The Sparkledammerung is HERE

[cleolinda]

Just to get it out of the way before the real linkspam tomorrow. But first: I spent most of the day sleeping. Y'all, I was limp yesterday after finishing the Breaking Dawn recap. (Welcome, new friends! Sit down, stay a while.)

Book Stokes Vampire Fever at Stores’ Parties; ‘Breaking Dawn’ Midnight Madness Hits Bookstores Everywhere, And We Were There; One ‘Twilight’ Fan — And MTV Staffer– Has Night To Remember At Stephenie Meyer Concert Event; 'Breaking Dawn' concert: On scene. (Also, from the "With Fans Like These..." files: "I like that it was written by a mom, not a writer.")

And then, "Breaking Dawn" sells over 250,000 copies in first day, second only to the Harry Potter books (Deathly Hallows sold, uh... 11 million copies its first day).

And then... people read it. And someone came up with "Don't Burn It, Return It":

Just got back from Borders, where they took back my book with no problem. Got into a discussion with the cashier about how I was the 15th(!!!) person to bring my book back today. Seems like many customers felt that SM was not true to her characters and her self created Twilight world, and are calling foul.

I returned mine to borders as well, and there was quite a stack of them in the return pile.

So... wow. And I've seen at least a dozen or two up on half.com/eBay already. And it came out yesterday.

(ETA: More anecdotal evidence at iworkatborders.)

So here's what I want to know: if you did get the book, what are you going to do with it now?

[Poll #1234752]
Feel free to direct people over here to take the poll, by the way--I'm curious to see what people plan to do.

Comments

[letmypidgeonsgo.livejournal.com]

I so want to buy it just to return it :D

There's a comment in an ONTD post about BD where someone says her sister, who works at Borders, has called her every time someone came in to return it...the total was 14 as of her comment. She also said she was trying to tell people, at first, that they couldn't return it, just for the lulz.

[eleigh.livejournal.com]

I so want to buy it just to return it

Hee! I was just thinking the same thing but I have no desire to read these books so I'm not going to spend money on one even to return it. But that doesn't mean I can't find it hilarious.

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

SPARKLEDAMMERUNG! WOOOO! *dons viking helmet and sequined cape* aight i'm ready let's do this

...

as soon as I stop laughing at "Seems like many customers felt that SM was not true to her characters and her self created Twilight world", anyway

...

this might take a while

[bluepapermate.livejournal.com]

I teach high school English and my girls are WILD about these books. I've been able to justify buying them because I can tell myself that they'll go straight into my classroom library.

(Except, confession: I took them back and now they're in my study at home. I DON'T KNOW WHY. Because they're pretty. Whatever.)

[discogravy.livejournal.com]

Y'all, I was limp yesterday

You and Edward both, apparently.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Zing!

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

I am going to keep mine along with the rest. I like to have the complete set of the most cracktastic books of the last 50 years. Is it bad that I can't wait to see what Twilight is going to be like rewritten from Edward's point of view? :D

I am wondering what this backlash will do for the movie release.
I am reading through the comments on the ONTD Breaking Dawn post. Very Lulz with a bit of pissed off comments sprinkled throughout.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I CANNOT WAIT FOR MIDNIGHT SUN! PLEASE MAKE IT COME OUT SOON, I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD!

Um. Yeah. I have all the books in hardback, acquired AFTER I read the e-books for free. But then, I started reading the books for the lulz, so I was the exact opposite of disappointed when this one came out.

(And yeah, I've started wondering about the movie release myself.)

[serenenuit.livejournal.com]

That's some strong hatin' when you return a book. There are books that I don't like, but I've never returned one and said, "Here, take this sh!t back! DNW!!"

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Seriously! I've given books away but I've never actually RETURNED one before, damn.

"Here, take this sh!t back! DNW!!"

It would be hilarious if the return bin got labeled "DO NOT WANT."

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

And the fall-out just keeps getting more amazing/interesting by the day.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I swear, I have never seen a fandom about-face like this before in my life. I mean, I've seen them--a lot of them--just not one like this.

[nohara-megami.livejournal.com]

I'm keeping it, only because I'm one of those people who feels the need to own a complete set of something.

[glenvorian.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean! It irritates me if I don't have a complete set of something. That's the only reason I still keep Anne Rice books on my shelf.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Already people are returning it? My only question is, how come they're not returning the other ones, too?/catty

[septimus.livejournal.com]

Don't you need a receipt to return them? I wouldn't have a receipt for a book I bought over a year ago...

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

I only got mine because I got a free t-shirt for buying it, and I gave that away to a friend. But I did enjoy reading bits and pieces of it, for the same reason that people pay to go to monster truck rallies. I figure if fandom's going to explode, I want to be there on the front row with popcorn in hand.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

You win. I love you.

But you know that already, right?

*uses Sirius/Remus smoochies icon, just for you*

[la-petite-singe.livejournal.com]

Wow, that many people returned it?! Damn, that's harsh. I just like that it's still #2 on Amazon. :D Beedle pwns you! And it still has around three stars. So maybe there's a shred of hope for humanity left after all.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Someone was saying that the really vicious one-star reviews were being deleted--probably for not complying with Amazon's policies, by making threats or being obscene, I would guess. So if that's true, the rating should technically be even lower.

