The dregs of Thanksgiving

[cleolinda]

Mmmturkey.

I keep meaning to tell you a couple of stories about my mom, but I never quite get around to it. This may be in part because I can't figure out a way to turn "Mom happened to see Closer on cable and won't stop talking about it" into an actual story. The best part is that I'm pretty sure she didn't like the movie, but she spent about a week just not able to get over it and trying to repeat major chunks of dialogue to me, which NO NO PLEASE STOP YOU'RE MY MOM AUGH. She was really tickled by the way Natalie Portman would take Clive Owen's money and chirp "Thank you"--the part where he's asking what her name is. So she went around the whole week just saying over and over, in this tiny little voice, "Thank you! Thank you!"

The other one is actually a story, because it's a story she told me. When we were at Ixtapa having lunch, and I forget how we got around to this, she started telling me about places she'd had to go on business trips back when she still worked for Birmingham Steel (they have since closed that office). Apparently she was in Salt Lake City looking at something in Clearview, and it was too early in the evening to go back to the hotel and just twiddle thumbs for the rest of the night, so she and her coworkers went back into the city to get drinks. So they're at some bar, and my mom goes to the bathroom, and there is a woman so trashed that she's snorting coke in one of the stalls... OFF THE FLOOR. Seriously, drink in that horror for a moment. I mean, I have never been to a bar bathroom that was particularly clean, through no fault of the bar's--people drink too much, mistakes are made, lunches are lost. I'm just saying. OFF THE FLOOR.

So she comes back out, and she's about to report this to her coworkers when she notices a girl sitting on a pool table and the girl is with some guy and oh, hey, look! They're totally just having sex right there. Okay then! And she's pulling on one of her coworkers' sleeves to be  like WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE when she notices this woman really obviously trying to pick up a guy at the bar. Like, in an "I do this for a living" kind of way. And Mom kind of looks at the bartender, for some reason, and he can tell that they're all not from SLC and are kind of scandalized, and he says, with an apologetic shrug, and I am not making this up, "Oh, she's a regular. Has to be--the schoolteachers don't earn much around here."



Gary Glitter Continues Fall From Grace.  

Believers Flock to 'Crying' Virgin Mary.

Simpson-Lachey breakup spurs online satire.

Pride and Prejudice Heroine Addict icons.

la_sonnambula: "As long as we are on the topic of the hotness of British men, there's a very funny article about American women's love of said men, America asks: cute, or British?" I think the Guardian syndicated this from an American newspaper, which makes it even funnier. Heh.

If you're still in an Austen mood, Eras of Elegance is closing their shop section, and so everything's on clearance. Might be a good opportunity to snag some Christmas presents.

Speaking of Christmas presents, the Zen gets resounding thumbs-up from everyone who commented. I'm thinking about compiling a Christmas list--not of things I want; hell, they might even be things I already have--of gift recommendations. Mostly because more and more people are turning into people who already have everything. If you have any suggestions, let me know--and please remember to check how late you can order and still have it arrive in time for Christmas, if it's an online vendor.

Find the bands. Hint: go through and ask yourself what things are literally. The giant spoon stumped me simply because I'd never heard of the band it was referring to, so if you're not sure what it's referring to, try the search box at Launchcast.

Back to my stupid paper due tomorrow. Sigh. I just keep telling myself--if the exam is Monday the 12th, that means I only have two weeks left. No matter how bad things get, it's only two weeks, right?

Comments

[meredith-mae.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I can't picture my mom watching Closer. The only movies she likes are things like Pride and Prejudice, Dances with Wolves, and Star Wars. I have a feeling she still watches things my brother and I used to watch when we were kids, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She even thought there was too much sex in Bridget Jones's Diary, and it took her two days to decide she hated the Royal Tennenbaums. I love film, but I've given up on trying to show her anything.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, Closer is so not my mother's kind of movie. I think she was flipping channels and was so weirded out by the whole thing that she just couldn't tear herself away.

[arayuldaiel.livejournal.com]

"Oh, she's a regular. Has to be--the schoolteachers don't earn much around here."

*dies*

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

It was when she got to that part that I knew this was one for the LJ. : D

[dramedy.livejournal.com]

I love and ITA with that british accent article. reminds me of a friends episode, where ross gets nervous and uses a british accent.
That's a really funny story about your mum and SLC. XD
My mom does that sort of thing, with movies and stuff. She still tried to hum Backstreet boys music, to be "Cool".
:D
ight snag a Herione Icon later. :D

[leucocrystal]

Dear god, that "Cute or British" article KILLS ME DED.

Is it completely wrong that I kept thinking of Radcakes the entire time? Probably.

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

That find-the-bands thing is awesome! And wow, the Eras of Elegance stuff is just gorgeous - very pissed off that the big writing set is sold out!

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Victorian Trading has it for $10 more
http://www.victoriantradingco.com/store/catalogimages/6f/i2390.html

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm ... Mom and I were wondering what to do tomorrow. Maybe we need to go check out the crying virgin.

Or maybe we should just grab lunch.

[nasus221.livejournal.com]

"Would this happen if he didn't have that damn British accent? Yes, because you're a slut. But it wouldn't have happened twice. And not while his mum was visiting."
LOL Oh, burn.

[kotszok.livejournal.com]

I can say with all honesty that my jaw dropped at the end of your mom's story. Seriously. WTF. LOL

[kalliopeia.livejournal.com]

God please tell me there's an answer key somewhere for that bands thing. I'm going batty with it!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I think they're working on it at SF (absurd & humorous thread), and there's always the thread in the link itself. But yeah, the yellow guy is driving me nuts.

