Days recap

[cleolinda]

One of the funniest shows I have seen all year. For serious. I'm not even sure I can do justice to it.

Belle has a Sad Belle and Shawn flashback. I could care less... but it would be hard.

Love Cage. Shawn makes the mistake of telling Crazy Jan that he has to get back to Belle and that he loves Belle. Crazy Jan threatens to hurt him if he's a "bad boy."

Chez Kiriakis. Nicole is asleep with an empty champagne glass in her hand, muttering, "Kill Marlena... shoot her..." Of course Brady walks in.

Funeral home. John says that something inside just can't let go of Marlena. Celeste recaps the "you heard me speaking to Marlena in what must have been a waking dream I was having" bit. Marlena moves her pinky. "Oh my God, it's true!" John's eyebrows start freaking out. Commercials.

Belle and Shawn whine on the roof. In the rain. It's all very Hemingway.

Love Cage. Shawn tries to show Crazy Jan that being handcuffed in a metal cage is CRAZY. Crazy Jan keeps insisting that Belle pushed her down the stairs (didn't) and that the baby was Shawn's (wasn't). She keeps shrieking, "Belle hurt ME!" Crazy Jan insists that Shawn is lying and that Belle is a liar, bringing up the whole Belle Lied for Marlena bit. Shawn recaps that yes, it was Jan who was stalking him and Belle the entire time. Shawn realizes that someone had to have helped Jan build the cage and tries to get a name out of her.

Editing of Irony, Chez Kiriakis. Nicole distracts Brady from her mutterings by telling him that Marlena was shot dead on Bo's order. Brady has somehow missed this. "Are you sure there's no chance that she could still be alive?"

Editing of Irony, funeral home. "It's true... that she's gone." John kisses her dead for now hand. He pulls the scalpel out of her body right as Mr. Mephistopheles comes back in; he apologizes for the display. I really like him. He wants to know what funeral directors do--they're going to drain the blood, replace it with embalming fluid, etc. He promises to treat Marlena's remains with respect. John: "You're not gonna touch her!" We are going to be here all month, people. Commercials.

We come back. John angsts over her body. Their love is eternal. Etc. Finally, he leaves.

Chez Kiriakis. Brady and Nicole argue. Brady points out that Nicole was so upset that she was drinking... champagne. HA!

Roof of Angst. Belle's promise ring is washing down the drain, or something. I don't know. Philip's all like, it's up to Shawn now to come back to you. Belle cries.

Chez Crazy. Jan says that she and Kewpie Voodoo Doll made the cage all by themselves. (BZZT!) Shawn tells Jan that she'll go to jail when he gets out of here. Oh, good, Shawn. That'll get you out. Crazy Jan crazies about how she and Shawn will live in the Love Cage forever and get married. I'm sure Kewpie Voodoo Doll will officiate. Commercials.

We're back. Shawn: "I am not. going. to marry you." Crazy Jan's fantasy: Shawn is handcuffed, shirtless, to the Love Cage bed... with a bowtie around his neck. Jan is in a white robe and a garland of flowers. "With this ring, I thee wed. With this ring, you me wed." She pronounces them married. Imaginary Shawn smirks and asks to cut straight to the honeymoon. Oh, look! Here's their baby! "Would you like to hold her?" Shawn waves a handcuffed hand. "Oh, sorry." She brings Kewpie Voodoo Doll up to his face for a kiss. I would tell you what else happens, but I'm laugh-crying too hard.

Chez Kiriakis. John has teleported over to tell Brady the news. Nicole offers her condolences... and a drink. She suggests that this was the best way for Marlena to go. John sputters. Shouting breaks out.

Darkly wooded park. Celeste has gone for a stroll. Smart one, she is. She flashes back to Undead Marlena's whole "EVERYONE WILL SUFFER" speech: everyone in Salem will die. Promise?

Funeral home. Mr. Mephistopheles has Marlena naked under a sheet and is about to proceed to the exsanguination. ExssssaaaanguiNATION! I really like that word. Marlena opens her eyes. DUN DUN DUN! Commercials.

Darkly wooded park. Celeste mutters that Marlena is dead and she's tired. SO GO HOME AND STOP SITTING IN THE PARK!

Funeral home. Yay tubes of blood and embalming fluid. Mr. Mephistopheles pulls out a banana and sits down to snack and quotes some bit of poetry about hour to hour riping and riping and then rotting and rotting. I am so not making this up. People! Shakespeare and soaps are two great tastes that do not taste great together.

Belle's apartment. Philip is shower-fresh. Belle hugs him. JUST DOOOOO IT.

Chez Crazy. Jan crazies. Shawn insists that he has to get back to Belle. "What part of NEVER don't you understand?" snaps Jan.

Chez Kiriakis. Brady breaks up a nice little fight between John and Nicole. Exit Brady and John. Phone: Crystal! It's Crystal! Hey, guys, it's Crystal! Hi, Crystal! Crystal wants out of the pen.

