cleolinda | Checking back in with the gang

What I've learned is that some dolls can entertain themselves and others can't. White Arwen didn't come with any accessories, but she's working on that banner for Aragorn and she likes to read and sometimes she just sings to herself. She's got inner resources, you know? And Galadriel's interested in divination and prophecy, for example. Besides, if she just wants to meditate, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to question that. All the guys plus some of the girls have weapons, so they have lots of fun war-gaming. Really, I don't keep up with half the stuff the Middle-earthers do--so as long as they stay out of my hair and don't set things on fire, I don't really care. And as far as that goes, I've got Serafina to supervise Lyra--they've been spending more time outside lately, particularly since Lyra's got summer clothes now. In fact, you know, I still don't know exactly what Dark Materials witches do, but Serafina has been inspecting our weeds with great interest (she's currently trying to convince me to let one of the pokeweeds grow to maturity so she can have the berries), not to mention the rowan tree over the fence. And of course Legolas was right at home in the wooded gully out behind the house, which meant that Faramir Two (very naturally) accompanied everyone.

(Iorek considered going, but decided ultimately that heatstroke was not beneficial to his dignity.)

I got concerned about Lyra's safety on the other side of the fence, though--there was an incident with a belligerent squirrel who took Lyra's sandwich (Purple Arwen packs them lunches) that turned ugly when Lyra started throwing pebbles to get it back. I mean, I didn't know that squirrels have a mean overhand throw, so I can hardly blame Lyra for not knowing. To make a long story short, there's now a squirrel behind my house with a tail piercing and an Ithilien archer with a lifelong nemesis. The problem (I mean, besides Lyra getting her ass kicked by a squirrel) is that both the guys were able to leap to her long-range defense with their bows, but Serafina was too busy trying to break off a flying branch to go on the attack. What she took from all this is that she needed her bow, and she needed it now.

"Oh man, out here in the woods? You gotta have a bow. Swords are no good out here. By the time your beasts and your orcs and such get close enough for swordwork FRRROWR! it is way too late," Legolas enthused, but of course Faramir had been dragging his feet on that little project like a cat going to a bath. "Now this, this is Galadhrim work, this is heirloom quality, but there's nothing wrong with a good Mirkwood bow. I'll fix you right up."

Faramir facepalmed just telling me about it: "I nearly died of irony."

Tonner Edward overheard because he was "browsing books" again, a convenient cover for stalking The Littlest Bella (and you know he had to be dedicated if he was willing to risk a thorough fawning by the Ellowynes, who were trying to oh-so-casually recommend love poetry to him, although I do not believe for a second that Ellowyne Two has ever read John Donne. Ellowyne One, maybe). Of course he knew all about the Serafina situation--no one had told him, but then, no one had to, given his powers. He mostly just found the whole thing entertaining. But he did offer to hunt the squirrel down for Faramir, which made me wonder if he was trying to redeem himself in the eyes of The Shelf a bit--he may have begun to imagine what Bella would hear if she tried to ask about him.

(Faramir sighed. "Well, if I'm not around... just make sure it doesn't go after Lyra again, if you would.")

So that's what Tonner Edward did, mostly--read and hunt and brood--but he does occupy himself, so I'm not too concerned about it. As you'll recall, The Littlest Edward had been going a little nuts without specific tasks to accomplish, but now he has his beloved ponies to take care of (he's very self-motivated once you give him a vocation). The real problem, then, is when you have someone who has nothing to do and no interests to speak of. And bitches about being bored all the time. You know. Like Bella.

"Come on, I know you like Austen--"

"I've read all those," she snipped.

"What about--"

"No, I mean all of those. Everything there."

"YOU HAVE NOT READ THE CAT WHO CAME FOR CHRISTMAS."

"Well, no. But I've read all the books that aren't stupid."

Yeah. Like that.

I racked my brain--what are her interests in the source material? And here, in terms of things she likes that do not have anything to do with Edward Cullen,* is what I came up with over the course of 1600 pages: the works of Jane Austen, Wuthering Heights, a couple of bands, Debussy, cooking for her dad, the color brown. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO WORK WITH. I'M DYING OUT HERE. She's a picky bitch and I'm not getting any Linkin Park for her, thanks, and even if I get her a tiny iPod full of Muse, that's still not something for her to do. And judging by her reaction to the boys, the whole Zomg Edward Cullen Thing isn't going so well at the moment.

* Things she likes that do involve Edward Cullen: Edward's voice, Edward's hair, Edward's eyes, yellow topaz (which is the color of his eyes), Edward's musical compositions, Edward watching her sleep all night, kissing Edward, trying to seduce Edward, Edward carrying her around piggyback, Edward with his shirt off, sparkling.

And going back to the books isn't going to be any help. Bella Swan is largely defined there by what she doesn't like: rain, cold weather, greenery, sports, dancing, proms, parties, birthdays, presents, getting engaged, people knowing that she's engaged, weddings, people paying attention to her, driving too fast, the smell of blood, jewelry, dressing up in anything more formal than a khaki skirt, boys who are not Edward Cullen, girls who are not Alice Cullen, any mundane who tries to be the least bit friendly to her, etc. And in the movie we get the additional character trait of her being a vegetarian--or, to put it another way, she doesn't like meat, either.

... Hm. Cooking. Well, there's that?

Somehow, I had not imagined that the furniture could be too small for her.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Uh... well... maybe you can make petit fours in it?"

She gave me a look of scornful incredulity.

"Look, I'll get you something better eventually. Work with me for the moment."

"Who am I cooking for?"

"Uh... yourself?"

She stared at me as if this were an alien concept.

"You know... whatever you want. Be artistic with your foodstuffs."

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"It's a--"

"It's a GIANT STRAWBERRY, I KNOW. What am I supposed to DO WITH IT? IT'S BIGGER THAN MY HEAD."

"Well... that's for you to figure out. That's half the fun." Something frantic caught my eye ("So, uh, yeah--I'll check in on you later, have fun with that--") so I cut our kitchen orientation session short, because The Littlest Edward was practically dancing with panic in the doorway.

(More from the Secret Life of Dolls; fan community)

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

darkfrog24.livejournal.com

Yes, thank you, Legolas, for running your mouth about bows. Now Serafina can lay siege to Faramir's virtue AND YOU JUST LOWERED THE DRAWBRIDGE.

The Cat Who Came for Christmas is a bit stupid, I must admit.

Edited Date: 2009-05-28 07:58 pm (UTC)

From:

tristantrakand.livejournal.com

Now Serafina can lay siege to Faramir's virtue AND YOU JUST LOWERED THE DRAWBRIDGE.

Someone should icon this, for serious. XD

From:

falco-conlon.livejournal.com

holy crap, Tonner Edward lurking behind the books, KILLED me

From:

lacrimaeveneris.livejournal.com

I saw that, and after my initial OMG WTF reaction I just started ing. Too creepy-yet-hilarious.

Classy dame, sparkle consultant, gothic enthusiast, sporadic recapper.

Checking back in with the gang

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