Too tired to think of a title

[cleolinda]

Depression: Can't tell if I would just feel bad no matter what--I think there was a legitimate, cyclical hormone dip late last week, which is partly why I felt so horrible--and (whichever topic) is the one I have chosen to gnaw on, or if (whichever topic) is making me feel bad, and if that's the case, if a strong attempt to redirect my thoughts would help. I mean, it probably couldn't hurt anyway, but I guess I'm curious as to whether redirecting my thoughts would make the situation better, or if I'd just settle into some new fixation. Because it's a hopeless topic. It's not something I can fix, it's not something I can do anything to improve, and it's doing a number on my self-esteem, which is leaking out all over everything else.

(Sometimes I think that it might be too late for so many of the things I wanted to accomplish, even though I'm only thirty. To late to catch a trend, too late to be a child prodigy, too late for young love. Well, if that's the case--fuck it, I might as well just have fun, right?)

So. If the sun comes out tomorrow, I'm going to go outside on that photo safari I meant to take a few weeks ago. Take some more pictures of flowers and foliage, basically--I can get some camera practice in, now that I've started thinking of photography as a minor hobby. I've just got to stop angsting and get on with living.

Linkspam and housekeeping:

More Secret Life icons from etod.

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The Lede: Portrait of Shakespeare Unveiled, 399 Years Late.

3 Renaissance Rascals Exposed!

‘Swiss gigolo’ jailed for defrauding heiress. Man, I could so use a Swiss gigolo right now.

Salvador Dali's rotary dial cosmetics compact.

Man beats up kangaroo home invader.

Flight of the Conchords Experiment With Hair Product [If You're Into It].

'Bones' star David Boreanaz brought in for PopWatch reader questioning!

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EXCLUSIVE: ‘Star Wars’ Live-Action TV Series Casting Underway.

Exclusive: Lucy Lawless speaks about her role in 'Angel of Death.'

Everyone's Favorite Firefly Companion Is Now An Evil Alien ['V'].

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Trailers and clips: Exclusive 'Haunting in Connecticut' TV Spot; Exclusive Clip from 'Bart Got A Room'; Sita Sings the Blues is finally free!; Exclusive Red Band Clip: 'I Love You, Man'; Exclusive 'Role Models' DVD Blooper Reel; Download Now: ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ 1978 Lucas and Spielberg Story Conference Transcript.

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(Related: Can We Blame Watchmen If ' The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Dies? [Terminator Deathwatch].)

Will Sam Worthington Steal Bale's Batman?

Rumor: Marvel's Fantastic Four Being Rebooted, Too?!

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First Photo of Radcliffe on Deathly Hallows Set.

New Moon production hits Vancouver: "Why Don't You Kids Go Take a Stroll Around the Publicity. I Mean Neighborhood"; Twilight weekend in Vancouver ("Spotted: a twi-hard super loser being interrogated by police at a downtown hotel. She had a backpack full of Twilight merchandise, had been hanging out all day, weird and shifty, so much so that hotel staff called the cops on her ass believing her to be a security threat…"); Kristen out with Taylor and Nikki in downtown Vancouver; Taylor Lautner is a Dirt Bike Devil; Mr. Lutz Talks 'New Moon'; ‘Twilight’ ladies talk Pattinson, Lautner; Deleted Scene: Edward’s Bedroom Surprise (too... many... jokes... ack!); Who's Directing The 'Twilight' Sequel This Week?; Drew Barrymore Confirms 'Eclipse' Rumors (rumors that she's being considered to direct, that is).

You talkin' to me? Film quotes stir passion; 'Apocalypse' writer: Most scripts 'are garbage.' I like that these two headlines were together.

MTV News Chats With ‘Knowing’ Director Alex Proyas Live In NYC Tuesday Night; We Hit The New York City Streets With Dwayne Johnson; We Let Russell Brand Loose In The MTV Offices. Well, MTV's just up to all kinds of shenanigans today.

(Russell Brand may join Depp as a ‘Pirate.’ Ah, that rumor again? At least it's more plausible than the Zac Efron one.)

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Comments

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think that it might be too late for so many of the things I wanted to accomplish, even though I'm only thirty.

I'm 26, and I've felt that way for years. I feel like I had so much momentum when I was younger, and then I hit a brick wall called depression, and almost 10 years later I'm still picking myself up off the floor, shaking my head and going "wait, what was I trying to do? But why would I want to do that?"

I just applied for a job that, if I got it, would be the first job I've had with benefits and a 401k. This scares the shit out of me, because it means that I'm trading in my crazy, youthful, optimistic dreams for an ordinary life of relative financial security. Ten years ago, I was looking forward to being a starving artist, to moving to New York and living my own version of Rent with my cool artist friends. Now I think "no fucking way am I moving to New York with no money and no job!"

I am ambivalent about the person I'm becoming.

[chulacabra.livejournal.com]

As someone who actually used to live next door to a squat in the East Village, I can tell you that salary and benefits are good things. You don't want to be a starving artist in your 40s in a craphole apartment with no health insurance and no marketable skills. There is absolutely nothing romantic about that, believe me.

Also, if you want to be an artist, you can be one even with a full time job. A friend of mine has a FT job in the computer industry and is also writing music for television. One of her pieces was used by Oprah and last year she made more than $10K on her music. Not enough to live on but still pretty damned sweet.

[shannonsequitur.livejournal.com]

You've probably been over this many times before, but what's your policy on other people using your ideas for icons? If I wanted to make a set of Heroine Addict icons, would that be okay?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's totally fine. (Sorry, I got way behind on answering comments, woe.)

[kelcea.livejournal.com]

They're in Vancouver.
I almost want to go looking for them and point out safe places to hide. But then I think that makes me as bad as the rest of them.

you can still win the fields medal, though

[aki.livejournal.com]

I know this isn't an upper or anything, but the 30 comment made me think of is.

