Snow: let me explain it

[cleolinda]

The thing you have to understand about snow panic in Alabama is that it's not about the snow. Mostly, it's about us not being prepared for snow; a meager two inches is considered an epic blizzard. It's also about the side effects of snow--I live in a heavily-wooded suburban area full of giant, beautiful, old trees. Very old trees. And they all have dead branches here and there hanging on by a shred of bark, so when you have just enough snow to weigh them down, they break off and fall onto the power lines. Or worse, the entire tree is mostly dead and it falls across the road or onto (and usually through) your house. There was one Epic Two-Inch Snow that ended up with a three-foot-thick, forty-foot-long pine lying across our street (and in what used to be someone's sun room), while live power lines were sparking in the road. In fact, my mother reported last night that, as she was driving home, she saw a number of official-looking trucks on the side of the road, presumably stationed for speedy tree removal.

It's also about the ice. None of us know how to drive on it, because we don't get it often enough to figure out how and then retain that knowledge. One time there was a Special News Report on Safe Winter Weather Driving, and I am serious, it was, in its entirety, "Drive slow." And now, over to Jim with the sports! So basically, entire schools, businesses, and highways will be shut down for safety reasons while all of Chicago points and laughs. I am not even kidding: my sister may not be able to get to work on Friday--

Oh God. I just realized that if we are all iced in together for the next four days, a remake of The Shining is going to break out.


While we're here, a teensy bit of Twi-spam, because I am getting a lot of email about this, and also, I enjoy the progression of the headlines:

Attn. Jackson Rathbone: Missing something?

'Eclipse' Script Wasn't Leaked, Says Summit. 

Nikki Finke: Yes, That Leaked Movie Script Is 'Eclipse.' 

1. I don't want to read it. I'm to a point where I don't even watch clips of movies I know I want to see anymore. I get so bored in the theater if I feel like I've already seen the movie. 2. I suspect the wink emoticon in the script (as seen at the first link) is forced product-placement sarcasm from screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg. 3. My dazzle is somewhat chagrined that (people tell me) the werewolf-vampire nose-fist bump is not in this version of the script, because, quite honestly, the Edward/Seth stuff is the only thing I find remotely likeable about Book!Edward. Also: COME ON! WEREWOLF-VAMPIRE NOSE-FIST BUMP! If there is anything funnier than that, I can't think of it right now.

Meanwhile, I am trying to work--I got a good bit of novel note-sorting and categorizing done yesterday--but am having a hell of a time. Lots of interruptions, and I can't concentrate for shit. Also, my new calendars (50% off!) came in from Amazon yesterday, but without the books I had bought for research, and then I realized I had forgotten to order a couple of other researchy things anyway, fnarr. Also-also, I bought another pair of fingerless gloves because I was concerned that my homemade recycled ones were fraying a bit from being worn so much, and I am really hoping they arrive before the cold snap is over. This is Alabama, after all.


OH OH OH I ALMOST FORGOT I have two questions to ask you:

1) How do we get e-books from my stepfather's Kindle onto my parents' computer? They can't figure out how.

2) Those identity protection/theft-prevention services, are any of them actually any good?

Comments

[mokeyhokey.livejournal.com]

I assure you: nobody in Chicago knows how to drive in the snow either.

(Okay that's not completely truthful, but you'd think everyone was brainswapped with people from Alabama every year when it snows for the first time.)

[flameraven.livejournal.com]

I think this is more because people in Chicago drive like maniacs as a default state, and then they try to apply that to snowy conditions.

Seriously. I grew up 20 miles outside the city, but I will NEVER drive in Chicago unless absolutely pressed to. I'd much rather take the South Shore in and then use the trolleys to get around downtown. D:

Mind you, the Chicago pedestrians don't believe in crossing at the lights, either (and I'm guilty of this too) which I'm sure doesn't help.

[mokeyhokey.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. I've lived in the 'burbs my whole life, and the only times I've ever heard my dad scream, "FUCK!!!" have been when we had to drive Downtown for one thing or another. Taking the train and then walking/getting a cab is always preferable.

[youngcurmudgeon.livejournal.com]

If you think Chicago's bad, avoid Michigan at all costs. While taking my sister back to college during a snowfall, we exercised proper Snow Driving techniques while everyone else passed us at 70 miles an hour. We saw them all, about 3 miles down the road, plowed into snowbanks. I think we used all of our cell phone minutes for the month calling 911.

/Chicago driver :-P

[meimichan.livejournal.com]

I grew up in Michigan, and god, this is so true. Every moron with 4-wheel-drive seems to think that'll solve EVERYTHING, and then WHAM! Right off the road. My dad's the kind of asshole who will slow down to laugh, especially if it's someone who honked at him to get out of the way while driving like a crazy bastard a few minutes ago.

Only place in Michigan where they can drive in snow, or possibly the only place I've been where anyone can drive in the snow, is the upper peninsula.

[all-ephemera.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Massachusetts, too, where we're known from driving like, well, we're called "Massholes" for a reason. The first snow of the year and we're skipping and slipping around like a greased up kid on a Slip 'n' Slide.