Bottles of wine, covered with dew, and otters

[cleolinda]

I've been sitting on this for a couple of days, but I can sit no more: If there is purpler prose than this, I don't want to know about it. Includes fanart and a dramatic reading.

ETA: In defense of Silk and Steel. In other words, an intentional burst of badfic?

Comments

[larabeaton.livejournal.com]

That goes beyond purple, into the ultraviolet spectrum.

[amberdulen.livejournal.com]

The thing is, I can see what the author was going for: some kind of luscious, Song-of-Solomon type effusiveness. But it just keeps going. By the time he got to the hair I was already going, "BUT WHAT WAS IT? PICK ONE!"

[scornedsaint.livejournal.com]

That's just...wow.

Also, he spent a lot of time making that spine-snake connection. Like, way too much time.

[soulforophelia.livejournal.com]

Yes! I saw that last night and was kind of disgusted/amused/shocked all at once. To think that the publishing group is a devision of Penguin Group kills me. And I am not published? What the hell! The world is cruel. (I also know plenty of other writers who can't get anything published and they are fabulous!) It hurts to read it.

[morganwolf.livejournal.com]

That rivals Amanda McKittrick Ros (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros) in delicious awfulness.

[emerybored.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! My favorite line was "...her toes were snails, snails with shells of tears." WTH? And the fanart is fantastic. I love that he says that he couldn't cram all of the descriptions in.

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I'm pretending that that was a fake. Otherwise that's a minute of my life that I won't get back, and we can't have that now, can we? That sounds like something Penny*Arcade would write as a parody.

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

It's been doing the rounds. And alas, I only have two eyes to tear out in extreme and utter agony.

[aldehyde.livejournal.com]

haha i just saw this link on 3 other flisters yesterday. seems like the purple prose is spreading like fire ;)

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who thought that read like a rather dirty Mad-Libs?

[karintheswede]

I die.

No, seriously. I perish. It hurts my eyes and my brain to read that.

[tenaya-owlcat.livejournal.com]

Oh my God... I so needed that laugh. Except that now my coworkers are looking at me VERY strangely. XD

Thank you!!! I reposted it to spread the purple!

[divadeanna.livejournal.com]

LOL Wow. Halfway through page 96, I somehow forgot what we were talking about. I think it happened when he compared her hair to the color of a leopard's tongue. ?????????

[katharhino.livejournal.com]

"Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon."

WHAT.

Oh dear lord. That should be an icon.

[aoibhe.livejournal.com]

And otters.

[kittenkatt.livejournal.com]

Teeth bracelet! TEETH BRACELET!!

You shouldn't let Edward Dollen see this.

[goonie-freak.livejournal.com]

Her hair was the color of a leopard's tongue???

WHAT?!?!?!? I couldn't even read past that bit! I was laughing to hard.

Okay, I'm going back in...

OMG! "They were antique armor and tears of dragons." I...can't...go...on!

[nekostef.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD. That prose has made it all the way to octarine.

[chulacabra.livejournal.com]

SMeyer should put a link to this on her website since it makes Twilight seem like Ulysses in comparison.

[elbales]

O_o

MY EYES

WTF indeed!

[teslaroo.livejournal.com]

At least now I can say I have read a sentence that contained the words "throbbed", "oboe", and "blindfolded circus high diver".

My day is complete.

A voice crying out in the wilderness

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

FWIW, here's a defense (http://amanuensis1.livejournal.com/216180.html) of the author by amanuensis1:

Ron Miller writes clever plot, rich prose with a good deal of self-mocking tongue-in-cheek, and there are two sex scenes in the middle book that he deliberately writes in an over-the-top, overly purple, substance-altered haze of text. If you take these scenes out of context, they have the potential to sound ridiculous. (emphasis mine)

I’m not familiar with the writer’s other work so I can’t vouch for this claim, but I thought some people might be relieved by the possibility that it’s deliberate badfic.

[rizny.livejournal.com]

...This just made my day.

*dies, just DIES laughing*

[7tree-hugger.livejournal.com]

I got to "her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners" and all I could think of was Wash and "some people juggle geese."

Not these geese my son.

[cosette-esk.livejournal.com]

Spikenard. SPIKENARD. SPIKENARD?!