This just in

[cleolinda]

Solar system loses a planet. Which, to us laypeople, sounds a little like declaring that there are now only six days in a week. Meanwhile, Pluto and Tom Cruise are down at a bar drowning their sorrows. "Fourteen years! I was with them for fourteen years!" "Try seventy-six, crybaby!"

Ten show concepts that would still be less stupid, inflammatory, and/or ill-advised (pick one) than Four Square Racial War Survivor:

1. Geeks vs. jocks


2. PC vs. Mac


3. Democrats vs. Republicans


4. Bulimics vs. anorexics


5. East Coast vs. West Coast


6. Deaf-mutes vs. amputees


7. Two-legs vs. four-legs


8. Jews vs. Nazis


9. Christians vs. lions


10. Ninjas vs. robots

Allen called Sidarth a what?

And somewhere, Mark Burnett's like, "If they won't let him legislate anymore, we should totally hire that guy for our show."



ETA: People, ninjas vs. pirates is not on the list because that would be a good idea. Ninjas vs. robots is a fundamentally flawed (i.e., stupid) idea because seawater would rust the robots (she said, with a perfectly straight face).

Comments

[count-01.livejournal.com]

Four legs good, two legs better.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

TWO LEGS BAAAAD!

Wait...

[musikologie.livejournal.com]

I would watch Ninjas vs. Robots. However, I won't watch the new Survivor. Seriously, what the fuck, CBS?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, *I* would watch Ninjas vs. Robots, but I don't know how the Robot-American community would feel about it.

[oya-yansa.livejournal.com]

Which, to us laypeople, sounds a little like declaring that there are now only six days in a week.

Not to mention Scorpios who believe in astrology are bereft. Having a reigning dwarf is just not the same.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Although Dwarves live underground and Pluto is Lord of the Underworld, so...then again, having Gimli from Lord of the Rings for a sex symbol has to cramp your style.

I'm a Capricorn. You can borrow Saturn 'til we get the whole mess straightened out.

[thunderphoenix.livejournal.com]

What will my very educated mother just serve us now?

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

Nachos?

[madbard.livejournal.com]

Isn't it time astronomers got jobs? It's clear they're bored and just trying to stir up controversy. I say we freeze their wages until we discover faster-than-light travel.

[koritsimou.livejournal.com]

Mr. Allen should come to my hometown and repeat that shit. They'd turn him into Allen McNuggets.

[edda.livejournal.com]

As a native Virginian, I will do everything in my power to make that a reality.

[azuresquirrel.livejournal.com]

Geeks vs. Jocks? I thought that was what "Beauty and the Geek" was for (no, never watched it, don't get me started).

No Pluto?!?!? Does no one else see the true tragedy in this? The loss of Sailor Pluto, the most badass of sailor senshi? (she has the power of motherfuckin time so it'd be like those motherfuckin' snake were never even on the motherfuckin' plane)

[vkitty.livejournal.com]

No Pluto?!?!? Does no one else see the true tragedy in this? The loss of Sailor Pluto, the most badass of sailor senshi? (she has the power of motherfuckin time so it'd be like those motherfuckin' snake were never even on the motherfuckin' plane)

Dude, that's what I was about to say! What's Sailor Pluto now? A frickin' Sailor Star?

[brittastic14.livejournal.com]

dude, I would pay good money to see all those survivors but Pirates vs. cowboys would be awesome too! oh and Tom Cruise is such a crybaby!LOL

[yarha.livejournal.com]

It doesn't *seem* like Tom Cruise is totally heartbroken. I dunno. Serves the fucker right. Whatever.

As Mork said, "Don't go to Pluto, it's a doggy planet."

Racial wars? Can TV get stupider than it is? Probably so. How about 'Lawyers vs Lawyers'?

Help! I need a verb for 'to make more pompous' to prevent me from coining pomposify. English just ain't got the right stuff.

Yarha, Coining Words If Not Money

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I was half expecting the Aide's name to be something close, like 'Maccas' but no. This Senator dude is a complete douchebag.

[enid-keaner.livejournal.com]

Douchebag isn't enough to cover what he is. He was my state's gov and I cannot stand him.

[sound-of-bells.livejournal.com]

The New York Times' Op-Ed page has been OBSESSING about the whole Pluto thing for weeks. My mom and I just sort of stared at it going, "...tf?" And the number of people who wrote in letters in was kind of... odd. I mean, I'm the last person who should be talking, but - you have nothing to do besides write in letters to the New York Times about Pluto? *shakes head*

It's all very strange. But the right thing to do, I guess, since the alternative is adding something like forty more, and that would just be really confusing...

[skeletonhorse.livejournal.com]

Icon love! Here, have an internets. You won it, fair and square.

# Ninjas vs. robots ????

[kdorian.livejournal.com]

DUUUDE!

It's # Ninjas vs. PIRATES!

Re: # Ninjas vs. robots ????

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But you see, that wouldn't be a stupid idea; that would be an awesome idea. Ninjas vs. robots would be a very stupid idea because the robots would rust out on a desert island very quickly.

[absolute-tash.livejournal.com]

Pirates V. Ninjas is strangely absent...I'd watch that.

Seriously, my favorite part is when Probst calls it "valuable social experiment." We'll learn and grow from this mediocre television. There are so many sociological lessons that highly edited television shows can teach us! I'm smelling a Nobel Prize here....

[scornedsaint.livejournal.com]

And somewhere, Mark Burnett's like, "If they won't let him legislate anymore, we should totally hire that guy for our show."

