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Compocalypse '09: ARE YOU FOR REAL
So the laptop comes in. It's thunderous, I feel like shit, I wait until tonight to deal with it.
I plug it in (via the uninterrupted power source thing, even).
It goes to the DELL screen, with F2 Setup/F12 Boot Options at the bottom.
It goes no further.
I sit and wait.
It goes no further.
Pushing F2 and F12 does nothing.
It goes no further.
I call Dell.
I wait seven minutes while a woman's voice cheerfully informs me that there are some super-great support services on the Dell site that I can't access because I CAN'T FUCKING BOOT THE COMPUTER UP.
I nearly hang myself with the battery cord.
I get a tech guy with a very thick Indian accent whom I can hardly understand (note: I am perfectly cool with all of this up to "whom I can hardly understand"). But I am able to understand this much:
"I see from your express service code that you have bought this from The Best Buy. You will need to take this laptop back to them and you will need to ask for a refund because you will need the new motherboard."
It's not the computer. It's not. It can't be. It's this fucking house. It's got to be. I'm going to take it downstairs to a different outlet tomorrow and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different HOUSE and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different CITY and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different STATE and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different COUNTRY and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different CONTINENT and if that doesn't work SO HELP ME JESUS CHRIST I WILL TAKE IT TO ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM, YOU CANNOT FUCKING KEEP ME DOWN.
I plug it in (via the uninterrupted power source thing, even).
It goes to the DELL screen, with F2 Setup/F12 Boot Options at the bottom.
It goes no further.
I sit and wait.
It goes no further.
Pushing F2 and F12 does nothing.
It goes no further.
I call Dell.
I wait seven minutes while a woman's voice cheerfully informs me that there are some super-great support services on the Dell site that I can't access because I CAN'T FUCKING BOOT THE COMPUTER UP.
I nearly hang myself with the battery cord.
I get a tech guy with a very thick Indian accent whom I can hardly understand (note: I am perfectly cool with all of this up to "whom I can hardly understand"). But I am able to understand this much:
"I see from your express service code that you have bought this from The Best Buy. You will need to take this laptop back to them and you will need to ask for a refund because you will need the new motherboard."
ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL
It's not the computer. It's not. It can't be. It's this fucking house. It's got to be. I'm going to take it downstairs to a different outlet tomorrow and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different HOUSE and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different CITY and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different STATE and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different COUNTRY and if that doesn't work I will take it to a different CONTINENT and if that doesn't work SO HELP ME JESUS CHRIST I WILL TAKE IT TO ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM, YOU CANNOT FUCKING KEEP ME DOWN.
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I'm at the point of vicarious exasperation where if I was a hair closer I'd volunteer to march on the store at this point. And I'm not entirely joking.