The human is late for breakfast

[cleolinda]

I checked comment notification emails in the middle of the night (what? I get up for a drink of water a lot) and saw this: "I just needed to tell somebody-- I live down the block from a movie theatre...and I can hear them screaming from my house...they just keep screaming!"

THIS is the sparkling? I refuse to believe it. People who actually reviewed the movie have described it variously as "a human disco ball" and "like he's sweating glitter" and "like he's covered in blond fur" (wait, what?). At this size and resolution, it's just a weaksauce glow. It cannot be contained by a mere .wmv file or screencaps thereof. ("BELLA, I AM SUCH A MONSTER. LOOK AT MY ETHEREAL SHINE." "What? Edward, I dropped $60 at Sephora trying to get a glow like that!") You'll just have to laugh your ass off at the rest of the scene, I guess.

So my mother's shouting up the stairs, as she usually does right before she leaves work, you know, anything she feels the need to tell me before she leaves ("THE PLUMBER GUY SAYS HE WILL BE HERE BETWEEN EIGHT AND FIVE, OH, AND SCOUT'S THROWING UP AGAIN"), so today she shouts, "THEY JUST HAD SOMETHING ABOUT TWILIGHT ON FOX AND FRIENDS." Hey! I thought we agreed you weren't going to watch Fox News anymore! "THE GUY? THE GUY EVERYONE'S GOING CRAZY OVER?" I should stop here and say that last night she saw him on Access Hollywood last night and blurted out, "He looks like a greaser! What a waste!" (If she calls you a "greaser," just go on home. There's nothing more she's going to have to do with you. Also, apparently it's the '50s.) But this morning, she has had a change of heart: "HE KINDA LOOKS LIKE JOHNNY DEPP." What? "YOU KNOW, WITH THE NOT WASHING." Snerk. "THE WAY PEOPLE ARE GOING CRAZY OVER HIM, IT'S KIND OF LIKE HARRISON FORD AS INDIANA JONES OR JOHNNY DEPP AS JACK SPARROW. IT'S NOT HIM, IT'S THE CHARACTER." Well-spotted! Except... oh God, she just related Robert Pattinson and/or Edward to the two movie characters she is obsessed with. "I KINDA... WANT TO SEE IT NOW." This is the beginning of the end, y'all.

No review links, because I've already given you a couple of resources for those. On with the Twi-spam:

Kristen Stewart Blunder or David Letterman Stupidity?; Twilight Star's Letterman Disaster: Funniest Moments; full clip. I can't believe I'm saying this, but they really need to leave future talk-show appearances to Robert Pattinson. Who will be on Ellen sometime today, I believe. And had his long-awaited meeting with Tyra Banks, apparently (Vampire, Vamp Think Something Is Bloody Good Fun [Snap Judgment]).

Kristen Stewart Will Read Next 'Twilight' Book as Soon as the Check Clears [Adventures In Apathy]; Kristen Stewart’s (Big) Apple Adventures (man, those jeans are cute); Interview: 'Twilight' Star Kristen Stewart; Twihards are, predictably, total bitches to Kristen Stewart:

They also haven't been afraid of letting Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella Swan in the film based on Stephenie Meyer's series of books, know about their feelings for "Twilight" -- and Edward. Some have been downright disdainful, Stewart told CNN at the Los Angeles interviews for the film. "Very communicative looks," Stewart said. "Like, 'I'm just letting you know with this look that you're nothing special. ... I'm here for Edward, and I hope you don't ruin the movie.' It's really crazy."

Peter Facinelli promoting Twilight on Bonnie Hunt Show. Apparently he's given his ~*Cullen Family Crest*~ ring to charity, which is sweet.

