The Ultimate Game of Horrify the Twilight Noob

[cleolinda]

... in which I am schooled by my mother:

She was home at lunch talking about how she'd seen something on the news that morning about Catherine Hardwicke being fired, and she was all proud that she knew what was going on because she'd already heard it from me, and the conversation drifted towards Twilight stuff in general and how Pattinson-as-Edward is "very... magnetic" (she said), and finally she fixes me with this very determined look and says, "Okay, look. Where is Edward at the end of the series? What's happening with him?"

"Uh... nothing, really," I say, perplexed. "It's actually kind of funny you should mention it, because that's what a lot of fans complained about, that he spent the whole fourth book kind of just wringing his hands while Bella was pregnant and then while she took control and took care of everything at the end--"

"But after he imprinted on the baby? Nothing happened with that?"

"... what?"

"After he imprinted on the baby!"

"...WHAT?"

"Edward! On the baby!"

"It's his baby, his baby with Bella--"

"I KNOW! THAT'S WHY IT'S SO AWFUL!"

"NO! NO NO NO! JACOB THE WEREWOLF KID, NOT EDWARD! Jacob imprints on the baby, not Edward, not on his own kid! It's not ACTUAL INCEST! JESUS!"

She takes a moment to process this. Then this beatific look of relief passes over her face. "Well, that's a lot better."

"But Jacob STILL imprints on the baby of the girl he was in love with, the baby he just DELIVERED, and--"

"But at least the FATHER of the baby doesn't."

"You're just really never going to be impressed by anything now, are you? Not after thinking that Edward fell in love with his own kid."

She shakes her head, thoughtfully chewing her deli macaroni and cheese.

"I feel a lot less bad about liking Edward now," she says.



Meanwhile, the real reason I'm going ahead and posting Twicrap separately:

SOURCE: 'Twilight' Sequel Offer From Summit Out To Director Chris Weitz?

1. If he turns them down, Summit's delusional. If he takes them up, they're delusional... like a fox.
2. Because that whole trilogy thing worked out so well for him.
3. Yes, I am STILL BITTER ABOUT THAT.

From profbutters: 'Twilight' stars see red (subhead: "Pattinson, Stewart want Hardwicke to direct sequel, too"). This was posted before the Weitz news/rumor broke, so no one knows what the situation is now.

Meanwhile, an interview with Robert Pattinson FROM THE FUTURE ("Posted Dec 11, 2008 1:15 PM") where he talks about wanting to take the scene in Bella's room "to the verge of wrong" and also, how he "got sent this really well-bound book with all these Unibomber-type notes"; plus a video interview in which he declares that in real life, Edward would be "one of those guys who would be an ax murderer."

From umbra_fish: Edward Cullen Crochet Doll. And dig the Joker doll on the sidebar there.

I don't know when the regular linkspam will be up, because I'm going Christmas shopping! Yays!

Comments

[outinthestorm.livejournal.com]

That Edward doll would have been better if she had used a cotton with a metallic glitter thread in it.

[angelene.livejournal.com]

Agreed! How's that even a proper Edward Crochet Doll without The Sparkle?!

[anthraxpretzels.livejournal.com]

I'm imagining that crochet doll staring at me creepily where it could hang on my backpack while I sleep >_>

[emmaorgana.livejournal.com]

Yay Christmas Shopping!

*is also still bitter about no Subtle Knife or Amber Spyglass*

[krazycat.livejournal.com]

I am more bitter about them ending the film without the heartbreaking, gut wrenching thing that's supposed to happen.

[krazycat.livejournal.com]

I dig your mother. She managed to find a way that Breaking Dawn could be even creepier, and that takes some skill.

[lunylucy.livejournal.com]

Seconded!

[ppyajunebug.livejournal.com]

I would get that doll, but not for me. I would hang off of the bar in my friend's bunk bed, so when he goes to sleep there's a little Edward hanging down and staring at him.

[macbethchild.livejournal.com]

Ultimate icon win. Buffy/Dr. crossover ftw!

[/hijack]

[bya-san.livejournal.com]

I just realized from reading yesterday's linkspam that you actually say "anyway" without tacking on the improper s. Kudos to you!

[joaniemaloney.livejournal.com]

Aw, your Mom.:)

[persian-freak.livejournal.com]

haha I love how everyone is commenting here simply saying "your mom :)" so I spend an entire 5 seconds each time wondering why people are making your mom jokes...
but I agree with you guys, your mom is amazing!!!!

[lone-lilly.livejournal.com]

I love that your mother is so ~invested~ in Twilight now. :D Is she going to cave and read the books?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I really hope not. But she managed to get into LOTR (she's all about Viggo Mortensen) and somewhat into HP and the Golden Compass movie without ever cracking the books, so I might be able to protect her from their dread spell a while longer. Actually, she kind of wants to watch Goblet of Fire again now that she's realized "Edward" was in it ("Does he look the same?" "Well, yeah... I mean, with less hair, but...").

[morganwolf.livejournal.com]

The Edward doll looks suspiciously like Joseph Smith.

Dammit, why have I not learned to crochet yet?

[nanet.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Twilight - you may have seen this - but...PWNED (http://mugglenet.com/app/news/show/2041), Breaking Dawn. PWNED, I say!

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

I saw it in the bookstore today and my hand kind of reached out for it of its own volition before I remembered that I have no money. But even just looking at it made me grin a little.

Anyway, the HP/Twilight comparisons are ridiculous - the only thing they have in common are fantasy elements; otherwise they're completely different genres and Twilight can't even begin to match HP's sales figures. Twilight is a hit. HP is a phenomenon. It's not even close.

