Kind of a do-nothing day

[cleolinda]

Today's Journal Birthmonth Flashback: let's go with a story I absolutely did not make up.

By the way, y'all, I just checked the page where Edward Dollen is actually for pre-order (I'm guessing this is the NECA one? It's not the Tonner), and... it's only 7". The girls are--well, shit, I don't know. They're way shorter than Sleeping Beauty and Galadriel Barbie, and I thought Barbies were supposed to be 11-1/2"? Maybe there's some hope here?

So I go dig a purple plastic ruler that I have never had cause to use before in my life out of the file cabinet, and go over to The Shelf.

Toy Biz Galadriel steps forward,

and the girls all gather around. I hold up the ruler.

"Oh, wow. You're exactly eleven inches tall."

And then we all look down... down... down... to the seven-inch mark.

"That is... disappointing."

Fugagorn, who has dark circles under his eyes and a raging case of sex hair bedhead, looks rather chagrined himself.

"That... poor boy."

"He doesn't even come up to your waist? DON'T SAY IT, ANNA, DON'T YOU EVEN."

"Please, like he would even know how. You want some of this action, you're gonna need to do more than scrapbook first."

"Look, this was a lost cause from the beginning," says Purple Arwen, who has always been the most practical. "Look at his shoulders! His jacket is part of his body. You're not getting his clothes off, not ever. We're just going to have to wait for Tonner Edward Dollen. Which is what Cleo wanted to do anyway."

"But..." Galadriel looks over at my Ellowyne, who is a lot taller than the girls. "Wouldn't he be about her height?"

So Galadriel holds her hand up to the level of Galadriel Barbie's head--her fingertips just reach the twelve-inch mark --and I struggle around with the ruler (The Shelf is an enclosed space, after all) until I can get it turned upside down and rightways forward and we can measure the difference.

"I am sixteen and one-quarter inches, thank you very much," says Ellowyne primly. "Next time, just ask."

Well. That was unexpected.

"So... he'll be sixteen, probably seventeen inches with The Hair. That's... a lot of doll."

Ellowyne folds her arms with... is that a smug look on her face?

"Oh HELL no--"

We all take a step back. Very quietly.

"You're just gonna sit on MY shelf for how long now and not say a damn word and then when we finally get a man in here you're just going to waltz in and take him based on your sizeist assumptions? What are you supposed to be, eleven years old? YOU THINK YOU'RE WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS ON? BECAUSE I TOOK DOWN THE WITCH-KING OF FUCKIN' ANGMAR AND BITCH I'LL FUCKIN' TAKE YOUR CANDY ASS ANY DAY THAT ENDS IN Y."

(There was a moment there where we all expected Fugagorn to go "HEY!," so we look over at him and he is giving us a very tiny, wide-eyed head-shake.)

And then Ellowyne crouches down with her hands on her knees and says, very clearly:

"BRING IT, SHORTBREAD."

Awwwww hell.


(More from the Secret Life of Dolls.)

Comments

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

There are NO words for how much I love you right now. Seriously. Oh my god. I'm seeing this IN MY HEAD.

*dead of happy, hysterical laughter*

[christigilly.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I T A. Srsly.

[lalumena.livejournal.com]

You would think there would be some kind of doll size standard? But apparently...not.

[madelrocio7.livejournal.com]

Your icon = epic win.

I saw Lost in Austen yesterday and I loved it.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Things are gonna get nasty in the doll world. Very very nasty.

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

*dies* I can't look across the room at my Ellowynes without sporfling now....

[elirrina.livejournal.com]

Yayyy! More Secret Life of Dolls!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

And you get two installments today!

... I have no idea what's wrong with me.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

You have an Ellowyne? Oh, I am envious.

I am also creeped out by the NECA Edward doll, but am secure in the knowledge that if one somehow appeared at my house, clovisdvlbunny would rip the head off while I was sleeping peacefully.

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

Doll war. That...that never ends well.

