Well, I feel better for having accomplished something

[cleolinda]

I still can't get over The Happening (here in Fifteen Minutes). It's the kind of movie that's soooo bad (HOW BAD WAS IT?) that you desperately want to make other people watch it so they can commiserate with you. Because they are not going to believe you if you just tell them how bad it was. I did make up a few things in the parody... but not enough. The hot dogs? Totally there. Talking to the tree? Totally happened. "Cheese and crackers"? Please, like I could make that up. Jake the hot kid? Unf. (Something I did not render accurately: Elliot doesn't offer to sing--he goes ahead and does it anyway. Because that's how you know he's not toxinated! OF COURSE.) And yet, somehow? The first draft was even stupider. I thought the movie as filmed was a benchmark in anvilicity ("YOU DESERVE THIS!"), but apparently the Power of Our Heroes' Love Omg ACTUALLY, EXPLICITLY SAVED THEM in the original version. Because the trees (who are directed to "WHISPER MISCHIEVOUSLY"), you see, are just like Marky Mark's mood ring and they are "weeding out their emotions" but Alma repented of her extramarital tiramisu in time and really? REALLY?

(You know why last night's discussion entry was [I realize now] an uninspired rehash of things I basically said in the parody itself? Because my brain was dribbling out of my ears at the time. Oh my God, please go see this movie. I can't endure this burden by myself. It's like Frodo carrying the Ring or something. It BURNS US, preciousss.)

Meanwhile: The Legendary Stan Winston Has Died after battling cancer for seven years. In Memoriam: Stan Winston:

Aliens earned Stan Winston his first Oscar. But the visual effects genius, who succumbed to multiple myeloma yesterday at the age of 62, hardly stopped at outer-space shenanigans. Though Winston majored in painting and sculpture in college, and went to Hollywood with dreams of making it as a actor, he found more work on the other side of the lens. In the early '80s, he set up his own studio and worked with James Cameron on the surprise box-office hit The Terminator (1984). The success of that film lead to a fruitful partnership between the two men — notably, Aliens and Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) — and he and Cameron went on to found the renowned F/X shop Digital Domain.

Over the course of his career, Winston earned four Oscars (including two for the makeup and visual effects in T2 and another for the groundbreaking dinosaurs of 1993's Jurassic Park) and multiple nominations — impressive in any category. His other work includes (but is hardly limited to) Predator (1987), Edward Scissorhands (1990), Batman Returns (1992), Interview with the Vampire (1994), Pearl Harbor (2001), Iron Man (2008), and several other films currently in production.

The Tonys Spread the Glory Around; Stars Fail To Shine At The 62nd Annual Tony Awards; Theatre Geeks Weep.

Megan Meier case goes to federal court; Not guilty plea in MySpace suicide case.

Lesbian couple of 55 years ready to say 'I do.'

Associated Press: Unclear on the Concept of Fair Use; The Associated Press wants to charge you $12.50 to quote five words from them. SHHHHPFFFFFFFFF.

Charging by the Byte to Curb Internet Traffic.

Virgin Media cable says that the record industry is in charge of your router configuration.

Batwoman Will Finally Come Out.

Emma Watson to take over Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle from Keira Knightley.

Hugh Laurie gets free Burger King for life.

from not_tragedi: FAQ: So You Have a Demon.

Troy McClure Film or Actual Terrible Movie?

Images: 'Tropic Thunder' pics; 'Ninja Assassin' Photos Contain Dishearteningly Little Ninja Assassining' Clive Owen filming 'The International' in NYC; Wolverine set pics; 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' Poster Premiere; New Scarlett Johansson Poster for 'The Spirit'; ‘Sex Drive’ Poster (ah, subtle); Johnny Depp in The Daily Record (I... I'm not sure what's going on here. Is this a set pic from 'Public Enemies'? Does he always drink wine in his knee-highs?).

