Checking in

[cleolinda]

Not much to say lately; I've been really tired, and actually feverish today. A lot of headaches related to the air pressure (fickle March weather).

I'm testing out Tumblr, because I figure I won't know if I want it until I try it. Basically, it seems to be like Twitter for pictures, which I like, and it's super easy to post the page you're on from your browser. Although I'm trying to restrain myself from posting every single pretty thing I know of, because I could probably post 100 entries a day at that rate. Basically, I'm posting jewelry, artwork, and a few dolls at this point, although any interesting landscape or movie-related picture I see will go up. (The Art Nouveau Disney princesses thing was pretty awesome.) I'm trying to keep the theme to "pretty things," so no Sexual Horrors of Etsy, thanks. It's my sparkly happy place.


Still answering Formspring questions, although I haven't gotten below 50 questions yet in terms of inbox backlog--I'm up to 359 answered. I haven't posted any new cross-posts from the back end, but I think the "view older answers" thing is working at the moment. Please, try to comment here on the answers rather than ask new "questions" just to make a comment. And don't ask "Have you seen [whatever]? I hope you like it," because that's clearly just trying to pimp something. Seriously, I've still got fifty questions to work through--and some of them are very thought-provoking, which is why they're hard.

(Also, a lot of the movie industry questions presume I have any clue what I'm talking about. I answered them the best I could.)

Actually, there are some questions I could use some help with--a few coming in are kind of heavy.

There's a girl at my school struggling with depression. I want to help her, but we're not close. What would you have wanted someone to do when you felt down? Do you have any depression awareness sites I could see?

Which seems like a delicate one to answer, so I don't know. Thoughts?


We will have a new Secret Life of Dolls at some point. I'm just having a hard time getting it to turn out well. This in the middle of, you know, research reading and footnote-writing. And I can't concentrate for shit. So... I'm doing the best I can.

Comments

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

As nice as it would be to have a new installment of the Secret Life of Dolls, I hope you don't feel like people are wheedling you into writing for it. You don't deserve the George R. R. Martin treatment. ;)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

People have been, actually. Very nicely, but they have been.

[stateofserenity.livejournal.com]

Take your time w/ SLoD! It's completely worth the wait when you do post.

*insert virtual non-stalker-ey accquaintance-appropriate affection here*

Feel better Cleo!

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

I've found this site helpful sometimes.

http://www.anxietycentre.com/

I don't know if the girl's depression is tied to anxiety issues. But she could at least take a look and see if she can find anything helpful there.

[carmine-rose.livejournal.com]

When I'm depressed, I really shut down. I hate people calling me or inviting me out, because I get really hermit-like, and I feel guilty turning things down, but also I don't want to leave the house. So part of me would say "Just leave her alone, but be responsive if she acts friendly." But maybe it'd be better (for me and other depressed people) if we were forced out of our shells? I don't know.

I guess I'd really have to say - be supportive but not too pushy.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

My instinctive answer to that, as someone who has been depressed, was to be friendly and see if the kind of trust/rapport develops that you *can* say, "You seem kind of down." I would feel really awkward and embarrassed if someone gave me information about depression. On the other hand, I guess you could also leave a print-out flier or something around like you'd done it on accident, on the off chance she might pick it up. But anything direct seems like it would do more harm than good, I don't know.

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

I signed up for Tumblr the other week. After a brief period of buyer's remorse ("oh my god, I don't understand, why the hell did I do this?"), I'm starting to really enjoy it.

And I loooooooved the Art Nouveau Disney princesses - they reminded me of a book I used to have of illustrated fairy tales. I tried to find it again on Amazon, but I can't remember the exact title or who wrote it. I think my parents still have it, at least I hope they do.

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

I don't have an account, but I love reading and looking at other people's Tumblrs. It also seems good for shortish pieces of writing that go over 140 characters.

[iczer6.livejournal.com]

There's a girl at my school struggling with depression. I want to help her, but we're not close. What would you have wanted someone to do when you felt down? Do you have any depression awareness sites I could see?

Does this person know she's struggling with depression, or are they just assuming that because she's not all similes and sunshine that something must be wrong?

Also reach out if you're genuinely concerned but don't do it if your just pitying her or wanting to be a 'hero' who saves her from his issues.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

This.

If it's genuine concern, do the go for a Coke thing and see if she wants to talk.

[naptimewriter.livejournal.com]

Okay, she's not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but my sister wrote an e-book about depression that was published on mentalhelp.net. http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8103&cn=329

It's a fun (yes, actually fun), illustrated, quick, easy read that a high schooler might be willing to look up.

They also have searches and links to mental health professionals and support groups in just about any location you could think of. Hope your reader's friend gets the help she needs.

