Cleolinda everywhere

(so, yeah, Italian leather is a thing that's happening)

(Please note that we're back on Thursdays again)

(P.S. Zachary Quinto is going to play THE PATIENT)

So I am trying to make this the occasion of my return to recapping. "Mukozuke" creeps ever closer to being done. Pray for me; times is hard.

(That said, Kristen may have a Murder Sparkle surprise soon.)

Speaking of Aromaleigh, because I can never resist a good segue, I'm in the middle of Blade Runner/More Human Than Human robot eyeshadow inspiration posts. Tomorrow will be the Incept Date color, I think. We also announced that we're developing Twin Peaks eyeshadow, although I'm not sure when that collection would come out and I remain hellishly behind on the pilot recap. Also, there are new Asteriai star nymph and Galactic duochrome collections that I didn't even have anything to do with; I am pretty sure that Kristen never sleeps.

More cheerfully than it would have been last week: My sister had a serious emergency surgery (I'm being vague on purpose, not my health issues to talk about, etc.) at the end of February, but she's doing much better now. Still recovering, but I think this past Thursday or so was the first day she seemed like herself again.

A couple of weeks before that, I had a Sudden Dental Panic that turned out to just be "stop clenching your jaw." This was, therefore, the Best Dentist Visit Ever. I promptly went home, slipped on a sweetgum tree-ball, fell down the deck steps, and twisted my ankle. Except that it still hurts (but only sometimes, at some angles) a month later, but more the top of my foot than my ankle, and I think maybe I have a hairline fracture. Which... there's not much to do about that but stay off it (which I have not been able to do) and wear a Deluxe Ankle Stabilizer (CVS, $12).

I have started trying to get the ball rolling and the money saving for Dragon Con 2015, but I'm also concerned that at some point in the next six months I'll just be standing around somewhere and spontaneously fall down and break the other foot. However, I live in hope.

Also, I have a fantasy short story set in the War of the Seasons universe, through the latest Silence in the Library Kickstarter, with art by Dawn Murphy.

Also-also, foresthouse and I just did our first solo episode of Made of Fail, in which, among other things, I try to explain Jupiter Ascending to her (1:29:00ish) over the course of about seven minutes. That said, we do start off by discussing my haunted teeth.

I think that's about it for now, though.

So the last month has been such that I haven't even been able to stop by and say "hey guys it's my 35th birthday!" or "hey guys, happy holidays!" or "hey guys, I have a Black Ribbon story coming out in the Athena's Daughters anthology!" It was... that kind of month. Some kind of pinched nerve or pulled muscle in my back, a conglomeration of flu and blarg shortly after my birthday, other health issues, then two weeks off the grid partly to get things done and partly just to recuperate (and then my phone died again yesterday). So I feel like we need to catch up, although let it be noted that I've spent three days trying to put this entry together while feverish with a new rebound blarg--in fact, shit, it's only a few hours until the Kickstarter ends. Well, it's been an amazing success--over $40,000 at this point, I don't even know how. Anyway--here's a bit more about the final version of my story: a photoset of reference images, a little back story, and the idea of strength as a choice.

(I believe there will also be an Apollo's Daughters companion, with female protagonists by male writers, which certain accusers of ~misandry~ seem not to have noticed.)

Also, I started rambling on about That Time I Mailed In An X-Files Script, Or: Why Creators Can't Read Your Stuff, and ended up on Geekosystem? (That's got to be one of y'all. O hai!) Here's a longer version of the Twitter conversation we had, now on Storify.

Meanwhile: Dracula recaps: I don't even know, you guys. As of last Friday, I'm four episodes behind. I don't know if it's seasonal affective blarg or my own personal issues or this show genuinely not clicking with a lot of people (apparently I'm not the only recapper who's wandered away), but... argh. I want to give the recaps another shot, so I'm trying to think of a different format that's less labor-intensive than "8000-word recaps, wtf." Bullet-point outlines in Comic Sans with screencaps? I don't even know.

Because I want to save up my strength because Hannibal is coming back early! Hannibal is coming back early! HANNIBAL IS COMING BACK EARLY, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

( omg )

(Also, I am still trying to figure out the username of the person who sent me one of the Wound Man sketches from SDCC, because that arrived a few days before my birthday when I was really down and it was like my favorite thing I got that week.)

