Compocalypse, New: Electric Boogaloo

[cleolinda]

So Primary Electric of Birmingham descended upon my house today (and they're great guys; I recommend them) and started checking each and every electrical outlet in my room, the bathroom, and the hall. Some of the wiring was... indifferent, to put it kindly; but then, the developer who did this cul-de-sac twenty years ago also substituted NEWSPAPER for insulation in some of our walls, so I don't know why I'm surprised. They went through and rewired or replaced or something (I don't speak electrician) several of them, went round and round in circles checking them against the panel in the basement (they had one guy there with a walkie-talkie and two in my room) and: neutrals, quick wiring, circuits, loops. These are the words I heard. All I know is, they had to move two cabinets (one of them holding the TV), we had already moved the dresser away from the wall, and they did eventually insist that we had to move my bed. The thing about my bed is that when middle-aged people marry, as in my mother and stepfather's case, they bring possessions that are both many and large with them, as opposed to a young couple starting out. So I ended up with a beautiful old (as in older than me) queen-sized bed... that is A STONE BITCH to move. And where was the socket? Way back in the far corner where the bed stood close to the wall. So I had two guys heaving that thing to and fro--and then: there must be one more socket. There must be. Socket Behind the Bed is the only outlet on that wall, and there's an embarrassment of sockets in this room, so surely there's one more on that wall. Is it...

"It's not behind The Shelf," I said.

"There's really no other place it..."

"IT'S NOT BEHIND THE SHELF."

It was totally behind The Shelf.

I had already evacuated the Middle-Earthians (and hidden everything even remotely related to Twilight, for the lulz or not, because two of the electricians were younger than me so there was a high probability of them recognizing things and I was not in the mood to be judged on this particular day, which is basically to say that any and all Edwards and Bellas were tucked away safely in the closet), so now it was the Ellowynes and the other Tonners' turn to be whisked away. And let me tell you, I would rather set that shelf on fire than try to move it again. It's six or seven feet tall and heavy as fuck, and pretty much cannot be moved over carpet (of course it stands on carpet). It probably took us ten minutes each time to wobble that thing in and out of place.

By "us," in this case, I mean my mother, because you know she's going to come home on her lunch hour and supervise this. I mean, you know it and I know it. And she just keeps shaking her head and muttering to me, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry about this," like... I appreciate the sentiment, but what else are we going to do, you know? We're not amputating a limb or something. Nine of Staves, baby. It's cool.

And then the Electrician Dude in Charge said he needed to go into the attic.

My first reaction was to laugh--you know, the hysterical OF COURSE YOU DO, IT WOULD NOT BE MY LIFE OTHERWISE laugh I have developed over the past month, because a significant portion of my belongings was in the bathroom stacked against the attic door. My second reaction was to ask (warily), "Where in the attic do you need to go?" He points in a roundabout motion to invisible parts of the house--he needs to go around the front stairwell and back around to the eaves by my room. So then my third reaction was to blanch in horror, because there's a point where the attic just... stops. There's a meager expanse of floor, and then you get to either side where the eaves start to come down fairly low, and there's just... rafters... after that. And tumbleweeds of insulation (apparently the developer splashed out on the upper floor and just didn't have enough for the rest of the house? I don't even know). Basically, take a rope and a Sherpa, because you might not be coming back.

I don't know what all they did, but they did a lot of it and were really great about it and I think everything works now. Apparently the problem was that the outlets were "losing voltage," so whatever they tightened or rewired helped that (they also rewired the light switches. P.S. I now need a new overhead fan, because apparently it was holding on by a sprocket and a prayer. Which does explain the rattling), and they said to check the voltage requirements on whatever new computer I end up getting, but it should end up all right. And I do have the uninterrupted power source (UPS), which apparently beeps if you make it unhappy, so that's the canary down the mineshaft.

And I'm pretty sure the guy found his way out of the attic. I mean, probably.

Comments

[effronteaumonde.livejournal.com]

oh dear, hopefully they have cleansed your house of the evil technology hating demons previously installed...

So, there was a gremlin in the wires!

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

Actually, it sounds as if there were a BUNCH of gremlins in the wires!

Here's to the electrical health of your home! I'm sure that the Shelfians will be fine, especially since everything is now spanking clean and all the Electrical Demons have been exorcised!

[catslash.livejournal.com]

I've got my fingers crossed so hard for you, Cleo. I haven't commented on this entire insanity yet, but I just had to say that.

[cacopheny.livejournal.com]

... I had no idea you followed Cleo. For some reason I had missed or forgotten this.

(Hi XD )

[corkdorkdan.livejournal.com]

OMG, you warned them about the Hot Door, didn't you? They're not about to unleash the hounds of hell or something?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Fortunately, he wanted to get on the other side of the house; the Hot Door's on my sister's side.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

You had me at "any and all Edwards and Bellas were tucked away safely in the closet." I know, minor point, but just the mental image of the ensuing Epic Edwardian Closet Battle of 2009 tickles me no end.

But getting back on topic, I'm glad you've gotten through all this craziness with sanity intact!

[linda-lupos.livejournal.com]

Now I'm picturing the Edwards and Bella in Edwardian clothing. Bella would só trip over the hem of her skirt and then faint because her corset's been laced too tight...

[inkmyth.livejournal.com]

Damn girl, I feel for you and hope this is the end of the compocalypse. Good luck with the new computer (and ceiling fan, we have to buy one for the nursery cause it's the ONLY room in our house that doesn't have one). The compocalypse has not been solved at my mothers and I'm about ready to just tell them to take it out to the shooting range and have at it.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Didn't you tell us once Where that attic door goes? I suppose, given this whole thing was caused by...entities, that a trip to the Attic was in the cards.

