The last straw
Mar. 9th, 2009 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cleolindaSo... Anna's been going a little crazy. I finally got Elizabeth to tell me what they'd been arguing about, and it was simply that Anna does not trust The Littlest Edward. At all. Ever. Period.
"It doesn’t matter what I say—nothing gets through to her. I mean, yeah, he creeps me out a little with his hunching and lurking and—smelling, but he’s not doing anything wrong, and he’s even going out of his way to stay away from people."
(It’s true—ever since Eowyn tried to touch his hair, he’s been making himself scarce. And sorting my jewelry has kept him pretty busy.)
(He says my cameo necklaces remind him of his human mother. I... I had to go wipe some... dust... out of my eyes after that. Fortunately, I had just finished wrangling an obscene number of dust bunnies, so it was a fairly good cover story.)
"She’s just really… paranoid now. It’s like… you can talk to her but she doesn’t hear any of it. She just hears vampire vampire vampire," she concluded sadly.
And you know, Anna’s been here for—three or four years now, I guess? And as interested as I am in—vampire media of all stripes, let's say—she hasn’t had to see or hear any of it. I thought maybe she’d let go of all that—in the beginning, her only complaint was that Edward wouldn’t come with weapons! But the longer we went on talking about various Edward figures—and now that he’s here, right in front of her, in her territory, every day—well, I guess old habits die hard? I even caught her trying to sneak cloves of fresh garlic upstairs the other day.
"Look—number one, garlic doesn’t even do anything to sparklepires, and number two, we need that for the spaghetti sauce."
Her mouth shriveled into a furious little pucker.
"I SAID TAKE IT BACK, ANNA."
And then I caught her sneaking around with a fistful of toothpicks. You know, the really good ones, back from my mother’s do-it-yourself wedding reception a few years back. The formal toothpicks, if you will. Normally Edward just ignores her, but it was so obvious that she was trying to improvise traditional vampire-hunting weapons that he was finally moved to speak:
"It really doesn’t matter, you know," he shouted across the room. "I have super speed and super strength! Even if you could catch me, you couldn’t hurt me! All your precious stakes would just splinter."
Anna threw him a superlative stink-eye and stormed off.
"Look, what’s the deal?" I asked her later. "We’ve been talking about getting Edwards for months, and yeah, you got kind of… disenchanted with the idea, let’s say, but where’s all the hate coming from? He’s been a perfect gentleman from the day he got here."
"His presence is an insult to my family," she declared, whittling on a popsicle stick with her dagger. It was ominously stained with artificial cherry, as was my mouth. "The Valerii are descended from a PROUD RACE of VAMPIRE KILLERS. I am a PRINCESS. As the LEADER OF MY PEOPLE, I have RESPONSIBILITIES. And here in my village, there are CHILDREN and POLAR BEARS who must be PROTECTED."
"Oh, come on! You haven’t talked with that wackadoo Fauxmanian accent in YEARS!"
"You will see! IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE GIVES IN TO HIS TRUE NATURE."
"Oh, what, you’re too good for contractions now?"
"THIS IS MY HERITAGE!" she shouted, the popsicle stick snapping under her grip.
"I spent good money on The Littlest Edward! Good money in a bad economy!"
"IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!"
And then, her final break from reality came yesterday. Here I am, trying to write, and the next thing I know, a full-blown argument’s broken out:
"Anna, I already have a hat!"
"It is not good enough! HE CAN HEAR YOU THROUGH IT."
"This is RIDICULOUS. And so is your accent."
"Just put this on under the hat, or over the hat, but you have to put it on—"
"I DON’T WANT TO PUT IT ON!"
I look over, and here comes Anna marching over with Iorek’s leftover skyfoil on her head.
"MAKE HER PUT IT ON!"
"I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT ON!"
"I ain't makin' nobody put on nothin'," I said, holding up my hands.
Anna turned back to plead with Elizabeth: "If I talk to you, and you think about me talking to you, HE WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR THE THOUGHTS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH!"
