I have a confession to make

[cleolinda]

... because I feel like I really need to get this off my chest.

So.

I managed to not hear it all summer long, not even know what it sounded like, because I heard that it was so annoying. I don't even know how I managed that much. So it's finally old meme now, and I'm watching the godforsaken VMAs, and finally... I hear it.

Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

I fought it for a couple of weeks, but... I am kind of addicted to it now. And it's not even current anymore.

I am so ashamed.

See, here's the thing: the lyrics make me want to punch Katy Perry and her smug pinup-girl romper in the face. It's two lines, specifically: "You're my experimental game" and "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Because those two lines really push it over the line into--as someone else said--"I Kissed a Girl and I Liked the Attention." If it were a little more sarcastic or self-aware--"And then I uploaded pics of it to MySpace and now my daddy can't ever run for public office"--I'd almost be okay with it. Or if it picked up on the defiant tone in the chorus and was all like, "Hey, I think I like girls as well as boys, for real." As it is, it's just so selfish and callous and "Tee-hee, I'm bi-curious only when I'm drunk and other people are looking!" Actually, what I really want is a follow-up reply song from Cherry Chapstick Whoever, like, "I Kissed Some Drunk Girl (And Now She Won't Return My Calls)."

What I really wish is that someone would rewrite it to suck less, or that there was a version with no vocals, just the instruments, because that's what makes the song stupidcrackmusic. It's the drums, I think--the beat is fantastic, the guitars in the chorus are good, and I like the general I DO WHAT I WANT! tone of the lyrics in theory. And then it just goes all to hell with the cutesy attention-whore faux rebellion. And as far as falling in love with the beat, it probably didn't help, either, that the first time I finally heard the song was when Katy Perry and her romper sang a bit of it as the VMAs were going out to (or coming back in from?) commercials, and Travis Barker was on drums and he was--oh my God, I was going to say "he was really on fire that night." Oh God, I wasn't even thinking. I am going to hell now. I am going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done now.

I just... I need help, you guys. I'm addicted to this terrible song and sometimes I find myself singing along with it and I just said something horribly inappropriate and I need to go to dollhab. Is this rock bottom, or is there an even rockier low I can hit?


ETA: Cobra Starship's "I Kissed a Boy." And please, someone bring us the Katy Perry-pwning Jill Sobule song "I Kissed a Girl" from the '90s, I can't find it. (YAY)

ETA 2: You know who needs to cover this song and heal us all? Pink.

Comments

[chaos-slave.livejournal.com]

I am like you, I went forever without hearing it and then a radio station started playing it and now it's my "I hate it but love it" radio song.

[jharrison19.livejournal.com]

its the TOXIC of 2008. whoa, im clever.

[madcathatter.livejournal.com]

As a gay female, I hate the song with every fiber of my being. ...And I listen to it frequently, complete with singing along and dancing.

I have no excuse for my actions. It's just plain addictive.

I think the Cherry Chapstick reply should be, "I Don't Mind Being Your Experiment (Because It Gets Me Hot-Straight-Girl Action)".

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I kind of want a series of songs where the Katy Perry narrator is all like, "Wait... I think I actually am into girls," and Cherry Chapstick is all like, "Bitch, please, I was on a break from my actual girlfriend, I don't want your poser ass now," and Katy Perry replies with some kind of heartbroken torch song, or one of those "Come back, baby, baby please!" songs.

[madeline-may.livejournal.com]

Naw, you're cool, I find myself unwittingly singing along with those inane lyrics as well. Damn you, catchy beats... damn you all to hell.

I think you pretty much captured my feelings about the stupid song, though. They could rename the whole thing, "Gimmick! Gimmick! Gimmick!", and it would generally stay the same in terms of meaning.

It's called decent lyrics, Katy, not, "This is gonna be a great way to piss of my mom! Do the boys like me yet?"

[kraorh.livejournal.com]

On that. From what little I know of Katy Perry, it sounds like she grew up in a very repressed Christian conservative family, and that's reflected by the fact that her earliest music was all religious. I suspect that this song is just emblematic of her attempt to rebel from all that, though it's kind of a dumb rebellion.

[morganwolf.livejournal.com]

I'll go ahead and add my confession: although I wish Katy Perry would go away and never come back, the song does have a catchy melody and beat and I'd probably really like it if the words didn't make me rage so hard. I assume most pop songs are allowed to survive because no one is really paying attention to the lyrics.

