(no subject)

[cleolinda]

Why am I not getting any email? Like, comment notifications and thread update alerts that I'm supposed to be getting? Not just from LJ, but from other services and message boards as well. This vexes me.

Fun link someone left in the comments: Penny Arcade does Lost.

Holy crap, I almost forgot to watch the show because I was too busy rolling my eyes at Stephen Stupid Sommers' commentary on the Van Helsing DVD.

I'm dropping a lot of the nicknames this week, unless it's really, truly more helpful to keep them. You see "Sayid," you know I mean "the former Iraqi soldier guy." You see "Michael," you go "Who? Oh, Mercutio. 'Shannon'? Ohhh, the bitchy one." And so on. I would rather use a nickname for Boone, but... I can't think of a decent one.

Flashback: Baby Hero Jack is being held down by Some Punk who's like, "Walk away or I kick your ass," because Some Other Punk is giving some seriously unpleasant stomach-punches to this other kid. Baby Hero Jack decides to get up. And get his ass kicked. Smart.

Island, present day. "Someone's out there! She's drowning!" We see some woman flailing about at sea, so of course Captain Hero Jack starts stripping down to go save her. Halfway out there, he finds...  Boone, the former lifeguard (or, really, "lifeguard") half-dead in the water. Jack floats in the water holding Boone up for about fifty years looking back and forth between the drowning woman and the island. The music and the camera work here is sort of overdoing it with the INTENSE INTENSITY OF INTENSENESS, as we shaky-cam it back to the castaways' reaction shots on the beach and the drowning woman and OMG CAPTAIN HERO JACK DO SOMETHING ALREADY. So he takes Boone back to shore. Stupid Boone.

When we come back from commercial, the woman's drowning has already happened offscreen. I don't know if they go out and find her body (probably not, if we don't see it, because I'm sure we'd have scenes of Jack moping over it if they did), so I guess she just stopped yelling and they let her go. I forget who comes up with the information--maybe Kate--but one of our main castaways ponies up the info that the woman was "Joanna," who wasn't supposed to be on the plane ("I'm not even supposed to be here today!") but ended up there anyway, and just, you know, decided to go for a freakin' swim first thing in the morning. I mean, I know I say that like it's crazy, when it's actually a very pleasant thing to do, but--really, if you're stranded on a deserted island, I would hold off on the whole swimming-out-into-the-undertow scene for a while. Anyway, that's what happened--she got "caught in the riptide." Captain Hero Jack goes into high guilt mode, but that's what he does best, so go him. Then he sees Creepy Suit Guy on the beach.

Checking In With Sun and Jin, which should totally be the name of Jin's cooking show: Sun's all like--and we know this thanks to subtitles--"You know, really, hanging out with the others might be helpful." And Jin's all like, "WOMAN, WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU." He also declares that she needs water, because her lips are... dry... looking. You know, because everyone else on this island is just replete with hydration. Thank you, Eat Drink Man Obvious.

Sawyer jackholes with Snicker Bitch for some insect repellent. Apparently he's become that guy in prison who's always got stuff--for a price. I don't remember offhand what Snicker Bitch was wearing, but she looked more like she was going to a cotillion than a hot beach full of people she hates.

Babymama of the Apocalypse bonds with Kate while looking for a hairbrush. Curiously, she does not go ask to borrow Snicker Bitch's, which is probably just as well, because The Bitch would probably be like, "Bite my ass, fatty plebe." Babymama is all like, "Are you a Gemini?" AND KATE IS. And Babymama offers to do her chart and I think she misreads Kate's reaction as disapproval when I'm pretty sure Kate's actual thought is, "With what?"

Elsewhere, we find out that the camp is down to their last 18 bottles of water, because no one rationed it, thinking they'd be saved pretty soon (apparently this is day 6). Hurley and Charlie keep yapping at Jack about what to do about it, until Jack finally blows a gasket all like, "I'M NOT CAPTAIN HERO JACK!" And Charlie's all like, "Well, that's odd, because that's what Cleo has been calling you in her recaps you've been acting like since we got here."

