I hope this isn’t what it looks like

[cleolinda]

Several people have emailed me about this--both Erin's journal, redscorner, and projectdownload have been deleted. We never did hear about the outcome of her surgery, or if she had it at all. I'm desperately trying not to jump to the worst conclusion here--does anyone know what happened?

ETA: Just to clarify something: I feel responsible for bringing Project Download to people’s attention, and therefore I feel responsible for finding out what’s going on now. That’s my angle here. If I’ve been misled and have, in turn, misled a ton of other people, I’m pretty much never going to be able to help anyone else on this kind of scale again. I mean, just in terms of sheer accountability to y’all--I will never be able to justify dragging everyone into it again. So I need to know. It’s my hope that Erin got tired of people asking if she’d had her surgery yet, when she herself was also frustrated that she hadn’t been able to have it; she’s gotten upset and deleted things before. But as for “living under a microscope,” when you ask for help from people, there’s a certain amount of accountability they deserve in turn. If you’re telling the truth, you have nothing to fear. If Erin is reading this, I just want to say to her that if she is telling the truth--I know being questioned constantly has got to be tiring and demoralizing. But most of us involved with the project want to know out of concern. People who have given you support just want to know if you’re okay, or worse, or still waiting, or what. We’re emotionally involved now, that’s all. And I don’t want to doubt you--I just have to consider every possibility, because I have people who deserve accountability from me.

ETA 2: They're both back now?

ETA 3: Erin’s posted a new entry.

ETA 4: Erin’s ending the project and deleting the community.

ETA 5: She's deleted and reposted something else.

Comments

[evilstorm.livejournal.com]

Aaaagh.

[ms-treesap.livejournal.com]

D: !

[maetang.livejournal.com]

I asked how she was on the Projectdownload comm. A few people said they'd seen her active online - on a message board somewhere, or that she'd signed onto a chat for a few seconds a few days ago. But no one had any updates on her health, and she didn't respond herself. So I guess she's still out there somewhere, but I have no idea if she got her surgery, if that was still on hold because of the seizures, or anything else.

[shoemoney2night.livejournal.com]

Oh no! I hope she's okay.

[krazycat.livejournal.com]

Oh man. This is not cool.

[lacrimaeveneris.livejournal.com]

WHAT?

[fengi.livejournal.com]

Or maybe she's finally getting help.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I would like to think so, but her activity yesterday on another site, greedyorneedy.com, at least suggests that she's well enough (or not-hospitalized enough) to be online.

If my choices are "She's scamming us" or "She's in the hospital dying," I mean, yes, I would rather her be scamming us. (Obviously "In the hospital getting help" is better, but my point there is, I'd rather her be well and lying than sick and telling the truth, because I can't wish that kind of illness on anyone.) My problem here is that I feel responsible for (unintentionally) misleading a large number of people if she is scamming us, and I feel like I have a responsibility to find out the truth if I can. I'm not going to have her excommunicated from the internet or whatever if it turns out she was.

[lee-in-limbo.livejournal.com]

You know, I had actually been wondering what had happened there. I hope she's doing okay, whatever state she's in.

Lee.

[boinsie.livejournal.com]

I noticed that someone had pointed out that she had posted on Needy or Greedy, and that on her profile someone had written something along the lines of, "People are wondering about your status on the livejournal community, and others are beginning to doubt your honesty." Since then she's deleted the livejournal community and her own journal, and changed her description on Needy or Greedy to "I don't live under a microscope, thanks."

I wouldn't say that being concerned enough to wish for a monthly update on your well-being is being forced to live under a microscope... >_>;;;

[ninepointfivemm.livejournal.com]

Asking for a monthly update is one thing. Accusing a person of being a liar is another. Frankly, if I was in her position and I still had the issue, I'd be pissed myself.

[smadronia.livejournal.com]

Given the cynicism of the internet, I'm not surprised someone's asked. She did raise $10,000, and as far as I know, it was on her word. SO yeah, I could see why people are doubting her honesty now that she has the money and there are no updates.

Me? I don't care either way, but it would be nice to have an update.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

At least that sheds some light on what's going on. I'm glad it's probably that, and not...something else.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't say that being concerned enough to wish for a monthly update on your well-being is being forced to live under a microscope...

Seriously. Is it so very difficult? Just, hey, I'm waiting, and I'm frustrated, but I appreciate your concern. Deletion is just... one of those red flags.

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

Hm, while looking for her on greedyorneedy, I found the following on her friend Matt's profile:

All of you need to look at yourselves before judging anyone else. My mistakes are not Erin's fault, they're MINE

which possibly raises some questions... Also, how long has projecterin.com been down?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Wait, what?

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

Here: http://www.greedyorneedy.com/users/view/id/25582

I'm sure a friend called Matt posted on her behalf in the LJ comm before, and I think he's also the guy that she said she'd started dating recently.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

No, I mean, I know--I was more wtfing at the "mistakes" part.

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, that's what I thought you meant. It is somewhat wftish.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

The worst conclusion I can think of would probably not leave her in a condition to delete her journals. So at least there's that much.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, that's what I keep coming back to.

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

She's done things like this before, usually after someone says something about her honesty or her forthrightness. My diagnosis is "tantrum," and I think she'll be back.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

That's what I'm hoping.

[smadronia.livejournal.com]

I went hunting, and I couldn't find much that listed her as active, other than the Greedy or Needy. She's been updating her profile fairly regularly there for the last couple months. I did a whois on projecterin.com and there's no actual contact information, which is not good.

I was going to leave a shout out of "We know you don't live under a microscope. Some people just worry about you and want to know if you're okay" but you have to log in, and I didn't want to get an account.