Robert Pattinson is a Velvet Goldmine (apparently he and the Paramore chick did an event together); 'Twilight' vampire Pattinson considers stakes of fame, or, Secrets of The Hair ("People are scared of my hair. But it starts washing itself after about three weeks. I'm just saying that"); Pattinson Voted Hottest Male Movie Vampire (I'm sure there was no ballot-stuffing by the Twihards at all); Robert Pattinson, One Sexy Hufflepuff; Hunky vampire becomes breakout star; Stewart Reveals Secret Of Pattinson's Appeal; Pattinson Has Co-Star To Thank For Twilight Role.

Fuglight ("It's the hair. The unruly, slightly oily Edward hair that's damp with the sweat of restraint and clammy lust. They won't let me cut it, and it OWNS me. Is your dress made of sweatshirts?"); Fug the Cover: Kristen Stewart.

'Twilight' scene-stealer Anna Kendrick to costar opposite George Clooney.

Jacob and the Bad Vamps sing Miley Cyrus; 'Twilight' Co-Stars Edi Gathegi, Taylor Lautner And Rachelle Lefevre Talk 'Vampire Camp,' Potential Sequels; 'Twilight': Team Taylor briefs?

Twilight Cast Rocks Paramore’s “Lost Show.”

Attention Twilighters: Get Your Webcams Ready And Send Us Your ‘Twilight’ Movie Reactions! STOP THAT!

'Twilight' trivia challenge!

Vampires Ate Your Hair [Sci Fashion] ("Edward comes from a long line of ugly-haired Euro-American vampires in cinema, and we've got a rogues gallery of the worst vampire hair imaginable for you").

Will 'Twilight' Make Studio Turnaround Fashionable at Last? [Trade Secrets]

First 'Twilight' Reviews Confirm Appeal Among Girls, Cheesy FX Fans [Critics]; Entertainment Weekly Box Office Preview: 'Twilight' to suck up buckets of blood...and big bucks.

Place your bets, place your final bets:

[Poll #1301494]
ETA: Warning, there may be spoilers discussed in the comments.

ETA 2: From dramaturgca: San Francisco riot survivor wins The Vampire Volvo on Tyra after a pie-eating contest while Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner watch in disbelief. I just keep sitting here reading this over and over going, "What? What?"

Comments

[flaxenescapee.livejournal.com]

I chose the last two because, well.... my stupid movie theatre that I waited in line for 20 damn seconds to see the first of the new Star Wars movies when that insanity was happening... was packed to capacity, they had to open another screening room to fit everyone, and the lines were hundreds long when I arrived AN HOUR EARLY.

[soulforophelia.livejournal.com]

He totally looked like he had been dunked into a tank of glitter. I was kinda sad that it wasn't more prominent.

AND THERE IS A SCENE WHEN HE'S OUTSIDE AT SCHOOL AND THE SUN IS ON HIM. I was like INCONSISTENCY! But no one else seemed to notice.

[missjessica.livejournal.com]

I know! And then in the hotel with Alice and Jasper (can I possibly spoil anyone now?) I was like SUNLIGHT! SUNLIGHT! ARIZONA! but they managed to turn it off?

[pinkpiper222.livejournal.com]

I thought the sparkling was the most disappointing part of the movie...They could have done such a better job with that.

[sweetsyren.livejournal.com]

Lol Bless your mum!

Please tell me you're taking your mum to the pictures with you?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'm going with my best guy friend tomorrow, but my mother's trying to decide what movie she'd like to go see while she's off for Thanksgiving. Given that she still hasn't forgiven Daniel Craig for being blond, and considering what she just said this morning... I think I know.

[flaxenescapee.livejournal.com]

But no! Cleolinda! The sparkling actually made a twinkle twinkle noise!!


Okay, enough comments from me! I'm not stalking you, I promise. o_O

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

... I heard about that as well. ; )

[padawansguide.livejournal.com]

I was actually disappointed with the amount of sparkle. I was led to believe that it would be a disco-ball level of dazzlement, but it was more like low-level, weak twinkling.

[padawansguide.livejournal.com]

Oh, and you can steal my ill-gotten photo from my post for your gallery, if you want. Honestly, the sparkles did not show up hardly at all in the photo - they were obvious on screen - but hardly a disco-ball bonanza.