Funeral home. Mr. Mephistopheles FINALLY wipes that smudge of blood off Marlena's forehead. We see closeups of him making up her face. (Because, clearly, this funeral home only has one employee.)

Chez Kiriakis. Crystal basically says, pony up the money or the cops'll be interested to know that someone had Marlena set up. Nicole frets because Brady is monitoring her account and she can't withdraw a lot of money. (Well, someone should have thought about that before she took out a hit, now, shouldn't she?)

Chez Crazy. Nicole calls. Shawn starts screaming "HELP! HELP! I'M SHAWN BRADY! SHE'S HOLDING ME CAPTIVE!" Nicole: "Oh my GOD, is that Shawn Brady?" Thank you, Captain Obvious. Commercials.

Apartment of Shower Freshness. Philip offers to sing Belle a lullaby. Philip, the desperation radiating off you is getting a bit strong.

Chez Crazy. Shawn: "I AM BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL! PLEASE SEND THE COPS!" Nicole: "Girl, I gotta hand it to you. You are nuttier than a fruitcake, but you get the job done." Shawn, in the background: "SHE IS HOLDING ME CAPTIVE! PLEASE CALL THE SALEM POLICE DEPARTMENT!" Really, we're on a totally different scene now and I'm still capping this one because I'm crying so hard. Anyway. Nicole wants Jan to bail Crystal out of jail.

Another darkly wooded park. Brady pooh-poohs Celeste's "mumbo jumbo" and the possibility of her actually having spoken to Marlena.

Other side of the darkly wooded park. Freshly made-up and pantsuited Marlena appears to Celeste and asks her if she's forgotten what Marlena told her. Commercials.

Chez Crazy/Chez Kiriakis. That's right! Jan's rich! I forgot. Nicole bullies Jan into bailing out Crystal. Hanging up the phone: "Wow, what a loony tune." Jan says that she has to leave and she is so sorry, she'll be right back. I'm not quite sure how this starts, but she and Shawn end up shrieking at each other:

Shawn: "BELLLLLLLLE!"

Crazy Jan: "LA LA LA LA LA!"

Shawn: "BELLLLLLLLE!"

Crazy Jan: "LA LA LA LA LA!"

Shawn: "BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!"

Cleo: *howls*

Belle's apartment. Philip and Belle schmoop.

Darkly wooded park. Celeste runs shrieking from Marlena and runs into John and Brady, wailing that Marlena is alive and going to kill them all. John: DUN DUN DUN!

Previews: Sami: "OMG WE CAN'T BURY MOM SHE'S STILL ALIVE!" Belle: *angst*. Shawn: "Take off these chains and we'll really be together forever." Hope and Belle: "What do you mean, you haven't heard from Shawn either?"

Comments

OMG

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nymphette_/]

You're absolutely hilarious! My names Megs, and I'm friending you for my comedic sanity.

Re: OMG

[grrlygrrlracing.livejournal.com]

Hi Hi!

I'm agreeing COMPLETELY with you. Cleolinda you're HILARIOUS and I am friending you as well for sanity.

Thanks you a lot.

Re: OMG

[marcimellow.livejournal.com]

ME TOO! ME TOO!!!
you remind me of my muffin.... I miss my muffin....

[gypsytemptress.livejournal.com]

*laughs hysterically* that was great. I don't watch the show but that was really funny.

[maybethistime.livejournal.com]

You don't know me, I found your journal through someone's link to your "Troy in 15 minutes" entry. I used to watch Days, but haven't for years... I gotta tell you, this is hilarious and I think I may have to read your recaps every day.

[fishbutt.livejournal.com]

You're totally hilarious! Great recap. I got the link from the days_spoilers site.
You made me almost cry laughing and I'm still at work!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Who? What? Where? Because I could use some Days spoilers, man.

[pescivendolo.livejournal.com]

www.soapoperafan.com

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

OMGWTFDOOL! What is wrong with these people! I just read the EW story! What the shit are they thinking! And it sounds like they didn't even tell the actors they were "killing off" about the big twist in advance! GOD! STABSTABSTAB!

[fishbutt.livejournal.com]

I'd like to friend you if that's okay. My name's Allie. AKA "Fishbutt."

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Of course!

[sodafiend.livejournal.com]

Wow! Do you do Days of our Lives Fan art, too? I do..

I did that for a "Television Without Pity" "Pixel Challenge".
It's really puerile , but I think I'm funny.

Picture.

[sodafiend.livejournal.com]

Hope you don't mind. It's a pretty small picture, even for dial-up users.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Dude. First Troy, now this. You're brilliant. I have to friend you.

[moonmama.livejournal.com]

I too found your journal from a link in the days_spoilers community and just had to add you. Hope it's okay.

[theonlykow.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, I've seem maybe one full episode of this show (my mom used to watch it) in my life and I distinctly remember the whole scalpel thing.

Insanity. The things soaps due to a man. Or men. As a whole.