Flashback: Baby Hero Jack comes home all busted up from the schoolyard fight. He tells his father, who is swirling some sort of liquor around in a glass of ice, that basically they were beating up this other kid and he stepped in and got his ass beat, too. And what does Jack's dad say? He talks about performing surgery on some kid, and all the pressure he's under to be Captain Hero Doctor Jack's Dad, and muses, "Even when I fail, when the [boy he's operating on] dies, how do I go home and not feel guilty? Because I have what it takes. You don't want to be a hero. Because when you fail, you don't have what it takes." Say... what? I mean, I understand what he's saying in general, but... what a nice speech to hit a ten-year-old who has two black eyes with.

Present day. Now Boone's all on Jack's case, too. "Why did you save me! I would have been fine! You should have saved her! I run a business! Who appointed you savior!" Those are all direct quotes, y'all. "I run a business." (As someone on the TWOP forums quipped, "I HAVE A DODGE STRATUS!") Also: nice, asshole. Jack zones out because he sees Creepy Suit Guy again, and Boone starts screaming, "I'M TALKIN' TO YOU!" Yeah, and you're half a pint of hot air, kid. STFU. So Jack totally just runs off and leaves Boone there screaming and chases the guy into the jungle and AHHHH GUY IN THE FOREST WITH HIS BACK TURNED. Creepy Suit Guy turns around and of course it's Captain Hero Doctor Jack's Dad, Only Older (Jack: "Dad...?"), and then he just swivels back around in this weird way, like the actor's just on a dolly being turned, not actually moving his legs, and keeps going SO CREEPY.

Commercial for National Treasure. "The dollar bill is trying to tell me something." The last time a dollar bill tried to tell me something, I ended up having a talk with campus security. Don't listen to your paper currency, kids.

Flashback to Jack's bitter, bitter mom telling Jack that the father is "gone." It totally sounds like she's telling him that his dad's dead and he needs to accept that, but then it turns out that he's not dead at all--just "gone," and Jack has to go find him. Jack retorts that Creepy Dad hasn't spoken to him in two months, can't his friends go get him? "He has no friends!" Mom bitters. "He was right! You don't understand the pressure he's under! You don't get to say 'I can't' after what you did!" Whaaaaa? (More on this later.) "YOU BRING HIM HOME!" Where is Captain Hero Doctor Jack's Dad? Australia. Of course. Why? We don't know.

Present day. Mercutio's Kid is all like, "That pregnant lady fell down!" In the absence of Captain Hero Jack, Kate Notinsale, Can-Do Fugitive With a Heart of Gold, comes to the rescue. Babymama is overheated and needs... water. The water? Is gone. Locke, formerly known as Creepy O'Scar, cheerfully opines that it's gonna get ugly when people find out the water is gone and uglier when they realize someone stole it. Someone's got to go look for water, therefore, and Kate and Sayid who should totally just do it argue about who is or is not more important to the camp and can afford to go and finally Locke's all like, "I'll go! I know where to look! I LOVE WALKING SO MUCH, I'll WALK ANYWHERE! WHY DO YOU ASK?"

Meanwhile, Jack is wandering through his flashbacks the jungle like a fool, shouting, "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Well, not in his hotel room. Flashback to Australian hotel room. Aussie Hotel Guy is like, "There was, uh, a security incident in the bar. Also, I don't think anyone would rent your father a car in... his condition." His "condition"? What, he was in a wheelchair? The guy totally won't come out and say it--I guess in the interest of creating suspense--but apparently Jack's dad is a big ol' drunk. Also, he calls Jack "Mr. Shepard," not Dr. Shepard, which may indicate that... Jack didn't finish med school. Which is what his parents are so pissed about. Hmm. Jack notices that his father didn't take his wallet. Not sure what's up with that, but okay. Five bucks says the dad is totally dead (okay, we won't count that part, because I found that out in advance) and that the dead body was also on the plane, and the show is going to end with Jack finding the body. You heard it here first--and this is pure conjecture, because this time I'm actually taking notes while the show is on so I don't do that whole "I totally don't remember what happened" thing.

