An entry *without* the WTF icon

[cleolinda]

So my computer crashed in the middle of me footnoting "The Prestige in Fifteen Minutes" (and I had just spent like an hour discussing, uh, who I thought was in each scene--if you've seen the movie, you know what I mean) for the e-book project, which was a buzzkill. Meanwhile, my grandmother's sick (a sinus infection similar to mine, I think, only worse, since she's so frail), she's also worried about her money being with Merrill Lynch (yeah... I would too, right now), Shelby's having stomach problems, my stepfather is having a really, really hard time at work right now, my sister's having to do catering deliveries again and she inevitably ends up getting her car totaled by some nut loose on the street, we're going to have to have a plumber come out and look at the downstairs toilets, Tiny Tim needs a new crutch, and I'm just tired of it all, really. And feeling bad for everyone.

That said, I've already posted twice today and I was very productive (the computer crash aside), so I've got that going for me. Actually, I think I'm cycling back through a manic or hypomanic phase again. I've just noticed that the last couple of days I've felt really jittery--physically anxious, like I've had too much caffeine. It's weird, because I feel it in my stomach, but I also feel it in my arms and shoulders, of all places. I'm afraid it's mania, a step above my usual friendly hypomania, because I feel so "on" and focused that it's like I go beyond "on" and can't focus at all. I'm not running around visibly affected; I just feel like I'm about to step out onstage... all the time. It's that kind of nervousness. And yet I don't know why--my mother was trying to think of reasons I might feel anxious, like, "Maybe you're worried about the podcasts," and I was like, "But they've already come out and everyone liked them fine, why would I be nervous about them now?" So I guess it really is a chemical thing.

The weird thing is that I tried to think back to the last time I felt this "on," and it was probably... hmm, the weekend I wrote the Breaking Dawn recaps. That was at the end/beginning of a month as well. Just out of curiosity, what was I doing at the end of the next month?

Oh.

So now I'm a little concerned, because I don't know that I've ever actually noticed that obvious a pattern to the cycle before, and I used to have hypomanic episodes a lot more sporadically. After that big one a few months ago where I didn't want to eat for a week, I'm getting concerned that the cycle is changing, shortening, intensifying, whatever. I mean, it's not necessarily bad in and of itself if it helps me write more productively, and in a weird way, I feel like my writing here has gotten a lot better over the course of the summer. (That big episode? It was in May.) I'm not exactly sure why, but it's like something clicked into place and even the basic entries are just better than they used to be, I don't know.

That said, the jittery feeling is unpleasant enough, and just the simple fact that the cycle is changing, I don't like that. If it gets more severe, I could end up with episodes of full-blown mania and... that would be bad.

(This month's caption on the Anne Taintor Calendar of Destiny: "True, there were some side effects." AHHHHHHHHHHH.)

Oh, and apparently Let the Right One In is going to be playing at the Sidewalk Film Festival here in town on Saturday night (!!), although I don't know if I'll be able to go.

Speaking of which: Cloverfield's Matt Reeves Remaking 'Let the Right One In'; Countdown under way for 10th Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival in downtown Birmingham.

More linkspam!

In Egypt, a 3,000-year-old discovery.

Why sled dogs are super dogs ("New research suggests sled dogs are superior to most other mammals, including humans, in at least three key areas").

Blaine 'Disappears' After Stunt; 'David Blaine's Dive of Death' disappoints in ratings.

Does the Killers' 'Human' have the silliest lyrics of the week?; David Cook's 'Light On': Weigh in!

Could This Year Be The End Of Science Fiction On TV?

Rod Serling and New School Sociology Professor Talk UFOs.

Live from Fantastic Fest: Blooming Excess, Adult Sexuality, and Fantastic Debates.

Images: More Set Pics of 'Alice in Wonderland' (hey, the blonde chick in the blue skirt, is that actually Alice? HEY I THINK IT IS, THAT BLUE COAT IS KIND OF LIKE VIOLET'S IN LEMONY SNICKET THIS MEANS THAT COLLEEN ATWOOD IS COSTUMING THIS ONE TOO!! *incoherent squee*) (ETA: first link's members only, second link ought to work); First Stylish Poster for Bryan Singer's 'Valkyrie' (oh, wow, that really is pretty good); Exclusive: 'Synecdoche, New York' Poster Premiere.

