The most sparkleful time of the year

I feel like I should check in, this being Sparklemas. I have spent the entire month being really, severely, physically depressed--I can't remember if this time of year is always like this for me. It feels worse than usual, but then I remember how raw everything feels right around my birthday mid-December, so... it's probably just a seasonal downward spike. It's just so hard to explain, because you're not depressed "about" anything--it's like you've got the flu, influenza of the soul, and someone comes in and goes, "Where's the blood? It's not like anyone stabbed you or anything, walk it off." There's no easily recognized focal point--it's just there, draining you. Specific wounds take time to heal, yes, but you have something to focus on--change the bandages, take out the stitches; a specific event-driven depression, an emotional wound, might be a break-up or a job loss or the death of a loved one. You might not be able to do anything about it, but you have an idea of why you feel so horrible. I don't know--this emotional flu seems to have no real beginning and, you fear, no end. You can't explain it, you don't know what else to do, after the antidepressants and the vitamins and the full-spectrum lamp and everything else you've been recommended. It's just... haunting you.

However, it is also Sparklemas.

Indeed, sir. Indeed.

So, my Breaking Dawn schedule looks like this: ( Read more... )