FEAR THE REEP

[cleolinda]

Not feeling so good--haven't felt good since Wednesday or Thursday, actually, which makes me think it might be part of the hypomanic episode. But it's starting to wear on my nerves. The thing is, emotionally, I feel fine. Cheerful, reasonably relaxed. But my stomach has been killing me with the butterflies--it's like I'm about to take a final exam I didn't study for, all day long, for the last four or five days. I can't sleep, but more than that, I don't want to sleep, and more than that, I can't eat. This is what really concerns me, because food is a real problem for me. That is to say, I have a tendency towards binge eating. I don't know that I've ever not been able to eat, outside of a stomach flu. My allergies are bothering me, but I can smell and taste just fine, so that's not it; my mouth isn't dry, but it's like the food itself just turns into sawdust in my mouth. I've been struggling to get through a muffin or a bowl of soup, and I usually can't finish anything. (I struggled to get through a slice of pizza today, which should tell you that something is really wrong.) 'So of course, I'm nauseated all the time from not having eaten, or not having eaten enough--whenever I have managed to fill my stomach, I feel a lot better, less physically nervous, afterwards.

I drank a soda at dinner before Caspian, but my stomach was messed up before that, so it's not caffeine. I haven't been taking that One-a-Day vitamin, either. The last time I had alcohol was a glass of wine at dinner about a month ago. We haven't altered my antidepressants in any way, and I'm not taking any other medications. It should go without saying that I'm not doing illegal drugs, if only because I trust y'all to assume I would be smart enough to look up in the middle of that first paragraph and go, "Hey, maybe it's all the crystal meth I've been doing!" So I can't think of any external chemical reason to feel this way. The reason I'm really concerned is this: have I gone past hypomania and spiked into a manic episode? (I tend to think not, because symptomwise, I'm pretty calm: I'm not having moodswings, hostility, racing thoughts, or any kind of reckless behavior.) Is it something unrelated to bipolarity entirely? More importantly--when is it going to stop?

Oh, and on top of that? There's a mouse in my bedroom, and it's driving me crazy. I think I've inherited it from Sister Girl, although this is the second mouse we've had climb up through the house (we have, uh, proof that the first one is no longer with us). You know how I'll write entries for weeks whining about how I have to clean? Well, there are things I don't like to do, mostly because I feel like I could be doing something more productive, unless you hold a gun to my head. Or, in this case, a mouse. Not literally "to my head," but it's moved from the far end of the room to the wall near my bed. A weekend of this, and I've managed to get more cleaning done than I usually do in a month. It's my mousening and it freaks me out, let's just put it that way.

The worst part is that I haven't actually seen it in the flesh yet. I could hear it rattling around through piles of books and papers, and after I worked overtime yesterday to clear all of those up, it moved to my laundry basket on the near side of the room, where I could see... something moving around under a sweater. So now, of course, I have to wash everything within a five-foot radius of that basket, because it's FREAKING ME OUT. That's the thing: I love animals. I'm not grossed out by the sudden appearance of mice, whereas I totally lose my shit around cockroaches. But I am freaked out by the chewings and the droppings and the general unhygienicness, much the way I would if we had an uncaged pet rabbit bopping around. So, in order to get myself through the night, I decided that Reepicheep was swashbuckling around in the basket. "Back, foul tube socks of the night! I shall avenge my lady against thy putrid stench!" Instead of, you know, an ordinary field mouse BUILDING A NEST IN MY LAUNDRY OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER FEEL CLEAN AGAIN.

Anyway, there is needful cleaning that will now be done. And I'll be getting a humane trap--one of those catch-and-release things--and letting Reep out near the wooded Samford campus. Because I know that Reepicheep is valiant, but I don't like his odds against our cat.

Researchers teach 'Second Life' avatar to think. Twenty years from now the kids will be asking us, "How did the machines take over?" And we'll be able to point to this moment. Convenient, I guess.

Sex scandal taints British spy agency.

Company to reprint yearbooks after head switching.

Men Taser each other in 'bonehead' dispute.

shun!!1! shun the non believer!; Iz never dun dis befor; I told u he wud be mine. Seriously, you gotta see that last one.