[kitsune17.livejournal.com]

I spent about a decade of my life in a comic shop, and 7" is about average for an action figure. McFarlane tends to ignore this general unspoken rule, but when figures come out based on movies and/or comics, they generally fall in the 5-9" category. (Depending on the size of the character they're meant to be portraying. Unless the toymaker is lazy. Then they're all the same size.)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The thing is, 11-12" is standard for smaller dolls, as opposed to figures, and the prototype pic was so small and fuzzy that I thought maybe it was a doll (wearing fabric, rooted hair, whatever. I mean, my Toy Biz dolls are ~$20, but they all do). I didn't realize that, you know, his jacket was going to be part of his body and all. : (

"clearly she lost grips with reality"

[discogravy.livejournal.com]

When they find you -- surrounded by tiny yapping dogs, telling an Edward-Cullen-looking-boy in a dry well "IT RUBS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN TO MAKE IT SPARKLE" -- I'm sure that this post will be a key piece of evidence in the trial.

Re: "clearly she lost grips with reality"

[hulamoth.livejournal.com]

{is dead}

[headphone.livejournal.com]

you are making me want to pull my Scarlett O'Hara dolls out of storage!

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Scarlett is probably very displeased with storage. Unless it reminds her of Tara.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahahahahahaha! Awesome.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

These posts make me so happy. :D I should've mentioned the size thing - I knew that was going to be an issue for the girls with the Tonner, but I didn't realize the NECA would be so...petite. And frightening. Petitely frightening.

Ellowyne is secretly a Twilight fangirl. It suits her.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Who's the guy doll in the Ellowyne line? Rufus somebody? Poor Rufus. He hasn't got a chance.

[thefireisblack.livejournal.com]

I'm very surprised (and albeit a bit disappointed) that no one said "size does matter" in all this XD

As for the other dolls, maybe they'll get lucky and Mattel will try to cash in with a Bella Barbie and Edward Ken? (oh dear.)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hey, I try not to go for the easy jokes. ; )

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

(There was a moment there where we all expected Fugagorn to go "HEY!," so we look over at him and he is giving us a very tiny, wide-eyed head-shake.)

And then Ellowyne crouches down with her hands on her knees and says, very clearly:

"BRING IT, SHORTBREAD."

I'm dying over here.

You know what you need to get for them, right? RIGHT? HIM (http://www.forbiddenplanet.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=36897).

HE TALKS. HE GIVES THE SPEECH.

Tell me that hearing that speech wouldn't turn that entire shelf on. GO ON, TELL ME. And he has LOTS of knives. Hee.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh God. Anna would go apeshit for that. And I would have to write all his dialogue with V words, oh God.

[thelovely2.livejournal.com]

Someone should totally make an "IT HAS STRIPES" icon!
Poor Fugagorn... but I have to say I still lose my sh*t every time the sex hair is mentioned. Again I say, POOR FUGAGORN!

[jharrison19.livejournal.com]

oh yay!!! There's hope for a good Edward doll!

[the_rainbow_jen]

Thank you, Cleo, for bringing some light into my life this evening I think I peed myself laughing

[lilgoala.livejournal.com]

Either I'm special or the "Possible Players" links in your "Secret Life" wiki all point to the Sweeney Todd entry.

And I kind of want to buy you all these dolls myself just so I read more entries about them. lol

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I think it's supposed to be pointing to the entry the character was discussed in, and most of them were in that entry? I'm not even sure now what I was doing there.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Llllet's get ready to RRRRUUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBBLLLLLLLE!!!

[r0ck3tsci3ntist.livejournal.com]

"BRING IT, SHORTBREAD."

*cheers*

(actually Ellowyne seems like Edward's type - what with the age difference. just saying)

[queenofattolia.livejournal.com]

I dunno - Edward Dollen looks a lot more like Dr. Robert of the Blow Monkeys (yes, I am a sad relic of the '80s) than Pattinson.

To wit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThfrfBlOE5E

Yeah.

ahHahah, I think I saw an actual GHOST

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

http://jwaneeta.livejournal.com/186993.html

How cool is that? I copied the museum. I'm so stoked!

[ailaes.livejournal.com]

FIGHT FIGHT!!!



This is so much my favorite soap opera, hee.

[janetlin.livejournal.com]

Poor Eowyn. She really just needs to get laid.

[ladykorana.livejournal.com]

Eowyn needs to get her hands on the Legolas Ken doll. He's more than pretty enough to give Edward a run for his money! (But does he sparkle?) ;-)