[septimus.livejournal.com]

I never bought it, and I'm glad I didn't preorder it. If I had bought it, I would return it.

I'm glad some people aren't being stupid and burning the books. IMO that isn't as impressive as the scores of people returning their books and getting money back.

[tabbyclaw.livejournal.com]

Not as impressive, and also Crazy Woman keeps their money.

[cantinera.livejournal.com]

My option wasn't up there since I borrowed it (I work at BN and we have a book loan program), but I chose the option to cherish it because it is so awesomely bad that if I owned it? The book would get totally cherished.

Still not going to spend money on it though. ;)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah. I needed to vote so I could more conveniently watch the bar graph, so I chose "cherish" for the same reason.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Good lord, people are RETURNING the book? Daaaaaamn. I am agog at the notion, and really wonder if the idea will take off with all the disgruntled readers of BD.

(True Confession: i am not going to purchase a new copy, because I don't want to give my money to her. I was planning on buying used all along.)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I really think it might take off--not with all of them, but I think a lot of people are feeling very angry right now, and if they take it back in the heat of the moment (uh... the heat of the next couple of days?), this could turn into a semi-big deal.

[anterastilis.livejournal.com]

I've instructed my schtepdaughter to be careful with it (she is 14 and usually pretty good at not bending pages/etc), and then I'll take it to work with me. I'm a librarian and I'll just add it to the collection.

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

Dammit, now I need to read these books, just for the crack-tasticness.

Mike Nelson & co. need to get the audiobooks and do RiffTrax.

[barrelgoddess.livejournal.com]

This is the best idea ever.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I am keeping this book forever and ever.

And whenever I am down and need a really good laugh, I will just flip it open to any page containing the word 'Renesmee.'

I have returned one book: Narcissus in Chains by Laurell K. Hamilton. Because OMG that shit was bad.

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

"YOU NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!"

And then I lunged for his throat.

*happysighs*

[undying-rose17.livejournal.com]

I think that's why it's called Breaking Dawn...it's as if hundreds of thousands of teenage girls suddenly woke up and realized that the books they were in love with were actually, you know, bad. Like the saying we have here in MA that "Light dawns on Marblehead."

[macbethchild.livejournal.com]

it's as if hundreds of thousands of teenage girls suddenly woke up and realized that the books they were in love with were actually, you know, bad.

Win.

[nimlotbradamant.livejournal.com]

Awww. I feel really sorry for Meyer.

As someone who was profoundly bored by the first book and hasn't touched the others (nor has any intention of touching the others) I have to say, if I was going to enjoy any of them, I'd enjoy Breaking Dawn, In Which Bella Finally Stops Sucking. Or, Starts, But As A Vampire, Which Is My Point.

Turns out I will never overestimate Twilight fans' nitwittery.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, I'm starting to feel bad for her too--I really started to dig Vampire Bella after three books of emo. The last third of the BD is a minor masterpiece of Twinkie fluff, seriously. So I'm really shocked that this is somehow not what her "real" fans wanted.

[corky-dork.livejournal.com]

I decided that I wasn't going to buy it before it came out. It made no logical sense for me to just randomly decide that, but there you go. So I tried reading it in the bookstore. That ended in failure.

Bless you and your recap.

But I think I'd return it. Generally I'd donate things like that, but I didn't even actually purchase it and I wanted my money back. It took hours of reading Gorillaz: Rise of the Ogre to make my mind stop screaming.

[azuresquirrel.livejournal.com]

In the immortal words of Nelson Muntz, "HAW haw!"

I'm really curious about that supposed parody SMeyer wrote. If she thought THIS would make the fans happy then what did she think would make them UNHAPPY? Curious minds demand to know!

[gwynnywonk.livejournal.com]

I think that if this was all some elaborate ruse that SMeyer thought up, like "let's get all these teenagers devoted to this series and then break their minds" I would be SO PLEASED. Seriously, she would be my new favorite person.

[macbethchild.livejournal.com]

I almost want to buy it just to return it and pitch a drama fit ("How COULD she do this to me?? MY Edward would NEVER act that way!!" huff, stomp, hair-flick, eye-roll, sob, et cetera), but really I can't be bothered to waste the gas money :)

I chose the "other" option in your poll. I pirated it via Bittorrent. Like hell was I going to give that woman a cent more of my money ("better than Harry Potter," my fat ass), but... it's been a stressful week, and I really needed the sparkly sparkly lulz, you know?

Also, once I saw you had a commentary up, I knew I had to read it just so I could get your commentary. (Priceless, btw. You made my day ^_^)

I have a small request, now that I think about it: M15M the Twilight movie? ...PLEEEEEASE??

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You say that like I wasn't already planning on doing it. : )

[elbales]

Wow, this is just loltastic. I mean, srsly. Stacks of them coming back? Cue schadenfreude!

[bibsy.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'm giving it and my copy of New Moon to my friend as a going-away present. She's been wanting to read the series, and I'm saving her half the money.

[laddical.livejournal.com]

Icon love!

[delicatetruth.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of getting it to read but I've horrifed and grossed out and want nothing near it, and I admit I loved the first book but just...no. no.