[angelene.livejournal.com]

Unibomber-type notes?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I assumed they were very long and in scary cramped handwriting? I don't know.

[androbard1364.livejournal.com]

I just want Edward and all the Meyerpires to sparkle ALL THE TIME when they are in the sunlight, in the movie. And no, I don't care how much it will cost. It will be FUNNY! XD

[duncatra.livejournal.com]

Is a bound book of Unibomber-style notes better or worse than that creepy book some SPN fans sent to one of the stars (the one who was on Gilmore Girls, I think) full of pictures of his fans hugging him? I MUST KNOW.

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

At least its better than him being presented with a box of sex toys. Oy.

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

Your mom is awesome. Is it weird that I now want someone to write a fanfic in which Edward imprints on the baby? Just for shits and giggles.

The Rolling Stone interview is fantastic. I nearly headdesked when I read the part about the fan who sent him the Scientology books. Dude, if the Scientologists are trying to get you, you know you've made it.

As for Chris Weitz...I really liked About a Boy.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I don't think that was a "fan" so much as an "operative." I'm just glad that he was like, "Scientology lol."

[chickadilly.livejournal.com]

I love your mom! Hee!

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

I, uh, want to see the outtakes/blocking of that scene if he wanted to push it to "wrong" and actually tried during filming.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Apparently both he and Kristen Stewart wanted to do that--I read somewhere that she was saying she'd wanted him to "be rougher" because she thought Bella was a total masochist and would dig that. I have high hopes that the original version will appear on the DVD--it's the one in the trailers (you can tell, because they're wearing different clothes, and it starts off differently).

[snowwhite2421.livejournal.com]

I think Chris Weitz is actually a good choice. Sure, he was steamrollered on Golden Compass, but I think there will be a difference here.

I think Summit (at least I HOPE) will realize that the closer they stick to the book, the more money they will make in repeat business from the existing batshit fanbase. Weitz has already directed adaptations from existing novels and TRIED to stay faithful (the visuals on Golden Compass were pretty, at least, even if the ending was innacurate, and About a Boy was really well made) and it might be enough of an interesting challenge for him that he'd take it on.

Better him than some walk-in who's only directed commercials.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm actually shocked by how decent a choice that is on their part. Now, whether he'll take them up on it, I don't know, but apparently he's friends with one of the executives?

[iwanttobeasleep.livejournal.com]

I really like Chris Weitz and it'd be interesting to see what he does with New Moon/Eclipse but I'm still kind of unhappy that they're not picking a woman.

Also, I'm kind of unhappy that I have an opinion on who directs that drivel.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

THIS.

all of it.

[swsa.livejournal.com]

I think Weitz is as good as they could hope to get. I don't think he'll do anything all that special, but he's capable. And I trust RPattz and KStew to bring enough chemistry to withstand his less emotional direction. I do wonder how he'll do with the effects though, because I really doubt he's going to get a $200 million budget this time, and I've heard rumors that he got in over his head and had to be bailed out on that front with TGC.

[cleojones.livejournal.com]

O_o

Weitz fucked up. Golden Compass. And for that, I will NOT forgive him.

re: Chris Weitz

[bzoppa.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

I had to look him up but ok, About a Boy was well done. It's not my kind of movie but nothing popped out at me as some crazy "omg the direction sucks," and in fact, I thought the story was well-told. I haven't seen The Golden Compass but I've heard awesome things about it.

So he's got the genre under his belt, and in a fashion that garnered him praise. I think the nature of the film (especially to every day families) restricted the exposure. There is/was a lot of objection to some underlying themes in His Dark Materials. I didn't like the books myself, but certain Brit authors turn me off.

What blows my mind about all of this is, Hardwicke's got no reward. Ok, she got a paycheck and a huge footnote the annals that this is the highest grossing movie for a woman director; and it's like the studio says, "Yeah, thanks, see ya." So they don't want to tack on more time? It's not like the actors are changing from age 10 to age 13 and they have to squeeze them all in. They're teens! And early 20s! They can pull it off for another few years. Give her the extra time and money and let her build on the experience of making this movie.

Re: Chris Weitz

[snowwhite2421.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to find the actual contracts, but the suspicion is that the option on the books will run out before they can finish the films if they DON'T hurry.

And if the option runs out before they finish, any of the other studios can swoop in and offer SMeyer whatever amount of money they please...

Which, to some, would sound like a good thing. But it would seriously jeopardize the potential reappearance of the main cast. All that is holding them right now is the contract. And the contract will expire when (or before) the option does.

Sorry to get all technical.

[jime22.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not someone found the way to make Edward´s doll look good, let me introduce you to Dollbert:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/12/09/now-you-can-have-your-own-robert-pattinson-doll/

HOLY CRAP.

[ohemgeeitsfishy.livejournal.com]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7772902.stm.

this.
is.
amazing.
{in all the wrong ways}
and it's not twilight related,
so that's good.
[says one of the twihards-oh the embarrassment in acknowledging that.}

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

I will never not be bitter about that.

[t4-flirt.livejournal.com]

Your mom wins at life. Way to go thinking Edward would want his own daughter.

And I love watching the TwiCrap. It helps keep me distracted from my real-life clusterfuck. ---> I know far too much about it for having not read any of the books. *smug grin* I learned it all right here. Sarcastic fandoming FTW!!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I called her on that, by the way, and her reply was, "LIKE IT'S ANY WEIRDER THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THOSE BOOKS!"

[snapdragon76.livejournal.com]

Just when I think my love and adoration for RPattz's awesomeness couldn't grow any bigger, he ups the ante!

[visionary-gleam.livejournal.com]

I know, right? Way to go.