WHAT THE HELL

[cleolinda]

So I get a tearful message from snowcoma this morning:

There has been yet another snag in getting Edward. I went to the store today with my carrier, his new collar and toy, and....waited. And waited. When they finally got his foster mom on the phone she had YET MORE questions she wanted to talk with my mom about (despite discussing the same things with me the night before and giving me the all-clear). As of ten o'clock this night, my mother hasn't heard from her.

Did I mention we are leaving for Vancouver, WA [this] morning to SEE my mother? And that I am supposed to have a cat for her?

[snowcoma talks a little bit about panic and anxiety attacks here, which are something I can sadly identify with.] Add in the fact that I am now attached to an animal that someone is playing paperwork keep-away with, and well...

All I want to do is get the damn cat and visit my mother. I ended up crying in the middle of the pet store (and the employees were extremely nice, this is just out of their control). One of them even offered to let me pick him up before the store even opens if I can get the all clear.

You can share any or all of this, because this is goddamn ridiculous. And I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down every time I fail to bring him home. I'm sitting here with an empty collar in my hands and trying not to cry.

WHAT THE SHIT.

I am pretty sure that an angry mob is not going to convince a foster family that someone is more suitable for cat ownership. I am also pretty sure that catnapping is illegal. I just don't know what to do. Keep in mind that Edward Cat isn't even at the foster family's house, as I understand it--he's all alone at the pet store--

--while the foster family is somewhere on the phone all like NO CAT FOR YOU.

I am not understanding what the problem is here.


ETA: Okay, we have figured out that Edward Cat comes from a private/volunteer rescue, not the Humane Society, and a deeply-attached foster family really may have the final say. (And now you know why he's been in that window forever.) My problem with this is that snowcoma was cleared to take Edward home at least once, and they keep giving her this runaround of "We'll have to talk to you/her/someone else, we'll call later" and then it takes days. If you don't want her to have the cat, don't tell her she can have the cat.


ETA: HOPEFUL UPDATE

Comments

[twinkelbelpeach.livejournal.com]

That makes me so mad. I hate beaurocracy.

[maxineofarc.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Animal rescue folks are obviously well-intentioned, but they often make adoption so much harder than it should be. And it's the truly well-meaning would-be adoptees who end up with a terrible experience.

All sympathies and best wishes to snowcoma, her mom, and Edward.

[orca-girl.livejournal.com]

Word. (Also, hi.)

I think that the problem can become the fact that people who work for rescues, including fosters, being exposed over and over again to how badly people treat their pets. And "badly" has a wide set of extremes, from outright abuse of the worst sort, to "we owned this cat for 8 years but then we got a dog and the cat wanted too much attention so we gave up the cat", which, you know... WTF, people? Or you get a cat like mine, who is the sweetest cat in the entire world, whom someone owned for a year and then abandoned on a university campus because... why? We'll never know. Why didn't you have the balls to even take her to a shelter? The guilt too much for you? So it's so much better to just turn her loose to fend for herself?

So, yeah. I'm not even speaking AS someone who does rescue or fostering, and I get mad at irresponsible owners. I think what can happen, though, is that the longer you deal with that, the more you might get into a mindset of NOBODY IS GOOD ENOUGH. Right? Except for the rescues themselves and those who work with them to foster. Those folks obviously "get it". They get what people do to animals -- even people who start off with "good intentions", and then a year later or whatever it's suddenly "too hard", or they have to move and it's too much effort to find a new place that will take cats, and the cat is bounced back to a shelter if he's LUCKY. Or, you know, you adopt a cat out to an older person and they die, and then it's up to the family to provide for the cat, and what if the extended family doesn't care? This is a serious issue. (My friends and I all have had "will you take our cats if we die suddenly?" talks, because it's a real fear.)