Trailers and clips: Exclusive: Trailer for 'The Pleasure of Being Robbed'; Exclusive Clip: Watch Bill Murray’s Grand Speech From ‘City Of Ember’; Another One of Them Dubya Trailers and an Added Bonus; This Movie Will Make You Scared To Touch Unsanded Wood Ever Again.

First 'Quantum of Solace' Review Online; First Look: New 'Quantum of Solace' Photos!; On The Set Of 'Quantum of Solace'; 'Another Way To Die' Music Video To Air During Monday Night Football (Hey, Mom! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE BLOND!); Coca-Cola Zero Zero 7 Website Launched.

George Clooney rumored for the Lone Ranger. With Johnny Depp as Tonto. Uh huh.

Depp is Tonto in Lone Ranger and Word of 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4'; Keira Knightley Sounds Doubtful For ‘Pirates 4.’

'National Treasure 3' Also Confirmed from Disney Meeting.

Miriam Margolyes to Reprise Role as Prof Sprout for 'Deathly Hallows'; PotterCast 166: Terminus Part Two; Battling Voldemort 101; Daniel Radcliffe puts the spurs to his role in 'Equus.'

Spike Lee manages to pull off a 'Miracle' with WWII film; 'Miracle at St. Anna' could use some divine intervention.

In-your-face 'Eagle Eye' scopes out familiar terrain; Fantastic Fest Interview: 'Eagle Eye' Director D.J. Caruso; View Before Viewing: ‘Eagle Eye’; Shia LaBeouf: ‘I Live In A Fishbowl’; Shia LaBeouf won’t be charged in car crash.

'Choke' tries to throttle viewers with its outrageousness; 'Choke' Star Sam Rockwell On Sex Addiction, Going Full-Retard and How to Follow 'Fight Club' (classy, there).

Viggo Mortensen and his shotgun.

Fifty inches long and weighing 11 pounds, the eight-gauge initially was a turnoff for Mortensen when shooting began on "Appaloosa."

"When I first had it, I said, 'Do you really need it to be an eight-gauge, Ed?' "

... [Then] Mortensen started lobbying for a bigger role for the gun, which sent dogs and horses running the first time he shot it outdoors and which rattled the windows and floorboards when he test-fired inside a saloon. "I said, 'Ed, you know, I think I should even have it indoors. Even if I'm being friendly or if I were buying some fruit or getting a haircut, I always have it with me,' " Mortensen said.

I would ask what he's trying to compensate for here, except that I'm pretty sure that Viggo Mortensen's manhood is not the least bit in question. Also: Viggo and Cronenberg teaming up again?

Fan Made: The Dark Bailout; Closeups of the Harvey Dent makeup from Cinefex.

Guillermo Del Toro Set To Pen Vampire Novels.

Edward Norton Denies Involvement In ‘Fight Club’ Musical. Every movie ever made is going to be a musical someday, you guys. Every single one.

Steven Spielberg Options 'Chocky' -- Kind Of.

Anne Hathaway is in 'The Opposite of Love'; Anne Hathaway Doubtful She and Meryl Streep Will Ever Slip Back Into ‘Prada.’

'I Am Legend' Prequel Moving Forward; Making a Case Against an 'I Am Legend' Prequel.

Why Rachel Weisz Didn't Do 'The Mummy 3'? "In fact, I never even read the script, because it was going to be, I think, five months in China, and it was just out of the question that I could do it straight after The Brothers Bloom," because of her young son. Because Rachel Weisz is classy, she did not add, "And I really dodged a bullet there, huh?"

Comments

[cosmicwaffles.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't know you were bipolar! The doctors have diagnosed with Bipolar type II, but I've been diagnosed with so much stuff (for a seventeen year old girl!) it's kind of ridiculous. I honestly don't know what I have.

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

I'm getting the You Are Not Authorized to View This Post for the Alice link, which sucks because I'm dying for a Colleen Atwood Alice.

