FEAR THE REEP

[cleolinda]

Not feeling so good--haven't felt good since Wednesday or Thursday, actually, which makes me think it might be part of the hypomanic episode. But it's starting to wear on my nerves. The thing is, emotionally, I feel fine. Cheerful, reasonably relaxed. But my stomach has been killing me with the butterflies--it's like I'm about to take a final exam I didn't study for, all day long, for the last four or five days. I can't sleep, but more than that, I don't want to sleep, and more than that, I can't eat. This is what really concerns me, because food is a real problem for me. That is to say, I have a tendency towards binge eating. I don't know that I've ever not been able to eat, outside of a stomach flu. My allergies are bothering me, but I can smell and taste just fine, so that's not it; my mouth isn't dry, but it's like the food itself just turns into sawdust in my mouth. I've been struggling to get through a muffin or a bowl of soup, and I usually can't finish anything. (I struggled to get through a slice of pizza today, which should tell you that something is really wrong.) 'So of course, I'm nauseated all the time from not having eaten, or not having eaten enough--whenever I have managed to fill my stomach, I feel a lot better, less physically nervous, afterwards.

I drank a soda at dinner before Caspian, but my stomach was messed up before that, so it's not caffeine. I haven't been taking that One-a-Day vitamin, either. The last time I had alcohol was a glass of wine at dinner about a month ago. We haven't altered my antidepressants in any way, and I'm not taking any other medications. It should go without saying that I'm not doing illegal drugs, if only because I trust y'all to assume I would be smart enough to look up in the middle of that first paragraph and go, "Hey, maybe it's all the crystal meth I've been doing!" So I can't think of any external chemical reason to feel this way. The reason I'm really concerned is this: have I gone past hypomania and spiked into a manic episode? (I tend to think not, because symptomwise, I'm pretty calm: I'm not having moodswings, hostility, racing thoughts, or any kind of reckless behavior.) Is it something unrelated to bipolarity entirely? More importantly--when is it going to stop?

Oh, and on top of that? There's a mouse in my bedroom, and it's driving me crazy. I think I've inherited it from Sister Girl, although this is the second mouse we've had climb up through the house (we have, uh, proof that the first one is no longer with us). You know how I'll write entries for weeks whining about how I have to clean? Well, there are things I don't like to do, mostly because I feel like I could be doing something more productive, unless you hold a gun to my head. Or, in this case, a mouse. Not literally "to my head," but it's moved from the far end of the room to the wall near my bed. A weekend of this, and I've managed to get more cleaning done than I usually do in a month. It's my mousening and it freaks me out, let's just put it that way.

The worst part is that I haven't actually seen it in the flesh yet. I could hear it rattling around through piles of books and papers, and after I worked overtime yesterday to clear all of those up, it moved to my laundry basket on the near side of the room, where I could see... something moving around under a sweater. So now, of course, I have to wash everything within a five-foot radius of that basket, because it's FREAKING ME OUT. That's the thing: I love animals. I'm not grossed out by the sudden appearance of mice, whereas I totally lose my shit around cockroaches. But I am freaked out by the chewings and the droppings and the general unhygienicness, much the way I would if we had an uncaged pet rabbit bopping around. So, in order to get myself through the night, I decided that Reepicheep was swashbuckling around in the basket. "Back, foul tube socks of the night! I shall avenge my lady against thy putrid stench!" Instead of, you know, an ordinary field mouse BUILDING A NEST IN MY LAUNDRY OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER FEEL CLEAN AGAIN.

Anyway, there is needful cleaning that will now be done. And I'll be getting a humane trap--one of those catch-and-release things--and letting Reep out near the wooded Samford campus. Because I know that Reepicheep is valiant, but I don't like his odds against our cat.

Researchers teach 'Second Life' avatar to think. Twenty years from now the kids will be asking us, "How did the machines take over?" And we'll be able to point to this moment. Convenient, I guess.

Sex scandal taints British spy agency.

Company to reprint yearbooks after head switching.

Men Taser each other in 'bonehead' dispute.

shun!!1! shun the non believer!; Iz never dun dis befor; I told u he wud be mine. Seriously, you gotta see that last one.