Re: you can still win the fields medal, though

[ellerigbee.livejournal.com]

"And now that you are two: goodbye sudden infant death syndrome!"

If that's not an upper, I don't know what is.

As to the rest, I'm still trying to convince myself prodigies are overrated. I mean, all River Tam ever got for it was the feds cutting into her brain.

[fineprnt.livejournal.com]

Will Sam Worthington Steal Bale's Batman?

For some reason, I have doubts that anything could take Bale out of the Batsuit this soon after The Dark Knight...

[maggie-qow.livejournal.com]

I am unreasonably stoked about the Parker Lewis Can't Lose DVD release. Talk about a show that just epitomized it's time period. I've made "mental notes" to myself since I first saw it. YES.

Also, the first DH picture makes me both excited and sad. I better get to see the Battle of Hogwarts on an IMAX, by dammit.

[bronweeny.livejournal.com]

all i'm thinking is that a kangaroo will come crashing through my window tonight... even though i'm in the middle of sydney... skippy is not to be trusted...

[fiducia.livejournal.com]

Tis the season for Seasonal Affliction Disorder and I know I'm feeling blue because of it. Not knowing your exact situation, and not asking for details you don't want to share, have you considered that S.A.D. might either be causing these feelings of depression, or further complicating feelings caused by other things? I think taking a walk outside and snapping some photos is a brilliant idea! Get out, savor life and love what you have accomplished so far. It's a lot! It's brilliant! It's admirable! Your drive to do more is amazing.

[hallgato.livejournal.com]

Cleo, the world puts a lot of emphasis on the first time someone does something, but, honestly, the first time is just the thing you have to get through in order to actually do anything right. Love, for instance. Or sex. When does the first time ever work out?

So buck up! Rejoice in your wisdom and life experience.

[jedigirl.livejournal.com]

You are still very young. Think of the millions of women who wish they were 30 again and had the freedom to be YOU! Love your writings....hugs

[khaman.livejournal.com]

Oh god, thirty. When your fiction crushes start getting older. The age where your mother was probably 'Oh hai Magnum PI.' Tom Selleck, who would be Old!Snake in Metal Gear now. Oh god.

I've moved on, from Tiger Beat era Johnny Depp to freaking BEN from LOST.

....at least with him on my side, I could take over this whole stupid planet and watch the Hannah Montanas of the world destroy each other like feral weasels at my command.

I may not be adapting well. BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE CHRISTIAN BALE.

[julietvalcouer.livejournal.com]

Don't get me started on the miseries of 30+ depression. We'd be here all day and it would probably end with a suicide pact. (Look at the bright side--at least you've published SOMETHING and are loved by netfans everywhere.)

And on a more cheerful note...I really hope I'm not the only person who saw "National Treasure 3" and went squee. I love those movies. They're like a modern-dress Indiana Jones--totally implausible and yet fun anyway. Sure, Nicholas Cage < Harrison Ford, but when he isn't trying to be SERIOUS ACTOR OMG he can be fun.

[greedyskunk.livejournal.com]

You might try the redirecting thougts idea. I've been attempting to focus more on the positive since the beginning of the year. I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out, but so far it's been working for me. The regular bouts of hopelessness have disappeared and I find that I enjoy more of a consistent contentment.

Everyone's moods and situations are different, but like you said, it couldn't hurt.

[tattooedginny87.livejournal.com]

I also heard last night on E! News that Dakota Fanning is confirmed to play the role as Jane in New Moon.

[missbaxter.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to poke my head in to ask if you've ever tried St. John's Wort tea as depression relief. (You should probably check with your doctor about it if you're on any prescriptions (including the Pill), since it can interfere with medication effects, but I found it to be hugely helpful in just general mood-lifting and energy-boosting and motivational spheres...
Also, o.k., so the 'child prodigy' label may actually have a sell-by date, but all of those other experiences don't. Emotion-wise, you can feel the same way at thirty as you did at fifteen (except that you're probably more aware of what you're feeling instead of just feeling it and reacting), and hey, if your goal is to be happy and have fun, why should that be any less valid than 'conventional' milestones or accomplishments? And as far as the idea of 'young love' goes, I have a feeling that it might go hand in hand with and give some credence to, the cliche about how 'you're only as old as you feel'...To quote a friend of my mother's who recently re-entered the dating pool at age 50, 'really, I just want someone to go to concerts and have fun with, and form, like, you know, a unit against the world with.' Which sounds rather sensible but teenage-like, so maybe we don't really change that much...will stop rambling and go away now, but I hope everything gets better soon!

[umbra-fish.livejournal.com]

This icon nearly made me snort red bull up my nose in the middle of class. May I gank?

And it's true - we are capable of so much more, emotionally, than we even know it. Young love at any age, is a matter of how we feel. And don't think too hard about things - hormones make you brood on irrational stuff.

We love you, Cleo!

[missbaxter.livejournal.com]

Gank away! (Though all credit should go to dietcokebreaks, Millais and 'Hamlet: the Facebook Edition'...)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I would have to check with my doctor first. I've been on a low-level cocktail of Zoloft, Wellbutrin and Lamictal for a few years now.

(Thanks. : )

[missbaxter.livejournal.com]

Hope today is treating you better!

[chulacabra.livejournal.com]

So I'm wondering how Taylor Lautner is going to handle the crazy Team Jacob fans who are now pointed his way. I'm sure it won't be as nuts as the RPattz feeding frenzy, but then again Lautner is what--17? That's really young to deal with that kind of craziness. OTOH, Lautner doesn't seem like the tortured-poet-stoner type, so maybe he'll deal with it better than Pattinson.