[jasminelily.livejournal.com]

This might be an obvious question, but do you see any link with your menstrual cycle?

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

My older sister is bipolar, and has been on various medication for a while. My younger sister is starting to show the same traits, and we're hoping we're able to catch it in time before she goes and does the whole "okay, not going to school at all and whoopee, now I'm hospitalized for three months before I finally take my medication and can function normally again" thing that my older sister did.

Because that was pretty bad.

What was the point of this? I'm not sure. It all ends in well wishes and a huge terrified shudder in regards to National Treasure 3, but then again just about anything relating to Nicholas Cage results in me having a huge terrified shudder.

[misachan.livejournal.com]

They would have to work real hard to make me want to see a Pirates movie that doesn't have Elizabeth in it.

[sassachusetts.livejournal.com]

Let the Right One In is supposed to be amazing, but so was the novel, and, uh, no.

[saramiskismet.livejournal.com]

If Rachel Weisz was in Mummy 3, I would have gone to see it.

David Blaine: taking hourly toilet, medical and tea breaks.

he was "not going to pee all over" himself.

Trust me, Blaine, no one wanted your pee falling on them from the sky either... but HOURLY? Dude. Seriously. If you weren't drinking your fuckin tea every hour you wouldn't have to take a piss.

[gannet-guts.livejournal.com]

Awww boo, the pictures aren't at ONTD anymore.

[megathy27.livejournal.com]

links that merit the return of the WTF icon (and i know you have news feeds, so ignore this if you've seen them already):

FEMA says ice was no longer needed on Gulf Coast (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/hotstories/6020502.html)

Army Combat Brigade to take on first-of-its-kind homeland security detail (http://minnesotaindependent.com/10466/army-combat-brigade-to-take-on-first-of-its-kind-homeland-security-detail)

[kvschwartz.livejournal.com]

I'm on Depakote. Have you ever been on that? I can't really say how well it's working for me -- I've been on a really low dose because I have this tendency to have really bad reactions to medications.

It's been months since I was writing or doing anything productive. Two years ago I was working on a novel. Now I can't even finish lj updates.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

They fail to mention that Supernatural's ratings are actually up. Perhaps it's more a case of writing than it is material? Just throwing that one out there. Sure, Heroes first season was awesome, but last season admittedly sucked. Smallville is seven years old. Fringe is sort of a weird, hard sell and Knight Rider? Really? Life on Mars and 11th Hour have had problems from day one. It seems to me more an internal problem on most of them than a lack of interest by viewers in a genre.

[robinmc.livejournal.com]

The end of science fiction on TV? I think not.

It may also be true that viewers have decided that they're tired of epic science fiction on a small-screen budget.

As a BSG fan, I can honestly say that I am not tired of epic science fiction (also, kind of offended he didn't mention that show).

I am, however, fed up with JJ Abrams. He is not the be-all and end-all of sci fi on TV. I watched (almost) every episode of Alias, even after it became ridiculous, because I had to know about Milo Rambaldi and that big red ball of water. I watched to the end, and I cannot remember what the explanation was, or if there even was one. I seem to remember Russian zombies?

I watched the first 2 seasons of Lost and somewhere in the middle of the third season, I gave up, because I swear that man likes nothing more than to play with his audience for no compelling reason. WHY IS THERE A POLAR BEAR ON A TROPICAL ISLAND, JJ? HUNH? AND WHAT IS UP WITH THE SMOKE MONSTER? Stop trying to distract me with Others and Tailies and whatever else I don't even know anymore because I stopped watching.

That's why I'm not watching Fringe. I do not have the patience for JJ and his mindfuckery anymore.


Hang in there.

[twilightu.livejournal.com]

Wow. Good luck with prestige. I'm still not sure what happens. I doesn't help that I watched illusionist the same night and now I think a guy with a million hats faked his death and rode out on a horse then woke up to an aquarium of himself. Can't wait to read it - it should clear up some of THAT confusion.

[redpistolet.livejournal.com]

I just want to say that your posts are the only reason I check my livejournal anymore :D

[moogleybacon.livejournal.com]

"Every movie ever made is going to be a musical someday, you guys. Every single one."