Sun-dappled glades. OF DOOM. Creepy Suit Dad keeps turning up with his BACK TURNED HOLY CRAP STOP THAT. Jack runs after him--or maybe he's running away from him now, I totally don't remember what happened and takes a nice tumble off a cliff. Fool. Locke takes time out from water-huntin' to save his ass and pull him back up. Jack: "AGH! DUH! GAH!" You said it, man. Once he's safe, Jack starts laughing. Whee! I love the smell of crazy in the afternoon.

Beach camp. Charlie brings Babymama the two drops of water they have left, and tells her to take care of "the little one." Awww! They bond over Locke and his 400 knives (Charlie: "Who packs that many? I would only have room for 200, 300 at most.") Babymama sighs that she scares people off because she and the baby are a time bomb. Charlie: "You don't scare me." AWWW.

Hurley brings the following report to Kate and Sayid: "Uh... the Chinese [sic] people have water." Sayid pretty much starts shaking Sun and demanding--in English--where the water is. Kate points out that she can't understand him but Sayid insists that she does. He starts asking who she got the water from, while Jin yells and fumes in the background. Cut to: Sawyer. Kate wants to go have it out now, but Sayid counsels patience: "If you wait, a rat will always lead you to its hole."

Cut to: Sawyer going to his hole jungle stash. Kate jumps on him and Sawyer's all smarmy and he jackholes his way on top of her, and finally Sayid catches up and gives him what-for. Sawyer jackholes that the water business was all on the up-and-up (he traded water to Jin for some of the slicy fish), it's gonna rain sometime, so they can all just calm down (good point), and he's "an optimist." Then he tosses Kate the marshal badge from, like, episode three because she's clearly "the new sheriff in town." Heh. (Interesting, though: the fugitive is now the law[wo]man, and the paraplegic is the Great White Hunter. Take that pattern of reversal to its logical conclusion and you get some interesting ideas about what might happen to the rest of the cast.)

Jungle. Locke says that the castaways need a leader. Jack's like, fuck you. He worries that he's going crazy. Locke says something interesting: "Crazy people don't think they're crazy; they think they're getting saner." Oh, sure. Just ask Helen. Jack tells Locke a little about his chase--not who he's chasing, but that he's pretty sure he's not chasing anything that's really there. Locke's all like, "You're chasing the white rabbit." "I'm an ordinary man, Jack," he adds, and the rest of us go, Oooooookay. "But this place is special." Locke posits that Everything Happens for a Reason. "I've looked into the eye of this island. And what I saw was... beautiful." Okay, I kinda shuddered right there. Jack wants to go get water with Locke, but Locke's all like, "No, you gotta finish what you started. Leader can't lead until he knows where he's going." It's vision quest time!

Jack broods over a campfire in the jungle. I am totally surprised that nothing, like, comes and eats him and picks its teeth with his bones. Flashback to an Australian morgue: Creepy Dad was found dead in an alley. Apparently his blood alcohol level was, like, 5000%. Jack IDs the body and tears up. Awww. And cries over his fire in the present. Awww! Clearly, Matthew Fox has a master's degree in Television Angst. Then he hears his dad rattling a tumbler of ice behind him. WHY ARE YOU SO CREEPY, JACK'S CREEPY DAD? Jack pursues. Jack finds: A big ol' spring of water. With a ghostly-white old-fashioned doll floating in it. Y'all, how does this show manage to make everything so fucking creepy? More dolls. More baggage strewn around. Plane wreckage. COFFIN OMG I TOLD YOU SO.