[palmetto.livejournal.com]

This movie has taken over NPR. D: It was on All Things Considered yesterday, Morning Edition this morning, and Summit's underwriting various shows so there are underwriting blurbs...arrrgh.

[venusad.livejournal.com]

NPR! You never cared about lame attempts at ratings before! DO NOT BETRAY ME FOR SPARKLES.

[allichaton.livejournal.com]

My best friend casually mentioned to me during dinner last night that, "A friend of mine is trying to get me to go see that Twilight movie with her on Saturday."

I blurted out, so loud the entire restaurant could hear me, "OH MY GOD NOT ON OPENING WEEKEND, JEN!"

And then a coworker made the mistake of telling me, "Wow, they're so popular. They must be masterpieces..."

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

"OH MY GOD NOT ON OPENING WEEKEND, JEN!"

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

[purple-chalk.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the sparkling clip, you just saved me ten bucks. I cannot sit through that, oh lord, I'm just too embarrassed for them.

[urox.livejournal.com]

That's what I was thinking. I was going to netflix this whenever it came out and I just don't think I can make it through the whole movie cringing at it all. The book was bad enough! And it's not *just* the dialogue. It's all the change-views of the camera as well. Like S. Meyer is stalking them. *Really* bad voyeuristic feelings.

[lilyrampant.livejournal.com]

The glitter thing was just wrong. and the whole unbuttoning his shirt so he could show her his manly glittery chest and happy trail of sparkles

They could have just glowed kinda like the characters in Legend.

I dont get the whole hair thing? I only saw it on his arms, but the chest? people had to have a nice HD movie for that one.

[more-dragoncelt.livejournal.com]

EVERYTHING glittered in Legend. Why couldn't they have just taken notes from that? Though it just made everything look *wet* but hey, pre-crazy Tom wasn't half bad that way.

[moogleybacon.livejournal.com]

I hear Twilight is sold out all over the country.

This is making more than 60 million. For sure.


Also, did you hear that girl in the Sparklemotion video make that weird purry-like noise? WTF was that? She sounded like a furby... god, I tell ya, there is a reason I'm going in the middle of the day on Monday: I am not dealing with the Twihards. (And my friends and I want the theater to ourselves.)

[flaxenescapee.livejournal.com]

FURBY!

[prncssaurora.livejournal.com]

So my friends and I have decided that tonight while we're in line at the theatre, we're going to act really confused as to what movie we're seeing. Is it a Harry Potter spin-off? That guy was in Harry Potter, wasn't he? Did Cedric come back to life? There's flying, but where is the Quidditch? Is Daniel Radcliffe going to make a cameo? So is Voldemort a vampire then? I don't get it.

We're going to get murdered by teenage girls, aren't we?

[venusad.livejournal.com]

I WANT VIDEO.

I wanted to go and loudly complain and say things such as:

Why aren't they killing people?!
Vampires don't Sparkle!
Why is he in highschool? Isn't he like 1000?!
WHERE'S LESTAT?!

[venusad.livejournal.com]

They actually made a good choice with the sparkling, because, you know, it wasn't actually sparkling. More like..overexposed film.
I'm dissapointed though. I had this great scene in my head where he whips off his shirt and disco ball's out. I wanted to laugh much harder than I did.

But what really killed me was when they mention the lion/lame thing (which, to their credit, is actually acted out pretty well), and the girls in the audience cheer.
And the swooning as they move closer and loud "Awwww!"'s? I burst out laughing so hard I got looks from the lobby (maybe I shouldn't watch such things at work)


Don't go to see twilight to actually watch the movie...go to watch the fans.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

That's why I'm going. Though watching the TwiMoms at my office is giving me quite the preview.

[bluinkalchemist.livejournal.com]

On a somewhat related note, and if I missed you posting a link previously I apologize:

Is there anywhere online I can watch full episodes of True Blood for free?