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there another website she had that had the info on how much she was needing for surgery? I just remember that it was supposed to be more legit, but I don't remember what the name of the site was at all. =/

[smadronia.livejournal.com]

Reality Charity.
http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=2155

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I was trying to remember it myself.

[edda.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's going on any more than anyone else at this point, but I think you're handling it pretty well. You're spot-on about the accountability issues this presents. I don't know that I'd be so level-headed in the same position. Kudos.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I just don't see how screaming and shouting would get me any answers. And we still have this delicate balance of dealing with someone who may really be frustrated and ill.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

It's a shared accountability, though, since Neil Gaiman also pimped it. Also, I don't think Cleo ever asked anyone to spend money on Erin, just click the link.

[waltzingalong.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I noticed it struck through on my userinfo today and thought "oh no".

It's my hope, like everyone else's I guess, that she just got sick of being asked. And, like you, I just want to know what happened 'cause I was concerned enough to click for her. I don't want to hound her, but an update would be nice.

But I just wanna say to you that whatever the outcome, you did what you did in good faith. And that's an admirable thing.

[skulkings.livejournal.com]

I just want to say how graceful and common sense I find your ETA statement to be.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Thank you. : )

[peloquyn.livejournal.com]

Perhaps I need to logout/log back in, but it appears both have been "undeleted" - at least as of right at this very moment.

I do hope that Erin sees and understands that it's not necessarily questioning her authenticity, it's concern for someone we all got emotionally entangled with, and we worry.

Erin, if you're out there, i wish nothing but the best for you and hope that everything is going well.

[lilgoala.livejournal.com]

It's not just you, they're both active for me as well.

[waltzingalong.livejournal.com]

Yep, they're undeleted now as far as I can see.

[sapphsmum.livejournal.com]

Hi Cleo,

You have no reason to feel bad or guilty for asking people to help. Your heart was in the right place! So was the concern of every person who reached out to help Erin.

IF, and I say IF this is a scam then Erin is the one who should feel guilty, and ashamed.

Back when we were helped by people here on LJ in 2004-2005 I was very sick and yet I managed to send out over 300 personal thank you notes to each and every person who helped us with a donation or just good thoughts and prayers. I felt it was the very least I could no matter how sick I was, to thank them for their compassion and generosity. Because without their help I would not have been able to get the medical care I needed.

Asking for an update occasionally is NOT asking for too much! Once a month is not asking too much of people who have spent every day trying to help her. Even if she was sick she could have had someone update for her. Jillian has updated for me on occasion when I was too sick to get online.

In fact if anything she should be very grateful that people are concerned that they are still following her story and care enough to go to her journal to keep up with her progress.

It seems strange to me back in the beginning she kept saying that there was no way to prove that what she was saying was true. Ironic that when families like mine need help we are willing to provide all sorts of very personal information that can be verified to try to prove to people that our need was real. Because when you are desperate for help you will do just about anything to try to get it, including giving up info that no one should have to give out. But you do it to try to reassure people that it is a legitimate need.

Yet, it's the ones who provide none that people believe and give the most help. I've seen this happen in lots of communities on the internet and I guess I don't understand why it is that way?

I have helped a lot of people over the years and yes, I've been taken advantage of several times, but I'm not going to quit helping someone who really needs the help. I just am VERY careful that I get proof before I help now.

I'm sorry if this is a scam for those who put time and money into this project. I feel for those whose trust was broken again.

But there are lots of people out here who do need help and every time a con artist pulls one of these scams (not accusing her until it's proven)it does make people not want to help people who really do need the help and that is the real crime. Because believe me it's getting worse and worse for so many families out here. They will not get the help they need because of people that pull these scams, if this is one.

Please do not feel guilty over this. There is no way you could have known.I give you credit for helping many times when people have needed help, my family included. I don't know how we would have made it without it. You did the right thing for the right reasons.

I do hope someone can find out if this is a scam though so she can be stopped if this is not true.

Sending hugs, Christina

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

The site is back now. It seems to have been a hacking attempt.

So how are you doing these days?

[jasminelily.livejournal.com]

Well...hasn't she had memory problems in the past, though? It would make a lot more sense to me if she simply doesn't remember deleting her journals than someone hacking two of her passwords.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I was paraphrasing what it said on the site. I don't know what I believe at this point.

I'll add, though, that I didn't mean hacking in the sense of War Games, I mean something closer to "unauthorized digital intrusion," probably by someone she gave her password to.

[v827.livejournal.com]

http://community.livejournal.com/projectdownload/35495.html

...and now she's posted again saying she's going to delete the comm, because of a mass email someone else got about all this.

[phantomsgrl210.livejournal.com]

it seems like that entry is gone now (and replaced by another? I'm not sure about the timing.....) hmmmmm

[lizoraveriam.livejournal.com]

While I would love to believe her and give her the benefit of a doubt because she's so sick, I can't quite shut out that little voice saying "wouldn't it be easier and more conclusive to post ANY sort of documentation proving that this is real?" I mean, just one post with the hospital's phone number, scans of paperwork (with sensitive stuff blacked out) or stuff like that that she could point to whenever people doubted her..

This just smells really fishy to me. Especially the pending deletion, because gosh isn't it just so convenient that if you believe her with absolutely no proof then you're "a blessing" but if you ask her to update once a month you're a horrible, suspicious bitch. Hmm.

[skulkings.livejournal.com]

And Erin has deleted that "I'm deleting" entry.

I really feel confused.

[dragonkiri.livejournal.com]

Argh, a few days late, but. Something that's been bugging me about the PJ comm is that old entries have continuously been deleted. I understand the projecterin site being taken down through legal threats from her doctor, but this whole erasure of everything she's told the community since the beginning makes my eyebrow go raisy-raisy.