A few Twilight things to get out of the way

[cleolinda]

From the Twilight Lexicon (Lexicon. Lexicon. Lexicon. I am suppressing the urge to scream pretty well, don't you think?): Stephenie Meyer answered a ton of questions last night, and she revealed that [major spoiler] was the ending, and perhaps even the point of the series, that she'd had in mind since 2003. I don't want to say "I told you so," precisely, but didn't I say that there wasn't anything in the fourth book that wasn't in all the others? I AM JUST SAYING.

(Also, she claims that she doesn't know the answer to the Werewolf Paternity Drama question.)

Via pepperlandgirl4 on JF: The Divine Nora Roberts weighs in on Breaking Dawn, and she is not impressed.

And let's share some of the (good) linking karma. Via sumire: I like how we turned Edward into a 40 year old mother on a bad day. ("COME ON IT IS CANONICAL: HE HIMSELF SAID HE PICKED UP A LOT OF HOBBIES WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS BUSY FUCKING"). A very brief sample (you have to read the whole thing):

saint_renegade: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM SCRAPBOOKING?
oxymoronassoc: YEAH I CAN
oxymoronassoc: ALL SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR
oxymoronassoc: SUPER INTENSE
saint_renegade: ~HUNTING TRIPS~
oxymoronassoc: CUTTING OUT SNOW ANGELS AND SHIT
oxymoronassoc: GOING TO GET STICKERS THAT MATCHED
saint_renegade: WHERE ARE MAH STICKERS!!!!!
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT WOULD STEAL THEM
oxymoronassoc: "LOOK AT THIS SHIT IT'S A BATHTUB STICKER? WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?"

ow help it hurts I can't breathe


omg help there's a followup

Comments

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

EMMETT YOU CAN SEE THE BOOM MIC

Ow ow ow it hurts, it hurts....

[edda.livejournal.com]

That's about where I started crying so hard I couldn't read the words anymore. I think I may have cracked a rib.

[rosetapestry.livejournal.com]

It is physically possible [sic: for males vampires], I don’t want to go into it in too much detail. I think what’s going to happen, it’s a whole long thing. I’m guessing, I think it’s going to have to show up somewhere in like the Twilight Saga guide that’s going to come out later.

Twilight Saga Guide? Seriously?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there's an ad for it in the back of the book. I think it's coming out in December. You know, in time for Christmas shopping.

[sneaky-minx.livejournal.com]

(Lexicon. Lexicon. Lexicon.

Careful. It might show up in your bathroom mirror if you keep doing that.

[poinsley.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, Edward as a 40 year old woman...that was hysterical!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

The thing that really cracked me up was about him organizing his CDs, because he SAYS in Twilight that he has them organized by, like, year and "within that, personal preference." So it's totally in character.

Also, the idea of Edward and his cherished cleaning supplies. "DID YOU OPEN MY NEW BOTTLE OF BLEACH?"

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear, that is too funny:

THAT WOMAN SOUNDS AS IF SHE IS BEING GRIEVOUSLY INJURED

HEEEEEE.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

EMMETT, YOU CAN SEE THE BOOM MIC

[gorgeousnerd]

Electra: Who was Embry’s dad?

S: That question was in there like 17 times. Now I know that a lot of people are mad when I say that I’m not going to say, because you know what? I’m not even sure that I know. I know that sounds crazy, but really there are secrets that my characters keep from even me.

You know, I get that authors can't know everything about the universe they created. But WHY DID SHE SET THAT UP IF SHE HAD NO INTENTION OF ADDRESSING IT?

*chagrined*

[orca-girl.livejournal.com]

Okay, I... pet peeve time. Authors: your characters do not "keep secrets from you". You created them; they don't have some separate existence to which you are not privy. They aren't living people.

I realize that this is by now a well-known writerly affectation but... that's just it, it always strikes me as affected, and often bordering on cutesy, if not actively kind of insane.

If you have a large, sprawling world that you've had to create, and somebody asks you a question about something for which, for one reason or another, you haven't worked out the answer, then just SAY SO. "You know, I don't know; I left that open, and I'm not sure I ever want to figure it out. I kind of like not knowing for sure."

But my god, OWN YOUR WRITING. "I don't know because my characters keep secrets even from me, tee hee!" -- GAH. Yes, it does sound a little crazy. Or else it sounds disingenuous. Take your pick.

