The worst TV show ever, srsly

[cleolinda]

So I had another nightmare, and this one was horrific. In the dream I was watching some kind of TV show that started out being kind of Mad Men-ish in a way I can't really articulate, but there was definitely an executive-type guy, but then his young son was being bullied at school and he was trying to get home to him, and the car kept falling apart and gasoline flooded everywhere and it was like the gasoline was going to spontaneously combust, so he's running around trying to get it off and then the tire falls off the car and you know, this part was weirdly funny, I don't know. It was very definitely the South, with a lot of hot dusty little dirt roads and the car's hubcap falling off and rolling around and then the door just falling off and someone (a mechanic?) is trying to drive this guy home in this car falling apart beneath them, it was so weird and inappropriately funny (given what happened next). So then the executive gets to a police station instead of his house and he starts saying he abused the son? Although it seemed clear that he hadn't? But it was like he was trying to save him from something or take the blame? And then they brought the son in and he'd been beaten to death and had his face crushed in? And then someone else was brought in with his face and skull crushed in as well, and he was black and it seemed to be some kind of racially motivated killing? It was related somehow? I don't even know? And this was terrible (WHAT KIND OF TV SHOW IS THIS?), and we go back to the guy's house where his wife (very '60s housewife type) has found out that her son was killed, and she goes up the stairs in the dim house to the boy's dark room and opens the door because she thinks, she knows, something's in there, and there is something: a big laughing blue-and-purple legless salamander demon floating in a cloud all like, I TOOK YOUR SON BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE IN ME, and then it floated down the stairs and ate the family cat and something else, I'm not sure what it was. Some kind of cuddly little ghost/demon thing in an empty fish bowl, I don't even know (it kind of reminded me of the little Shadowchild in Digger, only it was a custard color--definitely "was," because the purple-blue salamander demon ate it. Shouldn't have looked all custardy, I guess), and then it floated out the door all smug but you got the distinct feeling that the wife was going to have to worship it now so it didn't eat anything else, and I think there was some more but it was so bad I kind of blotted it out, and then the show was over and I had to go online and write a recap for someone? Like, someone else who was supposed to write a recap but they asked me to do it, the way you'd ask someone to write a school paper for you? And every time I tried to look at any web page, this site with a viral video of the worst parts of the show would hijack my browser and I'd have a hell of a time getting it to close. And then I'd go to all my bookmarks and all my favorite sites (which were all somehow Yahoo directory pages from, like, the late '90s) had been bought out and changed to things that didn't help me at all. Like, one page was supposed to be a news/directory page about TV sites (this would be helpful, right?), and instead it was a page all about the horrible TV show, and then I tried to go to "Foreign News" (I guess... this would have been news from around the world?), and instead it was a page all about the horrible TV show, and then I tried to go to a page about toys from the '80s (what?), and instead it was VIRAL VIDEO! VIRAL VIDEO! CLOSE THE TAB! TAB WON'T CLOSE! AHHHH PEOPLE GETTING THEIR SKULLS SMASHED IN! LEAVE ME ALONE LAUGHING SALAMANDER! WHY ARE YOU MY FAVORITE COLORS? I don't even know how it ended or how I managed to wake up. I'm not even going to the dream dictionary site. I don't even know where to start with this one, or how.

(Yes, I actually had a nightmare about the internet. I think that's a personal first, right there.)

In case you're wondering, I'm posting this separately because I don't want to freak out the innocent people who come to read the Twi-spam. If they've read Breaking Dawn with the vampire c-section and all, they've already suffered enough.

Comments

[madeline-may.livejournal.com]

Duuuuude.... what?!

[thelovely2.livejournal.com]

Good God, your dreams... I can't decide if eating your own cat is freakier than having a demon eat your cat. You know what, I think I can, because this one had phony-child-abuse and an Internets nightmare. Again I say.. Good. God.

[be-themoon.livejournal.com]

Okay I love that character in your icon now. Who is it?

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

So, better or worse than my WoW related dreams that I get sometimes?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I haven't seen your WoW dreams, so... call it a draw?

[lalumena.livejournal.com]

Blimey, that would definitely scare me. Yikes. Other people might be inspired into writing a book...

[greenfairyels.livejournal.com]

I just have to say your icon rocks! Hurrah for the Thornton-love :D

[ghn-hitokiri.livejournal.com]

congrats. your nightmare just made me laugh the hardest i've laughed all morning.

man do i feel for you. when i can actually remember my dreams, they are usually hella trippy.

[thisiamdenied.livejournal.com]

omgwhat?

[strife-caecus.livejournal.com]

And to think, it's crazy dreams like these that make potentially multi-million dollar books like Harry Potter and the Twilight Vamp Hollows. (Oh, I'm so getting flamed for combining the two series in such an unholy manner...)

And this is before the endorsements, sponsorships, movies-of-the-book-series, buttons and other merchandise!

[celestinenox]

::flames::

:D

[missmp.livejournal.com]

Lady, you need a break. Your brain is screaming for a vacation. I think after Twilight comes out, you should disappear for a week or so. Teach yourself to knit or make jewelry; something your hands can do while giving your brain a rest.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I have a knitting starter kit!

[mina-mina-mina.livejournal.com]

Yowza. To me that sounds like Mad Men mixed with an OD of True Blood...plus a floating demon thingie. Maybe you actually dreamt of a V trip?