[xerinmichellex.livejournal.com]

There's a girl at my school struggling with depression. I want to help her, but we're not close. What would you have wanted someone to do when you felt down? Do you have any depression awareness sites I could see?

There could be an underlying reason behind why this girl is depressed. I'm dealing with a family illness right now, so I'm not all rainbows and sunshine. If someone came up to me and said, "I noticed you're depressed, here are some pamphlets," without knowing the "why" behind my "down mood", I would be pretty pissed and get defensive. I think the best thing for the questioner to do is keep on eye on her, be nice to her, and if they noticed anything not right, have an adult intervene.

[julietvalcouer.livejournal.com]

Yeah--if they're just guessing, they're as likely to piss her off as not. If she's actually being treated for depression, taking meds, etc. then butt out, she has a doctor for that.

Like I did not mind my friend in college who was a psych major gently suggesting I do the campus counselling office's depression screening. I would have been REALLY irritated by people just saying "You seem down. Want to talk? It's okay to feel sad, but you really should...."

[julietvalcouer.livejournal.com]

(The Art Nouveau Disney princesses thing was pretty awesome.)

OH MY GOD THOSE ARE SIMPLY AWESOME. I want Aurora and Jasmine for the blank spot on my bedroom wall.

[bakerbelle.livejournal.com]

A Strictly Ballroom icon! Love that movie.

[vivian-lake.livejournal.com]

Feverish? I hope you'll get better soon.

When I'm down... it depends. Sometimes I want to be left alone, sometimes I need someone beside me who'd hug me and said something good. But I wouldn't want it to be a random stranger.

Manga tarot is very pretty.

[wee-warrior.livejournal.com]

There's a girl at my school struggling with depression. I want to help her, but we're not close. What would you have wanted someone to do when you felt down? Do you have any depression awareness sites I could see?

I think it's best to ask someone who is closer to the girl whether she's been feeling down lately. From my experience, if someone I didn't know had approached me and asked how I was I would have told them everything is fine.

If the poster is very worried and the friends approach doesn't work, it might be a good idea to ask a counselling teacher (if they have someone like that and it's someone the students trust, obviously. I remember ours being rather ineffective.)


I'm usually not for princesses, but this one is beautiful.

[iamsmr.livejournal.com]

Your tumblr caption for the I DRIVE LIKE A CULLEN bumper sticker actually made me lol.

Also, if this is the appropriate venue for commenting on formspring answers, I'll stick in my 2 cents about the Sally Lockhart trilogy- I had the same disappointment as you at the end of the second one, and I did read the third one anyway, and...eh. In my opinion, the second was the best of the series, so you're not missing much. I figured out the villain behind the plot by reading the summary on the back, and [spoiler for...one character that is not killed?] Jim isn't even around for the first 2/3rds of the book, which sucked almost as much as [character] being dead. So I wouldn't put it at the top of your bookstack.

[jubilantia.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I read them all, and the second one bummed me out so horribly. Damn Phillip Pullman and his determination to make sure no one ends up together, ever. I think he's taken lessons from Joss Whedon. Or vice versa; his stuff might be before Joss Whedon.

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

Re the depression thing: think about how you would act if it was a physical illness, rather than a mental one, and then do that. Send her flowers or cards or bring her casseroles or something. Don't try to be her doctor or her shrink; it's just a bad idea for both of you. You can still show you care, and that you're concerned, and you can offer to help in the future if she needs it.

[supersyncspaz7.livejournal.com]

As far as the depressed classmate goes: just offering support does a world of good. Last fall, I revealed to a rather large group of people that I'd been in therapy for the past three years and a girl from one of my classes came up to me after and hugged me and said that if I ever needed anyone to talk to, she'd be there. It may not work for everyone but it can do the trick for some.

Also: have fun with Tumblr! It's insanely easy to get into a habit of posting/reblogging everything that you like and see.

[scornedsaint.livejournal.com]

SO following you on tumblr. I could always do with seeing some pretty jewelry and dolls.

For the girl who asked the question about a classmate with depression, it's important that she tell an adult. Not only for the girl in question, but for herself. Having had friends go through depression, it's really scary keeping in that information and worrying about whether or not to tell someone.

[reebchan.livejournal.com]

As a side note, it's always funny to me how studios will try to replicate the success of one movie without understanding what made it a success. Their attempts to duplicate Twilight are going to be all about vampires and whatever supernatural creature they deem "the new vampires," rather than, "Wow, female audiences are starving for movies that appeal to their emotional fantasies."

Case in point: Mamma Mia! Highest grossing film in the UK? No one figured out why... It's not that they're singing. It's that they're women and they have hot guys all over them.

(Also, it's FUN, which I don't think I've said about any movie I've seen in the last year and a half except for Pixar.)

