cleolinda | I can't believe I'm doing this

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I can't believe I'm doing this

Okay, look. I can't be at the computer a whole lot and I can post links even less, particularly since I'm cleaning madly for the lunchtime electricians, but we have got to get a few things out of the way because this is the subject of half my inbox this morning:

Yes, I have seen the sparklecock. Yes, you too can now own your own unofficially Twilight-themed glitter dildo. Well, technically I haven't looked at it yet, although I have read the description ("THROW IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR THAT AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE"?), because I am on the family computer and I will never, ever be able to explain this.

And yes, Edward's life-size shadow can watch you while you use it.

Excuse me, I have to go bleach my mind's eye now.

(Also, Amazon's Tonner prom exclusive Bella has her own little leg cast. Apparently the doll's product name--the way the SDCC Edward exclusive was "Hungry"--is "Turn Me." I... I really don't like thinking about all three of these items being in the same room.)

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"THROW IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR THAT AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE"? I couldn't help but think of your comment in the Breaking Dawn recap: it would be like fucking a popsicle.

It would, in fact, be just like that.

I can't believe they WENT THERE.

Oh, I can. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the "shadow Edward" weren't created for just that....uummm....purpose. (Please don't bogart the bleach).

I think Tonner's getting a little carried away with the Edward/Bella dolls.

Well, I can't blame them--if they sell? And they're exclusives, so fewer are being made. Honestly, there's like four different Harry Potter dolls (regular! weekend clothes! Yule Ball! tournament!), three different Rons and Hermiones--dolls with variant outfits aren't unusual for them, particularly for a property that popular. Even with Golden Compass, there's several Mrs. Coulter dolls and/or outfits, and two separate Lyras.

Yeah, that's true. I can't help feeling taken advantage of though. You know, on behalf of people that are weak and can't help themselves buying stuff like that. That they have absolutely no need for. But not myself, of course. Of course not. **shuts up now, should have taken the 5th**

I personally try to get the outfits on eBay, like I did Lyra's school dress, unless the doll itself is significantly different (say, very particular/complicated hair).

Yeah...I can't, and yet I can, you know?

That line in the Breaking Dawn recap gave me a horrible epiphany I had not had while reading the book.

"A popsicle - OH MY GOD, NO IT WOULDN'T, BECAUSE THAT'S WHY HE WENT SWIMMING IN THE TROPICAL WATER, SO HE WOULD BE WARM FOR HER, OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST THOUGHT THAT EW EW EW"

Then I realized SMeyer had to have thought about the whole scenario hard enough to realize he would do that, and I was even more freaked out. Yet, it's so in character. UGH THIS IS A TWISTED WORLD

You know what's really sad? My sister was saying something last week about the water in a pool being warmest in the evening (because it's been absorbing sunlight all day), and that's when I suddenly had this sideways flash of OH GOD THAT'S WHY HE WAS IN THE WATER.

Yes, it took me AN ENTIRE YEAR to catch on to that. You got it from the recap I wrote last August, and I got it LAST WEEK.

To be fair, I actually got it while rereading the recap at some undetermined time between a few months ago and last August. So while I can't specify exactly how long ago I got it, it wasn't THAT long ago.

So then, for the truly authentic experience, would you throw it in the fridge and then put it in a warm bathtub? Why am I even thinking about this??? UGH.

O.M.G.

There's going to be a whole slew of new 'stories' coming from the emergency rooms, just because of that.

Well, more, I would suppose.

I. Cannot. Believe. They wrote that. no- wait- I can.

*ded laughing*

Not as much lubrication -- popsicles melt, after all.

I sometimes feel like the internet's official Kink Educator. Unfortunately the Sparklecock is another reason why. *sigh* Yes, some people (not just women) have actually used ice/frozen things/chilled glass dildos. Yes, it is a matter of lubrication and condom coverage. I blame my habit of reading ALL MANNER OF THINGS on the web for this knowledge. *facepalm* Sometimes I'm too curious for my own brain health.

One really has to ask WHY?! in this particular situation. There are already tons of glittery adult toys out there already, and people do use them with imagination in mind. YOU DID NOT HAVE TO MAKE A TWILIGHT SPECIFIC ONE. Agh.

Cleo, your comment about it was FTW. Especially this: "IT CAN'T BE AUTHENTIC BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT REAAAAAAAL ASDLKFJASLDKGHKH;" Apparently some other vamp authors have trouble explaining that to people? I... I'm not sure how to respond to such, such stupidity.

You know, I can't help but admire this company's marketing abilities, because... like you said, glittery adult toys already exist. There's plenty of sparkly dildos out there. The stroke of genius, I suppose, is that so far none of those dildo makers had thought of likening them to a teen/ween/twimom phenomenon.

... why didn't I think of that? I actually need the money! Brb, taking the engine out of my car and selling the thing on eBay for that "authentic Bella experience".

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