And what I'm saying is... I think that some rescues and fosters get into this mindset and that's why they become over-protective and fall into this seemingly un-intuitive pattern of not adopting out a cat to a good home. It's because they've become paranoid about people and they have a really hard time distinguishing what a "good home" is in their view. And that's before you even add in the problem that there are widely differing and strong opinions about what "proper" levels of care are for pets. (And I tend to have this feeling that the folks who go into rescue/fostering are folks with quite high standards of pet care, which means if you have a more "relaxed" attitude, woe to you trying to convince them that you are a "good home" for the pet.)

Note: I mean all of this as maybe-explanatory. Not as an excuse. My opinion tends to be that I get where that paranoia/pessimism comes from, but... I also think it's off the deep end of good judgement. The only way to feel like you can absolutely control what happens to a pet in the future is to keep it yourself, which is counter to the goal of adopting out pets to good homes.

I'm in agreement with the poster below who suggested trying to call the rescue itself. I also don't get why the foster-family is getting to call the shots, here. On the one hand, yes: attached. On the other: gave up the cat for him to sit in a pet-store, of all things.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Whoa, that's nuts. What the hell is their problem? Does the foster family just not want to give up the cat at all?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

But they don't even have the cat! The cat's at the pet store! I don't know if they're giving snowcoma a hard time because her mother's disabled or what.

[jkefka.livejournal.com]

Oh what is this bullshit. The whole cat-adoption process is a little alien to me (never had a pet of any sort, unless you count the vacuum cleaner when I was two), but this sounds like someone playing petty bureaucrat with cute fuzzy animals and that leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

[wolfsilveroak.livejournal.com]

She needs to call the rescue, not the foster. The foster should NOT be the final say so in an adoption, the RESCUE is.

It's starting to sound to me as if this so called foster is trying to keep the cat for themselves.

[angelene.livejournal.com]

Maybe... the foster is... a TwiMom? OMG NO.

[arielstarshadow.livejournal.com]

At this point? Someone needs to call the actual cat rescue place, NOT the foster family, and explain the situation. Because this has gone on long enough.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

[mysterypoet66.livejournal.com]

It's a foster family, why does the freakin' foster family get the say-so? Isn't the point of the SHELTER ORGANIZATION to ADOPT the animal out to a good home? Why in the name of all that sparkles is it the FOSTER FAMILY's decision at all? If THEY aren't going to adopt this poor cat, then they shouldn't get to choose who does.

HULK SMASH STUPIDITY.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

The problem is, some people are just plain inconsiderate. A LOT of people, actually (she said bitterly). It's a shame. Praying for a good outcome for snowcoma, her mom, and Edward Cat.

[nb2000.livejournal.com]

I'm not much of a cat person but that photo of his sad little face breaks my heart.

Just give him to snowcoma already foster family! He can't take much more of this!

[elbiesee.livejournal.com]

FREE EDWARD CAT.

[starlady42.livejournal.com]

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

I just don't understand. Why does the foster family not want the fluffiest Edward to have a nice home? Do they think it's better for him to stay at the pet store alone? Have they not seen the adoption commercials where the parents aren't perfect but they love their kids and that's better than not having parents. If imperfect love is okay for kids, it should be okay for cats.

I am very irritated. And my cat meowed at the screen at the fluffiest Edward.

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

That is messed up. There are so many rescue agencies and they all operate so differently that it can be hard to figure out what they want from prospective adoptive families. With our dog, the foster family was so desperate to get rid of him (due to lack of space) that they let him go with very few questions asked. It all varies so much.

[mentalmishaps.livejournal.com]

Ugh. It sounds like SOMEONE didn't really want to give up their precious kitty. I hate it when people do shit like that. If you put it up for adoption, let it go. Someone else can give it a good home.

Also, I had no idea how irritating the adoption process was until now. I went with my Mom to get a cat a while ago, and I was so excited to take it home that day. Well, no. They wanted to check out our house to see if it was a suitable environment! They had to do a background check with the vet and everything. Mind you, our house usually consists of two great danes and two to three cats.