Scarlett Johansson Turning Into The Kind Of Spoiled, Bratty Daughter Woody Allen Might Regret Marrying.

Rufus Sewell Debuts His Crazy Eyes In New 'Elemental' Clip.

'Prince Caspian' Tops Box Office, Awaits SNL Parody Song; So How DID Prince Caspian Get a PG Rating?!; MTV Talks Romance Controversy; Ben Barnes to Play Dorian Gray.

'Indiana Jones' debut survives Cannes critics.

Yet Indy's fourth big-screen romp is not likely to go down as one of the most memorable. Some viewers at its first press screening loved it, some called it slick and enjoyable though formulaic, some said it was not worth the 19-year wait since Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford made the last film.

"They should have left well enough alone," said J. Sperling Reich, who writes for FilmStew.com. "It really looked like they were going through the motions. It really looked like no one had their heart in it."

Also, George Lucas Threatens Us with 'Indiana Jones 5'; ‘Indiana Jones’ Toy Skull Functions As Child’s Projector, Airport Landing Beacon; Mayan Crystal Skull Apocalypse. I'm pretty sure that last one plays at the drive-in right after Werewolf Beach Bonfire.

trailer_spot: Australia, Traitor, Tropic Thunder, Stuck, Wanted.

Knightley, Hopkins and Paltrow to all star in film of King Lear?

John Williams to Score "Half-Blood Prince"?

International Poster for 'The Happening'; New 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army' Character Banners; Muppets Meet Movie Posters; First Photos of Brody and Seigner in 'Giallo.'

Cannes Posters Part I: Cage’s ‘Bad Lieutenant,’ Hawke’s ‘Brooklyn’s Finest,’ Zeta-Jones’ ‘Rebound’ and Mariah Carey’s ‘Tennessee.’ Oh, God, they're really going through with this Bad Lieutenant remake, aren't they?

Weinsteins to Bring 'The Alchemist' to the Big Screen.

MGM Plans to Remake 'Robocop' and 'Red Dawn.'

'Blackbeard' Pirate Movie Will Probably Have a Humorous MPAA Rating.

Comments

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

The butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling is caused by your fight-flight response. There are drugs that can control it. I have trouble with stage fright, and I also have high blood pressure, so I'm on beta blockers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_blocker) which treat both problems at once. (The specific drug is Toprol.) You probably DON'T want to take beta blockers because one possible side effect is depression, but the fight-flight thing does sound like what your problem is.

ETA: You might read a little bit about chronic stress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_stress) from a biological perspective (rather than a psychological one).

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But why am I having a fight-flight response in the first place? I can't figure out what triggered it.

humane mousetraps

[heyorion.livejournal.com]

I feel I should warn you about humane mousetraps as my parents had a lot of trouble with mice at one point and because we are 3 out of 4 in my family are fluffy animal-lovers (that is to say, we love fluffy animals - but not in the Biblical sense) we decided on humane mousetraps.
Here is the scenario:
1. Set humane mousetraps.
2. Catch many mice. Release into wild, pretty damn far from the house.
3. Continue to have mouse problem.
4. Dad decides to mark one mouse by painting its tail with Tippex (whiteout to you, I think?), then releases into wild, pretty damn far from the house.
5. Mouse returns.
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 until all remaining members of family decide that killing mice is probably preferable to wasting energy, food supplies and money on them.

Re: humane mousetraps

[heyorion.livejournal.com]

Ugh, sorry for crazy grammatical typos - it's late.

[purple-chalk.livejournal.com]

Your butterflies actually sound a lot like what I sometimes get when, cyclically, I should be getting a hypomanic episode (it's beautifully predictable for me, hence no meds). I always try to either sit it out (usually it only lasts a day or two), or go induce mania by starting projects and such, but neither option has proven exactly ideal... If you do find a solution, share?

[peloquyn.livejournal.com]

My mania phases are sometimes joined with the "fight-flight" jitters - I actually find that the longer the manic phase, the more likely I am to get into exactly what you describe.