/rant

(Mind you, all I know about these books, I know from Cleolinda's write-ups and FW. So I have no real investment in the answer to this particular question. As a writer, I can easily imagine setting up stuff like that without fully answering it, because leaving it blank for now opens up the possibility of coming up with an interesting answer somewhere down the line. It does seem a bit mean, though, if it was something she intended to seem like a big mystery, and then she left it hanging.)

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

I haven't even read word one of the books (nor do I ever intend to, thanks!) but that "Edward as a 40 year old mother" pair of entries is off the rails funny. I nearly wept from laughing so hard.

The Nora Roberts thing: I'm not actually seeing any direct commentary on Twilight/Breaking Dawn in either of Nora's comments, there. It's about how we can't judge the merits of a book for other people, so far as I can tell. Maybe I'm missing context, though.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I was taking it as "You can't blame her editors for everything," which implies that someone should be blamed. I don't know.

[eyetosky.livejournal.com]

.... Nora Roberts used the term "wtf" in that review.

God bless it, why does that seem so hilarious and awesome to me?!

[jdotmi.livejournal.com]

Nora didn't write the review, but she does have a WTF in her comments below it.

[jldecker.livejournal.com]

the "lexicon"" made my eyes bleed

//cringes in horror//

[latenightcuppa.livejournal.com]

Lexicon. It makes me seethe.

Someone should go and try to publish it for hilarity's sake.

[rinnamarie.livejournal.com]

Here's my question - how do vampires get erections? I mean, isn't the whole point of an erection that the blood flow increases? If vampires don't have beating hearts, how do they get it up?

[pennyverse.livejournal.com]

SHHH WE CAN'T BE HAVING WITH LOGIC IN OUR SPARKLY VAMPIRE NON-SMUT

(god, I don't know either. And there's also the whole thing where if vampires freeze at the instant of turning, their sperm remains human, so Death Baby should have just been the normal kind.)

[ppyajunebug.livejournal.com]

oxymoronassoc: BRO I REALLY DONT CARE
[info]saint_renegade: Edward, no one is angry with you, please come out
[info]oxymoronassoc: I AM ANGRY WITH MYSELF!!!!
[info]oxymoronassoc: I LET MY CONTROL SLIP!!!
[info]saint_renegade: Esme would make everyone go to his door and try to talk to him
[info]oxymoronassoc: I AM A MONSTER!!!
[info]saint_renegade: I LET YOU GET TO ME!!!!

OMG SO EFFING FUNNY.

And the scrabble scene...I can't stop the laughter...Edward and Death Cab...

[quitesometime.livejournal.com]

that has passed into the realms of canon.

~so let it be written, so let it be done~

You would be Goyle!

[rosina-alcona.livejournal.com]

oxymoronassoc: I PAID $4.50 FOR THOSE STICKERS YOU DICKS
saint_renegade: YOU ARE PAYING ME BACK!
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT YOU HAVE TO GO BUY ME NEW STICKERS
oxymoronassoc: RIGHT NOW!!!!
saint_renegade: I AM NOT KIDDING

I have had this exact fight...

[la-petite-singe.livejournal.com]

Electra: Now how long have you had Renesme in your mind? Jacqueline _____ says Bella getting pregnant just threw her for a loop. I loved it, don’t get me wrong, I still had the ‘what?’ (reading from Jacqueline’s question)

S: Um, actually, Nessie was one of the reasons that Breaking Dawn exists.

LMAO! I love the tone! And I love the ass-kissing in the phrasing...man, this fandom will never cease to make me cackle with evil!joy.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I know, right? She was probably so sure everybody was going to be thrilled and now she's all red-faced and trying to win them back. I'd almost feel sorry for her if ... well, I felt sorry for her.

[kilted.livejournal.com]

omg, I have to say it. People are going to KILL me, but I have to say it- Meyers thinks she's so damn clever, it hurts. She has no idea what she's doing. Ugh. You look so smug when you look so smug, SM. She's all "THE BOOKS, THEY HIDE THINGS FROM ME" when it's really just "Um, I never bothered to flesh anything out because my brain was being eaten by sparkles and the Baby-Sue Who Must Live (Except Not Really, If You Catch My Drift)."

I will be really glad when this whole thing blows over. I mean, I'll miss the lulz, but I could do with out the stupid.

*finds a nice cave to hide in*

[huehau.livejournal.com]

I agree with you. It's obvious there's a lot she hasn't thought through in her world building either because she just didn't care or wasn't smart enough to think of it. I'd respect her a bit more if she'd just outright say that she didn't think of certain things rather than attempt to half-ass an explanation.

