A multitasking rant

[cleolinda]

For emilytarot: Mmmm, if you're not already loaded down with ze rant, the tendency of actresses in movies and TV-shows to go to bed and sleep with and wake-up with BLOODY PERFECT MAKEUP. Even in the middle of the Jungle! Or Translyvania! would be one I'd love to hear. ^^

For junipersgame: I would love you until the end of time if you would do a rant on the heroines in EVERY FREAKING ACTION MOVIE fighting and running like hell in high heels and not breaking their ankles in the process >.< Ooohh... and if you could include something in the above rant about the rediculous 'sex me!' clothes they wear while they kick ass, that would be fantastic, too =D

For librisia: Would you please rant about how girl heroes never get to be as fearless/competent/badass as boy heroes?


Hey, Kate!

Kate! Hey!

Hey, Kate, I wanted to ask you a question.

Sure--actually, my name isn't really Kate, it's--

So, look, you're running through the jungle a lot, right? And you look a lot like me, which means you manage to look pretty hot, despite lots of sweat and inconvenient precipitation.

Yeah, that bulletproof mascara you sent me is great.

Okay, so--here's the thing. You're running around with all these guys, right?

Well... yeah.

And you're able to keep up with them?

Well... yeah. Wait. Keep up with them how?

You know. Like... running, and stuff.

Oh, yeah. No problem. The Instacurl serum you recommended is fantastic, by the way--

Oh, for real. So... what am I doing wrong, exactly? I'm always out of breath and I can't run as fast as the guys.

Well, stand back and let me see what you're wearing.

Okay.

Hmm. Lemme see the shoes.

...

Okay, I totally see what the problem is.

Yeah?

You're wearing a corset. I don't even know how you breathe in that thing, much less run. And the fuck-me boots? Yeah. Totally not conducive to foot chases.

Oh, really? Well, what do you wear, Little Miss Chiquita Banana?

Lots of skimpy tank tops.

But you're stranded on a desert island...?

See, that's the beauty of it. Starting out, I have dozens of passengers' suitcases to dig through, and even after that, as time goes on, natural wear and tear just renders my clothing more and more skimpy.

That... that's kind of brilliant.

I KNOW!

But what about... you know... support? When you're running?

Sometimes I wear two or three tank tops at the same time.

GENIUS.

I KNOW!

But... if your breathing and freedom of movement is completely unrestricted, how do they keep you from being more bad-ass than the hero?

They just rely on my natural womanly tenderness and propensity to cry.

Ahhhhhhh.


(More rants, and the origin of the rants)

Comments

[cheapblackpens.livejournal.com]

[sadcypress.livejournal.com]

Fabulous- and so true!! :D

[lothos.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha @ the two Kates!

[rpp.livejournal.com]

Hee!

Squee!!

[taea-dol.livejournal.com]

hilarious!!

a much needed distraction while trying to read through microeconzzzZZzzzz

a tale of two Kates. fantastique tres chere, du genie pur.


m

Re: Squee!!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Merci, ma petite. : )

[taea-dol.livejournal.com]

tout le plaisir est pour moi mademoiselle Cleo ;)

m

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

((And the fuck-me boots? Yeah. Totally not conducive to foot chases.))

LOL That's great. I was sitting there in the theater, watching Van Helsing, and thinking, 'you know, her outfit would be *great* to have for a Halloween party. For running away from freakish bat-things? Uhhh...no.'

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I...I love you so much right now.

[sunshine95.livejournal.com]

Fricking hilarious. Bravo. :D

[kaytethinks.livejournal.com]

Hee, hee, and hee!

[comedownstairs.livejournal.com]

HA!!

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Let us not forget the Mystical Jungle Wax Kate is apparently making from crushed papaya, thus rendering her pits and bikini line as shiny and hairless as an egg.

[arayuldaiel.livejournal.com]

Hee! This totally makes up for not having a new Lost recap a la Cleo. ;D

Where on earth can I buy some bullet-proof mascara?

[anonymisty.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your icon! Did you make it?

[(Anonymous)]

It's one of Cleo's. Go poke around in her photobucket site - check out the heroine addict icon link on the right side of this site. There should be some Lost icons there too.

-Clayr

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

This might help: http://img38.photobucket.com/albums/v118/cleoicons/lost/

[eldritch-flame.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay! I'd been trying to find some of your old icons. I love the guitars: the anti-drug one. Reading your recaps has helped fill the void that having no new Lost eps has left in my soul. A void that has only grown with no new Alias to look forward to next week. Sigh.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

The closest thing I've found to real-life bulletproof mascara is this stuff from Japan called Fiberwig. You can get it at Sephora for around $20 a tube. This does not smudge once it's dry, and it gives you crazy long lashes. I do recommend using a lash comb after painting it on, though, or it can clump something fierce.

[emilytarot.livejournal.com]

He!!! That rocks beyond the usual, comprehensible borders of rock-ness, oh yesh. ^^

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

KATE: That... that's kind of brilliant.

KATE: I KNOW!

Thanks for cracking me up.

[prncssaurora.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha.

You = Awesome.

Me = Crying with laughter.

[dreamingenigma.livejournal.com]

You're so funny. *bows to your greatness*

[ambiguousreason.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAHA.

*loves you so much omg*

[shebit.livejournal.com]

Might a request a rant, maestra?

How about Hollywood's apparent terror at the thought of openly and physically gay men in manly films. Even when it's canon. And yes, I do mean Troy (cousin my arse. Well, not cousin, and Patroclus' arse) and Alexander, which while undeniably more open about the matter still failed to actually show anything.

And no, I'm not just annoyed because I didn't get to see Jared Leto and Collin Farrell make out. Well, maybe just a little.

[brenah.livejournal.com]

Okie, the Tale of Two Kates...brilliant!

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Goddess!!! No, not the two Kates, what are you guys thinking? I meant Cleo! :D Another sliver of brilliance to enliven my day.

[edda.livejournal.com]

That corset fugged her up, in my opinion. This sudden whacked-in waistline makes the rest of her look fat and squashy and dwarflike. Eugh.

I can walk in high heels if I concentrate on NOTHING ELSE, like breathing or watching where I'm going. One collison with an air molecule and I go down like Paris Hilton at...well, anywhere.

[cantinera.livejournal.com]

I'm loving your rants. Muchly.

[librisia.livejournal.com]

*laughinglaughingcan'tbreathelaughing*

Thank you for *gulp of air* honoring me with a rant.

You rock.

[daiseechain.livejournal.com]

Excellent! Complete genius. Especially loving the way you gradually show the complete no hope ensemble.

Buffy and Faith keep up with the boys... Although it must be said, Buffy does it in heels, and Faith does it in a corset.

not to mention their HAIR!!

[(Anonymous)]

The quibble I have about ass-kicking female characters is how they can't seem to do anything unless their hair is loose and flying in their faces. I know they have their hotness to maintain, but martial arts, crimescene analysis, climbing papaya trees etc. is so much easier when you can SEE!! But that's just IMHO and I'm not a multimillionaire starlet, so what the heck do I know?
P.S. Cleo: I blame your hogging all the brilliance for my lack of inspiration in finishing my English paper. (Really it's because I'm reading all the comments here, but the latter reason lets me keep cruising the net, so I like it so much better. But seriously, how do you find time for life away from the keyboard with all this genius output? *swoons*
--silverleaf42

Re: not to mention their HAIR!!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But seriously, how do you find time for life away from the keyboard?

Oh, darlin', you say that like I have one.

[last-archangel.livejournal.com]

Oh my freaking God, that is brilliant.