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

a big laughing blue-and-purple legless salamander demon floating in a cloud all like, I TOOK YOUR SON BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE IN ME

I was casually reading until I got to that part. You should have seen my face...

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was the part of the dream where I got really upset. I mean, even after the people died--it was like the dream just took a hard right turn into double-plus ungood.

[evilbearhunter.livejournal.com]

That is horrible, and I was all creeped out and with you until "LEAVE ME ALONE LAUGHING SALAMANDER! WHY ARE YOU MY FAVORITE COLORS?" and then I couldn't stop laughing.

[aberrantangels]

And then I'd go to all my bookmarks and all my favorite sites (which were all somehow Yahoo directory pages from, like, the late '90s) had been bought out and changed to things that didn't help me at all.

"...we check out site after site, all of which — no matter how frivolous — have now been twisted so that their focus is on the evil that is eating the world outside. A gossip site talks about a Hollywood star you've heard of and her marriage to the Great Chaos from the Earth, as if she were an item with some other actor and they were seen together at a party. Every profile we can find on MySpace has some sort of prayer of praise to the new Master of the World."
— The Empty Room Dream (2008)
From Tucker Jenkins' dream journal
World of Darkness: Asylum

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

The dream sounds like a combination of what happened to Emmett Till (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emmett_Till) + Ghostbusters + too much linkspam harvesting for your sanity. If you start speaking Irish Gaelic and saying your name is Bridey Murphy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridey_Murphy), we'll really know something's up. (And if you don't know who Murphy is, you really want to click that link, cause it's a fascinating story.)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

No, I know. And the weird thing is that I can't map anything in the dream to, like--things I'm worried about or even just random images from when I was awake. I mean, despite the recap thing. And I don't even watch Mad Men. I can't figure out where it came from at all.

[bella-stella78.livejournal.com]

Oh jeez... These are some seriously strange dreams you've been having. That happens to me whenever I take cold meds, otherwise I really don't remember my dreams. That's incredible that you remember your dreams in such vivid detail!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have a whole section devoted to weird-ass dreams I've had on my silly little Cleoland wiki. It's just that the last two have been really, really disturbing, and I'm not used to that. Usually they're just garden-variety trippy.

[celestinenox]

This is your brain on Twilight.

Any questions?

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha. <3

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is some crazy shit, right there!

I actually had a scary dream last night (well, this morning) too. It was completely crazy, but for some reason it didn't actually *scare* me much. Like, usually you want to wake up from these dreams, but in the one I had, I wanted to go back to sleep and finish the dream. Why? Because in the dream my body had been decapitated but was still alive (i.e. the heart was still beating), and my spirit (in the dream) had to get someone to re-attach the head (I am SO not making this up). So when I was half-awake I wanted to go back to sleep to make sure they re-attached my head. HAH.

On reflection, it was a pretty freaky dream.

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Did you end up seeing Quantum of Solace, perchance? Because the night after I saw it I had a rather disturbing dream where the character Greene was out to murder me or rape me or something, I'm not sure.

Just... Blech. That guy was sooo creepy, for some reason.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

No--like I said, I'm seeing it tonight.

[batmaz.livejournal.com]

I feel awful that I was laughing hysterically because it sounds truly horrific and if it happened to me I know I'd have been sobbing my heart out. But the way you tell stories, it's comedic genius.

I had a dream two nights ago about throwing up. It's the first time that's ever happened to me in a dream before, and the thing is, I have a cold and a dodgy voice but I haven't been throwing up. So I looked it up on the online dream dictionary and it told me I might be having an emotional breakdown. Yay!

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Random flyby:

I had a dream that you were doing a book signing and it was almost as crazy as a Twilight related thing. In fact, it was almost more crowded than the Twilight thing going on next door. Also, you looked like Kiera Knightly.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeee. I could live with looking like Keira Knightley. I'm just surprised you didn't dream that I looked like Galadriel.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Okay, now I'm going to point you toward The Cat With Hands (http://dekku.blogspot.com/2006/02/robert-morgan-cat-with-hands.html) -- a) because I can and b) hi, welcome to the same sort of level that my brain works on. The only thing that might have made this more cracked out would be dreaming in anime style. I once dreamed that I was an anime scarecrow on a subway train and I was killing mafia type people and then had to stop the monsters from the dream world leaking into the real world. I'm not even a huge anime fan, but there it was in cartoony glory. @_@

Zombies tend to turn up a lot in my subconscious. Not so much lately after I've been channelling the apocalypse into my writing, so this could be a good thing.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Cleo, that dream was not of the Lord.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

DUDE I KNOW. And this is AFTER the dream about me swallowing the cat whole. I don't know what I need to do to stop this shit, but I need to figure it out soon.

[ravenofthejade.livejournal.com]

Augh, dreams where the "thing"(whatever it may be) just will not leave you alone. Of course, I have a friend who never has chase dreams. Or rather, he does, but he's the axe wielding chasing murderer.

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I know the kind of dreams where you can't get away from the scary thing, and they're horrific. But this writeup is making me ROFL--maybe the fact that you can entertain even through the horror will make you feel better?

[caerbannog.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, that's terrible. I agree with the above poster that maybe you need a vacation. It sounds like your subconscious has OD'd from too much internetz.

[mo-chan.livejournal.com]

This is all because of "Twilight," somehow.

Twilight is to blame for all the evils in the world.