"Which would be all of them."
Oh, BURN! What was THAT!
"You wanna fix this? Here’s an easy way: DON'T TALK TO ME."
"Lizzie!"
Awww, you guys!
(More from the Secret Life of Dolls; fan community)
"It doesn’t matter what I say—nothing gets through to her. I mean, yeah, he creeps me out a little with his hunching and lurking and—smelling, but he’s not doing anything wrong, and he’s even going out of his way to stay away from people."(It’s true—ever since Eowyn tried to touch his hair, he’s been making himself scarce. And sorting my jewelry has kept him pretty busy.)
(He says my cameo necklaces remind him of his human mother. I... I had to go wipe some... dust... out of my eyes after that. Fortunately, I had just finished wrangling an obscene number of dust bunnies, so it was a fairly good cover story.)
"She’s just really… paranoid now. It’s like… you can talk to her but she doesn’t hear any of it. She just hears vampire vampire vampire," she concluded sadly.And you know, Anna’s been here for—three or four years now, I guess? And as interested as I am in—vampire media of all stripes, let's say—she hasn’t had to see or hear any of it. I thought maybe she’d let go of all that—in the beginning, her only complaint was that Edward wouldn’t come with weapons! But the longer we went on talking about various Edward figures—and now that he’s here, right in front of her, in her territory, every day—well, I guess old habits die hard? I even caught her trying to sneak cloves of fresh garlic upstairs the other day.
"Look—number one, garlic doesn’t even do anything to sparklepires, and number two, we need that for the spaghetti sauce."
Her mouth shriveled into a furious little pucker."I SAID TAKE IT BACK, ANNA."
And then I caught her sneaking around with a fistful of toothpicks. You know, the really good ones, back from my mother’s do-it-yourself wedding reception a few years back. The formal toothpicks, if you will. Normally Edward just ignores her, but it was so obvious that she was trying to improvise traditional vampire-hunting weapons that he was finally moved to speak:
"It really doesn’t matter, you know," he shouted across the room. "I have super speed and super strength! Even if you could catch me, you couldn’t hurt me! All your precious stakes would just splinter." Anna threw him a superlative stink-eye and stormed off."Look, what’s the deal?" I asked her later. "We’ve been talking about getting Edwards for months, and yeah, you got kind of… disenchanted with the idea, let’s say, but where’s all the hate coming from? He’s been a perfect gentleman from the day he got here."
"His presence is an insult to my family," she declared, whittling on a popsicle stick with her dagger. It was ominously stained with artificial cherry, as was my mouth. "The Valerii are descended from a PROUD RACE of VAMPIRE KILLERS. I am a PRINCESS. As the LEADER OF MY PEOPLE, I have RESPONSIBILITIES. And here in my village, there are CHILDREN and POLAR BEARS who must be PROTECTED.""Oh, come on! You haven’t talked with that wackadoo Fauxmanian accent in YEARS!"
"You will see! IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE GIVES IN TO HIS TRUE NATURE.""Oh, what, you’re too good for contractions now?"
"THIS IS MY HERITAGE!" she shouted, the popsicle stick snapping under her grip. "I spent good money on The Littlest Edward! Good money in a bad economy!"
"IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!"And then, her final break from reality came yesterday. Here I am, trying to write, and the next thing I know, a full-blown argument’s broken out:
"Anna, I already have a hat!" "It is not good enough! HE CAN HEAR YOU THROUGH IT." "This is RIDICULOUS. And so is your accent." "Just put this on under the hat, or over the hat, but you have to put it on—" "I DON’T WANT TO PUT IT ON!"I look over, and here comes Anna marching over with Iorek’s leftover skyfoil on her head.
"MAKE HER PUT IT ON!" "I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT ON!""I ain't makin' nobody put on nothin'," I said, holding up my hands.
