cleolinda | I have a confession to make

... because I feel like I really need to get this off my chest.

So.

I managed to not hear it all summer long, not even know what it sounded like, because I heard that it was so annoying. I don't even know how I managed that much. So it's finally old meme now, and I'm watching the godforsaken VMAs, and finally... I hear it.

Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

I fought it for a couple of weeks, but... I am kind of addicted to it now. And it's not even current anymore.

I am so ashamed.

See, here's the thing: the lyrics make me want to punch Katy Perry and her smug pinup-girl romper in the face. It's two lines, specifically: "You're my experimental game" and "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Because those two lines really push it over the line into--as someone else said--"I Kissed a Girl and I Liked the Attention." If it were a little more sarcastic or self-aware--"And then I uploaded pics of it to MySpace and now my daddy can't ever run for public office"--I'd almost be okay with it. Or if it picked up on the defiant tone in the chorus and was all like, "Hey, I think I like girls as well as boys, for real." As it is, it's just so selfish and callous and "Tee-hee, I'm bi-curious only when I'm drunk and other people are looking!" Actually, what I really want is a follow-up reply song from Cherry Chapstick Whoever, like, "I Kissed Some Drunk Girl (And Now She Won't Return My Calls)."

What I really wish is that someone would rewrite it to suck less, or that there was a version with no vocals, just the instruments, because that's what makes the song stupidcrackmusic. It's the drums, I think--the beat is fantastic, the guitars in the chorus are good, and I like the general I DO WHAT I WANT! tone of the lyrics in theory. And then it just goes all to hell with the cutesy attention-whore faux rebellion. And as far as falling in love with the beat, it probably didn't help, either, that the first time I finally heard the song was when Katy Perry and her romper sang a bit of it as the VMAs were going out to (or coming back in from?) commercials, and Travis Barker was on drums and he was--oh my God, I was going to say "he was really on fire that night." Oh God, I wasn't even thinking. I am going to hell now. I am going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done now.

I just... I need help, you guys. I'm addicted to this terrible song and sometimes I find myself singing along with it and I just said something horribly inappropriate and I need to go to dollhab. Is this rock bottom, or is there an even rockier low I can hit?

ETA: Cobra Starship's "I Kissed a Boy." And please, someone bring us the Katy Perry-pwning Jill Sobule song "I Kissed a Girl" from the '90s, I can't find it. (YAY)

ETA 2: You know who needs to cover this song and heal us all? Pink.