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

The rescues and fosterers in Seattle are completely out of control. They want this oh-so-perfect ideal family for their animals, and it's like, WTH, don't you want them to get a family at some point, you idiots? I got turned down for a pit bull cross, which are nearly impossible to place in this area, because I once gave a cat away to my roommate because I was moving across the country and had no safe way to transport her. Their theory was that if you'd given away an animal once, you'd do it again, and they want these animals to have permanent homes. I say again, WTH?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. If that's what we're dealing with--a local culture of uptight rescues/fosters--we're going to have problems on this one. Her mother's disabled. I'm convinced that's what the hangup here is. But if they could have thought of a real objection on those grounds, they shouldn't have led her on. The fact that they were at all willing says that they don't have any legitimate objections and they're just jerking her around.

[skycrashesdown.livejournal.com]

Nooo! We're supposed to go there and buy cat food today - we will pet him and whisper tales to him of how great it will be when he finally gets out of there.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'd ask you to take pictures, but I'm afraid of what they would look like. I almost want to put together a file of pictures of this poor cat's face and send them to the foster family all like YOU MAKE EDWARD CAT SAD.

[wearejustducky.livejournal.com]

If the foster family is so attached to this cat WHY IS HE IN A FUCKING PET STORE IN A TINY CAGE OH MY GOD THE RAGE BLACKOUTS ARE KICKING IN.

Seriously, I am having a bad time of it right now because I am taking the bar exam in 28 days and every time I see that picture of Edward Cat I burst into tears, and I just wanted poor Mr. Edward Kitty to go home with the nice lady, and I am clearly way too invested in all of this.

[duncatra.livejournal.com]

Some rescues won't let you adopt a cat for someone else. The one I got my cat from requires the actual person be there, fill out the paperwork, etc.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

What I don't get is how this can have gone on for a week, and they've been aware of the situation with her mother, and they didn't just say no up front. I understand if, for whatever arcane reasons of their own, they want to say no. But snowcoma's been negotiating with them for a week, maybe longer. They (the pet store? the family?) told her that, under the circumstances, it was okay for her to get the cat and take him to her mother. Why are they dragging their feet now?

[rienna-the-red.livejournal.com]

9_9 It is my experience that any adopted animal that DIDN'T come from the pound/humane society has an ABSURD amount of paperwork and hidden catches that come with it.

Yes, I understand you want the animal to go to a good home, but can't you KEEP THEM YOURSELF until you have painstakingly interviewed all persons and found the ideal human for them? :P

I mean I know you want the animal to be well-treated but it is a FREAKING CAT. Unless the animal is being actively tortured or denied basic needs, they'll probably be fine. 9_9 Then again, I come from an area where people still drown kittens in the river. >>; Which I do not condone, but I DO agree that EddyCat's former mama is being a big neurotic over this whole biz.

Good luck and all of that. :\

cutest cat ever

[washtheapple.livejournal.com]

If this does not work for this poor soul, my mother has already agreed to take this cat in... we live in South Carolina, so it might be hard to work out, but we will try.

[jadesymb.livejournal.com]

okay, at this point we need to start calling the rescue group or something, those people are being WEIRD at this point

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

My friends in animal rescue see this all the time; the foster family decides even after the paperwork is good, 'YOU'RE STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH.'

It makes adopting animals so frustrating.

I hope Edward gets to go home soon.

[teshara.livejournal.com]

We've been asked over and over by our shelter to foster (apparently we're well known for dealing with problem and PTSD kitties) so we know the rules pretty well.

The foster family gets to raise the cat or cats. Period. They get no opinion. They have no rights. Theft is against the law. The cats don't belong to them.

Report these people and get the cat. After hearing about this the agency probably won't let them foster or adopt cats ever again. It's not their call.

[cran.livejournal.com]

This depends on the shelter/organization, really. I know a guy who was fostering a basset hound, and he had final say in who got the dog. He found a good home for it and the new family paid a rehoming fee -- the shelter didn't even ask him for that money, although he gave it to them anyway (as his intention was to help the animals, not flip dogs for cash).