[venusad.livejournal.com]

If you know your way around bittorrent, you can DL them off any major torrent server...isohunt is my personal favorite.

[nihil-duce.livejournal.com]

I'm going to see a Finnish satanic heavy metal show tonight because the idea of being anywhere near the teen girl crowds at the theatres tonight scares the shit out of me.



Yeah, think about that one for a second.

[runa27.livejournal.com]

...makes perfect sense to me.

You don't mess with berserkers, i.e. insane people when they get violent, and some of those girls are just crazy enough to snap, you just know it. Plus, some of them probably have long fingernails or all kinds of sharp objects in their purses. You don't mess with people wearing long fingernails. You just don't. It's like fighting someone with claws.

Not, thank god, that I know this from experience.

[prix-etoile.livejournal.com]

I was shaking in silent giggles for the first half of the movie...either out of sheer "omg it's painful" or out of "KJDSGLDKF OMG IT'S NOT THAT BAD", I'm not sure.

But the sparkling. Oh god I lost it. My friend had to hug me to him to silence my laughs. At one point, I may have shrieked.


But I went with such LOOOOW expectations that they...did better than I ever thought they would :P

[leias-clone.livejournal.com]

Same here! It wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be, but my expectations were really, really low. I almost kind of liked it.

But there were plenty of parts where I could not keep the laughs in. I distinctly remember losing it at the part in the meadow where they're just laying in the grass, staring at each other for five minutes.

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

there was no sparkle at all on that youtube link - not that i could see *admittedly short-sighted* Surely you're right and mere wmv files can't hold it in.

The movie editor in me wanted to slap the production peeps around, omg, bad cuts, bad cuts!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I know! I couldn't see anything! I was so disappointed! Apparently you can see it on a forty-foot screen, though.

(Bad cuts! No biscuit!)

[miss-eponine.livejournal.com]

Maybe my eyes aren't working properly, but I cannot see any sparkling going on in that clip. It just looks like he's got sunlight in his face to me, no sparkling, and I am very disappointed. And that clip confirms it, I would get mauled for laughing at inappropriate moments and at the Twihards if I go see that movie.

[missjessica.livejournal.com]

A week ago I checked the $50 million mark but now I'm saying $30 million, after seeing it. Just because you can only stand so much before your brain starts to leak out your ears.

[zoethe.livejournal.com]

You're underestimating teenage girls. One word: Titanic.

[zoethe.livejournal.com]

Still fugly. Not My Edward.

:-P

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

this. yes.

[bardintraining.livejournal.com]

If your mom becomes a Twimom, it will ruin everything.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I don't think she'll ever become a straight-up Twimom; she's heard too much about the books from me. She'll say things like, "So was that before or after he chewed the baby out of her?" (deadpan look of disgust). But she does like Kristen Stewart (she likes Jodie Foster a lot, so of course she loves Panic Room), and I could see her developing a thing for Robert Pattinson. You know, the same thing everyone around here has developed: "Oh God, I want to take him home and feed him and HIDE HIM FROM THE CRAZY."

To Miss Cleo's anonymous mailer:

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

"..and I can hear them screaming from my house...they just keep screaming!"

It's the zombie horde eating their flesh, don't worry, the screaming will stop soon enough...

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

oh my god. that vid just kept making me go "if i get rick-rolled, it can only be better." where's the sparkle or the glow? glitter text on lj is stronger. not to mention how completely retarded that drama was inbetween the lines.

they.
talk.
like.
captain kirk.

SUCH DRAMA, OMG.

[heather.livejournal.com]

"you're like my own personal brand of heroin???"


...that's healthy.

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

You have just summed up the entire series in a two-word comment. You win!

[dramaturgca.livejournal.com]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081121/ap_en_ce/tv_tyra_banks_twilight_car;_ylt=AjHokml3PfAo3iY6VT0ngZSs0NUE

[pop-tothepeople.livejournal.com]

Good lord, that is amazing.

And his hair looks extra dirty on the pic.