I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. It can be really hard to tell what someone means in a comment because the written word doesn't carry vocal inflection or facial expression. I got yelled at through the internet a lot for comments I meant as polite when I first joined fandom (and still do occasionally). I also initially read your comment as hostile. If it's helpful to you, I can tell you what made me read your words in a biting tone, so you can avoid it later. If not, skip the rest of this comment and just know you have my sympathies.
If you don't like Alice's beautiful outfits, movie or doll, what do you folks dig about clothes/costumes? You're clearly all about the gothic and fantasy duds if you're Cleolinda. What makes the difference between what you like about those pretty styles (or whatever you dig) and Alice's? I'd honestly like some opinions here.
That phrase "beautiful clothes" in the first statement is a value judgement: it declares the clothes to be beautiful, while talking to someone who does not think they are beautiful. This implies that the person who doesn't find them beautiful has something wrong with their judgement. You can easily read the sentence in a tone of "what on earth DO you like if you don't like this?" I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's tough to tell.
As a general rule, you also shouldn't tell someone what they're all about, especially someone you only know from the internet. Something like, "I've noticed you seem to like gothic and fantasy duds" or "judging by the pictures you link to, you like gothic and fantasy duds," is more polite. I think I know what you meant, but it kind of sounded like you were labeling her, which people don't like. If you use "I" statements when talking about someone else's opinions or tastes, it's less likely to be read as hostile.
Your last two sentences are perfectly polite, in my opinion. I hope that was helpful in some way.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-06-10 09:23 pm (UTC)If you don't like Alice's beautiful outfits, movie or doll, what do you folks dig about clothes/costumes? You're clearly all about the gothic and fantasy duds if you're Cleolinda. What makes the difference between what you like about those pretty styles (or whatever you dig) and Alice's? I'd honestly like some opinions here.
That phrase "beautiful clothes" in the first statement is a value judgement: it declares the clothes to be beautiful, while talking to someone who does not think they are beautiful. This implies that the person who doesn't find them beautiful has something wrong with their judgement. You can easily read the sentence in a tone of "what on earth DO you like if you don't like this?" I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's tough to tell.
As a general rule, you also shouldn't tell someone what they're all about, especially someone you only know from the internet. Something like, "I've noticed you seem to like gothic and fantasy duds" or "judging by the pictures you link to, you like gothic and fantasy duds," is more polite. I think I know what you meant, but it kind of sounded like you were labeling her, which people don't like. If you use "I" statements when talking about someone else's opinions or tastes, it's less likely to be read as hostile.
Your last two sentences are perfectly polite, in my opinion. I hope that was helpful in some way.