Also-also, our vacuum cleaner died (House of Bark honors its service) and our washing machine is in its dying throes, so apparently we're doing the All the Household Appliances Dying at Once thing again. I'm at that point where I have tons of ideas--which are also possible sources of income--but no energy to write them down (untangling my illness bedhead was a major accomplishment today), so we'll see what happens next.

So! The Anglo-Filles episode I promised to do back in January, back when Kayleigh and I were all "NOT SURE IF WANT HANNIBAL. DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS" in terror-squee, is now A Thing That Has Happened. I swear to God that this is the first time I've been on a podcast specifically to talk about the show rather than the movies, so I do not entirely repeat myself.


@cleolinda: If you've ever wanted to hear my impression of Savoureux's Tornado Siren From Hell, this is your chance.

Somewhat around 1:09:40.

@_abigala: It's a good impression. I thought it was a recording at first.

@cleolinda: I have a skill!


And then, near the end of the show, I happened to check Twitter because Reidan mentioned something that Bryan Fuller had just then tweeted, and we had BREAKING NEWS (I even made a little news-ticker sound. I was a little loopy by then) (I am not trying to break into the sound effects industry, I swear). The best write-up of the subject, however, appeared today:

@darklorelei: Did you read AVClub's article on Hunnam dropping out of 50 Shades? It's AMAZING.

@cleolinda: omg

Had Universal displeased Hunnam? The sense that it had disappointed him somehow made Universal tingle with dirty shame—shame that burned deliciously hot and low, deep inside the studio.


Speaking of loopy, I feel really bad about the end of the podcast--I realize now that I missed my cue to be like "Thanks so much for having me on, it was great!" (Which it was!) But my blood sugar had tanked by that point and I was running out of coherence, as you see (hear?) during the "Cleo, you have to say bye" part ("--Oh!"). Not that I am ever terribly coherent the rest of the time, but there you are.

Also, someone asked me yesterday to explain why I like Alana Bloom. WARNING: Do not ask me this unless you really, really want to know. At length.

Also-also, I had a weirdly productive streak last week, with "Thirteen Ways of Pitching to The Toast" and a strange little Sleepy Hollow iPhone fic. (You're damn straight I'm going to keep bringing up the fact that I actually finished things.) I am currently editing another little thing (sold and forthcoming), in addition to mulling over the (more serious) Pitchception within the Toast piece (mulling is an important step in the process), AND ALSO A SHORT STORY DUE ON NOVEMBER 1ST, WHY AM I NOT WRITING THE THINGS I AM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING. I mean, short answer: mild manic upswing. Which I tend to regard as "make hay while the sun shines" time; I don't expect this to be the new normal. That said, finishing things and getting feedback has been existentially encouraging in itself. I CAN DO THIS.

OH AND: Welp, The War of the Seasons Kickstarter is already 100% funded after a week. So it's very likely we'll make the stretch goal that would result in me writing a (different) short story. (I'll be taking much the approach I did to the Sleepy Hollow thing, which is "trying to get into the voices of someone else's characters while making it something you'd enjoy if you're coming to it cold.") You'll only be able to get it by pledging, but you'll get it with any pledge $5-and-over. Janine wanted me to point out that I do actually get paid for this story as well, so if you've ever wanted to show your support for Cleolinda Industries, this is your chance, although spreading the word and sending powerful YOU CAN DO IT mindbeams are also appreciated. Really appreciated.

I wrote a thing! And someone who is not me posted it! It is at The Toast, and it is in response to "Men Apologizing to Me":

Of those [submissions from women], I’d guess about half begin with an apology for not pitching properly or having a half-formed idea or for existing in the first place.

Which means that every week, a lot of women apologize to me for wanting to write.

And it’s such a shame, because the pitches we get are wonderful — tremendous — bizarre — funny — and not at all something to apologize over. Sometimes I get a story or an idea that isn’t quite right for us, but even then I love getting to hear from readers and I’m always, always happy to read about something that matters to you.

You are not, and your thoughts are not, and your words are not, an imposition.


(This is going to sound really strange, but trust me on this: look over the (surprisingly entertaining) submission guidelines first.)

NOW you can read it. "Thirteen Ways of Pitching to The Toast" is here.

(There is a genuine pitch in there somewhere. SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT before you get to the tags.)


Meanwhile, the War of the Seasons Kickstarter has already passed 50% of its goal with 27 days to go, so I'm gonna guess that we'll probably meet the stretch goal, which is where my story will come in. And basically any pledge option you go with, $5 or over, you'll automatically get the extra stories if their respective goals are met.

In conclusion, Alice Munro bless us, every one.