This is your blogger on wine

[cleolinda]

So last night we finally decorated the tree that we got last weekend--the first thing you have to understand is that Christmas is a BIG THING in my family. Not in a religious sense--in a We Are Going to Decorate the SHIT Out of This House sense, and I love it. Of course, I loved it double-plus verygood when my mother opened a bottle of wine ("@cleolinda: Bottle of wine WOOOOOOOO"). I sucked down two glasses before she'd even made a dent in one ("@cleolinda: Second glass of wine WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"). Y'all, I need to drink every night. For real.

But before we get to the picspam, I will relay unto you a story Sister Girl told while she and her friend J. and I were in the kitchen afterwards: "YOU HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS." (J.: "You haven't told her this yet? Oh, you gotta tell her this.") This past Monday, Sister Girl was minding her own business, working at Panera, you see, walking behind the registers carrying whatever it was wherever she was going--

"You stand there, okay?" she says, sending me to the other side of the kitchen counter, the side with the bar stools. She's on the far side of it now: "These are the registers, and you're the guy. That's how close I was--three feet away. So I'm walking past, and then... I just stop dead and stare at this guy. Like, I look away, and then I look back" (she is acting out a slack-jawed double-take) "and he knows I'm staring at him, and I don't even care. So finally I get going again and I go over to Kevin all like 'LOOK AT THAT GUY. NO NOT RIGHT NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, RIGHT BEHIND ME, LOOK AT THAT GUY. LOOK AT THAT GUY. LOOK AT THAT GUY. IS THAT--IS THAT THE GUY FROM TWILIGHT?' And he says, 'Oh my God, I think it is.' 'BECAUSE YOU KNOW I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT TWILIGHT, BUT I THINK THAT IS THE GUY.' And then I went and got Brittany and was like 'LOOK OVER THERE NO NO OKAY RIGHT NOW LOOK OVER THERE' and she's like 'OH MY GOD IT IS TOTALLY THAT GUY!' "

"Did he have, you know--the profile?" I'm thinking we're absolutely going to clear this up when she ends up admitting, Well, no, kinda, not really--

"YES!"

"...Huh."

"AND HE WAS TALL AND HE HAD THE HAIR! Well, the hair was a little short but you can cut hair, right? And he was a little shorter, but people always end up being shorter in real life, right?"

"Well, actually, I've heard people say that he's taller, but sure. What did he order?" I asked, because I'm thinking that whatever the answer is, it's going to be the cherry of absurdity on top of the whole sundae.

"I have no idea." 

"That's right, you were walking past the register. Did you hear him say anything?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you. It was like--I couldn't hear sound anymore."

"So... you were dazzled."

"Heh. Yeah. Heh. I kind of don't think it was really him, though. He wasn't--nice." My sister doesn't care about Twilight, but she is a movie and book Cedric Diggory fan. "He's supposed to be really nice even to the crazy people, and this guy was kind of pissed off."

"Well, I mean, you can see why, if everywhere he goes, people think he's That Guy. He needs to wear a nametag. Like, HELLO, MY NAME IS Martin, or something. Of course, imagine if you're actually Robert Pattinson, and that is your life--people [slack-jawed double-take face] everywhere you go, every second of every minute of every day."

Sister Girl and J. nod soberly, although they are still perplexed as to how This Guy (as opposed to That Guy) managed to look so very much like him, because it was, like, HIM, except 0.999~% not, and J. decided that he was (ominous tone) THE PATTINSON DOPPELGÄNGER, which I personally feel is the best book title that Robert Ludlum never came up with, but there you are.

"It could have been, though! Actual Jim Caviezel came in last month!"

"What? Jesus came to Panera?"

"YES!  Brittany got a picture taken with him! Oh, but this guy the other day, he was there with some girl, but they left their table pretty soon, because everyone was staring."

"Was she brunette?"

"...kinda? She was pissed off, too."

Well, now we're back in business. "Did she fall down?"

"Heh, no."

"Well, that rules out fictional characters coming to life, then."

So apparently there's a guy in Birmingham who shares a good bit of Robert Pattinson's genetic code, and he is really, really pissed off about it. Leave him and his bread bowl in peace if you see him, y'all.