[theelusiven.livejournal.com]

I had something to say to this but I can't remember what it...

/Dollhouse

[bunnymonkey.livejournal.com]

God, evey time I see "Compocalypse," I shiver in fear. But at least you mow know all your wiring is safe for all uses. Maybe this is the turning point? (Knock wood, throw salt, cross fingers, etc)

[akathorne.livejournal.com]

I KNEW THERE WAS AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM!!1!! I feel vindicated now. Yay for things being fixed. IT IS FIXED NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME TECHNOLOGY GODS?!

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Same here.

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

Oh please oh please oh please OH PLEASE let that be the answer...

[jennygriffee.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of....

A: the electrical adventures I had in my place, when the entire living room just... spontaneously went out, and had to be troubleshooted by tracing the fault backwards through the house, room by room and socket by socket;

B: the time my wonky cable reception had to be diagnosed, which required a surprise repair of the wiring in the wall, which involved me (5'4") to unload and move a six-foot bookshelf out of a very tight corner with no help whatsoever from the cable repair guy (at least 5'10"), who stood three feet away and watched.

Fun times!

[jennygriffee.livejournal.com]

(I think some of the grammar in that died. Repeatedly. It's been a long day.)

[booneda.livejournal.com]

P.S. I now need a new overhead fan, because apparently it was holding on by a sprocket and a prayer.

Haha, OMG, we had so many light fixture like that when we moved into my grandmother's house. It's a wonder people weren't being Phantom-ed left and right.

Well, at least you've got good wiring now. Crucial to happy computing life. Hope compocalypse is nearing it's end, for your sake.

[lost-garnet.livejournal.com]

You'll find the electrician three months from now, bled dry by the Edwards, cotton balls or no.

[katharhino.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[megalosaurus.livejournal.com]

This is possibly the most literal and hilarious use of "electric boogaloo" I've ever seen. A+!

[stagemanager.livejournal.com]

You could totally get rich by giving tours of your Attic of DOOM!!

Just sayin.

[amatyultare.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a tiring production, but at least you can now bask in the warm glow of IT'S FINISHED. So that's a positive...

[girlfrom10thave.livejournal.com]

And I'm pretty sure the guy found his way out of the attic. I mean, probably.
And if he didn't you're now the proud owners of an attic ghost. Give him a piano and some music sheets and he'll be happy as an unhinged phantom.

[lookoutsunshine.livejournal.com]

My parents have a king-sized waterbed that has no legs, but instead consists of cabinets and drawers underneath (also a great hidey-hole for kitties). It also has a six foot tall headboard with bookshelves, cabinets, and a mirror. It's very...stationary. They've talked about ditching it for a normal bed, but disposing of this thing would be a huge chore. It's a bit formidable looking because it's made of dark wood, and the cabinet doors have laurel patterns on them that look like big owl eyes.

Congratulations on your electrical-fixing-ness; hopefully it is the light at the end of tunnel.

[leila82.livejournal.com]

Fingers crossed that this does the trick, electronically speaking. And everything speaking.

p.s. I ended up looking up those Dell computers and now I want a new one! With a pretty case! Or 50 cases that I can change out as my mood dictates! All this is making my current computer jealous.

Compocalypse

[suzeclues12.livejournal.com]

I think dualing daiquiri's (SP?) should be involved in your evening plans, for both you, your mother, and any stray electricians who may fall from your attic's rafters.

Chocolate is good to.

Chocolate martini's? ;)

[nanet.livejournal.com]

That is like when I had the cable guy over to install a CableCard in my Tivo. My room is...well, I have a lot of things prominently displayed. He looked around, saw my shelf containing Harry Potter/Narnia/LOTR/Little House/Sookie Stackhouse/His Dark Materials all in a row, and kind of raised his eyebrow and goes: "So. You like all that...sci fi stuff, huh?"

What was I gonna say? There's a giant model of Minas Tirith as my freakin' bookend.

[elbales]

Jesus, man, what was your first clue? Not the brightest cable guy I've ever heard of, is what I'm sayin'.

[nc-bookworm.livejournal.com]

If you smell something really bad emanating from the attic, it is time to move to a new house.

[emerald-skies.livejournal.com]

the hysterical OF COURSE YOU DO, IT WOULD NOT BE MY LIFE OTHERWISE laugh

Oh, this laugh, I know it well.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

So in short your house was built below code.

"check the voltage requirements on whatever new computer"
Nope all computers(and electronics) for North America plug into the same voltage; most likely they meant amps, the amount of power you are drawing from the circuit. Heavy amp use on a circuit with unstable voltage makes things go snap crackle pop.

[jmkelly.livejournal.com]

It was probably at code when it was built -- i.e., close enough to pass inspection -- but with such cheap materials and shoddy workmanship that now it's crap.

[jmkelly.livejournal.com]

From my experience in low-voltage wiring I'd say your house was pretty much the average residential job, maybe a tad heavy on the furniture. No experienced electrician would be surprised to find an outlet behind the biggest heaviest piece of furniture in the room; that's where they always are. This is known as "the Law of Large Furniture" and is almost as reliable as Ohm's Law.

As for the attic, if he could get to the places he needed to get to by crawling on all fours or on his belly, and there weren't poisonous spiders, dead raccoons, or an inordinate amount of rodent feces up there, it was all in a day's work.

[telepresence.livejournal.com]

Seconding this. Trust me, whatever weird stuff you collect, or messes you have, or embarrassing relatives hovering around, or whatever, people who go into other people's houses for a living have seen far, far worse/weirder.