Trailers and clips: New Wall-E Featurette - Pixar Goes Space Age ("Oscar nominated cinematographer Roger Deakins actually worked on the film as a visual consultant"); Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway Go Unscripted; Vote For Your Favorite Watchmen TV Commercials.

trailer_spot: Death Race, Miracle at St. Anna, Bottle Shock, Diminished Capacity, Clone Wars.

Robert Downey Jr. Will Be Your Huckleberry ['Cowboys & Aliens'].

Marvel Wants DiCaprio, Pitt for 'Captain America.'

James McAvoy Continues Shooting Down ‘Hobbit’ Rumors But Tells Us Who Should Play Bilbo.

Christian Bale: 'The Joker' Did Not Kill Heath Ledger; 'The Dark Knight': The Set Visit.

The Incredible Hulk: The Truth About Edward Norton vs. Marvel.

Astro Boy Voice Cast Announced: " 'Astro Boy' will feature the voices of Academy Award-winning actor Nicolas Cage, Donald Sutherland, Nathan Lane, Bill Nighy and Eugene Levy with Freddie Highmore in the title role."

Watch Out for 'The Thaw'! If the icebergs start rustling at me, I swear, I am outta there.

Vatican bans Dan Brown film Angels & Demons from Rome churches.

Next Movie-Turned-Musical: 'A Fish Called Wanda.'

Eva Mendes Joins 'Bad Lieutenant' - Herzog Says It's Not a Remake.

Before y'all start emailing me the link: See 'Serenity' on the Big Screen and Fight for Lady Power.

Mike Myers: Portrait of the Artist as a Just Another Sulky, Needy Genius.

Fans Of Cult Flick ‘Troll 2′ Invading Tiny Utah Town.

Kate Beckinsale Demands a Booty Double because she claims hers is too big. Judging from the accompanying picture, I am going to say that it is, in fact, 1) proportionally somewhat big and 2) spectacular. May God strike me with an ass like that, and may I never recover.

Comments

[bullgoose-loony.livejournal.com]

I stand firmly by my opinion that Martin Freeman would be PERFECT for The Hobbit.

I'm excited for this movie anyways; I love the book so much.

[eruvadhril.livejournal.com]

MARTIN FREEMAN OMG YES PLEASE

[marginaliana]

I really adore your linkspam, because I always come across the absolutely most random ass things and then I get to amaze other people with them. Hugh Laurie getting Burger King for life is going to keep me going with elevator chitchat for days!

[akathorne.livejournal.com]

I gotta say, I have no intention of watching The Happening, but I'm really enjoying watching it drive you insane. I'm a little sadistic sometimes, I think.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

And you know from Twilight that it's so incredibly easy! *shakes wee fist*

[aurora.livejournal.com]

I think The Happening could be considered a terrorist weapon...because it just might cause a brain aneursym ala Lewis Black's theory (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lak-5I6jdhQ). (this is sadly the only version of the bit i could find online...)

Marky Mark really did deserve to get shot by the random dude in the house. The singing was so bad I actually cringed...along with any other time he opened his mouth.

[trash-addict.livejournal.com]

Um, really, Emma Watson? I love the girl, but there is something...off about that.

Cleo, the beautiful thing about the m15m of The Happening is that it's supposed to save me from seeing this apparently wretched thing. Maybe on DVD. Or bootlegged ;)

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it's because 90% of the time we see her dressed as Hermione and as much as we love her, Miss Granger does not have time to be the poster girl for Chanel.

[godspeedrevolt.livejournal.com]

The Vatican continues to be awesome.

[brainchild129.livejournal.com]

I love A Fish Called Wanda like a great big loveable thing - it's one of my favorite movies EVER - but I don't think I could quite see it working as a musical. Though if it must be done, I would rather have John Cleese doing it, as he wrote it originally and all that.

(ok, I could see them doing a reoccuring song for Otto called "Don't Call Me Stupid", but still...not the first film I would think of that could work as a musical)

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

Considering how long it's been since I watched The Simpsons on anything resembling a frequent basis, I'm pleased to have landed a 67% score on the Troy McClure quiz.