Moving on! A Tannenbaum picspam expanded from LIVE ON THE SCENE Twitter posts last night:

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szoaf - Favorite childhood ornaments

Additional ornaments: I think I've had the mouse since preschool. Right: The bear that broke into a million pieces when I was five,
and that my mother then painstakingly glued back together, because I cried so much.

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szor7 - They will never, ever let me forget that I bit Big Bird when I was three

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szp2j - Melissa is 25 years old

Do you have a pink lobster on your tree? Yeah, that's what I thought

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szpe9 - My nested glass bells

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szpsh - Mountain-climbing Santa

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szr1g - My favorite star

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/szz1f - The Twelve disordered Days of Christmas

Fiiiiiiiiive gooooooold rinnnnnnnngs

@cleolinda: Aaaaaand three ornaments got broken.

@cleolinda: INCLUDING THE PINK GLASS HUMMINGBIRD. I CRY.

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/t06tx - The hummingbird in happier days, an hour ago

The pink hummingbird is survived by its mate, the green hummingbird

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/t07kt - Scout enjoying the Christmas tree

@cleolinda: http://twitpic.com/t07wg - I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE


And finally: the tree before (with only lights) and after (with about half of our decades-old ornament collection on it):

Fin.




(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Comments

[demonoflight.livejournal.com]

Do you have a pink lobster on your tree? Yeah, that's what I thought

I don't have a tree. =( But if I had one, I'd totally want it to be as pretty as yours.

[syustat71605.livejournal.com]

This entire post is full of win.

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

Full of win and Woodchuck?

(Random Twitter references for the... something-something, maybe not "win.")

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

"Jesus Came to Panera" would make an interesting sequel to "The Pattinson Doppelganger."

And I will now grieve for the green hummingbird left all along without its pink mate. Because I'm weird that way.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

("along"="alone")

[door.livejournal.com]

The brunette was pissed off, too? Are we sure the real HE and SHE aren't in Birmingham for some reason? That sounds legit.

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

Yeah, stranger things have happened.

[soulforophelia.livejournal.com]

I HAVE THE MOUNTAIN CLIMBING SANTA TOO!!!

We always hung him off our fan in the kitchen. Hahaha

[alexandra8011.livejournal.com]

Wait - Jesus came into Panera?

Milk-out-the-nose funny.

[xturtle.livejournal.com]

What kind of dog is Scout? Because he is AWESOME and beautiful and I want one.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

A 50lb terrier-mix mutt. : )

[sevenmarie.livejournal.com]

LOLS @ "What? Jesus came to Panera?"

and the big bird ornament.
my mom has these 3 angels (about 5 inches tall, each playing a different instrument) that she made in ceramics and when i was little i wanted to learn how to draw eyelashes to i traced over one of their eyelashes...with a SHARPIE MARKER.

yeah she sill puts them out in a prominent place every year and ells the story to everyone. MORTIFYING! she said when she dies if i don't put them out she will haunt me.

[summer-breeze01.livejournal.com]

Pretty tree, and wow, I thought we had a lot of ornaments! If we had decorated already (which is my fault, as this has been The Week From Hell and I haven't been home for potentially my last tree decorating for a while *sob*), there would be ones from my childhood that I am fully expecting to see on my parents' tree twenty years from now. Like the one with a picture of my brother and I at ages 2 and 4, respectively, where I had a god-awful bowl cut. I can't wait for that one to become an heirloom... Also, for a second I thought your set of the 12 days of Christmas ornaments were the same ones my family has, but ours show various "Birth of Jesus, OMG" scenes instead.

Lol, that whole story is made of win. I'd be pissed off if I were that guy, too. Plus, I'd have hired some bodyguards a while ago...

[michellerz.livejournal.com]

We totally have that rocking horse at my house too! Ours is a baby's first Christmas...or second Christmas... :)

[pleure.livejournal.com]

of the favorite childhood ornaments series, i also have the rocking horse and that little person in the sleigh with the presents.

were these super popular ornaments in their day ("their day" being at LEAST 20 years ago, as these ornaments are officially owned by my parents)? does everyone have these?

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

I have about 10 of them. I think they must have stopped making them around 1990 or so. Or my parents and grandparents decided to stop buying one each for every kid every year.