[mouseykins1.livejournal.com]

Ah, hail Mary, full of Herion.
Is it funny that my name is Mary? Yes, yes it is.
ANYWAY, may I reccommend something v. funny for HP fans?
http://img519.imageshack.us/my.php?image=officialcomplaint5kz.jpg
It's the official disgruntled-against-a-character form and you can....do something with it. I dunno, I just thought it was pretty funny.

[drpeprfan.livejournal.com]

Oh,you never fail to amuse. My Thanksgiving included my six year old cousin standing on my sixteen year old brother's stomach and jumping off of him while saying "it's a trampoline!" *laughs*
I also just had to put in my two cents about Pride and Prejudice: Matthew MacFayden = Hot. You are so right. He did the eye-acting thing perfectly, I mean, those few looks he gives Lizzie throughout the movie are so darn adorable, you just want to hug him and never let go. And the end...not going to spoil it for anyone, but my reaction was "Mr. Darcy, if you asked me to marry you (of course, if you were fortunately real) right then, I would say 'Heck yes!'" I personally liked it tons better than the ending of the BBC version. And yes! A good adaptation that's not going to take up five hours! I still love Colin Firth as Darcy all the same, but two hours is a heck of a lot shorter.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Oh my - the last line of that story is a killer. Now I know what to suggest to my sister-in-law teacher when she claims she has no money left.

:o

[karintheswede]

Thank you for pretty iconses.

SLC story kills me ded.

Speaking of looks in P&P, did you notice Bingley and Jane looking at one another? In the one scene they actually have together in the entire thing, I mean.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Someone commented earlier that the actors once dated in real life, which I had no idea of. They had a very different chemistry from Elizabeth and Darcy, but a good one nonetheless. : )

[sapphires13.livejournal.com]

My friends seem to be (hilariously) convinced that the Mary is crying soy sauce, and someone must go lick it to check.

...My friends are strange.

[cattikins.livejournal.com]

...Yo, what bar was that? Cause my friend and I so want to go and be all scandalized.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I asked her the name, and she couldn't remember--it was ten years ago, maybe more. I knew people in Utah would get all offended and demand to know which one it was, you know, "Prove it," but she couldn't remember the name.

[bardintraining.livejournal.com]

Ooooohhh pretty icons! And bleeding icons! (Which resulted in a disturbing nightmare involving occular bleeding whilst I was having a nap earlier.)
And Eras of Elegance...mmmm chickensoap. Quill set? Oh my. *a tiny white moth flutters out of my open wallet and gives me the finger*

[marcusisabadass.livejournal.com]

not sure how obscure that painting is but here's a guess that the giant spoon = renowned indie rock band Spoon

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wrestled with that one way too long because I'd never heard of Spoon. I was proud I got Talking Heads, though.

[ambiguousreason.livejournal.com]

The band thing.. makes my head hurt.

Good luck with your paper.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

is eras of elegance EVER going to get done redesigning...i swear...its been going for a YEAR

[nekoama.livejournal.com]

The crying Mary thing happened on my birthday.

OHSHIT

Dating the British...

[clovecigarettes.livejournal.com]

My husband has the Ozzy Osbourne accent and is often mistaken for a homeless bum -- he gets asked to leave bars ("no, really, he really is with us"), gets shitty service ("I'm sorry, I still don't understand what you just said, buddy"), someone even gave him money once. Despite this, he has his masters in Maths from Oxford and has a bigger vocabulary than I do.

Conversely, there's the English guy at my coffee shop who sounds Australian, but claims he is from "London." His accent gets thicker around cute girls. I think he's a phoney.

What's my point? Here's a trick to see if a British guy is really British. Ask them where they're from. They always stupidly answer, "England", "Scotland", etc. If they answer with a specific city, they are liars.
At least *I* think so..

Re: Dating the British...

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Actually, my friends had a similar situation once--they asked the guy, and he said "Europe." They still laugh about that.

[bacardibreezer7.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's crazy about the bar your mum went to. My mum always likes telling me horror stories too, particularly about the blind dates she went on before she met my dad. Like this one time there was this guy named Charlie who worked with her best mate's boyfriend down at the docks, and he'd just gotten off a double shift so was all trippy-tired and he had no teeth and they went to a drive-in and he fell asleep on my mum's shoulder and his cigarette burnt a hole in her best coat...seriously!

Gary Glitter is so fucked. Fucked, and fucked up.

[punkiejeannien.livejournal.com]

so that story (both, being a fan of Closer) was awesome, but I think the way in which it was told was even better-- made it easy to read to my roommate lol

and, man, that's a freaky ass bar.

[punkiejeannien.livejournal.com]

OH-- and because I feel the need to share every time I remember a story...

i used to work at this martini bar in atlanta. pretty nice, not "upper crust" or anything, but a place where decent people come every day of the week. we're all pretty close who worked there, and the manager's mom was in and we were all standing around talking while we waited for our drinks to come up and this guy comes and talks to her then disappears in the bathroom for a while. he comes back out and shakes her hand, my name is brad, and he's about 23. brad disappears again in to the bathroom about 20 minutes later and the manager decides he needs to check on him because he's been in there a while. brad was too busy... umm... [insert favorite masturbation euphamism here-- as well as jokes about inserting things, in the grand tradition] to lock the door. so he's just standing there doin' his thing and smiling at the manager like it's normal, we kick him out and he goes to try and shake everyone's hand, because we don't all know what he was just doing with it.

that's all i have for now, i'm sure a few more campus parties will give me better.

[pinstripe-bindi.livejournal.com]

And there goes my mental image of SLC as a squeaky-clean city populated entirely by shiny-happy Mormons!

[agatha-mandrake.livejournal.com]

I hear that. I always pictured SLC as the city that vice forgot.

[schol-r-lea.livejournal.com]

May I meta you for the bar story?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hey, go for it. I'm sure people will start shrieking that it's not true or something, but I offer it only as a story that was told to me. : )