Flashback: Airline Chick is like, You don't have proper documentation for the body! We can't let you take it on the plane! Jack freaks out: "I'm standing in front of you in the same suit I'm going to wear to my father's funeral. I'm asking you a favor. I need this to be done. I need this to be over. I need to bury my father." Translation: Get me on that plane. The irony stings a little, doesn't it? And remember the first time we see Jack, in the first episode, wearing that suit? Yeah--oh God, he's gonna bury his dad's body out there, isn't he? Holy shit, man, the body's only been on the island for, say, six HOLY SHIT THERE'S NOTHING IN THE COFFIN. I'm serious. He opens it and nothing's in there. Now, keep in mind that we never saw Airline Chick do that favor for him, but the way Jack now goes apeshit on the coffin with, like, a two-by-four, I'm thinking he expected a body to be there. Wide shot of the island: sounds of Jack whaling on the coffin. Strangely? It kinda sounds like The Invisible Mechasaur. I wonder...

Beach camp. Charlie catches Boone giving water to Claire. This is the part that confuses me: Apparently Boone took the water. You can't really hear because Charlie starts beating up on him and everyone else piles on, but Boone's all like, "It's not what it looks like! You wouldn't understand!" Uh, I understand that you ran off with everyone's water on a deserted island, Sparky. Right as things start to get ugly, Captain Hero Jack returns, of course, and berates them for "crucifying" the same guy who tried to save the drowning woman that morning but was too big a pussy to succeed even though he's apparently a trained lifeguard. What?. Then Jack announces that no one's coming to save them, and they need to get their shit together. "It's time to start organizing!" UNION! UNION! Also: "I found water." Oh, NOW you tell them. "If you don't wanna come [get water], find another way to contribute, SAWYER." Okay, maybe he didn't specify. But he totally gave Sawyer the stink-eye. "If we don't live together, we're gonna die alone!" I think this is supposed to be stirring. I am not stirred. Eh.

Sad Piano Chords of Sadness. Sun and Jin: "Thank you for getting me water today." "That's what husbands do." At first I thought this was a tacit admission that Jin stole the water, but on second thought, maybe it just refers to the trade with Sawyer. Meanwhile, Sawyer jackholes to Boone that Boone's taken his place at the top of the most hated list. "Sucks, don't it?" Yeah, but you're still a jackhole, man.

Kate brings Jack water. "So where were you today, Jack?" He won't say. She's all like, aren't we secretive today? I can't really remember this part, except that Jack basically busts her on that little pot-kettle-black move right there, and she's all like, "You had your chance to ask what my deal is and you blew it." Yes, Jack. YES, YOU DID. So Jack just blurts out that his father died in Sydney. Kate is sorry about that. Jack is also sorry about that. The End.

No, really.

Previews: Jin tries to kill Michael, and Sayid handcuffs him to the plane. Jin, I mean. Oh, and Locke knows who Charlie is (I'm sure Charlie will be all too pleased to be recognized) and what he's looking for (Smackfarthing, you will be missed), and offers to help him. I'm thinking this is the Charlie Detoxes episode. (Speaking of Smackfarthing, I saw someone use that word on the TWOP forums just now. That was an odd moment--like running into someone you know on some random street, because it's got to be someone who reads this journal.)

Also: Whoever complained--not here, this was on a message board--that the whole "Present day island drama + flashbacks from a single character" formula doesn't work for them? Had better suck it up, because that's the route we seem to be going.

(More recaps)

Comments

[kohler.livejournal.com]

I love you. You saved my life. With Lost recaps. I was going to throw a highlighter at my TV. Because it didn't TiVo. And then...there was you.

WHEE!!

P.S. Aren't short little icky fragment!sentences annoying? And I do them oh-so-often.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'm actually trying to use short sentences more often now, because I've become way too reliant on the breathless run-on sentence affectation.

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

I believe that surgeons are referred to as "Mr" rather than "Dr" in the UK and Australia -- it's derived from maestro or master. So that may have been a red herring.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hmmm--that's interesting. I do know that there was a Dr/Mr division between physicians and surgeons up through the Victorian era, because their functions did not overlap until pretty late in that century. I don't know anything about current titles, though, so you may well be right.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you so much! Reading these re-caps really makes my Wednesday!

[bibliotech.livejournal.com]

(Interesting, though: the fugitive is now the law[wo]man, and the paraplegic is the Great White Hunter. Take that pattern of reversal to its logical conclusion and you get some interesting ideas about what might happen to the rest of the cast.)

