You've got mail

[cleolinda]

Well, I said I'd post it tonight, so... despite bad news, here we are.

So. We were all still recovering from The Serafina-Faramir Incident when I was going through my mail on Saturday morning. Well, actually, I was letting The Littlest Edward sort it, since he's still in need of occupation.

"It worked out for the best, I think," he said, organizing the envelopes by date. "This way, no hearts are broken and no homes are wrecked. And of the two truly single men left" (it took me a moment to realize that he was including himself rather than Faramir One in this description) "she chose the safest option. It's a good thing I kept out of her sight. She might have been too dazzled to resist me. And with such a... a... natural... beauty, I... would not have been able to control myself. It's better this way. And maybe the other Faramir will be straightened out by the love of a good woman."

"That's not how it works," I said, somehow managing not to thump him. "Also, that was a really terrible pun. I hope you're proud of yourself."

He looked up and grinned a tiny grin at me.

I did my best not to grin back. You know, he really would be very charming if he would get over the whole "prissy stalker virgin" thing. "Okay then, Postmaster General, tell me what you've got for me."

"Eye shadow? I think this will be very becoming," he said (he was going through my Aromaleigh samples), "but I'm not so sure about this one." The "very becoming" shade was called Luster ("A luscious and shimmering mid-tone warm beige"), whereas "this one" was a "teal green iridescent glitz [that] fades to the blackest black."

"Well, I didn't choose that--that was a freebie," I said quickly. Although Luster was also a freebie--the one I had ordered was called Olivia ("coppery sunset pearl"). I told The Littlest Priss to set his mind at ease regarding the appropriateness of my maquillage: I really don't wear shadow that dark--the darkest I go is a medium purple, to be honest, because I have unfortunately deep-set eyes and so I have to wear fairly light shades in order to open up my face and--wait, what's this?

"Uh, you have some mail."

"I have what?"

So I got out my little mail slicer thing and opened it for him--turns out it was a gift from supervillainess.

"It's a journal!" he said, his face lighting up. I was biting my lip, desperate not to scream SCRAPBOOK SCRAPBOOK SCRAPBOOK! or laugh like a hyena. You know. Either one. Maybe both. "I can really use one of these," he said. "I have a lot of feelings, you know. Some self-expression would probably do me some good."

"I'm very well aware," I said with an admirably straight face. So I wrapped a bit of tape around some mechanical pencil lead, you know, so he could hold it without getting his fingers dirty. "Enjoy your--wait. Dude. There's something else here for you."

"There's what?"

"Dude! You got more mail than I did!"

Please accept some very nice merino roving with extra sparkle. Hopefully this will improve Edward's diet.

-- msfledermaus

"They KNOW?" he said, horrified. "Your people know about my moral lapses?"

"They're entirely supportive! Entirely sympathetic to your plight! Hence the wool."

He looked at me uncertainly.

"You are an inspiration to them all," I assured him, and don't you dare write and tell him otherwise.

He took a tentative nibble.

"Oh, go on, take it with you, have a party," I said, waving him away. He hates eating in front of people, after all.

As he was bundling up his treats (I was fighting off Baa, baa, sparklepire, have you any wool? in my head and losing), he turned back: "You have one more package, by the way--it's addressed to your real name, though."

"Who in the world--oh! It's my eBay thing. Excellent. Go on and eat, I'll take care of it."

And here is what I bought on eBay for the princely sum of $5 (seller's picture, not mine):

Does anyone know how to put a crossbow together?


(More from the Secret Life of Dolls; fan community)

Comments

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

Oooh dear. Are you sure that arming any of them at this point is entirely wise?

[kittenkatt.livejournal.com]

OMG, a mace *and* a flail! Um... make sure someone takes that before Anna gets to it.

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

AWWWWWWW! Yay Edward! Seeing him happy gives me a nice little glow.

[visceralvamp.livejournal.com]

Ooh, weapons. And merino roving! Rofl.