My best trick? Vitamin D. Get it in 1000mg (I think that is what they are, at least, I don't have the bottle handy) tablets, take one or two before you really get going for the day. It won't screw with any meds, AFAIK, and I swear that it helps concentrate the aforementioned jitters into useful "OMGWHEE" phases instead of non-eating pre-exam-like angsty badness.

Also, cheese.

;)

Hope you get to feeling better!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Huh. Well, I could get some sun, if nothing else. (Cheese? Really?)

[kismeteve.livejournal.com]

I don't have a good feeling about Elemental, even if I would love to have Rufus Sewell on weekly tv.

Keira and Gwyneth as sisters could be interesting. Hmmm, it all depends on who they cast as Goneril.

[wmetoile.livejournal.com]

Stella McCartney! She could just swan about with that one-leg necklace she made to mock Heather Mills. Ooh, or Kate Winslet.

[batmaz.livejournal.com]

Ah man... a work colleague of mine just discovered mice in her flat too. I have to say, you're handling it a lot better than she is... she's moved back in with her mother and she's handed in her notice to the estate agent. Haha.

I had a week when I was about 9 years old where I just couldn't physically eat. Everybody was trying to force me to and I just couldn't. My appetite came back twice as strong afterwards, but I never really knew why that happened... a pretty darn pointless story, I know, sorry. I wish I could be more constructive hehe.

I'm getting into a bit of a bad side of hypomania too. I still can't stop fidgeting, and I'm beginning to panic about everything, even cleaning my room. I yelled at my mum for reminding me to hang up my clothes because my head couldn't deal with any more information. And I think I've hallucinated a couple of giant insects... but no mice. It's safe to say that your mice are probably real.

And even though it'll probably suck, I still can't wait for Indiana Jones 4.

Uh... sorry for the monster truck sized comment...

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh, no problem. And "I couldn't eat for a week, but it went away and I was fine afterwards" is comforting to me at this point. I have a similar problem with my mom, too--I have to keep telling her to not dump information on me, whether it's problems I have no control over or just, you know, reminding me of something I already know.

re: Caspian's PG rating.

[rclementmoore.livejournal.com]

I just got back from seeing Prince Caspian--very much enjoyed it, especially since it involved many less Kleenex than TLTWATW--and I remarked to my mom at one point, Susan had, up until the end of the movie, the highest body count. I was like "Go Susan!" Then I remember this was supposed to be a kids movie, and wondered if there was something wrong with me.

Re: Caspian's PG rating.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Susan was kicking some butt in that movie. Though Peter did decapitate a guy.

[queenthesixth.livejournal.com]

Remake Robocop? But it's so good the way it is! And it has Leeza Gibbons!
Seriously, like that article said if it's not done by the right director, it'll just be another generic action film with lots of shooting and mostly likely some pointless scenes.

[neveth.livejournal.com]

I am so sad there is to be a Robocop remake.

[ginmar.livejournal.com]

*Is embarrassed* I'd, er, totally go see a new Red Dawn. Because it sucked, but still..

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Hm. I don't know what is causing your stomach problems, but I went through some pretty un-fun eating-related stuff as well last year, and I know that one thing for me now (after all of it kind of settled down) is that I HAVE to eat meals at regular times, or I get a similar "butterflies" feeling (which, for me, is followed by a definite sick feeling eventually). So even though I know you're forcing yourself now, maybe try forcing yourself to eat the same thing at the same time of day for 3-4 days and see if that helps? Do you feel sick at all, or is it more a lack of hunger and the nervous feeling?

Speaking of Indy, Dave and I were at Target yesterday, and he was kind of horrified to see that they are selling, as kids' toys, little "superhero squad" style action figures of a) the guy who gets chopped up by a propeller in (I think) Raiders; and b) a set of 2 of the evil beings that kill people in one of the movies. As Dave said, "Look what I got you, small child! Now you can re-enact that scene where the guy gets minced by the plane propeller! Whee!"

Also: OMG YAY KING LEAR!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hmm--well, I have felt really nauseated. Particularly while eating, which is weird.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

well, my depression (which manifests as anxiety) can be affected or kicked into high gear by my blood sugar levels. If you were vaguely nauseated by stress, and didn't eat, then you may have felt worse - which made you not eat, etc.