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

What my seventeen-year-old self says to your delicate question:

1. Don't leave me alone. Even just sitting there and handing me tissues rocks.
2. Hugs. Physical contact reassures me that I am not dirty or evil.
3. Believe me when I'm talking about the things that got me here. I know I can't prove I was emotionally abused, but it happened, and look at me now.
4. Don't play the usual high school social games with me. I can't figure them out. I'm too busy getting through my day.
5. When my parents lay into me, offer me coffee, tea, or hot cocoa and let's have a bitch session about parents.
6. When a romance goes sour, make sure I know it's not all my fault. This may mean a Tina Fey marathon complete with fattening snacks and toenail-painting.
7. Girlie days out are awesome. I may have gone downhill, appearance-wise, but I can still window-shop with the best of 'em.
8. If I tell you something's not working, treatment-wise, take me at my word; it's my doctor's job to question me.
9. Help me talk to my teachers about my limitations. This can be as simple as standing outside the door and taking me for sweets after.
10. If the going gets tough and you can't watch this anymore, please make sure I understand it's not my fault. It takes a strong person to stick around through this illness, and if you can't, that's okay. Just let me know it's the illness and not me.

[pfflyernc.livejournal.com]

Wow. You were a damned smart 17-year old. Lots of wisdom here, and I agree with everything you said.

Re: SLOD and stuff

[jubilantia.livejournal.com]

Don't feel rushed! We'll read it when you post it.

And that depression question does seem heavy. However, they asked it in a good way; not treating you as The Big Kahuna of Depression Stuff, but as an opinion that they are hopefully balancing out with other opinions.

Good luck with your author-y work; I think I speak for everyone when I say we're proud of you!

In General

[suzeclues12.livejournal.com]

I once had someone (a very well intentioned someone) insist in a rather vehement fashion that I talk to her, because something was "obviously wrong." It took me 20 minutes to convince her that I was just very intent and concentrating on a project, and that her insisting that our "discussion" was making me even later in reaching my deadline.

Moral: Appearances can be deceiving.

On the other hand, the kind word at the right time can almost save your life (we've all been there, right?).

So - while I"m appearing to be Fencey-Mcfence Sitter-ton (sorry - family joke) I would go take all of these suggestions and.... approach gingerly?

Lastly - SLoD's - always (eagerly) welcomed! But not at the expense of completing your novel.

[kth524.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you've heard of weheartit, but it's kind of like a visual bookmark website. You drag one of those bookmarklet buttons onto your bar and then whenever you see a picture you like, you click the button and it gets added to your "heart". It's cool for keeping a ton of pretty images without having six thousand tumblr entries just saying, "This is pretty!"

[flamingo-bandit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been in therapy all of two weeks and on meds for *checks watch* five days, but I've struggled with depression off and on for about eight years. If, back when I wasn't ready/willing to deal or get help, someone I didn't know well had asked if I was okay or even tried to help, I would have quietly freaked, plastered on a big smile, and said "Thanks, I'm fine."

But, it never hurts to say hi to someone. Especially if you're actually interested in them as a person, not just as someone who needs help. But even if so--it really never hurts to say hi, and make it clear they're noticed.

[silentsiren47.livejournal.com]

I had a similar situation when I was in college; a girl I wasn't close with but who had gone to high school with me and who I was facebook friends with had been posting some things that sounded like she was struggling with depression, so I wrote her a private message saying, "hey, I see that you haven't been feeling happy lately, so I wanted to tell you that I'm here if you want to talk, and don't be afraid to ask for help." It was an impulse to send it, but she wrote back thanking me and saying she almost cried reading my note, and that she was struggling with depression.

From my own experience with depression, concrete proof that someone really cares about you can be a precious thing.

[gorgeousnerd]

In response to the Formspring about discovering you through Fandom Wank, I think that's how I might have found you, too. The fact that you hung onto Lexicongate as long as you did was downright impressive.

As far as the depression question goes, I don't really have any good answers. I suffer from depression, but I also have other difficulties like anxiety and panic attacks thrown in, which makes it a different creature than straight depression, and the depression is part of being bipolar, which makes it different again. I'm sure there's other ways it could made more complex (is it part of PTSD? Is there ADD/ADHD involved? So on), so it's really an individual issue. I've been struggling with this for nearly a decade now, and I still don't know everything about my particular case.

[rina2o6.livejournal.com]

First of all, your Tumblr is just straight up pretty, and I love it. Those art deco princesses are gorgeous!

And secondly, while I can't wait for a new SLOD and footnotes (I was totally rereading 1.wizards the other night), I hope you're not making yourself crazy trying to get them done. I know what that's like - I've got people giving me a page long to-do list every day at work on top of pulling together my first wedding of the season this weekend, and every now and then you just have to tell everyone to cool their jets for an hour and go watch Chuck or something.

[jwdmeow.livejournal.com]

You're doing great.

Just so you know.