Ti. Red.

[cleolinda]

Am the tired. Wrote sixteen pages (typed) for my children's book assignment--all freewriting/developmental work. Hope prof is happy. Head hurts--tension headache centering on jaw. Maybe my wisdom teeth are crowding after all.

Came home to the new Hollywood Vanity Fair issue. Flipped through the Hollywood portfolio section (eh. They've had more creative shoots. Alan Cumming made up like an albino satyr comes to mind) and went straight to the "Michael Jackson Is Batshit Crazy" story. You know, the one with the revelations about the Jesus juice. (Shudder.) Was interrupted, and--hey, I never did finish reading that. I'd try to now, but I really think I'm going to flop at any moment.

Class was hilarious.* Problem is, there's this idea that any idiot can write a children's book--easy to read = easy to write. Except totally, totally not. Half my workshop was in for a nasty surprise this week... well, Crunk really did go a bit overboard on the assignment, I'll admit that. It was all "Freewrite two pages for this and one page for this and four pages for this and another page for this... now do it all over again for a second story idea." I mean--sixteen pages typed, and I stopped before I'd finished the whole thing on the grounds that it was beyond the limits of human endurance at that point. Turns out everyone else handwrote theirs, but I type faster than I write, so I would have chosen that option anyway. My point is, these pussies had to write two pages on their main character and they crumbled.

"How do you feel about this process?" was his question. "I am ANGRY at this process," was one of the answers. I am not kidding. Neither was the girl speaking. "I'm angry because it's just such a lot of work and--I thought we'd just come in here and turn in a story and... y'know... pass that around or something."

One guy even said that he only writes "to enjoy the act of writing," and not for anyone else, especially not for publishers. Meanwhile, we've been learning the constraints and formulae of the children's book market (32 pages, or at least multiples of four; problem introduced early in the story; general plot consisting of a series of problems and responses; the ending is always happy, although there can be sort of an ironic punchline on the last page). WHY IS THIS GUY IN A WORKSHOP CLASS AT ALL?

Afterwards, Clifton and I were talking, and all I could say was, "Have these people never done anything? Were they born today? This morning? Have they never had to do any work for anything, ever? GOD." I've never had a professor focus so much on pre-writing before, but even though the page requirements were a bit excessive, I found it helpful. I just can't believe--"I am ANGRY at this process," y'all. I am using that in conversation ASAP.

The funniest part was how several people kept saying that they'd developed characters "too complex" for a children's book. You know, considering that these people can't freewrite for two pages without whining, I highly doubt that.

Comments

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

You see this all the time. Some people - some writers - have no idea how much effort is involved in writing for children. I once wrote a story that wasn't actually for children, but which had a ten year old girl as a major character. One of the major points of the story was how the girl was the only character, in a cast of adults, who saw the world the way it was. During the workshopping, a guy said he didn't like the character because she was a child. "I don't like having kids as characters in stories," he added, or something along those lines. When asked why, he explained it was because kids' feelings and relationships weren't as real or deep as adult ones.

I thought: wot??? I couldn't believe it. Did this guy not remember anything about his childhood? He was just sitting there, calmly advocating the abolition of all child characters in adult books and stories.

Although, I do understand the guy who said he wrote for himself - to a degree. I think you do have to write for yourself first up, when you are writing your initial draft. But later, you certainly should take into consideration market demands and publishers' requirements etc.

He he - "I am ANGRY at this process." Was she ANGRY at the process of learning the alphabet too?

Re:

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I think you do have to write for yourself first up, when you are writing your initial draft.

Oh, of course. I definitely write for myself, particularly in children's lit--I write the things that I would like to read. But anything I'm going to show to someone else is also, at another level, written to be read. That is, for someone other than me as well. If you only write for yourself, why are you going to inflict that mindset on a class of 16 people?

This is the same guy who was struggling with the alleged cutesy-wutesiness of the children's market. I keep trying not to shout, "You're writing for children, not idiots! They don't want to read this hearts and bunnies shit, either!"

Did this guy not remember anything about his childhood?

Apparently this guy doesn't, either.

[edda.livejournal.com]

1.) These people are tools.

2.) I mentioned this elsewhere, but I nabbed an Eowyn icon. That IS Ok, right?/worried

3.) Can I add you to my Friends List?

Re:

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

1. THANK YOU. I'm sayin'.

2. They're there to be nabbed! In fact, send them to other people! :)

3. Of course!

[thelxepeiakat.livejournal.com]

I was going to post similarly to buneater's comment about children being more complex than they seem. They can be amazingly more complex than adults, especially that "I am ANGRY" girl. Childhood is just a little more confusing because you're still trying to figure the simple things out, like why peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth. Some kids have to worry about major issues like divorce, abuse, and neglect. They understand more about stuff like that than most adults give them credit for.

Yes, the assignment is excessive, but these people should have done it and shutup. They weren't forced to take this workshop. Maybe somebody will drop and I can cut in. If they can't freewrite two pages, they shouldn't be there anyway. :0)