The less I say about Kate Beckinsale's derrière, the less likely I am to be thumped soundly in tender places by my girlfriends.

[apocalyptically.livejournal.com]

Wait, was the mood ring for real?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, it was totally real. The only part I made up is that Jess did not actually laugh *at* the mood ring; he was able to use the mood ring to make her laugh unironically. All that crap about the color meaning "horny" and not "in love" while they're worried about dying in the springhouse? That's pretty much verbatim from the movie.

[stringertheory.livejournal.com]

OMG I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

The Happening was so terrible. And what made it even worse was 1) It could have been brilliant, and 2) I had such hopes for it.

I may never recover, though your m15m on it definitely helped the healing process.

[erinlin.livejournal.com]

Kate Beckinsale Demands a Booty Double because she claims hers is too big.

This looks like a job for Sir Mix-A-Lot!

[thunderhowl.livejournal.com]

He does enjoy large posteriors and is unable to prevaricate.

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Tropic Thunder looks sooooo good.

[dvoid-03.livejournal.com]

Right there with you on The Happening. I actually went in wanting to like it, and I found the first few depictions of the toxin affecting people creepy. And I had hope. Oh, fleeting, naive hope.

And then came the actual characters. I think about the time Alma explained her own character flaw ("I hide my emotions, too, Jess!") even after we'd been hit over the head with it about a billion times was when I realized that it was going to be a long, painful movie.

John Leguizamo was the only tolerable character in that movie and I spent the rest of the time after he died trying to figure out if the answer he gave for that math riddle was really true. (Yes.)

And also when is death by lion ever the most efficient way to kill yourself? I swear, I think the F/X guy just mixed up a giant vat of fake blood and BY GOD they were going to use it ALL.

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Tropic Thunder looks sooooo good.

[tyee.livejournal.com]

It's the kind of movie that's soooo bad (HOW BAD WAS IT?) that you desperately want to make other people watch it so they can commiserate with you. Because they are not going to believe you if you just tell them how bad it was.

Have you considered writing Dan Brown books in 15 minutes?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But... to do that, I would have to read them.

[misachan.livejournal.com]

Oh maaaaaan. From that headline I actually thought RDJ was playing Doc Holiday. I don't think it's possible to make a movie about the Earps and Doc that could top Tombstone, but if RDJ was in the role I'd definitely give it a chance.

[oldfeatheryhat.livejournal.com]

Irony of the day? Clicking on the NY Times article about bandwidth regulations led me straight to a video ad that I had to skip to get to the actual article. Hmmmm...

[divabat.livejournal.com]

Bandwith regulation online is pretty common in Australia. Coming from Malaysia, where internet is theoretically unlimited ("theoretically", because there's still some limit, but it's pretty high), this annoys me. Damn quota!!

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

RIP, Stan Winston. (Is it odd to feel so fond toward someone whose work scared the crap bejeesus out of me on a regular basis?)

If the icebergs start rustling at me, I swear, I am outta there. — I think cracking and groaning are more likely.

Re: Kate B’s back — daaayummm, girlfriend’s backyard is perky.

[bri-chan.livejournal.com]

I have so much love and respect for Stan Winston, his work inspired me to be a better artist. It breaks my heart that he's gone.

[bibsy.livejournal.com]

As long as MTV doesn't somehow twist A Fish Called Wanda into a reality show, I'm good.

[edda.livejournal.com]

1.) Go see Iron Man again. You'll feel better.

2.) I, too, am in need of that sort of booty. Also the proportionally-balanced surrounding areas to match it.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

STAN WINSTON?! F*** I had no idea he was even sick... Hetah Ledger, Roy Scheider, Arthur C Clarke, Brad Renfro... I officially hate 2008 in terms of Celebrity death now...

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

I remember, only a few weeks ago, smiling and nodding when Stan Winston's name popped up in the Iron Man credits. The man is gone, but his work remains.

[cleojones.livejournal.com]

Gracias, Senorita. :D

That's a very fine parody, indeed.