[finding-her.livejournal.com]

1. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who makes fun of John's eyebrow acting.
2. I'm also so glad I'm not the only one who makes fun of John and Marlena's "eternal love", looks of ecstacy when hugging bit.
3. My god, that rocked when you talked about laughing/crying during the kewpie doll scene. That was the best. Stupid moment. EVER.

[disgruntledjenn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for these recaps! I usually miss the first half hour of the show every day and I'm able to catch up on the first part during the commercials.

I wonder why half of Salem Celeste feels the need to go walking along in a dark deserted areas? *eye roll*

[pomegranite.livejournal.com]

Yesterday I had to scroll past your days recap cause I hadn't seen it yet. Today I had to read it cause I wont be able to watch it.

I love you.

[pescivendolo.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I missed today, but really I look forward to reading this more than I do watching the actual show sometimes. Crazy Jan is my Crazy Hero. No lie.

[nilo.livejournal.com]

I'm so friending you as well - between this and the Troy one - well, I need you in my life.

[ray0flight.livejournal.com]

That is the funniest thing I have read in a long long time. I am going to add you to my friends if you dont' mind.

[earthgoddess.livejournal.com]

I have to hand it to you....I am a serious Day's fan...but I have to miss it due to work. Damn grown up responsibilities....ugh. Anyway, you have kept me up to date with the psycho ward that is Days of our Lives...and for that, i thank you. It's hilarious. Your movie descriptions are also way too funny. I'm not sure how I came across your journal, but I friended you right away, as to not miss a single post. I don't comment as much as I should, but know that your posts are read *and re-read to my hubby grims_reality* every day.

Blessings,
Gaea

[genetic-sneer.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who would totally buy the kewpie voodoo doll? She could date puppet!angel. I need both of them!!

[seablues.livejournal.com]

I would totally buy one too. *g*

[seablues.livejournal.com]

I loved this review! It was even more amusing than watching the actual show was. *g* And this episode was pure gold. :)

[sunshine611.livejournal.com]

OMG! I loved this!
Just like everybody else that replied I'm friending you hoping I'll get to see more of these!

[sphinxy-frolics.livejournal.com]

LMAO!! I never realised just how funny that show is! I haven't watched it in years and it used to be oh so serious to me. My God, what drunkeness was I under? (I must admit, I was only 11 or 12.)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair, they've got the James Reilly guy who wrote the Demonic Possession Marlena storyline back on the show. If you were watching during one of the times he wasn't on staff, chances are it really *was* more serious.

James E. Reilly trademarks

[sodafiend.livejournal.com]

I like to think that one of his favorite things is to have men shirtless for no reason, like Philip in Tuscany. In the middle of winter.

Re: James E. Reilly trademarks

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Or Brady changing a tire. Or all the guys at the circus. Or Shawn chained to a bed for days on end. Yeah. They're just as bad about it on Passions (his other show), too.

[lumaria.livejournal.com]

Ha! I came here because 10 of my friends linked to your 'Troy in 15 Minutes' (which was hilarious, btw), but I watch Days every day and your recaps are so funny!

I am going to friend you, though I know you definitely have a lot of that going on. :)

[theredpanther.livejournal.com]

I'm jumping on the friending bandwagon, too. I just finished grad school and have to start back to work, and refuse to use the VCR for Days (because that would mean I have a problem, you see...). You can replace the 20 minute calls to my friend after the show's over ("Jason, don't ever let them bury me alive... even if you really think I'm dead.")
Also, anyone who links to MLA rules is a kindred spirit.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yes, but now that I've issued an "official ruling," insofar as anything I say counts, on possessives, I'm totally battening down the hatches for the f-list response. *hides*

OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

OMG, like, I'm Deoridhe, and I just HAVE to friend you.

*smooooooobnfoooooooches*

Re: OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heeeee. (Now, be nice to all the new people.) :)

Re: OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

*pouts* You never let me have any fun!!!!

I was just amused by the long string of "I have to friend you!!!" Now I feel like I'm in front of the curve!!!

Re: OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You think you're amused? Try getting 1,000 comments in your inbox all saying the same thing. But I shouldn't bitch, because that same thing happens to also be a nice thing. Should definitely save the bitching for the day that same thing is "OMG YOU SUCK."

Re: OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!

[deoridhe.livejournal.com]

OMG U R TEH 5U><0RZ!!!!

Feel better? ;)

*howls*

[littlepaleangel.livejournal.com]

I just have to tell you that i have been youring your DAYS updates to update my brother on his show while he is at work. (works at the playhouse as a scenic artist, and sometimes forgets to record)

We love that they are short, sweet, funny as all get out and to the point!

[tesria.livejournal.com]

I learned two very improtant lessons from these "Days" recaps:

1) Never, I repeat, NEVER, try to eat or drink while reading one.

2) It is possible to get addicted to a soap that has never been shown in your country thanks to Cleo.

I'm done now.