OMG THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE MERCUTIO WHITE? And the dog will turn into a black lab.

Okay, I'm evil. Will be shutting up now. But seriously, now I have to go off and think about how that will affect everyone else's characters. But NOTHING WILL MAKE ME LIKE SNICKERBITCH. NOTHINGGGGGG.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Snicker Bitch will probably die a hero's death after making "the ultimate sacrifice" or something. AND I WILL CHEER.

[are-there-stars.livejournal.com]

"If you don't wanna come [get water], find another way to contribute, SAWYER." Okay, maybe he didn't specify.

Hahahhahahah, implications are SO not overlooked. OMG AND WHAT'S WITH JINGAVIN BEING A PSYCHO. I hate him so much.

[newbia.livejournal.com]

Perhaps he meant Shannon? At least Sawyer bothered to hoard peanuts.

[rpp.livejournal.com]

Wide shot of the island: sounds of Jack whaling on the coffin. Strangely? It kinda sounds like The Invisible Mechasaur. I wonder...

I noticed that too, and it creeped me out. As did about a million other things in this episode.

Thanks for doing these recaps, btw, I always look forward to them!

[luindilwen.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I love your icon liek whoah.

OMGWTF DAD!

[newbia.livejournal.com]

I would rather use a nickname for Boone, but... I can't think of a decent one.

Gods Friggin' Gift To Humanity?

Anyway, great recap, great show. Kate is asked about her past in the previews though. Ah-ha! That's what you get for respecting people's privacy, Jack!

Re: OMGWTF DAD!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... Dan Kwa over at TWOP already nabbed "Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity." Seriously, I think he's programmed it in as a macro.

[melody2tds.livejournal.com]

(Interesting, though: the fugitive is now the law[wo]man, and the paraplegic is the Great White Hunter. Take that pattern of reversal to its logical conclusion and you get some interesting ideas about what might happen to the rest of the cast.)

so far with this show, i've absolutely hated every theory i've heard. except THAT one. i like that one a LOT! *notes it down for future ref*

[bibliotech.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what I was thinking...this is the first theory that make me stop and go, "Wait a minute..."

Damn you, cleolinda. I just wanted to watch pretty guys on a beach.

[scarolinagrl.livejournal.com]

Awesome recap! Love it!

"Clearly, Matthew Fox has a master's degree in Television Angst."

So very very true, I'd forgotten how nicely Mr. Fox cries from the old Party of Five days when he cried every week. He's so good at it!

[risen-phoenix.livejournal.com]

You make the wait for Lost to come to Australia oh-so-worth it. ^___^

[maramala.livejournal.com]

Fun link someone left in the comments: Penny Arcade does Lost (http://www.livejournal.com/users/pennyarcaderss/59950.html).

You're welcome. ;)

Great summary review, by the way. And you should have Smackfarthing copyrighted. Think of the royalties. :D :D :D

[lumaria.livejournal.com]

You always have to watch out for your fans. I saw your name at TWoP. I'm MarigoldSkye there. ;)

"I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!" is permanently stuck in my head now.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hey, I think I saw you over there. :)

I get kind of nervous because I know there's at least a little reader overlap between TWOP and my journal, and in a way I'm kind of trespassing on their territory. Except that I think of what I do as the fast-food burger you grab on a busy lunch hour, and TWOP is the actual meal you eat when you get home hours later.

[scarletsherlock.livejournal.com]

Kate and Sayid who should totally just do it

i'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that.

[meredith-mae.livejournal.com]

Love triangle between Kate, Lt. Kip and Dr. Jack. Hells yeah. Maybe a second one between Jackhole, Shannon, and... ew, no, Boone is her brother. OK, nevermind.

[dolcediva.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Smackfarthing, I saw someone use that word on the TWOP forums just now.

'Twas I! I edited it to fix the "TM Cleolinda" because you deserve the credit for such a fabulous word.