Anna turned back to plead with Elizabeth: "If I talk to you, and you think about me talking to you, HE WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR THE THOUGHTS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH!" "Which would be all of them."Oh, BURN! What was THAT!
"You wanna fix this? Here’s an easy way: DON'T TALK TO ME." "Lizzie!"Awww, you guys!
(More from the Secret Life of Dolls; fan community)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:46 pm (UTC)Elizabeth how I love thee, not giving in to the insane alien prevention theory that Anna's finally succumbed to.
I did like the littlest Edward working on sorting the jewelery. That was priceless.
(I wonder what Anna will do next, start smearing peanut butter and honey concoction around her sleeping area?)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:47 pm (UTC)That would just make it worse, wouldn't it?
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Date: 2009-03-09 06:00 pm (UTC)Next to another vampire in the pack. How about Death Baby whatshername? That'll REALLY get Anna up in arms. Damn. Who could be next, one wonders. I know who I'd want it to be, but I don't think there are any figures of him available. Yet. ;) I'm watching closely for that.
The tin foil hat is soooo cute!
The "LIZZIE!!!" closing line had me in stitches.
who
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Date: 2009-03-09 04:47 pm (UTC)Also, your jewelry collection! *Is jealous*
Anna and Elizabeth fighting makes me sad.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:50 pm (UTC)Poor Anna. Poor Edward.
I think she must secretly have a crush on him... It's the only logical explanation for this obsession. Just wait til the stalking happens, then you know its true love. :D
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Date: 2009-03-09 06:12 pm (UTC)Also, hello there, awesome jewellery.
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Date: 2009-03-09 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-03-09 04:55 pm (UTC)That foil hat shot is PRICELESS.
Your jewelry is gorgeous, btw, as are your jewelry boxes.
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Date: 2009-03-09 04:57 pm (UTC)NOT MY DOLLEN OTP!
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Date: 2009-03-09 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 04:58 pm (UTC)Is there a therapist doll we can get for Anna to talk to? Or perhaps Galadriel can do an intervention or something? Someone needs to get it through Anna's tin foiled head that Edward isn't THAT kind of vampire.
Besides, the only one who's really in danger is... Iorek.
*GASP* Oh no! He wouldn't, would he??
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:20 pm (UTC)OMFGWTFBBQ!
Except...well, Edward liked pumas, didn't he. It was wassisface the crazy brother who liked bears.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:00 pm (UTC)I love this.
Also
And here in my village, there are CHILDREN and POLAR BEARS who must be PROTECTED.
As if Iorek Byrnison can't take care of himself and Lyra. Poor Anna is losing it, I think.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:02 pm (UTC)"Oh, come on! You haven’t talked with that wackadoo Fauxmanian accent in YEARS!"
AHAHAHAHAH! I love this because I only recently saw Van Helsing, and then I wondered if your Anna spoke like Kate Beckinsale did in the movie, which makes it even more lolarious.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:03 pm (UTC)*laughs and laughs and laughs*
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Date: 2009-03-09 06:39 pm (UTC)Also, Edward the Obsessive Jewelry-Sorter...*wipes more giggle-tears* I want a poster, a poster of Edward sorting jewelry over my dresser!!!
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:03 pm (UTC)Ed, if you break up my Doll!OTP I'm going to be v. v. put out.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:15 pm (UTC)*really kinda wants to use the last picture for her desktop*
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:17 pm (UTC)Silly Anna's taking a leaf out of Magneto's book.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:17 pm (UTC)Is Anna's hair that bushy. cute.
I kinda of like to see a little Edward/Lyra thing so when Bella eventually comes it's like...jailbait rivalry. ^_^
I love your Jewelry boxes, cabinets, hangers ( i think) and of course your Jewelry.
It's very colorful
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-10 11:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:25 pm (UTC)Anna shouting after Elizabeth made me sad.
Although the skyfoil hat is priceless.
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Date: 2009-03-09 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-09 05:31 pm (UTC)That seriously made me LOL.