(no subject)

[cleolinda]

Oh my God, y'all. Our shower doors (three sliding panels) have been hinky for the last week or so (because, I suspect, Sister Girl slammed into one on her way out of the shower while running late one morning, because one day they were fine and the next day I went to take a shower and they were not), and when I tried to take a bath last night they were even worse--you could barely squeak them open. So after I was done, I decided it was time to fix the doors; they had clearly come off their runners. Well, things went really bad really fast and the middle door ended up falling out. Nothing broke because I caught it in time, but the middle door, the one with the full-length mirror, is just heavy enough that you can't juggle all three at once by yourself. So I go downstairs and, in a move that will later be our undoing, wake Mom up off the couch and ask her to come help me.

And "later" is not "hours later, after working and cussing half the night." No, "later" is "the moment we start wrestling with the doors," because she almost immediately gets gouged in the cuticle by some sharp edge. Now, I know "in the cuticle" doesn't sound terribly bad, but you have to imagine an inch-long gash that starts at her cuticle and jags down towards the knuckle. Blood spurts everywhere. I run for bandaids; she bleeds through two of them almost immediately. Drops of blood go flying--the wall, the floor, the toilet tank, the toilet lid, the shampoo bottles, the shelves. On the front of one panel and the back of another, you can see giant splashes of blood that, in the humidity of the recently-steamy bathroom, start rolling down in slow rivulets towards the bottom. In fact, on the back panel, where the carnage is the worst, I will later find the gob of skin that must have been gouged in the first place. If you look very, very closely, the bloodstains seem to spell out NORMAN BATES WUZ HERE.

And we can't clean it up, because every time we clean it up there's more, and we're trying to wrestle the panels into place and be done with it, and she's bleeding, and cussing, and furious. I figured she was mad because damn, she just lost a chunk of finger, but I realize later that she's mad because she has a meeting on Thursday, and she thinks that the wound looks "so bad." Bad as in "they will be all judgy about it." What? Because, like, it was clearly inflicted by your pimp? Put a bandaid on it! "That looks worse!" Oh, well, of course. Everyone knows that only dirty hoors wear bandages. What? This is a woman who is slightly obsessive about her manicure, is all I can think of to explain it.

So finally, we just give up on the doors. I know how they fit together, but Mom cannot wrap her mind around it, somehow (in her defense, she's never showered upstairs, and hasn't spent as much time idly staring at the doors as I have), and even going by my instructions, there seems to be some piece that's just missing. So we're going to have to call our plumber-handyguy, who is a total sweetheart, but we're already paying him off for some problems with the downstairs toilets last month, and Mom is not happy about having to spend more money right now. So I may be selling a kidney to pay for my shower doors, if anyone's buying.

So then. I'm not proud of this, but we have a pretty junky bathroom. I mean, it was very pretty when we moved in, but now it's covered in girl-clutter. I counted, literally, I am not kidding, twelve bottles of Garnier Fructis shampoo and/or conditioner milling about on the floor, and none of them are even mine. Sister Girl has her own bathroom, but it's tiny, so basically she colonized mine as well. Which leads to a great deal of disgust and resentment on my part that I'm having to clean up her hair sheddings as well as mine, her trash in the basket, her wet towels, her gobs of toothpaste in the sink--wait, why is toothpaste all gobbed up in the sink? So, you know. Two girls, a lot of hair, the occasional bout of home hair-dyeing, and a sheddy dog who likes to sleep on the tile floor at night. You see where I'm going with this. And never mind that I keep finding stray drops of gore from last night. So now, I have to clean it up before Handyguy and Handyguy Friday show up, even though really it should be clean anyway, STOP JUDGING ME! And forget your dainty sponges and your Scrubbing Bubbles. I pull out the Comet Cleansing Cream (With Grit!) and a big ol' scrub brush and turn on pretty music and get to work.

I am now halfway done.

It turns out that Handyguy can't come until tomorrow, so I am taking a break, because the cleanser fumes are starting to get to me. Also, you can just call me Cleo of the White Hands now, because I am totally bleached. You've heard of dishpan hands? I have toiletbowl hands. So I'm going to kick back now with a Mountain Dew and a handful of cocoa butter lotion and try to clean the bathtub with THE POWER OF MY MIND.

