guys, this is so bad. I guess this is the flip side of being Grumpy Bear for four months: I think I'm entering a manic episode or phase or something. And it never used to be mania; it was more of a hypomania where I was really happy and creative, but that was it. But the last year or so, these (rare) spells have been like... downing three espressos or something. I can't eat; I can't sleep; I don't care that I can't eat or sleep; and right now, I'm perfectly calm except that my foot's thumping like a rabbit's. The real problem is that I feel so hyperfocused that I can't focus at all, if that makes sense. Be assured, though, that this only feels extreme to me because I'm usually so low-energy. I'm not up on the roof all WOOOOO BITCHES I CAN FLYYYYYY! Miss Cleo has not gone cray-cray.

The first really distinct "manic" episode I remember was two summers ago, about this time, and I felt like I was really deeply in love--except that there was no one around to be in love with, so I knew it wasn't that. And I'm kind of having that feeling again, except... really, really caffeinated. And a bit less pleasant. And loud or sudden noises are really upsetting. Shit.


ETA: Okay, a little calmer now. Good.

ETA: Yeah, I've talked to my doctor. That's what the medication adjustment I mentioned the other day is supposed to help.

Comments

[more-dragoncelt.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, Cleo. :)

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this will help with the mania, but it may just confuse you enough to be distracting.

[omega-f.livejournal.com]

I'm almost at a loss for words... that was friggin AWESOME. Who would have thought they would have melded so well.

[dachelle.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and/or *good vibes*

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

Do you have an appointment to discuss this with your doctor? I wish you well.

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

Yes, perhaps your doctor could adjust your medication? My sister has to really work with her doctor to find the right level, it is always changing/fluctuating. I hope you feel better soon.

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I hope you're feeling better soon -- that sounds pretty unpleasant.

[rennaise.livejournal.com]

Best to you, Cleo. I hope you're settled and feeling well again. Glad you're not on the roof flapping.

[colleenpowell.livejournal.com]

The caffeine equivalent is pretty much spot on. Those were not good days to study.

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

I know you've mentioned having PCOS, which I do as well. I feel like you do when my hormones are out of whack. Is that a possibility? It feels like I can't stop twitching and I can't sleep and I suddenly realize I've made, like, 300 icons and I have no idea how that happened.

[jubilantia.livejournal.com]

We love you! Take care of yourself.

[angelene.livejournal.com]

Talk to your doctor? I mean, asap? Hopefully she can help adjust your medication according to your current status. I'll be sending good, calming vibes your way, allright?

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

We're all here rooting for you.

[blendertest.livejournal.com]

*sends good vibes*

I've had one maniac episode and it was... eerie. Like I was fast-forwarding everything. I didn't remember how I got stuff done, it was a blur of conversations and me being irritated at how loud it sounded when I bit into something.

Hope you can see your doctor ASAP :D we love you

[akhira.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. Are you angry about anything right now? I get these episodes of manic energy/anger after I've had a long period of numbness/grumpiness/misery. Your post makes it sound like that. If that's the case now would be the best time to get anything done that you've been wanting to but couldn't muster the energy for.

[stagbeetle.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*

[jwdmeow.livejournal.com]

Yikes - I hope you feel better soon! No roof jumping/golden god moments, mmmkay?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no, I don't get like that. I just get jumpy and faux-caffeinated. It's unpleasant, but it's not dangerous.

[fiducia.livejournal.com]

The fact that you are self-evaluate this episode is a positive thing. This kind of self-awareness is key in locating patterns in your emotional behavior. Sadly I don't have much advice other than go take a nice soak in the tub and chant 'om' a lot. *hug* You can get through this.

[chulacabra.livejournal.com]

Joining the call-your-doctor-ASAP chorus. Also sending out many mellow, calming vibes to you. I hope you feel better soon.

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

Take care of yourself.

[mugglemomof2.livejournal.com]

I am also going to jump on the "maybe you should call your doctor" bandwagon. I hope things even out for your soon.

[emerybored.livejournal.com]

My advice: call your psychiatrist. She can help you figure out what's going on. Also, it could be the increase in Lamictal. I know for a good while that a large dose made me manic. She may be able to adjust your meds so you can come down off the high a little easier and not just crash right into depression again.

Besides that... just hang in there. As my grandmother always said (in her Mississippi accent) "This too shall pass."

[emerybored.livejournal.com]

Also: I can tell I'm hypomanic bordering on manic when I go spend copious amounts of money on craft projects. Um... exactly like I just did this morning. Crap.

Hey! At least you helped me also identify my current hypomanic phase!

[gwynnywonk.livejournal.com]

Oh man, best of luck with that. ACTUAL caffeine probably doesn't help, huh. Better stay away from diet coke for a little while.

Do you think this is related to the recent adjustment in your meds, or is it more of a cyclical thing? If it's worse than ever previously... I'd maybe consider what the above posters have said and consult your doctor? But on the other hand, it's often really hard for doctors to understand the degree of change in your mood that a tiny adjustment in medication can make.

I'm sure you'll figure it out- I think we all just wish we could give better advice than "Durr maybe see a doctor durr?"

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, the thing is, I took the new dose once, and the resulting crying jag--I was like, the hell with this, I gotta get some work done, I'll take the new dose after I finish. So theoretically it might could help this, but I'm not taking it yet.

[amberdulen.livejournal.com]

That's really interesting--I had one of those "I'm in love but not with a person" high times a couple of years ago. It didn't occur to me it might be one half of a pendulum swing.

[amberdulen.livejournal.com]

Hey, here's a post from around the time (http://amberdulen.livejournal.com/120859.html) I was feeling like that. Sound familiar? I didn't think it had been that long ago.

[hepkittenatplay.livejournal.com]

I have nothing whatsoever useful to say, but I do offer my sympathies and my hopes that things will be better for you soon. (I've been around plenty of manic episodes, and they seem hellish.) Let those of us in the Cleo Army know if there's anything we can do.

[numbedtoe.livejournal.com]

I hope you get to feeling soon. Take care of yourself, everything else can wait.

[ungelic-is-us.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this might help, but when I'm feeling this way I try to do a really intensive craft project while listening to a book on tape (and possibly running a low-key cooking project in the background, like a pie, applesauce or mashed potatoes). The story int he background provides just enough distraction to fill in the cracks and let me focus on the project.

[emerybored.livejournal.com]

I tend to watch TV, read, and play some online game all at the same time when I'm heading toward manic, or do a whole bunch of crafts. I'm one of those start a ton of things and not complete any of them manics. ;)