[midnightblooms.livejournal.com]

oooohh! Pretty tree. My mom has that star.

There is so much awesome in this post I cannot decide what is my favorite part though it is possibly this line (which made me snort out loud in my office. Thankfully I'm the only one here.):

"Did she fall down?"

"Heh, no."

"Well, that rules out fictional characters coming to life, then."

[cherrysakura5.livejournal.com]

As soon as I read "THE GUY" my mind just went DUM DUM DUUUUM!
"What? Jesus came to Panera?"
LOL so much lols in this post!

[count-01.livejournal.com]

This counts as one of the best Tales Not About My Mother in my book.

[mazarin221b.livejournal.com]

Huh. My mom has (had?) those same 12 days of Christmas ornaments. Frankly, I think she lost them in the divorce 'cause I haven't seen them since then. (Now I'm wondering if there had been some kind of Discussion About Ornaments. I can only imagine.)

And I covet that box of 6 painted bulbs. They're very beautiful.

[greedyskunk.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, you have actual pretty ornaments on your tree! Mine are almost exclusively Hallmark fandom ornaments. Harry Potter, Star Trek, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings. I call it my nerd tree. I've tossed some gold and silver balls on it just to give it some sparkle.

[mazarin221b.livejournal.com]

One of the greatest disappointments of my life was finding out that after we switched to the new LED lights on our tree, I could no longer plug in my Bird of Prey and Shuttlecraft. This after finding TWU LOVE that was all about putting them on the tree after years of banishment by my mom and sister. Sadface.

[iczer6.livejournal.com]

You're dog has the same look my cat has when she's annoyed at something.

[shadefell.livejournal.com]

My mom has that mouse-in-a-deck-chair thing ornament! Neat!

[stavia.livejournal.com]

Apropos of NOTHING, did you see this?

http://www.babynamewizard.com/archives/2009/12/the-name-of-the-year-2009-pt-3-the-winner

Laura Wattenberg, the Baby Name Wizard, has named the NAME OF THE YEAR.

I cannot bring myself to speak its name. You have to click.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a few people have sent it to me. I can't help but think it's an attempt to ride the bandwagon.

[t4-flirt.livejournal.com]

"What? Jesus came to Panera?"
Dude, someone icon that. Please.

And wow, nice ornaments. I have decades-old ornaments on my tree as well, handed down by the women of my family for the last four generations. The only thing I'm missing are my childhood favorites...blown-glass ornaments with hand-painted trees on them. My mother owns them currently and refuses to give them up. My sister and I plan on splitting the set 50/50 when she dies. Yes, we've planned this. Christmas is a BIG DEAL in my family as well. Same way, too. All about decor and tradition. (Almost makes having to move back home last month worth it, as I'll be here for a big family Christmas.)

[wumbawoman.livejournal.com]

Back when Ashton Kutcher was all the rage, there was this guy at a local Sandwich shop called the Texadelphia who looked A LOT like him. Jokingly I said, "You know Ashton Kutcher is a twin" to which he replied, "Oh great, my living hell will be even more complete." He said the first time a girl chased him it was kind of neat but after that not so much.

Actually that week was really strange because then I went to Target and met Christine Ricci's twin. Who knew Austin was where the A-list held their day jobs. =P

[stormyskies.livejournal.com]

No pink lobster, but we have a pickle. Also, I think I may have that Big Bird ornament. Or something way similar.

[trampchic.livejournal.com]

Hehe, we got a pickle too. And it has GLITTER on it.

(Apparently, pickles are German tradition or something? The play Hunt The Pickle or something?
...
Don't ask me, the Polish tradition is to Gunk The Tree Up With Trashy, Sparkly Things Like There's No Tomorrow.)

[edda.livejournal.com]

This post fills me with happiness.

[elsajeni.livejournal.com]

Scout is one frowny dog.

[kitsune17.livejournal.com]

I totally have the mouse ornament. I've had it since about preschool too. :)

[rissa333.livejournal.com]

Do you remember where you got the pink lobster? My Uncle actually works at a place that distributes lobsters (and other seafood, but mostly lobster), and I try to get him something lobster-y every year.

And that poor, poor Panera guy.