Comments

[punkiejeannien.livejournal.com]

Because, like, it was clearly inflicted by your pimp?

best line of the story

and I HATE sliding shower doors, they are the death of EVERYONE. We had them at my old house, and I almost took off a toe one night. It was heinous-- blood and gore, just like y'all. I vowed that night to kill all sliding shower doors from now on. Bastard doors.

[mortalmax.livejournal.com]

You know how there's this person that wrote a book according to her one night stands? You could write another book that just details your life. Because this one entry could just be one chapter titled NORMAN BATES WUZ HERE.

[metonymy.livejournal.com]

The bathroom I share with my siblings was totally ridiculous for a long time. My sister and I both had our shampoos, our conditioners, our shave gels, our shower gels, and on and on and on.... and nestled in the corner, my brother's shampoo/conditioner-in-one and soap. Heh.

Our main problem, though, was the large collection of half-empty bottles of stuff under the sinks. I think we filled two trash bags of those when my sister and I emptied it all out this winter. Crazy.

[futureperfect.livejournal.com]

Our main problem, though, was the large collection of half-empty bottles of stuff under the sinks.

seirously, what is WITH that? i don't even remember putting half-empty bottles under the sink but i have them. and i live on my own!

[phoenixforhire.livejournal.com]

Shower doors = accidents waiting to happen. You're lucky it wasn't the kind of accident where you fell through the glass. 0_0

And btw, gross. x]

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

What? Because, like, it was clearly inflicted by your pimp?

HEE!

For some reason I'm always jumpy in the shower. It's not the Norman Bates thing per se, just the fact that I can't see what's going on and can't hear what's going on in the house so I could very well have thieves lying in wait for me after I get out. My imagination is WAY over active.

Also, did you see they've got the cast for Stardust now?
http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=13493

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have Stardust links in my Oscar-weekend movie news backlog. But--dude! Where is that Jon Stewart footage in your icon from? I don't remember him doing that on the show itself!

[spooke.livejournal.com]

...she thinks that the wound looks "so bad." Bad as in "they will be all judgy about it." What? Because, like, it was clearly inflicted by your pimp? Put a bandaid on it! "That looks worse!" Oh, well, of course. Everyone knows that only dirty hoors wear bandages.

...I think you may have accidentally used the power of your mind to kill me. Please let up, I can't breathe! STOP OPPRESSING ME! (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=202)

Is it masochism to enjoy dying from teh superpowerz?

[spooke.livejournal.com]

Also, I once tried to cut a hard bun with Norman Bates' knife. After it gouged me, someone else sighed, rolled their eyes, and was gouged as well as they tried to cut it.

Let us not examine the third person, but think fondly of the bandages our pimps give us.

[fictionalizedme.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that others share in the Pain that is Sharing a Bathroom with Family. Except my nemesis is my Dad. The towel rod and the toilet-paper holder have been off the wall for WEEKS. I repeatedly ask for him to put them back up, but nothing happens. I think he likes reaching from the toilet into the bathtub to grab the toilet paper, where the roll lies from the cats batting it around.

[sapphires13.livejournal.com]

Why do we girls always keep our old empty/nearly empty shampoo bottles? There's no point! And yet we continue to clutter up our bathrooms with them. I actually got really bored once, and so annoyed/amused by the amount of bottles in my bathroom, that I decided to line them up and take a photo (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v18/sapphires13/shampoo.jpg) of them. Though you can't tell from the photo, the one on the left end is completely empty.

As for sliding shower doors... they're dangerous devices. I almost suffocated inside one. My bloodsugar was low, and as I was showering, I realized that the shower was completely enclosed (this was at a hotel I'd never been to before) and the shower was filling up with nothing but steam, thus, I couldn't breathe.

[dacaktty.livejournal.com]

ah, I am the freak among you! I tend to use up everything until it is COMPLETELY gone. I will squeeze the very last drop out. Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, face wash, toilet paper (though, that doesn't really count as 'drops', but it gets completely used up). You name it, it gets completely used up. No half empties for me :P

[koritsimou.livejournal.com]

I almost yakked at the wound. Most cuts don't get me, but ripping cuticles, ears, eyes, etc.... *shudder*

[demonqueen666.livejournal.com]

Man, I'm glad none of my bathrooms have baby-eating sliding doors. I've always been a curtains girl myself anyway.

But man, only you could tell the misadventures of shower repair in such a hi-larious manner.