I'm assuming you already know about this, but just to be sure -have you seen the "Twihard Attack Directory?" (http://twilightsucks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175) I hadn't, and similarly hadn't realized that there was violence happening because of differing opinions over these stupid books. :/

[elf-wannabe88.livejournal.com]

OMG! Weapons! While I am terribly excited I have a feeling that this could cause the Shelf to erupt into utter chaos. Umm, you might wanna keep Anna away from those weapons for while.

[inkmyth.livejournal.com]

Baa, baa, sparklepire, have you any wool?
I just laughed so hard I fell off my chair!!!!! Excellent!b

[nitedula.livejournal.com]

Of course he liked the beige eyeshadow...

[dragonzair.livejournal.com]

OH. MY. GOD.

Ohhhhhhhhoh!

Besides the AWESOME gifts Littlest Edward got, that...that last package. Holy crap! XD

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Well, they are made of plastic.

[moriahbard.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahaaaaaa SCRAPBOOK YESSSSSS! "Where are mah stickers?!" Hmm do they make stickers that tiny? Maybe like the kind of stickers nine-year-old girls put on their fingernails? That would be PERFECT.

I say poor Faramir Two should get first pick of any weapons, seeing as how he's making such a great sacrifice. Although maybe he'd be wanting something more along the lines of comforting ice cream instead?

[crucioveritas.livejournal.com]

Can I get some upright photos of the cross bow pieces? I might be able to help I have a action figure with a cross bow

[wolfsilveroak.livejournal.com]

hehehehe

Easy steps to make your vampire slayer love you

[literain.livejournal.com]

If you're trying to buy back Anna's love, I think you might be in for a win.

However given Serafina is rocking the Accio Stabbius maybe keep them out of her sight?

[t4-flirt.livejournal.com]

Ok, now I want to hug The Littlest Edward.

[ladytinyhelm.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Anna... where has she been lately? I'm guessing ignoring the sparkle out of Edward.

[kirsdarke.livejournal.com]

Kudos to [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] for "No Vampire Hungry Campaign." I LOLed.

I'm so glad Edward is in good spirits at the moment, but I agree that arming the Shelfians is not a very good idea at the moment.

[ladytinyhelm.livejournal.com]

Rofl! I didn't know about that. Thank you for giving my evening 10x more lulz. :D

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I did--I saw one about someone getting acid thrown in her face that I found unconvincing, though. I have a problem believing a lot of the stories, particularly in the way they're set up. Like, every incident is immediately preceded by a battle cry along the lines of "YOU STUPID TWILIGHT-HATING WHORE, I'LL SHOW YOU!" *punch/kick/broken bottle/angry bees*

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

I've noticed her absence. And Elizabeth's, too.

Awwww,,,,,

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

What sweet prezzies. Those are totally thoughtful!

I don't know if it'll help with a plastic crossbow, but here's a page about how crossbows work, with a nice schematic diagram by Leonardo da Vinci (http://science.howstuffworks.com/crossbow.htm).

[ailaes.livejournal.com]

That? is fantastic.

[fineprnt.livejournal.com]

"'And maybe the other Faramir will be straightened out by the love of a good woman.'
...
He looked up and grinned a tiny grin at me."

Aw, he's getting witty! Hooray!

I still adore how obsessed he seems with his own dazzle. "She won't stand a chance! I wouldn't be able to resist!" Oh Edward.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I need to get more batteries for my camera, unfortunately. It's the four pieces on the left of the photo. I've figured out that the long piece is the body of the crossbow; the little piece goes underneath that as a trigger (it fits perfectly); the bow fits at the end of the long piece, I think; but that other piece on the edge of the picture to the left of the bow, I have no idea where it goes.

[dragonzair.livejournal.com]

That's scary. SCARY. Especially the creeper one. That's just...I wish the girl just slapped the twitard across the face.

And the last two threads. I mean, WHAT? Is that for real? Not some random hater making stuff up? D:

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, they're already armed to the teeth. This batch of weapons is largely intended to correct some inequities on that account. Although Anna will probably commandeer the crossbow, yes.