[fabricdragon.livejournal.com]

you know. i had nearly this exact discussion with keastree a few days ago.....
the shelters and such are making it next to impossible to actually adopt a cat/dog/whatever.

its the radical agenda mentality.."animals should not be pets, its cruel... therefore we will deny them a home, because the only people who actually know how to care for them work at the shelter...."

[fabricdragon.livejournal.com]

and i agree with all the other comments....... she has to call the AGENCY at this point and make sure she has the documentation.... have the pet store back her up. they will know a lot too....

[sillermoon.livejournal.com]

Many rescues and shelters have a "no gifts" policy ie: if you are not adopting the animal for yourself or your immediate household, no go. I have a hunch this is what is happening though the foster mom should have been clear about this from the outset. Leading someone on is just very uncool.

I really hope Edward Cat finds a home :(

(The reason for this policy is that many well-meaning people 'gift' an animal to a loved one that is a terrible match. The recipient then is either guilted into keeping an animal that is not their preferred breed/size/temperment/species OR has to rehome it.)

*soapbox*
I've heard horror stories about how hard it is to adopt from rescues and shelters (I volunteer at an SPCA). But the idea is to find a *forever* home, not just a 'hey, it's better than the shelter til we move and decide we don't want it anymore' home. People who give up one animal are more likely to do it again (I don't have a ref for this, I should probably find one).

Also people, in general, are morons. If you saw the bullshit reasons people gave for surrendering their animals, you'd become a hardass too. ("I got a new couch and her fur didn't match" was a real reason someone dropped off a beautiful 9 y.o. calico cat.)
/soapbox

Here are the magic answers to questionaires. Obviously I don't advocate flat-out lying, but potentially wonderful pet-owners get caught up in these all the time.

1) No, I have never given away/surrendered or lost (literally lost) a pet.
2) It will live with me in the house. (Not indoor-outdoor, not in a covered dog-run, not in a barn. HOUSE.)
3) For dogs: yes, I will persue/look into basic obedience training
4) This pet is for me, not a gift
5) Never admit to de-clawing your cats or intending to. (It is a horrible, horrible practice but many people still want it done.)

[orca-girl.livejournal.com]

If you saw the bullshit reasons people gave for surrendering their animals, you'd become a hardass too. ("I got a new couch and her fur didn't match" was a real reason someone dropped off a beautiful 9 y.o. calico cat.)

Wow. But, yes. After what I've seen, this sadly isn't a surprise.

And that's the dilemma, isn't it? People who seem perfectly sane right now will turn around and YEARS later make a decision that leaves your jaw hanging open. (See my story above about the lovely 8 year old cat sent to the shelter by owners who got a dog and suddenly the cat -- who they had declawed -- wanted 'too much attention'. Really? REALLY? Your pet of 8 years had no rights compared to the dog you JUST GOT? *rage* This cat now has a lovely home with a good friend of mine and in fact I'm catsitting her now and going over to play with her later, but still, it makes me angry at the former owners for being asshats.)

So the family that is so enthusiastic right now... it could turn out in 6 months or a year that something changes, you never know what, and suddenly... you only HOPE they are so responsible as to give the cat back to a no-kill shelter.

And... I would home a cat with my nearly-80, Parkinson's mother in a heartbeat... but I would also know that it was my responsibility, should she die before the cat does, to provide for the cat somehow. And I think quite often about the cat she DOES have now, should my mother die, because this is a lovely, pretty cat... and neurotic as hell. In 8 years, I have touched this cat once. She won't even let my mother pick her up. (My mom took her in, natch, and got a cat with way more neuroses than she realized.) I don't know what we'll do with her. But I know that I will take it very seriously, if the time comes. I can imagine, though, that a rescue would fret over whether the family of an older person would take it seriously. (I know my brother and his family would not take it as seriously as I will.)