As always, your recaps never fail to be fab!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks. :)

[meredith-mae.livejournal.com]

New theory (for me). Mechasaurs = guilt? Or something similar? Pilot Greg was really super guilty about crashing the plane, killing people, and leaving 48 others stranded on an island. So he got eaten. But as the other characters come to grips with themselves there are less dinosaurs. But then I think they should have made them more integral to the show... Why aren't they around anymore? Damn.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

I think the writers of the show started out the with a Jurassic Park-like theme, but then the characters got too interesting to kill off. Maybe the mechasaurs died quietly one night and the castaways will find them...? I always thought the whole mysterious creature thing was the really weak point in the plot.

[lothos.livejournal.com]

Your recount was a lot more entertaining than the episode itself.

[whiski_sour]

I would rather use a nickname for Boone, but... I can't think of a decent one.

How about Bafoon Boone? 'Cause so far he hasn't been able to do a damn thing right and his sneakiness is totally pastede on yay and OMG I cannot stand that guy!

It's vision quest time!

*snickersnort* Sorry. That just tickles a wrestling funny bone.

Glorious recap, as usual.

[xanimagusblackx.livejournal.com]

Ah, Cleo's Lost recap.
NOW my Wednesday night is complete.

Interesting, though: the fugitive is now the law[wo]man, and the paraplegic is the Great White Hunter. Take that pattern of reversal to its logical conclusion and you get some interesting ideas about what might happen to the rest of the cast.

That's a really, really good point. Maybe Jack was a coward (I'm sure that we'll find out when we find out "what [he] did")... and, well, I'm sure that I could come up with predictions about the rest of the cast, too.

[gniko.livejournal.com]

I almost didn't remember to watch it, was watching the Jeremiah pilot (Luke Perry show on a channel I don't have, never saw it, finally managed to dl it and I think I like it) and was all, "omgit'swednesdayibettermovethetv."

Why Boone took the water

[kellshock.livejournal.com]

Cleo, Boone explains that he took the water because it was just sitting there and someone had to look after it -- in other words since Jack had officially abdicated as Leader/Lifeguard in their conversation that morning, he stepped in. When he realized people thought it had been stolen, he was afraid to speak up because no one would understand.

Re: Why Boone took the water

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's what I suspected--he kinda acts like he wants to be Jack's Mini-Me or something.

[kissingangelina.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your recaps. I used to live for Autumn Tysko's recaps back when The X-Files was alive and kicking. It's nice to find someone doing my new favorite show with the same gusto and humor.

I really love your nicknames, especially Snickerbitch, Mercutio, and Kate Notinsale. I hope you don't get rid of them altogether. Nor the jackholing. LOL

I also love your theory about things becoming opposite, ie Locke as the "Great White Hunter". Makes you wonder about Sun and Jin's relationship, eh?

[luindilwen.livejournal.com]

Oh, I so look forward to my weekly dose of OMGWTFLOST-by Cleolinda, and you never disappoint me.

I think Mr. Locke is liek, so totally awesome.
And Jack's dad is too creepy. I freaked when his coffin was empty, even though I knew it would happen a minute before. Thanks, predictable-yet-loveable-tvshow!

[law-witch.livejournal.com]

The show AND your recaps make the middle of the week so much more bearable.

Not sure if your interested, or know already - but Sayid-guy was in the movie Kama Surta - very beautiful film - and he is SO to drool over in it.

Thanks for the wonderful recap!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I have that one on tape. :)

[theonlykow.livejournal.com]

Apparently I'm the only nerd big enough to mention that I too am not recieving messages. It sucks.

I'm probably only pointing this out because I don't watch Lost. I don't have television service anyway, but if I did I probably wouldn't watch it. Maybe on DVD.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

DVD would be a great way to watch it--Vladimir doesn't get most American TV shows, but he loves them on DVD. No commercials and rewind and pause and all that.

Seriously, what's up with the email? It's driving me crazy, because I don't know where all my messages went.

[thoughtcr1me.livejournal.com]

I love you. Just...yeah. I love you.