[musing-mouse.livejournal.com]

Ugh... the sharing of bathrooms. I share a bathroom (which means a toliet and shower) with three other girls. You would not believe how quickly that place goes from "Scrubbing Bubbles" clean to "I just dumped mud on the floor" dirty. That doesn't even count the sink in my room. Dorms are the worst. Our sink is a bathroom/kitchen sink. It is gross. Plus all the girly accessories that go along with hair brushing and the like.

[law-witch.livejournal.com]

hope you NEVER need this advise - but a ball of cotton on the wound and THEN a bandaid will stop the bleeding

(it's the mother and nail freak in me that feels impelled to share this)

just later, remove the cotton ball by soaking the body part in water - and put on a fresh bandaid. NEVER just yank the cotton off . . . trust me.

(yea, what IS it with us gals and all those bottles of shampoo?)

[fictionalizedme.livejournal.com]

Major icon love!

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. The only thing missing is a couple of burning cars and your mom waving her bloody hand around in slo-mo. Have you considered a shower curtain?

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Also: *sends your mom a fainting couch*

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

That is freakin' hilarious. :D

Shower doors are evil!

[anonymisty.livejournal.com]

You're a braver woman than I for even having them in your house! I've had a phobia against sliding shower doors ever since the 70's, when I watched a show in which a fashion model who was also an evil spellcaster trapped another model (not a spellcaster, just prettier) in her shower by magicking the doors shut, and scalded her to death.

I want to say it was Kolchak: The Night Stalker but it's been so long I'm not certain. But that show definitely provided some of the more memorable willies I've ever experienced...remember the Aztec mummy opening his eyes at the end of the show? *shudder*

Re: Shower doors are evil!

[sunnygirlva20.livejournal.com]

OMG I think I saw that! Or atleast that part, I was tramatized enough that I didnt use my shower for a month, made my mom share hers.

[--kali--.livejournal.com]

Sliding doors = evil.

I've had one try to kill me by falling out the frame whilst I was showering.

[scarolinagrl.livejournal.com]

I learned long ago that Comet does WONDERS for your nails, they'll be the brightest white ever!

Norman says: eeww

[inuit3877.livejournal.com]

Owie,owie,owie,owie,owie
It was clearly inflicted by the pimp...rofl

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Ahh, those Garnier bottles. It's not like they're inconspicuous, either.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

GREEEEEEEEN!!

[dreaminghannah.livejournal.com]

I live in an apartment with four other girls. One bathroom, two sinks and two separate shower rooms.

And they seem to think that cleaning the bathroom once a week is plenty.

*shudder*

[yarha.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaalllllllllllrighty, then!

the cleanser fumes are starting to get to me

Ventilation!

So I'm going to kick back now with a Mountain Dew and a handful of cocoa butter lotion and try to clean the bathtub with THE POWER OF MY MIND.

If you find a trick that works let me know.

Yarha, Mind Cleaning By Any Other Name

[kira002.livejournal.com]

My LilBro (age 28) has been living with me for the past 9 months. I love him dearly and I love having him around. But I've never had to clean the bathroom as often as I have in the past 9 months.

Also, the pretty music? My copy has been on "repeat" on my little office stereo for the past 2 months. Gorgeous.

[http://users.livejournal.com/lady_alatariel_/]

In our bathroom that my mom and I (and my sister when she's home) share it is the razors that will try to assassinate you! Somehow there are like 10 in their precariously balanced on the edge of the tub. Because someone will buy one and then not like it and not use it...but also NOT throw it away!

[gniko.livejournal.com]

Huh, there's a Wikipedia entry for "bathroom tissue."

My shower rocks, it's a stall sort-of but much larger and has an octagonal design with a swinging door. Sliding doors scare me. (http://cyanidesaliva.livejournal.com/43654.html?mode=reply&style=mine)

[firegatka007.livejournal.com]

at least your doors probably cover the legnth of the bathtub.
When i was in paris, they only covered half the legnth of the tub. So every morning I dressed in puddles of water.

i really prefer shower curtains and next time i go to paris I'm taking on.

[lotusbiosm.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least you had something. When I lived in Berlin, it was a handheld shower head on a bar in the tub- it could slide up and down or come off, but the bar wasn't tall enough. Add to that the tub only hit the wall on one side and had three free sides, and it was baths all the way. Because using the shower head meant water all over the place. And the litterbox was in the bathroom too, and I didn't want to get water all in it.