Well, in that case, I can't wait for Cloverfield: The Musical. P; lol

And, yunno, a friend of mine was once diagnosed as being bipolar, even though she wasn't. Idiot doctors. They put her on meds for it, and it completely messed her up. She got off of the stuff later, thank god. I hope your stuff works out, though, 'cause that all sounds serious. :/ If there's one thing I've learned--from myself and others--it's that chemical imbalances are nothing to mess with.

[reynardine.livejournal.com]

I dunno, but it sounds like you're edging on mania there. (At least the symptoms that you are describe sound a lot like what I go through when I start to go manic, and I've been dealing with bipolar disorder for a long time now.)

You might want to check with your doctor to see if you might need to adjust your meds again. Sometimes even a successful blend of medication doesn't work right--body chemistry is a weird thing and easy to throw off. If you've been sick to your stomach or dehydrated, sometimes that's enough to trigger something!

If anxiety is getting to be a problem, there are some meds for that. Again, talk to your doctor.

Hope things even out soon. Sounds like you've got enough regular life stress without the bipolar thing acting up on you!

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

...Fight Club musical. o.O

[celticwitch99.livejournal.com]

Hello fellow bipolar person. :)

I also had a wicked hypomanic streak back in mid May which lasted a while. I ended up planning a vacation for myself (which turned out to be a good thing, really, but not something I would "normally" have done) and several other very productive things I'd been wanting to get done. It gentled, but I am having mood swings again...I am used to them at this time of year, however. My doctor and I long ago discovered I (and he said many bipolar folks are like this) am affected by the seasonal changes and it screws with my moods...as the days get shorter or longer, I get manic and/or depressed. Usually I have mixed episodes (I really hate those a lot; they are so hard to work with!) and they last until my med dosage gets changed or my body gets used to the hours of sunlight being shorter/longer. So maybe that's what's grabbed you? I've been dealing with my bipolar for 13 years so I know it "mutates"...I've not been hospitalized, either. I hope you get it figured out.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Arg.... what's with all the sequels? Why can't anyone just make a movie and leave it alone any more?


Re: the bipolar. My partner's father, who is undiagnosed, is manic right now. Not to the point of psychosis, just with the ADHD-like energy, spending money like water on impulse purchases (like a massive TV, appliances... oh, and a house), randomly quitting his job (AGAIN) and deciding to move interstate.

It's sort of good, in a way, because he has a new girlfriend who seems nice and not crazy, and he's lost a lot of weight (which he needed to), but I haven't seen him this 'up' for this long since I met him nine years ago, and this time last year he was drinking heavily and talking about death pretty much constantly. We know from experience that when he comes down from it, it's going to be a BIG drop, and he's going to start sending Emma text messages again in the middle of the night hinting at suicide, which make her incredibly upset and I can't help but resent him for. He puts a lot of pressure on her, considering she's his daughter, and HE'S supposed to be the parent.

The thing is, he's not entirely unaware of his problem. He read a biography the other year about some bipolar celebrity, and remarked to us that he though he was 'a bit like her', and we nodded very vigorously to try and reinforce it, but he's said nothing about it since, and he's very much NOT the sort of man who goes and asks for help about things. And of course, right at the moment, he's been giddy for the past two months, so he doesn't think there's anything wrong with himself at all.

Sorry, didn't mean to vomit that all over your journal. What I meant was, take care of yourself. If you're aware of it and keeping an eye on it, that's fantastic, because it's a rough ride for everybody with someone who doesn't bother and expects everyone around them to pick up the pieces, most especially, the person with bipolar themselves.

*hugs*

Have you read An Unquiet Mind (http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309) by Kay Redfield Jamison? Or seen the documentary Stephen Fry did? I thought both were pretty awesome.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I mean, it's not necessarily bad in and of itself if it helps me write more productively, and in a weird way, I feel like my writing here has gotten a lot better over the course of the summer. (That big episode? It was in May.) I'm not exactly sure why, but it's like something clicked into place and even the basic entries are just better than they used to be, I don't know.