Scarlett Johansson Turning Into The Kind Of Spoiled, Bratty Daughter Woody Allen Might Regret Marrying.

Rufus Sewell Debuts His Crazy Eyes In New 'Elemental' Clip.

'Prince Caspian' Tops Box Office, Awaits SNL Parody Song; So How DID Prince Caspian Get a PG Rating?!; MTV Talks Romance Controversy; Ben Barnes to Play Dorian Gray.

'Indiana Jones' debut survives Cannes critics.

Yet Indy's fourth big-screen romp is not likely to go down as one of the most memorable. Some viewers at its first press screening loved it, some called it slick and enjoyable though formulaic, some said it was not worth the 19-year wait since Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford made the last film.

"They should have left well enough alone," said J. Sperling Reich, who writes for FilmStew.com. "It really looked like they were going through the motions. It really looked like no one had their heart in it."

Also, George Lucas Threatens Us with 'Indiana Jones 5'; ‘Indiana Jones’ Toy Skull Functions As Child’s Projector, Airport Landing Beacon; Mayan Crystal Skull Apocalypse. I'm pretty sure that last one plays at the drive-in right after Werewolf Beach Bonfire.

trailer_spot: Australia, Traitor, Tropic Thunder, Stuck, Wanted.

Knightley, Hopkins and Paltrow to all star in film of King Lear?

John Williams to Score "Half-Blood Prince"?

International Poster for 'The Happening'; New 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army' Character Banners; Muppets Meet Movie Posters; First Photos of Brody and Seigner in 'Giallo.'

Cannes Posters Part I: Cage’s ‘Bad Lieutenant,’ Hawke’s ‘Brooklyn’s Finest,’ Zeta-Jones’ ‘Rebound’ and Mariah Carey’s ‘Tennessee.’ Oh, God, they're really going through with this Bad Lieutenant remake, aren't they?

Weinsteins to Bring 'The Alchemist' to the Big Screen.

MGM Plans to Remake 'Robocop' and 'Red Dawn.'

'Blackbeard' Pirate Movie Will Probably Have a Humorous MPAA Rating.

Comments

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But why am I having a fight-flight response in the first place? I can't figure out what triggered it.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

All the money problems and things might be putting pressure on your family in general, and the atmosphere is affecting you? (That's a question.) I mean, maybe it could be that PLUS your usual hypermanic thing being in the "up" phase, so you end up with "I feel emotionally fine but my stomach disagrees."

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know, I was just coming back to say the same thing. After reading the Wikipedia article, I'm wondering if it was just the same-old same-old stress, but then it suddenly collided with a hypomanic episode. Because I really have worried about my blood pressure this week in particular--it's usually pretty good (back during the cat bite episode, the clinic nurse was surprised that it was so good), so I notice when it gets high. I went back and read over the entries here to see if there was anything in particular that could have triggered it (ah, the usefulness of LJ), and on Tuesday we had the water damage, which might have increased the stress somewhat. And then on Wednesday I started reading Twilight. COINCIDENCE?

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

You know, that book really SHOULD come with a warning label from the FDA.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

I have an anxiety disorder; my body is basically always primed for fight-or-flight. Fortunately, a very low dose of Paxil manages it without turning me into a zombie. I still have some trouble sleeping, but I handle that with herbal medications when I need to. You might want to talk to your doctor about your free-floating anxiety and see what he or she recommends.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, in terms of generalized anxiety disorder, yeah, that's part of why I'm on three antidepressants in the first place. Whenever there's a sudden difference in how I feel, I see if I can figure out a reason for it, to spot-treat that reason (therapy, stress management, whatever). What herbal medications do you use?

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

If you try herbals, don't forget to check for interactions with your current drugs. The famous instance of death by grapefruit juice (http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2005-01/uorm-gja011705.php) should stand as a warning:

"The doctor put the patient on atorvastatin (Lipitor), and the patient began dieting and exercising. Two months after the patient went to Florida for the winter, he suddenly had muscle pain, fatigue and fever, and went to the emergency room. The patient ended up going into kidney failure and ultimately died.

The only major change in the person's lifestyle had been that, upon arriving in Florida, he began picking grapefruit off a tree on the patio and drinking two or three glasses of fresh grapefruit juice every day."