I still say this song was a lot better when Jill Sobule wrote it.

If you really want to hit a new low, though, you can always start listening to "UR So Gay." ("ur so gay/and you don't even like PENIS")

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, word to Jill Sobule.

And yeah, just the TITLE "UR So Gay" makes me want to stab someone. I don't even care if it's the catchiest song ever, I refuse to listen to it. I don't care if that song would be the love of my life, NO.

[ambiguousreason.livejournal.com]

OMG DID I BREAK INTO YOUR JOURNAL AND WRITE THIS?!

because i hate those stupid lyrics and they make me want to slap katy perry in the face, but oh god do i love the music and the beat of that song, i can't even help it.

and yes, i sing along too. *ashamed*

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

To my credit, I only sing along with the lines that don't make me insane with rage. And I don't sing the stupid bridge about girls being so kissable. Whatever. I mostly sing along with the actual verses. "This was never the way I planned, not my intention" is actually a great way to begin a song, IMO.

[kraorh.livejournal.com]

Well said. I kept thinking how funny the song would be if it were sung by a guy. If he changed the gender of the kissee to a guy, it'd be interesting to see the reaction, because I've noticed that two femme girls kissing tends to be regarded as cute and sexy, but two guys doing the same thing is regarded as gross, even after Brokeback Mountain.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know, I have heard of covers sung by guys. But I don't know that they change the words. Actually, that would still be pretty funny with the "Hope my boyfriend don't mind it" part.

[decor-noctis.livejournal.com]

Have you heard Cobra Starship's 'I Kissed A Boy'? The lyrics definitely annoy me less; they're a lot more self-aware.

EDIT: I uploaded it here (http://www.sendspace.com/file/un2cwy).

[juushika.livejournal.com]

Oh—I like that. Thanks for sharing the link. ^^

[divadeanna.livejournal.com]

RE: Singing along.

It's odd to me that I somehow know all the words to some of the songs I hate most in the world. How does that happen....

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

Like multiple NSYNC and Backstreet Boys Songs? How did that happen? I never owned the CDs, I didn't even like them. Why do I know the words?

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Travis Barker was on drums and he was--oh my God, I was going to say "he was really on fire that night." Oh God, I wasn't even thinking. I am going to hell now. I am going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done now.
Oh dear.

I think I've only heard the song twice, thankfully.

I may have mentioned this before, but your icon always looks like a woman sucking her thumb to me.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

EXCUSE ME, JEM WOULD NOT SUCK HER THUMB. JEM IS TRULY TRULY TRULY OUTRAGEOUS.

[dwarrowchild.livejournal.com]

Thank you for expressing everything I hate about that song. I avoided it for months because I feared it would be just like that, and was forced to hear it by my friends very recently. I was irked beyond belief. "I Kissed a Girl So Boys Would Look at Me." Like drunk chicks on Spring Break, Katy Perry is stealing lesbianism.

In the '90s, there was another song titled "I Kissed a Girl" by Jill Sobule, which is actually about discovering bisexuality. I've been looking for it for awhile.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I can probably find it for you--that song had such a cute video, too.

[coconut-zebra.livejournal.com]

I think that song is exactly like Twilight - you know you shouldn't like it, BUT YOU DO.

I'm the same way.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

And we all know my weakness for things like Twilight. Pretty much the moment I fell in snark-love with Van Helsing, we should have seen this coming.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Good God Katy Perry, put some damn clothes on. I do not want to see your nipple hanging out of that bathing suit you wear as an excuse for clothing in public.

[deesarrachi.livejournal.com]

Here's what you need to do:

Replace this version with Cobra Starship's cover, I Kissed A Boy. It's basically? Gabe (the singer) is like, "I kissed a boy to get the girls in the club all hot for me. I wanted to start shit, and I did, so fuck yeah, I'm awesome." \o/

Here, if you'd like it. (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=R4I2XSPO)

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

I love Cobra Starship. Thank you, Snakes on a Plane, for introducing me to them, and thank you (and others here) for linking this song.

OH I'M READY FOR IT
COME ON BRIIIING IIIIIIIT

[padawansguide.livejournal.com]

Agreed on nearly all counts. Of course, now, I've got that song running through my head, where it will probably ricochet all afternoon... ;-)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to see if someone can find us the Jill Sobule song of the same name so we can be cleansed.