[mycenae.livejournal.com]

Wow, was that funny. And yet still in character. Because people are always different when they're with just family, and we never get to see Edward and the Cullens alone. So I'm going to choose to believe this is what he's really like with them.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

And their Emmett was priceless. I fully believe that is what Emmett is like. Particularly calling everyone "bro."

[berseker.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU that was priceless.

And, believe it or not, I was actually worrying about Bella`s period. I was just waiting for someone to bring it up.

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

saint_renegade: IF ANY OF MY SHIRTS ARE STRECHED OUT, I AM NOT GOING TO BE PLEASED AT ALL
oxymoronassoc: YOU WILL FACE MY DEEPEST IRE
saint_renegade: OH AND IF YOU USE MY COLOR SAFE BLEACH AGAN WITHOUT ASKING, I AM TELLING MOM

*dies and is ded*

[divadeanna.livejournal.com]

LOL House meeting. It's like an episode of The Real World.

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

Icon yay. :-)

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Obviously, you can’t please everybody all the time, so I wrote what was good.
LMAO. Because, sure...that makes sense? It's the second clause that isn't computing with the first clause. Okay, then. Well.

I know that sounds crazy, but really there are secrets that my characters keep from even me
I don't understand this. It's a cute idea, but at the end of the day, she is the creator and should know everything. They don't live independently beyond her (unless, oh god, unless they do! and this is really nonfiction!), and not knowing ins and outs of character's backgrounds is rather indicative of bad planning. I doubt that anyone in the HPverse kept secrets from JKR. /bitchy

i bet he went through a phase where he knitted shit
to keep from strangling emmett
everyone got a lumpy pullover for xmas that year
AND THEN I DIED OMG. xD

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

"Obviously, you can’t please everybody all the time, so I wrote what was good. "

Humble much? My eyes can't roll far enough.

[ellaafleck.livejournal.com]

"There are secrets that my characters keep even from me."

Um...that's bullshit. You created these characters. You should know in your heart of hearts what the answers to those major details are even if you don't reveal them. If you claim to be a writer, you should know that by now.

[theelusiven.livejournal.com]

Word. News flash, SMeyer, your characters don't keep secrets from you because they don't exist, FFS.

Although, now I have a mental image of SMeyer alone in her house talking to her computer, going, "Come on now....secrets don't make friends!" in a singsongy voice.

Or even sending them notes that say, "Do you like me? Check one: ( )Yes ( )No" that never get returned.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I completely believe Emmett is exactly like that, and this is why he is my favorite.

*dies laughing*

GOD SHUT UP SMEYER YOUR CHARACTERS CANNOT KEEP SECRETS THEY AREN'T REAL. *twitch twitch*

Sorry that hit an ex-LKH fan nerve.

[maisontv.livejournal.com]

OMG that is EXACTLY what gives me flames on the side of my face about SMeyer. She is the teen "literature" version of LKH! She absolutely refuses to take responsibility for what she's written.

[undying-rose17.livejournal.com]

I've found this interesting since finishing Breaking Dawn and reading everyone's loose ends and the difference between SMeyer and JKR. It's interesting because JKR seems to have this huge wealth of information that never made it into the books, so if you asked her who Daphne Greengrass married and what her kids' names were, she'd throw it all out there without batting an eyelash and then add that this minor character who's pretty much never mentioned in the series became Minister of Magic or something like that, and it's just boggling how much information she has about the world she created.

SMeyer, on the other hand, seems to...not know a lot. People ask her various questions (who's Embry's father, why this, what happened there, etc.?) and her answers tend towards "I don't know" or an artful dodge. It's very...I don't know. On the one hand, JKR's post-DH interviews were almost TMI, but on the other hand, they almost seem refreshing compared to the Twilight TLI.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... see, I could understand being cagey if she was trying not to give something away. But this whole "I don't know" or "the character didn't tell me" thing is kind of... different.

[wow-thats-me.livejournal.com]

Because I sometimes watch the View, this killed me:

LOOK AT HER BEHIND, IT IS CLEARLY STICK FREE

And this:

BRING A SPRTIZER BOTTLE WITH SOME WATERED DOWN CHLOROX
JUST IN CASE
AND A SPONGE. A NEW ONE. THERE IS A PACK FROM COSTCO IN THE HALL CLOSET

Because I would LOVE to see the Cullens at Costco.

This:

IF I COULD CRY, I WOULD
INSTEAD I JUST GASP FROM THE JOY AND BEAUTY OF THE MUSIC
IT IS A MOVING PIECE

Because it is TOTALLY in Edwards "voice".

Thank you soooo much for sharing.