Skipping meals or shorting myself on sleep can set off a symptom spiral - all my meds can do at that point is buy me time to get those wobbly neurotransmitters back on track before they go off the rails completely.

[bewarethespork.livejournal.com]

I get the butterflies thing when I haven't slept, coupled with really, really bad nausea - usually, I'm really hungry after a night without sleep but when I try to eat something I just throw it up. I know, probably completely irrelevant, but still.

Also, King Lear! That's my favourite Shakespeare play!

[sneaky-minx.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, you are much braver than I. I do freak out with mice. We used to get mice all the time in our walls, and just hearing them would freak me out. If I ever see one, I freak out. Of course, I've improved in terms of my ability to function whilst in the presence of a critter. I no longer stand there and cry, paralyzed with fear. So, go me!

I wish you the best of luck with the pest problem and the unhygeniec issues it brings with it. I also hope you get to feeling better. You are far overdue for a feeling of overall well being!

[emisi.livejournal.com]

Maybe this makes me strange, but frankly, I think a romance between Susan and Caspian would have made sense. They talked about how the Penvensies were the last kings and queens of Narnia before the Telmarines invaded and tried to wipe out the Narnians, and Caspian would be the first hybrid Telmarine king to allow the Narnians to thrive. So, theoretically, a union between them would have brought together the "old" Narnia and the "new" Narnia and would have been symbolically pleasing.

Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Still, it didn't bother me, since they didn't make Caspian 12 like in the book.

[viorica8957.livejournal.com]

To me, it came across as "There will be a romance between the hot teenagers. There MUST be a romance. IT CANNOT BE A PROPER EPIC/MOVIE WITHOUT A ROMANCE." effectively turning it into another mindless Hollywood "They have no chemistry and barely interact, but we need to appeal to the teenagers (who clearly can't appreciate anything without snogging) so jam it in there." story. Because, um, chemistry? Meaningful conversations? Anything besides cheesy pick-up lines? Was in in the bathroom for that part? But I thought the whole movie was a giant mess, so the pointless subplot was a symptom of how crappy the whole thing was for me.

[sfmarty.livejournal.com]

Here is a great link for you. I got it from a LJ'r you probably don't read.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90584068

[kdorian.livejournal.com]

I listened to that this morning - good story!

[spidey-88.livejournal.com]

It is excellent that you are able to keep a good record of your body's responses to things for your doctor and that you are really aware of prodromal symptoms that could be heralding a hypomanic or manic episode, but I will make one suggestion and that's not to rule out any physical ailments that could be occurring. A lot of the people that I work with will attribute odd physical feelings to side effects or symptoms of their illness and they tend to miss physical ailments that are happening.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think I was almost more anxious that it wasn't related at all. I'm going to keep an eye on it, but I'm liking this idea that it might be a combination of chronic stress + hypomania, because that at least suggests that 1) it'll pass and 2) I can look into stress management in the meantime. But a lot of times, it's more important to just report the symptoms as they happen, not through the lens of what you think they might be, so I'll definitely keep an eye on that.

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

I have anxiety problems on occasion, and that's exactly what my stomach does. I chalk it up to not dealing with stress the right way. I don't cope with it and try to ignore it, so given enough time, it manifests itself in physical symptoms. Weight loss is always how I can tell if I'm truly and seriously stressed over something. I started a new job, lost five pounds the first week. And if you're the type to keep things bottled up, or to spend a lot of time internally thinking over thoughts before sharing them...*shrugs*

Also, caffeine may not be the cause, but it's notorious for making it worse. I mean, you have other issues and you know your history and your body better than anyone else, but the butterfly stomach, feeling of ambiguous jitters thing is classic anxiety to me. ^_^;; It's part of the reason I hate it so much, is because I often have a lot of difficulty determining exactly what it is that I'm so anxious about until after I'm out of the situation and no longer feeling the anxiety.

