cleolinda | Golden Globes #1

You guys, I don't even know. I am so incredibly, irrationally depressed. Like "spent two hours struggling not to cry" depressed. But the Fug Girls are on Twitter talking about how Julianne Moore is wearing half a cape and something unspeakable happened to Scarlett Johansson's hair. How am I supposed to let this go? On the other hand: Justin Bieber. I don't know that I can handle this.

(I just turned on the TV and an Abilify commercial came on. "If you're taking an antidepressant but are still depressed...")

(More commercials. I'm not saying The Cape is stupid. I'm saying it looks stupid. Deeply stupid.)

(Jesus, my TV reception is crappy for no good reason.)

O hai, it's the pre-show. Here's Helen Mirren, bejeweled and fierce in some shade of beige. I try not to use "fierce" too often, but I reserve it for her. Michael Douglas says he has beat cancer; Catherine Zeta-Jones is in a forest-green ballgown. (The Fug Girls are indicating that green is A Thing this year.) Claire Danes is wearing some sort of vivid--well, she calls it "hot pink." Kind of a coral tone? I don't know, between the stage lights and my reception she could be wearing what in the name of God is Jennifer Love Hewitt wearing. Some huge... silver... it's like... a satellite dish... around her boobs. I don't even know. Here's Christian Bale with a mane of hair and some sort of accent from the vicinity of the British Isles. It might be his real one, I can't tell. I don't think I've ever heard him use the same accent twice in the row, so I have no way of knowing. Here's Michelle Williams in... ah, the "khaki and daisies" the Girls were talking about. I mean, I'm sure it's not literally khaki, but... daisies. Daisy straps. Sure.

Trailer for The Rite. I always wonder what sort of "true story" these demonic possession/exorcism movies could possibly be based on. It's Anthony Hopkins being creepy. Who could have seen this coming?

OH GIRL. ANNE HATHAWAY. WHAT. It's like... skin-tight copper disco ball sheath. With long sleeves and no back. Amazing. Carrie Underwood is here for some reason in beige strapless sparkle, which is nice. I don't know. They're talking about Natalie Portman and not showing her and--oh. Pale pink, strapless something... red... up top. I don't know. It went by fast. She's pregnant, it'll do. I'm trying to read over the Fug and MTV liveblogs for hints on what these people are wearing and the latter is having too big a meltdown over Certain Teen Idols to be of any help. MEN WEAR SUITS, OKAY. I HAVE SUFFICIENT A GRIP ON THIS. I NEED COLORS FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WEAR THEM.

Ah, what the hell. Let's hit post.