cleolinda | Not the entry I had planned

You guys, I was hardly even interested in the new Terminator movie until I saw THIS.

LOOK AT THAT. That is the best facial hair I have ever seen on a doll. Ever. Period. And possibly the best facial likeness as well.

"And look at those WEAPONS."

The John Connor 12 inch Figure features:

* Leather jacket
* Pants
* T-shirt
* Tactical full body harness
* Headset
* Radio with pouch
* M4 magazine pouches
* Pistol Magazine pouch
* Demolition blocks
* Drop leg panel
* Armband
* Patch
* Assault boots
* Tactical gloves
* M4A1 with tactical red dot sight
* XM-26 LSS
* Line launcher
* Pistol with holster
* Tactical fixed blade

"Even his BOOTS assault people."

"And his gun is really, really BIG."

I don't think you need to be anywhere near automatic firearms, Princess--

(Elizabeth joins us at this point, but she stands by my other arm, opposite from Anna and Faramir. There is palpable awkwardness in the air.)

Anna ignores her. "Someone's got to attend to LAW AND ORDER around here," she says pointedly, glancing upwards.

(Edward, who is trying to listen in from a safe distance, ducks back down behind the Minas Tirith above my desk.)

(Fortunately, Anna's Fauxmanian accent has calmed down a bit. She's still wearing the tinhat, though.)

"There is such a thing as being too butch," Faramir muses. "Although... I wonder what he's like when the armor comes off at night, the dirt and grime of the day, when he finally lets his guard down... or is he overcompensating for something? Ugh."

Really, you guys, this is entirely a moot discussion, because I do have a prioritized shopping list a mile long, so John Connor would have to take a number, you know. As much as I talk about dolls, I think The Littlest Edward is actually the first one I've bought for myself in a really long time--Elizabeth and Lyra were both Christmas/birthday presents, as were the two Ellowynes. We went years without adding anyone new, so this rapid expansion is really a very new thing for us.

"Oh, come on, we can't even look?"

Well, I mean... I guess so. Here, someone emailed the link to a really good Wolverine figure from a while back:

Pros: Fffrowr. And the facial hair, while not the best I've ever seen, is really pretty good.

Cons: Except for the upper lip, which is weirdly lacking in mustachery. Also, he's expensive, hard to get, and I don't know how well he'd get along with John Connor.

"It is not easy to look that good in leather that tight, though."

"He has knives come out of his HANDS? That is a REAL MAN."

Dude, if that's all you want, I'll get you a damn Edward Scissorhands--

(I look over, and Elizabeth looks really anxious now.)

You know, I bet there's a ton of other Summer Movie Toys coming out ~~and dear God some of them have to be less expensive~~ --I can't even remember what all, lemme go check...

Oh wait! Watchmen! That's already out! Hm, Nite Owl looks pretty good.

"Too whiny. And his owlarang looks lame."

Ozymandias? I don't like the paint job much, but he was kind of fierce in the movie.

Galadriel pops up with a vehement "I don't trust him at all. Not for one minute. I don't want to wake up one day and find that he blew up The Shelf just to stop Anna and Edward from fighting--"

SPOILERS, GALADRIEL!

"Sorry!"

What about Rorschach? Hm. I really don't trust him--not that he would come up with some kind of Suparrr Genius Plan Omg, but that he'd consider himself judge, jury and executioner for every little tiff.

"I'M OKAY WITH THAT."

Yeah, but do you really want him creeping around writing everything about you in Tiny Rorschach's tiny journal? Like if Harriet the Spy were a serial killer? "Hrrm. Tire tread on burst Webkinz. The whole world stands on the brink, all those elves and pirates and gypsies. Gypsies. Must remember to investigate further."

"...Maybe I'm not okay with that."

Yeah, that's what I thought. What about Silk Spectre?

"NO!"

OKAY, OKAY! Oh, hey, Star Trek! What about Star Trek?

... eh, I don't know. The guys are not impressing me. I'm just really not feeling Chris Pine!Kirk so far. And Sylar!Spock... I'm sure it'll be great in the movie and all, but I don't know that I want it on my shelf.

"Uhura might be cool."

Yeah, I think I'd like an Uhura. Except that I'd rather find one with thicker arms and legs (what is UP with the terminal thinness there?).

"She does look kind of... breakable. And you'll need to find her a ship, too."

I look over to see what the others think and Anna is GLARING at me.

"HARRY POTTER HEY THERE IS ALSO HARRY POTTER HOW ABOUT WE LOOK AT SOME HARRY POTTER?"

I SECOND THIS MOTION. Man, I've been waiting on this so long to come out, I'd forgotten it was actually coming out in July. Hm. I don't know about Harry himself. Some of the NECA figures have good likenesses, but that's some powerful angst we'd be importing there. You know what? I really want Tonner to make a Ginny doll. She's sporty; I think she'd fit in pretty well. And a Tonks! With changeable wigs! That'd be awesome. And of course they already have a Luna with a fantastic likeness. RAVENCLAW REPRESENT.

"Cho Chang is also a Ravenclaw. She seems like a nice, intelligent--"

"CRIES TOO MUCH!"

Edward scurries back to Minas Tirith.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME OTHER MOVIES THEN. I'm running out of stuff to care about, though. GI Joe? Didn't like 'em as a kid, doubt I'll like 'em now, haven't seen anything about the movie that set me on fire. And that goes double for Transformers, which was always "That Show I Had to Wait On to Finish So We Could Get to She-Ra." Man, I had a couple of She-Ra figures (old-school She-Ra, Swift Wind the horse, and Glimmer), and I always wanted the castle playset and never got it. That was one of the toy franchises I never had many of, unlike My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake, of which I had embarrassingly extensive collections. I had a pretty good set of Lady Lovelylocks dolls, too, including the "castle" (it was more like a really complicated gazebo) and the swan boat. (Yes, I did, in fact play Phantom of the Opera with the swan boat and some Silly Putty strategically applied to the prince doll. I was a strange child, as all children are.) And Charmkins, had some of those too. Man, I was a materially spoiled child. I think my mother felt really guilty about working such long, corporate hours. She's always tried to express love with shopping, I think. Not in the simple sense of throwing money at a kid instead of love--I mean, really sitting down and trying to figure out what we wanted, and then going through hell and high water to get it. That's my mom. Shopping and baking.

"Also, John Connor would really not get along with giant robots."

Trufax.

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