[cran.livejournal.com]

I hate the words ("It's not what good girls do"? Fuck you, Katy Perry). Luckily, I hate the actual music as well, so I can just pretend the song doesn't exist. You know, if I avoid listening to the radio. Ever.

[theendofallthat.livejournal.com]

I too love the instrumentals and have forced my friends to admit their superiority. It's my walking along beat, I think...the Ally McBeal style internal song. Sans lyrics. Which are stupid and patronizing.

[juushika.livejournal.com]

I hate that song for all the reasons you expressed and also because:

A kiss (with anyone!) which occurs, undiscussed, within a preexisting relationship is not socially progressive, it's a violation of trust. I mean, sure, if it's an open relationship or the product of a prior discussion or agreement or anything similar, that's fine—but if she's worried that her boyfriend may mind, she's doing it wrong.

The fact that the lyrics are exciting, or unusual, or generally considered rebellious actually shows what a small, close-minded society live in. We don't write songs about girls kissing boys at parties, because it's old news. Would that this were too—but it's not. It's still titillating enough for a song.

And also because I've always had a psychosomatic reactions to "ch" words, and both cherry and chapstick, and particular "cherry chapstick", actually makes me nauseous. I guess I'm just special that way.

But yeah. I like the sound of the song, lyrics all aside. Whoever wrote it has talent.

[darth-snarky.livejournal.com]

I think the music itself is credited to Max Martin, the guy who wrote stuff for Pink's I'm Not Dead, pre-In The Zone Britney, and Kelly Clarkson's Breakway, as well as *NSYNC and BSB when they were still popular. The guy knows how to write a pop hit.

The shitty lyrics were supposedly written by Ms. Perry herself, though.

[punzerel.livejournal.com]

This happened to me a few weeks ago. I had somehow not heard it all summer, and then I looked it up just to know what all the fuss was about, and then... I was stuck on it for a day or two, as much as the lyrics made me want to tear my hair out. Oh dear.

[katels.livejournal.com]

Dude, I was going to ask if I could gank your icon but, when I checked out your icons on your profile realise that, not only are you superb at credit (the Capricorn in me just rejoiced), but that you have a new treasure trove of icon-makers. Could I gank those? My icons haven't been updated in years. I need a refresher. (And my final research for my degree is due in less than a week. Coincidence? I don't think so!)

[natwamblz.livejournal.com]

I put it as the ring tone for one of my friends because she "liked" it soo much.

I think the song is quite pretentious. I've kissed a girl, on a dare. So what? Does that mean I'm bi? *shrugs shoulders*

[hulamoth.livejournal.com]

you're not alone. It was also the "It feels so wrong/it feels so right" that succeeded in pissing me off.

but she looks like an actress I'm crushing on right now so, guiltily, I still watch the video.

[viorica8957.livejournal.com]

Zooey Deschanel, right? The first time I saw an article about the song, I thought "Wait, Zooey Deschanel is a musicial as well?"

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

GODDAMMIT CLEO

Now this song is stuck in my head. I MUST GO FLING MYSELF IN FRONT OF A TRAIN.

[amandeo.livejournal.com]

Please, allow me to join you.

Friends of friends did a stand-up show recently, and now I'm dying to hear a rendition of 'I Fisted a Boy and now we're Friends'.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

I think you will find that there are a lot of people who loathe that song and yet cannot stop listening to it... myself included. :P

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

I... I liked the music behind La Vida

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I... I liked the music behind <i>La Vida <Loca</i>.

[hangs head in shame]

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

I liked that song until I actually saw Katy Perry and the way she performs it. "Cutesy attention-whore faux rebellion" puts it exactly right. It doesn't match the beat, which is killer, and the very rawk feel of the music.

I heard it and I thought "wow, angry/ironic rock chick - I dig it." And then I saw her on So You Think You Can Dance in her stupid neo-pinup outfit and went "whaaaa?"

And then I saw the video. It's yet more evidence that a shitty music video can ruin a decent song (for example: creepy cougar Kelly Preston in the "She Will Be Loved" video. IT MADE NO SENSE.).

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I heard it and I thought "wow, angry/ironic rock chick - I dig it."

See, that's what I wish the song was. Imagine Pink rocking the shit out of it, for example. Except Pink would never lower herself to sing something so stupid.

[snowwhite2421.livejournal.com]

I always figured it was that she had kissed a girl while no one was looking, and ergo was forced to make it as public as possible in order to reap any straight-guy benefits.