Please hire him, Burnett. Don't let him ruin our already screwed-up state.

Which, to us laypeople, sounds a little like declaring that there are now only six days in a week.

And means that I can no longer sing that peppy little song about the planets I learned in kindergarten. "These are the planets that we know, round and round the sun they go!" no more.

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Sung to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell: "The family of the sun, the family of the sun, there are 9 planets in the family of the sun!"

*tear* (http://www.nasm.si.edu/research/ceps/etp/ss/ss_fots.html)

[edda.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, Pluto and Tom Cruise are down at a bar drowning their sorrows. "Fourteen years! I was with them for fourteen years!" "Try seventy-six, crybaby!"

You should be writing jokes for The Daily Show. I'm totally serious.

I never watched Survivor before and am not likely to start now. (I note with interest, however, that one of the contestants is a.) a boxer/waitress and b.) named Parvati, which sounds Indian, which makes me wonder what 'division' she falls under per the producers. Sen Allen: "Hey, hon! I think Macaca's sister is on TV!")

Speaking of Senator Allen, all I can say is, Welcome to Virginia, Cradle Of Republican WASPs! State Motto: "We're Assholes, We're Just Usually Quieter About It."

*dies of embarrassment*

[edda.livejournal.com]

I just looked at that Survivor cast list again and:

Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia

OMG!! THAT'S LIKE A TOWN OVER FROM WHERE I LIVE!!

Fuck teams, fuck divisions, fuck groups. I'm pullin' for her personally. Local pride, baby, no matter how you got here. Go forth to glory, Anh-Tuan, and redeem us from Senator Allen's asshattery.

God, I feel like Obi-Wan. If he like, never got a manicure from Luke or even met him before. *wipes away tear*

Show concepts!

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

Heck, I'd want to see Happy Noodle Versus Sad Noodle (http://littlegreenmen.armory.com/~relsqui/lwjsc/index.php?page=octopus/noodle).

[lotusbiosm.livejournal.com]

I want to see DC v. Marvel Survivor

[jenni-talula.livejournal.com]

OMG I would totally love that!

Jeff would be trying to set up the challeng and someone from the Marvel team would be like "Cyclops could kick Batman's ass!" and then it'd all be over.

[twilight-echo.livejournal.com]

I vote astronauts versus cavemen and ghosts versus angels.

[lotusbiosm.livejournal.com]

I second this nomination.

[chocotaku.livejournal.com]

The thing about "Macaca" is that yes, it can mean a specific type of monkey, but as others have shown while google searching that word and other racist terms, it's WIDELY used in white supremicist websites, forums, and literature to mean people of color. In Allen's mother's native country, that term is used to describe the darker skinned immagrants, usually of african or middle eastern descent.

In his explaining away of it, he said it was a nickname for mohawk, but the guy has a mullet, not even close. And looking at Sidarth's haircut, you can't mistake that. He then went on to say that he heard his aides say it and thus it wasn't really his fault he said it. NICE TRY! His campaign manager, who issued an apology after the incident, recently retracted it because "those damn dirty liberals" were making an issue of a supposed "non-issue" and thus he wasn't going to apologize for them all calling the guy a macaca.

Needless to say, his democratic opponent, double digits down in the polls, quickly made up ground in the race and is within the margin of error now.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Here's my question (directed at him, not at you): why call the opponent's aide a nickname at all? To call him *anything* other than his name, in this situation, is condescending. ("Well, Sport/Sparky/Sugartits over there...") When you've put yourself in a situation where *the best* tone you can hope for is "condescending," you pretty much need to concede defeat and apologize.

Second question for Mr. Allen: "Macaca"? What the hell? Who hears that and thinks, "Yeah, I don't know what that means, but SURELY it's not offensive"?

[ninepointfivemm.livejournal.com]

I really like that Christians vs Lions idea. Especially if they put that preacher who just fired that Sunday School teacher on there. I'd definitely watch that.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling that the lions wouldn't do too well on the challenges, though.

[xoxlizzxox.livejournal.com]

"He had argued that Pluto and similar bodies didn't deserve planet status, saying that would "take the magic out of the solar system.""

is the reason there is now orange juice all over my keyboard.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

ETA: People, ninjas vs. pirates is not on the list because that would be a good idea. Ninjas vs. robots is a fundamentally flawed (i.e., stupid) idea because seawater would rust the robots (she said, with a perfectly straight face).

Wait, what do ninjas have to do with seawater? Unless they're pirate-ninjas?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, it's a concept for Survivor: Ninjas vs. Robots, right? Therefore, we put them on a desert island. Hence the seawater.

[freezingeva.livejournal.com]

I thought Pluto had been officially not a planet for several years. Weird. Senator Allen has to somewhat racist or how would he know the term. He may have spoken quickly while his was angry, but knowing such a strange seems that more racist. Of course, maybe I am not update with all the current racial slurs.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I gather that there's been debate about it for several years, but until now there hasn't been any official definition of planet.

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

I think Nazis vs. Jews would be quite charged, unless the game was fixed in the Jews' favor, because no one except Braveheart would root against that. Cause the regular racial square-off, no win is going to make a sizeable porition happy.

Bulimics vs. anorexics? I go for the side equipped with the vomiting. It could a projectile, like with cobras.

(And they can totally build a water proof robot. They have submarines, right? The T1000 iss already a liquid metal build, and would be perfect against a ninja, fluidity wise. See? I can make any idea work)

[tabbyclaw.livejournal.com]

Elves vs. Jesus.

...Yeah, I got nothing.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Elvis vs. Jesus.