ETA: But you know, you know yourself and what's normal. Anxiety is normal for me because I've always been a high strung kind of person. If it's not your usual MO...it's definitely worth noting and looking into.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah--anxiety's a pretty constant thing for me, too. I think that's why this is jumping out at me, because it's expressing itself in a really different way this time.

[kdorian.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see what they do with a new Robocop.

[acaciakitty.livejournal.com]

In my first All Alone Big Girl apartment, I got a little furry friend. I knew he was there, although I never saw him spot on. We had an uneasy truce where I really did not mind him lurking around as long as he did not do anything nasty. About a week after I discovered his presence, though, he pooped on my kitchen counter. Then I was all "oh hell naw!" and bought a trap. I yelled at him that he should leave since he had no manners and laid the trap out. I never saw/heard from him again. I think he laughed himself to death at the trap I had. It was an awful one with a fake piece of cheese on it. It stayed under my counter until I moved out years later. I had to beat it with a broom to even spring the thing.

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

I have a few suggestions about why you might be feeling like you are, based on my own experiences.

If you're dehydrated, you can feel anxious about things - almost like a panic attack. I'm someone who is almost constantly on the verge of dehydration, so the least bit of lack of fluid can tip me over the edge. You can feel weepy, anxious, nauseated, and have an general feeling of impending doom. I don't know if you drink a lot of fluids or anything, but drinking a few nice tall glasses of water might make you feel better.

I also am allergic to red food dyes and soy. The reaction I get from them is sort of like a severe panic attack - elevated heart rate, paranoia, etc. I don't know if those are unique symptoms for those allergies or for me, but it's something to consider.

Finally, since you've been under a lot of stress lately, it could simply be a lack of doing something fun. Are you doing the things that make you feel happy or are you just trying to cope? Sometimes it helps to take a break and do something that normally pleases you - not in a hypomanic way, but in a soothing to your soul way. Like, light some candles in the bathroom and have a nice bath with the lights off or something like that.

Hope you feel better soon, dear!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny you should mention dehydration--I have been really thirsty lately. Which means that I've been drinking a lot of fluids to make up for it, but still.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Mouse- don't release the mouse in the woods- housemice are so habituated to human habitats that they can't survive in a non-urban environment- release it into an abandoned building or the home of someone you don't like.

We have a mouse at the moment- our cat plays with it (non-predatory play) and then lets it go!

[shesnotallthere.livejournal.com]

I hope your tummy feels better soon.

On a completely unrelated note, I went to the bookstore over the weekend and...Alison Weir is writing novels now? I must have missed a memo somehow. Have you read either novel yet?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know, I keep meaning to get them, but I'm up to my ears in Victorian research at the moment. I wonder if they're any good?

[7tree-hugger.livejournal.com]

My advice for the "can't eat/butterflies" is to eat nursery foods. Custard is great, just sip at it. The gloopyness can calm the stomach something special.

Other good stuff includes rice pudding, angel delight, etc. But custard usually wins. Thick gloopy custard eaten with a teeny spoon so you only get a bit at a time. Eaten whilst on PC or watching TV so the brain is distracted.

Once that starts to fill the space the butterflies/tension/tremours ease off a bit and other food becomes more interesting.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

The Caspian/Susan romance is, in my view, over rated. The kiss was no French inspired tonsil hockey, just a fairly self confident girl who noticed a handsome and honorable guy (and aristocracy no less) checking her out and gave him a fairly tame kiss before never seeing him again. I actually thought the hug afterwards was sweeter than the kiss. Sure, Caspian should look at her as mythical blah blah blah, but she's NOT mythical, she's a teenage girl and any guy is going to get over his awe in lieu of her bodacious bod pretty quickly, especially when you make Caspian not a young teenager, but a fully grown, testosterone kickin' twenty something. And I detected some awe still anyway. It wasn't like he was the one instigating anything. Heck, if I were as confident as Susan, I'd probably be trying to steal a kiss too. It's not like she was going after his virtue.

speaking of LOLCATZ

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

This is on the vote page right now:

(http://icanhascheezburger.com)
see more crazy cat pics (http://icanhascheezburger.com)

Re: speaking of LOLCATZ

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hee!