You know, you've been a lot more fun to be around online recently, and part of it is that the entries have been good, and part of it is that you're talking to us. In your "down" phases, you don't talk as much online, and the journal sort of feels mopey, like it reflects what I assume is your mood. (Of course, maybe I'm 180 degrees wrong on that.)

[the_rainbow_jen]

Didn't Viggo totally do the same thing with his sword in LOTR?

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

An article about "the end of Sci-Fi television" that begins with the premise that JJ Abrams and Lost are responsible for Sci-Fi's recent popularity sort of loses me right from the get-go, you know? I mean, what? There wasn't any popular Sci-Fi type of material before? And Lost is somehow Sci-Fi?

I am confused.

But if Sci-Fi being "unpopular" again means that things like the new Knight Rider vanish without a trace, I'm 100% cool with that. Hanging with the cool kids seems to involve a lot of lameness and stupidity...

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Miriam Margoyles, yaaay! she rocks. I interviewed her recently when she came Down Under with 'Dicken's Women.' Favourite respone:

Moi: What was it like fighting Arnold Schwarzennegar in END OF DAYS?

Miriam: It was bloody satisfying to hand him his ass, let me tell you!

[revenantrose.livejournal.com]

'National Treasure 3' Also Confirmed from Disney Meeting.

*deep sigh* Oy vey.

[e2satori.livejournal.com]

Hi, cleo -

if you read this, I thought I could give you a little bit of friendly advice re: the bipolar bit. I am also correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and aside from Lamictal, the thing that seems to have helped me most is a combination of 2 supplements.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a big fan of meds in general and I am DEFINITELY not a big fan of supplements. My use of these 2 supps has been after a huge amount of research on my own part and after the coaxing and cajoling of my non-weirdo, not-particularly-holistic-freaky psychiatrist, who reminds me that Big Pharma has no financial stake in supplements and therefore has no reason to push them. But these 2 really, really help with mood disorders and mood stability.

1. prenatal vitamins. They're chocked with vitamin B in all its neurologically helpful friends, like amino acids and stuff. It's a convenient little brain-feeding pill, which makes sense, as pregnant women take them to encourage healthy neurological fetal development. They help grown-up fetuses, too. A LOT.

2. omega-3 fatty acids in the form of fish oil capsules. OK, they SOUND ick, but if you get the capsules from either Sam's Club or Costco (the Kirkland brand RULES), the shelf turnover in those megastores is so fast that you will NEVER get rancid oil. The rancid factor is the only thing that ever gives you those infamous fishy burps (I know, ew). They will not make you smell or taste weird or fishy; I have this on good authority from several people, including, um, intimates.

Do some research of your own on this stuff; there's a TON of it out there. But I am telling you that these supplements helped me like whoa. All I take now is 200 of the Lamictal in the AM, 2,400 mg of fish oil (2 1,200 capsules) in the AM, and a prenatal in the AM. At night I take another 200 of Lamictal and another 2,400 of omega-3. (I also take calcium, but that's because I like my spine and don't like milk.) If I'm feeling hypomanic I add another 2 capsules of omega-3s in the middle of the day. Sounds like a lot, and it sort of is, but bipolar brains can be a little bit intractable and sometimes need a firm hand.

Mania sucks, probably worse than depression, because with depression the worst you can do is eat a lot and sleep too much and wear out your best jammy pants by sitting on your ass most of the time. Also not wash your hair enough. But mania can..well, you know the drill. That's where the hardcore self-destructive behavior can really rear its ugly head.

Good luck to you, and do give those supplements a try. You might be really surprised. I was, and so QUICKLY, too - within about a week I noticed a marked difference in my mood stability, and after a few weeks I noticed excellent bonus changes in my skin (clearer and softer), hair (shinier and grew faster), and nails (grew almost annoyingly faster).

(Side note: one of the worse "minor" side effects of Lamictal is that it can cause a high rate of hair loss - not too big a deal with women, who tend to have less of an issue with permanent hair loss, but still alarming when you wind up with a handful of hair in the shower. The prenatals nipped that completely. I used to lose tons in my brush, now I barely lose but a few normal strands a day.)